[captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education
and nickelodeon]
Mmm, mmm.
Hmph.
Have you ever seen a more beautiful garden?
No, but i tasted better.
Will you stop!
Finders, keepers.
don't worry, cat.
I'll... get him!
I don't think you have...
It's entirely unnecessary.
Down, boy, down. Heel!
I scared him off.
Your garden is a happy, happy place once more.
Huh?
Happy?
You wrecked it!
You destroyed it!
You have something in your nose.
Oh, stand back.
Diamonds!
Dog, we're sitting on a gold mine here
and it's full of diamonds.
( Gasps ) Ooh, shiny.
Cat ( Echoing ): Let's dig.
( Yelling ): Eureka!
This is terrific, cat!
You don't have to tell me, buddy boy.
These diamonds are going to put us on easy street!
( Gasps ) But, cat...
You mean you're going to sell these diamonds?
Of course.
What are you going to do, play with them?
What else? They're fun!
Fun, fun.
Cool.
I see many grumpy kitty cats.
You want to play with yours
that's just peachy!
But what i find, I'm cashing in.
Ooh... You'll fetch me a pretty penny.
don't worry, my sparkly friends.
No mean old cat is ever going to sell you.
Hey, from now on, it's every cat...
And dog...
For himself.
Yes.
The deeper i get, the diamonder i better.
Must have more!
Look, Joey, i found you a sparkly new playmate
and there's plenty more on the way.
( Angrily ): What's that supposed to mean?
I was talking to Joey, you big eavesdropper.
Just keep your hands off my merchandise, you hear?
I'm watching you.
Yeah, well, you can watch me go to sleep.
Hey, I'm missing a diamond.
Sure you didn't sell it, Mr. greedy.
( Crazed ): I'm sure somebody stole it.
Oh, you're crazy.
Good night, Joey.
Good night, Johnny.
Keep warm.
Good night, Dee-Dee, hope, hester...
I'm wise to all of you.
I'm wise to your tricks.
Nobody pulls the diamonds over cat's eyes, see?
You got to get up pretty early in the late afternoon
to fool this particular cat.
Nighty-night.
Sleep, yeah.
I'm keeping my eye on you, hound boy.
Good morning, Regis.
Good morning, Kathy Lee.
Good morning, shemp.
Good morning... ( Gasps )
( Screaming ): No!
What, what, what?
You stole Joey.
I didn't steal your stupid Joey.
Joey's not stupid, he's stolen! ( Gagging )
Give him back, you napping diamond-napper.
Take your paws off of me.
Make me.
You!
Him!
Not us!
Finders, keepers.
Get him.
Never mind.
Well, that's the whole kit and caboodle.
Let's skedoodle.
I can't wait to have a shave and a shower.
You know something, dog?
We learned a valuable lesson today.
Never let greed get in the way of friendship because...
I want that diamond, for me, only me.
No one else, it's mine!
I saw it first!
It's mine, i tell you!
They're gone.
All my precious diamonds.
Well, at least we're alive
and in one piece.
don't rub it in.
Look, cat!
It's Joey.
Joey, yes.
And maybe Joey can buy me
some new equipment so i can go back down...
Nothing like a nice piece of rock candy after a day's work.
He ate Joey!
Wait, wait, hold it!
Wait a minute.
What do you mean "rock candy"?
What did you think you were digging up, diamonds?
Two heads, no brain.
Nit and wit.
I can't believe it.
I went through all this for...
( Yelling ): Rock candy!
I love rock candy
let's go find some more!
No, i don't want to.
No, i hate rock candy!
What are you talking about?
don't knock the rock candy, daddy-o.
"Daddy-o?" It's full of vitamin "k".
No, it isn't.
Some candy melts in your mouth, it's gone in a second.
I don't care!
This kind lasts all day
and all the next night...
It tastes like rocks!
Whoa!
Another perfect morning.
Oh...
Look, cat.
Aw, it's a poor little baby.
Can we take him home, cat?
What?
I'll nurse him
and love him and care for him and...
No, no, absolutely not, dog.
Look it, it's a filthy, dirty roach.
They're, they're germ-riddled
and they, they breed disease.
( Pitifully ): Oh...
Just till it's better... please?
N-o, and that is fin-al.
You can beg and plead
till the sun goes down and i won't change my mind.
Please, oh, please, please, please
with sprinkles on top and a cherry
and beef lemon chicken kibbles
and shellfish jerky
and many balls of yarn and mouse burgers
and everything else that you like on top of it?
All right, dog.
According to this, a busted roach leg takes
seven days to heal.
One week and he's out of here.
Okay, come to papa.
Come on.
Put one foot in front of the other foot...
And the other foot
and the other foot.
Wow, you see that, cat?
He came right to me.
Yeah, that's swell.
Now let's send him right back to the dump.
Well, i want to keep him.
Let's keep him at the dump.
No. As my special pet
i will love him and play with him
and teach him funny tricks.
No, no, no, wait a minute.
We had a deal.
There is no way you're keeping a roach in our...
My prized possession:
A lamb chop from 1987.
Here, boy.
Come on.
Double reverse somersault.
Loop the loop.
Well, well, well, senor gato.
Looks like you got a roach problem.
You're telling me.
Dog won't get rid of the thing.
So why don't you do it yourself...
If you catch my drift?
That is totally evil, nasty and fiendish.
Now, that's one talented roach.
Oh...
Uh... ugh... get it off me!
Good morning, roach.
How are you today?
Oh, i think it is disgusting to allow that cockroach
to sleep in our bed.
What's this?
don't you know, cat?
Roaches shed their skins 117 times a hour—
it's etymology.
Shed, boy, shed.
Come on, shed for papa.
Look at him go.
I can't take it anymore.
Pst! Huh?
Hey, cat.
I got the answer to all your problems.
"X-Terminator 3000, kills and destroys household pests..."
Dead.
An acquaintance of mine used it
to get rid of a pesky in-law problem.
That's the most ruthless, cunning, malicious thing
I've ever heard of.
I'll do it.
My creation!
Great. Where am i going to find another one of these?
Well, this should do nicely.
Come on.
Whoa!
Huh... what?
Roachie!
What is it, boy?
Something's the matter with who?
Sounds like...
Sounds like a... Big, big, wooden implement?
Sounds like derby?
Cat?
Where is he, boy?
Take me to him, take me to him!
I'll save you, cat!
Thanks, dog.
Oh, it was roachie who saved you.
Oh! Oh, thank you roach!
Thank you, oh...
Oh...
Oh, look, dog, I've got a confession.
I never liked roach
and i... i feel like such a heel.
I guess you'll never forgive me.
Well, if he does, then i guess i do, too.
Exterminate and destroy.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot to mention the x-terminate robot.
You forgot?
Exterminate and destroy.
Destroy, destroy.
Exterminate and destroy.
He's got us cornered, cat.
We'll never get away.
There's just one more chance.
I'm going in.
And if i don't come back
think of me now and again.
Good luck, cat.
Okay, thanks, fine.
( Slowing down ): Exterminate and... destroy.
You did it, cat.
Isn't it great, roachie?
Now nothing can keep us
from being one, big happy, nuclear family.
Gee, dog.
I think the little fellow's homesick.
Oh.
Here you go, fellow.
You sure this is what you want?
Bye-bye!
Oh...
I'll never forget you, roachie.
What?
I just have something in my eye.
This place is sure going to seem empty without roachie.
Exterminate and destroy...
Catdog.
Did he...? Huh?
What did he...
That's us!
Finally got rid of that pesky catdog problem.
[captioning sponsored by the U.S. department of education
and nickelodeon ]