Nobody demanded
That you come.
Are you kidding?
How often
Do you get to do this?
While we're going crazy,
We should get toilet paper
And a plunger.
I'll do this later.
No. I'm teasing.
Get that list of yours.
Okay. Ahem.
I need legal pads.
Got it.
Tons of pens.
Right.
Some pencils, three
Highlighters, an eraser,
A staple remover,
And a folder.
You need three
Highlighters?
Three?
Yes.
That's a very random number.
Three is not a random number.
How'd you get the three?
One dries up, one gets lost,
I have one left.
You've really thought
This out.
What came first —
The chicken or the egg?
Can we get back
To the list?
Alright.
Ooh, hey —
Legal pads.
No. Those are purple.
Purple is festive.
I can't have purple.
Yes, you can.
They're on sale.
I'm going to a serious school.
I need serious paper.
Paper is paper.
Not at chilton.
Alright, fine.
Here's your serious paper.
Thank you.
Ooh, and here are
Your somber highlighters,
Your maudlin pencils,
Your manic-Depressive pens.
Mom.
These erasers are on lithium,
So they seem cheerful,
But we caught them
Trying to shove themselves
In the pencil sharpener.
I'm going home.
No, wait.
We're gonna stage
An intervention
With the neon post-Its
And make them give up
Their wacky, crazy ways.
You're never coming shopping
With me again.
Oh, here's a card...
♪ If you're out
On the road ♪
♪ Feelin' lonely
And so cold ♪
♪ All you have to do
Is call my name ♪
♪ And i'll be there
On the next train ♪
♪ Where you lead,
I will follow ♪
♪ Anywhere that you tell me to ♪
♪ If you need
If you need ♪
♪ You need me to be with you ♪
♪ I will follow ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Where you lead,
I will follow ♪
♪ Any anywhere
That you tell me to ♪
♪ If you need
If you need ♪
♪ You need me to be with you ♪
♪ I will follow
Where you lead ♪♪
[ instrumental music ]
♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪♪
[ music continues ]
Man: decent effort by most,
Good effort by some,
Exceptional effort by two —
Miss geller...
Miss grant...
Mr. Graham...
Miss gilmore,
Take these home.
Learn from your mistakes.
Look at the large, red circles
Around various parts
Of your paper
As friendly reminders
That to err is human
And that here at chilton
We try to beat that humanity
Out of you.
Okay. Next up, the test —
The dreaded test.
Shakespeare — the man
We've been droning on about
For the last three weeks —
Finally comes back
To haunt us on friday.
This is a big one, my friends —
Multiple choice
With an essay section
That will count for 20%
Of your grade this semester.
Don't be fooled by my kind face
And charming personality.
This test will be hard,
And there will be no makeups.
Refer to the study materials
That i gave you
At the beginning of the month
And those extensive notes
I know you've been taking.
Hard paper.
Killer.
How'd you do?
"a."
Me too!
Small world.
Isn't it?
Madeline, what'd you get?
You know i got a "b."
A "b's" not bad.
Respectable even.
I'd be proud.
A "d," however,
Would be cause for concern.
A cry for help.
A job application
At mcdonald's.
Would you like fries
With that?
Hey, you know,
Not everybody can be smart.
As my mother always says,
Somebody
Has to answer the phones.
Okay, i have no idea
What you two are talking about.
No, but rory does.
Hey, mary!
And it just keeps
Getting better.
You look sad.
I'm fine.
Bad grade?
I have to go.
Mary, i can't figure out
Why we're not friends.
I think it's because
I make you nervous.
It's because
You can't learn my name.
Do you have a boyfriend?
None of your business.
Is that a no?
Is there no one else
You can bother?
I think you like me.
Oh, boy!
What are you doing
Friday night?
I'm busy.
What, you gotta be back
At the convent by 5:00?
Please leave me alone.
Alright. Well...
Since you said please.
Later... Mary.
[ french accent ]
Aaah! You imbecile!
Back off, chevalier.
You're stupid, blind,
And clumsy.
At least i'm not french.
What's goin' on?
She ran over my shoe.
He got in the way.
You aimed for me.
Hold on.
She scratched my shoes.
What a baby.
These are
$300 italian loafers.
I wonder if versace
Makes a pacifier.
You're fired!
Excuse me?
You can't fire me.
Then i dock your pay.
Can i kill her?
Not before high tea.
Fine. Then i will curse you
Constantly
And in several languages.
I'm goin' for the other foot.
Don't!
Drella,
To your corner — now!
I win.
Michel,
You're a grown man.
Now go to your desk
And act like one.
[ gasps ]
Oh, my god.
Sookie! Sookie!
Okay, just a minute!
I've got it.
The review?
It's here.
Ooh! Where is it?
I'm looking.
Hurry.
Oh!
Behold — in theaters now,
The thing that reads a lot.
Chocolate?
Glass measuring cup.
Lorelai, look, look.
I'm sorry.
Jeez, who's naked?
Uh, lucien mills —
Food critic.
Yeah? How's his butt?
He was supposed to review
The restaurant —
Oh! Here it is.
Is it — is it good?
Is he mean?
Should i cry?
Here we go.
"the words 'divine,'
'delectable,' and 'delirious'
"don't begin to describe
The delicious experience
Of dining
At the independence inn."
I'm smelling a rave.
Really?
"only chef sookie st. James
Could make a simple salad
"of hothouse tomatoes
And assorted fresh herbs
"seem like
A religious experience.
"her lobster bisque is worth
Every sinful,
Cream-Filled sip."
See, i don't use
That much cream.
I just use a very concentrated
Lobster stock,
And it really makes it —
Sookie, he's not here.
Okay, go on.
"the entrees are as heavenly
As the starters.
"though the much-Lauded risotto
Was perfectly fine,
"it was the simple
Handkerchief pasta
"with brown sage
In a butter sauce
That sent me
Through the roof."
This is unbelievable!
I'm gonna have this framed
For the dining room!
Oh, yeah. That'd be swell.
Can i see that again?
So we should celebrate
Tonight, huh —
Girls on the town?
I can't. I have to study.
I should really get started
On this shopping list.
What is going on here?
We are young and fiery women.
Studying?
Shopping lists?
Where's "to hell with it all"?
Where's "throwing caution
To the wind"?
Where — oh, shoot —
The linen delivery.
You go, girl.
News is on!
One sec.
For our top story tonight,
A grisly, horrible thing
Happened in a small town
Where no grisly,
Horrible things ever happen.
Everyone shocked.
House slides down hill.
Liposuction kills.
Stay fat.
Hey, let's get ice cream!
I'm bored.
Hello?
Mom, i'm studying.
I'm talking ice cream.
Can't you take a break?
I can't right now.
Okay. When?
Are you 4?
No! I'm hungry!
Have some more pizza.
It's cold.
Heat it up.
It's not the same.
Lorelai, go to your room.
Wow! Smart girls are mean!
If you let me study now,
I'll play with you
This weekend.
Promise.
Yes. We can do
Anything you want.
Will you go
To the shoe sale with me?
Will you let me try on
Anything i want?
Will you help me push people
Out of the way?
I'll even run interference
For you.
Alright. You've got a deal.
Good.
So — i'm sorry —
Where did we land
On the whole ice-Cream issue?
What?
[ instrumental music ]
[ bells jingle ]
Lane?
Rory?
Right or left?
Left!
I thought you said left!
Sorry —
My left, your right!
Okay!
Marco...
Polo!
Marco...
Polo!
Hey, marco.
Hey, polo.
You're late.
Sorry.
What is that?
12 calories.
Here.
Oh, my god. Bless you.
Man, what's that?
My notes.
Really?
I don't think shakespeare
Knew himself this well.
Ooh, i like.
How much?
$500.
Is that the best you can do?
$450.
I'm not so sure.
$375 and you take it
Right now.
Sold.
We appreciate your business.
Move.
I really miss
Stars hollow high.
You're kidding, right?
No. Chilton's just —
I don't know — hard.
What do you care?
You were always miss
Everything's-So-Easy-At-School.
This should be
A snap for you.
Nope. This is sold. Move.
What's that?
Oh, that's mine.
That is
Chocolate-Covered death.
With a creamy
Caramel surprise.
Um, so... This guy
Asked about you today.
What guy?
The new kid —
Tall, perfect.
What did he want to know?
Where you were.
What did you say?
I told him
You were too smart for us
And you had to go
To genius school.
Oh.
He really liked that.
I guess he's
Into brainy chicks.
Well, i'll keep my eyes open
For one for him.
No — sold. Move.
Mom.
Well, where
Do you want us to go?
Library.
I hate sales!
[ harp music ]
No black sabbath.
No one is listening.
No black sabbath, no steely dan,
No boston, and no queen.
[ sighs ] what happened
To make you so cold?
You like that mozart.
I am the artie shaw
Of harpists.
Sookie, i need coffee to go.
There's fresh over there.
Ooh, good.
Fresh in my first lifetime
As joan of arc.
Oh, sorry. I thought
I made fresh. Here.
Bless you.
I'm so exhausted.
And i have to drive
To hartford tonight
To go to
A parent/teacher meeting.
Sounds great.
This school is so different
From stars hollow.
They send home a thousand pages
Of updates every week.
It's a very intense place.
Uh-Huh!
Last week
There was this huge debate
Over whether plaid scrunchies
Were acceptable headwear.
People took sides.
Things got ugly.
The scrunchie motion
Finally passed,
And i like to think
I was the tiebreaker.
That's nice.
Hey, what's the matter,
Sweetie?
He said it was fine.
Who said it was fine?
Lucien mills.
The restaurant critic?
He said
My risotto was fine.
Isn't it?
No, it's not fine.
"fine" is a word you use when
Someone stops you on the street
That you sort of know
But you don't want to talk to.
They ask you how you are,
And you say, "fine."
That's enough so they don't
Have to keep talking to you.
Then they can feel good
Because they've been
Considerate enough to ask,
And then if something
Actually is wrong,
They'll actually sit down
And listen,
Even though
They don't want to.
I don't think he meant "fine"
As a slam or as a monologue.
He couldn't have meant
Any other way.
I hate to see you get so upset
Over one little review.
This is pride, lorelai.
I mean, you know
About this risotto.
On my mother's deathbed —
You made the risotto,
And she lived three more years.
The doctor said she wouldn't
Make it through the night.
And she lived
Because of the risotto —
The magic risotto.
And this guy had the nerve
To say it was fine.
I don't think
He knew the story.
[ groans ]
Okay. Now, before you get
All goofy on me,
I don't have your porcinis.
I forgot them.
I don't have any other excuse
Other than plain, old,
Stupid human error.
And i have the morels,
Which i know you don't want,
So come on —
Let me have it.
Morels are fine.
Did anyone else feel the shift
In the space-Time continuum?
A reviewer didn't like
The risotto.
The magic risotto?
You're kidding.
I gotta go.
Try and cheer her up,
Would ya?
Uh, sure.
Okay.
Sweetie, please don't worry
About it.
Everyone knows you're the best.
[ clears throat ]
So...
I hear the huckleberry crop's
Gonna totally suck this year!
We are gonna be focusing
On elizabethan literature —
Shakespeare, marlowe, bacon,
Ben jonson, john webster —
Is marlowe
Really that significant?
We want to give as complete
An overview as possible.
Yes, but will he be included
On the advanced-Placement test?
We can't know exactly
What will be on the test,
But it will be important
When your kids hit universities.
But to get there,
They need to pass the a.P. Test.
It could all be on the test.
How do we find out?
You could bribe somebody
On the a.P. Committee.
I was kidding.
I'm just kidding.
I'm so sorry.
I had a terrible
Pothole incident.
You don't care.
Please, go on.
Whoa, whoa.
What in the world?
You okay?
Uh-Huh.
I'll just sit now.
I don't think we've met.
Oh. I'm lorelai gilmore —
Rory's mom.
Glad you could join us.
Rory's
One of our new students.
How nice.
Now, the test —
Right. Well, we are preparing
Them as best we can.
Man: i've hired a tutor
For bethany.
Always a valid option.
Jesus, mary, joseph,
And the camel.
That was really bad coffee.
So [clears throat]
This a.P. Test —
What are we gonna do
About it, huh?
Well, the next test
Is scheduled for next month —
Um, the 25th, saturday,
At 7:00 a.M.
Ms. Gilmore?
Uh, where is the test?
It will be given here.
Here?
Right.
Great.
Great. Any other questions?
Um, yeah.
Um, can parents come?
What?
Yeah.
It's a big, exciting test.
I just thought —
Sorry. Is that stupid?
No, it's not stupid.
I just thought i'd like to see
The excitement.
It's a test.
I know.
What's exciting
About a test?
Do you play golf?
Yes, i do.
You explain yours,
I'll explain mine.
Back to the meeting.
That one voted
For the scrunchies.
Must be
A scholarship student.
Um, excuse me.
I think this would be
A good time for a break.
There's coffee in the back.
What were you gonna do —
Hit her?
No. I just — i had some good
Verbal comebacks ready.
It — it just
Keeps getting worse.
Not drinking it
Is always an option.
Not in my world.
I'm max medina.
Nice to meet you.
I apologize for the behavior
Of some of our guests.
It's a tense time
For some people.
The s.A.T. Season?
The waking hours.
[ giggles ]
Are you this nice to my kid?
Ah, it's easy.
Rory's a sweet girl.
Yeah, she is.
How is she liking chilton?
Oh, she loves it.
Really?
Yeah. It's an adjustment,
But she's always wanted
To go to harvard,
And this is how
She'll get there.
Harvard?
Yeah.
Ever since she could crawl,
I've really wanted her
To go there.
It's a great school.
I bought her a harvard
Sweat shirt when she was 4,
Which was way too big for her,
So she used it as a blanket
And then as a diaper
On this shopping trip,
Now i've told you a story
That would so mortify her,
She'll kill me
When she finds out.
Don't tell her, then.
It'll be our secret.
I appreciate that.
So, are you a b-52's girl?
What?
No, i'm a klutz girl
Who should not drive
With coffee in her hand.
I, um, had this in the car.
You know, i hope rory adjusts
To this place.
We need her here.
Thank you. That's so nice.
I hope she's not too
Disappointed about her paper.
It's very hard to catch up
On all that reading material.
I know a "d" seems dismal —
Rory got a "d?"
Yeah, but —
She's never gotten a "d."
It's the first paper
She's had to turn in.
She's bound to falter
A little.
Man, this totally explains
The "no ice cream" thing.
God, i'm such an idiot.
The ice-Cream thing?
I've gotta go.
I'm sorry if i said something
To offend you.
Oh, no. If rory got a "d,"
She's not feeling too good,
And i'd like to be there.
I understand.
So...
It was nice meeting you.
You too.
[ giggles ]
Keep up the good work.
I will.
Don't ever make coffee
Ever again.
I won't, i promise.
Oh —
Oh. Ha ha ha. Thanks.
[ clears throat ]
Bye.
[ instrumental music ]
♪ La la la la la ♪
♪ La la la la la ♪♪
Here.
What's that?
You need pie.
I do?
Violent pencil-Tossing usually
Signals a need for pie.
What if i had thrown a pen?
I'd bring a trout.
What?
I don't make the rules.
I just carry them out.
Hey. Backwards baseball hat —
New look for you.
She's eating pie?
Did she even have dinner?
You raised her.
I just serve.
Oh, hello, bookworm.
Finally. Where were you?
Well, um, actually,
I was in hartford.
Why?
I was there for the...
Parent/teacher meeting.
Oh, my god.
Yeah.
I forgot.
It went very well.
I was extremely charming.
I won the whole crowd over.
They made me queen.
So i guess you talked
To mr. Medina.
Why did you let me whine
About ice cream and shoe sales
When you had something major
Going on?
I know.
I hate when i'm an idiot
And don't know it.
I like to be aware of my idiocy.
To revel in it, take pictures.
We've missed a prime
Christmas card opportunity.
I'm sorry.
You should have told me.
I couldn't.
You couldn't tell me?
You tell me everything.
It was too humiliating.
Oh, honey.
You once told me that you love
"saved by the bell."
What could be more humiliating
Than that?
I couldn't form the words.
I couldn't even say it.
I couldn't even comprehend it.
It was... A "d." i got a "d."
I've never gotten a "d". Ever.
I know.
Even when i broke my arm
And couldn't write for a month,
I got an "a" minus.
That was a different school.
I know.
It was stars hollow high.
A "d" at stars hollow
Is like an "f" at chilton.
It's worse —
It's like a "g" or a "w."
So the spelling test
Didn't go well either?
[ sighs ]
A "d." i suck.
You don't suck.
I can't do this.
Listen, a "d" is bad. Okay?
But all this talk about "i suck"
And "i can't do this"
And self-Pity,
That's worse. Not you.
You didn't feel sorry
For yourself
When it took you three months
To learn to ride a bike.
Four months.
Huh?
Took me four months
To learn to ride a bike.
Really? Four months?
Yeah. You wanna belabor
The conversation?
Alright, forget about the bike.
A "d" is one grade,
Not the end of the world.
You'll catch up and do better.
You are of hardy,
Stubborn stock, my dear.
If there's one thing i gave you,
It's stubbornness.
I'm not stubborn.
You are.
I'm not.
Fine. You're not.
Thank you.
Welcome.
You can do this,
And i will help you.
I'll get you through this.
Now put the "d" behind you.
What's next?
I have a test on friday.
Ooh, a test! Great!
On shakespeare.
The bard with a beard. Love it.
It's 20% of my grade.
What do we have to do
To get you an "a"?
Do you really think
I can do this?
I bet you a dollar.
That's it?
That's all
My future's worth — $1?
Well, you did get a "d."
[ chuckles ]
"let me not to the marriage of
True minds admit impediments.
"love is not love which alters
When it alteration finds
"or bends with the remover
To remove —
"oh, no!
It is an ever-Fixed mark
"that looks on tempests
And is never shaken.
"it is the star
To every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown,
Although his height be taken."
You're going down.
Hey, sookie, do you know
What the menu's gonna be —
Good?
Hot.
Wait. I got another one.
Better?
Hotter.
Wait. I got one more —
One more.
Sookie, what's with
All the risotto?
Have we gone "theme" now?
Is it gonna be like
The scotch tape store?
Look, i've made 40 recipes,
Okay?
40 —
And every single time,
I come back
To the same conclusion.
That yours is better?
Yes.
It is!
Lookin' for me?
Yes. Great. Three weeks ago,
A guy comes in here —
Lucien mills —
Orders the risotto,
Doesn't like it.
The magic risotto?
You're kidding.
Not helping.
He's a restaurant critic.
He ordered lots of things —
Probably didn't finish them.
In his review, he said
His waiter had a goatee.
You've got a goatee,
And i need info!
Well, what did he look like?
Like he was unhappy
With the risotto!
Maybe he had a companion that
Wouldn't let him concentrate.
I serve a lot of people.
He had a beard,
False teeth, wig,
Those glasses
With the big nose.
May i be fired now?
Absolutely.
What about a guy
With an annoying companion
Who was sitting underneath
An air-Conditioning vent
Next to a woman
With too much perfume on?
"the comedy of errors" —
Written?
1590.
Published?
1698.
1623. Close.
How is 1623 close?
You got the "16" part right.
I was off by 75 years.
Well, anything under 100
Is close.
What kind of a rule is that?
I'm running
The study session here.
Okay. "richard iii."
1591.
[ imitates buzzer ]
'93?
[ imitates buzzer ]
'96?
[ imitates buzzer ]
That's really annoying.
[ imitates buzzer ]
Go on. I'm listening.
The sonnets are 154 poems
Of 14 lines.
Except?
Except for 126,
Which is 12 lines.
Good.
They're written
In iambic pentameter.
Except?
Except for 145,
Which is in tetrameter.
Rock on, sister.
Really?
Not one mistake.
Wow!
How do you feel?
Nauseous.
Well, i don't think the fries
And horseradish sauce
Was the best idea we had.
It was satisfying
In the moment, though.
You're gonna blow
That class away tomorrow.
You think?
I think.
What do you say we call it
A night and get some sleep?
You go. I wanna review my notes
One more time.
Oh, that's okay.
I'll stay up.
Mom, go to sleep.
No. I'm not even tired.
I was just thinking of you!
[ sighs ]
[ instrumental music ]
♪ Go back to sleep now ♪
♪ My darlin' ♪
♪ And i'll keep all
The bad dreams away ♪
♪ Breathe now
Think sweet things ♪
♪ And i'll think of all
The right words to say ♪
♪ Because we made you ♪
♪ My darlin' ♪
♪ With the love
In each of our hearts ♪♪
No! Oh, no!
Oh, jeez.
This was such a bad
Sleeping idea.
I'm late!
What?
I'm late! I'm late!
I woke up late!
Rory, calm down.
I can't calm down!
I missed my bus! Get up!
Sweetie, mommy can't get up
Right now.
Mommy's been sleeping
At a right angle all night.
I'm gonna miss the test!
No. No, you're not.
I'll get the keys.
We'll go right now.
Let's go.
Let's go!
I can't take you.
You have to!
I've a meeting at 8:00!
Mom!
Okay, wait. Okay. Think.
Listen. Here. You drive.
What?
I'll get a ride from sookie.
Take the phone. Take the keys.
Go, go, go, go!
I'm gone!
Good luck!
[ telephone rings ]
Hello?
Did i leave a set of notes
At your house?
Where are you?
I'm driving to school.
I need to check something and
I can't find my notes.
Okay. Hold on.
Let me check.
I don't see anything.
What did i do with them?
Well, maybe it's downstairs
In the store?
Maybe. I just —
[ thud ]
Oh, my god!
Are you alright?
I just got hit by a deer!
You hit a deer?
No! I got hit by a deer!
How do you get hit by a deer?
I was at a stop sign,
And he hit me!
Oh, my god!
Was it a 4-Way stop?
What does that matter?
I don't know.
I don't know what to ask
After you've been hit
By a deer.
I don't see him.
Well, put salt down.
Deer love salt.
Where am i gonna get salt?
Do you have a lunch?
Lane!
Sorry.
I don't see him anywhere.
What if he's hurt?
Rory, your test.
What time is it?
It's 7:40.
No!
I'm sorry.
Miss gilmore, you're gonna
Have to wait in the library.
What about the test?
You've missed the test.
We start class at 8:05.
That's when i need people
In their seats.
I'm sorry. It's the rules.
But you don't understand.
I was up all night studying,
And then i missed my bus.
So i had to drive.
Let's discuss this outside.
I'm driving, i stop
And i get hit by a deer.
You hit a deer?
I got hit by a deer.
You don't believe me?
I've got antler prints
On the side of my mother's car.
No! You have to let me take
This test!
I know everything
About shakespeare.
Calm down.
I know his birthday,
His mother's name...
Loser.
Just what is wrong
With you, huh?
You have everything!
You have the grades
And the status!
What is wrong with you
That you have this constant need
To be the biggest jerk
In the world?
Let's go.
Huh? What's up?
What's up, quippy?
Why so silent?
Outside — now.
And, for the last time,
The name is rory!
Make sure that carpet
Is replaced perfectly —
Perfectly — nailed down
And everything.
Oh, you mean that "perfectly."
I thought you meant
The other "perfectly."
The one that could be
Misinterpreted
By the other michel —
The one who couldn't understand
What you meant by "perfectly."
Hey, what do you think
About pat benatar?
Great idea.
Can she play the harp?
Whoo! Whoo-Hoo-Hoo!
Whoo! I knew it!
I knew it! I knew it!
I found it! I found it!
Found what?
His bill!
What are you talkin' about?
It wasn't the risotto.
He ordered the wrong wine!
Oh. Well, great.
He mentioned something
About a summer tomato salad,
Which i made once in three weeks
Because jackson decides
To get in a fistfight
With his tomato grower —
That's a different story.
Yes. Save it
For christmas time.
Brian, the waiter,
Worked one shift last week
Because his girlfriend
Kicked him out.
Celia kicked him out?
He didn't want kids.
She knew that.
Women think
They can change men.
I checked the dates,
Narrowed the day down,
And found a party
That had ordered
Practically everything
On the menu, including...
The magic risotto.
Yes, and a riesling.
Ha! A riesling.
Why not drink battery acid?
Changes the entire flavor
Of the dish.
The fact that brian served it
Makes me think celia
Is better off without him.
I'm so glad, hon. Oh!
[ both giggling ]
Okay. Here are the zucchini.
Too small — take 'em away.
Oh, it's good to have
Her back, huh?
Yeah.
You're still gonna have to pay
For the zucchini.
There's a man
With a funny accent
On the phone
Asking for you.
Really? Did you guys exchange
The secret handshake?
Lorelai here.
Rory, what happened?
I got hit by a deer.
You got what?
And then i was late, and they
Wouldn't let me take the test.
Oh, no, you're kidding me!
Mom...
No, it's okay.
Just sit right here.
I'll handle this.
Excuse me. Hello.
Ms. Gilmore, please come in.
Thank you.
Have a seat.
Um, i think there's been
A terrible mistake.
Rory told me that she
Wasn't allowed to take her test.
She was late.
Right. Well.
See, there were circumstances
Beyond her control.
Rory is never late.
She's annoyingly on time.
I think if you checked
Your records —
Past performance
Has nothing to do with today.
Okay. But she was up all night
Studying.
I was there.
She has a witness.
She's not on trial.
Well, your honor...
Just a little trial humor.
That won't happen again.
Um, see, she got up late.
She broke her neck to get here.
We don't live locally —
The dog ate my homework.
My computer crashed,
And i lost my midterm.
I wasn't making excuses.
My grandmother
And first cousin died.
My sister took
My report to school.
My religion prohibits studying
After sundown.
I went blind last night,
But i'm fine now.
That's not rory.
Miss gilmore, rules are rules.
When you're late,
You forfeit the right
To take the test.
Where are you going?
Where is he going?
Lorelai, if i could do
Anything, i would.
You could let her take
The test.
I can't.
That's not fair.
We're not here to be fair.
We're here to educate.
Yes, and i'm asking you
To please educate my kid.
We will when she's on time.
Have a nice day.
Are you holding that door
For a reason?
Our meeting is over.
Like hell it is.
Do you have any idea what we
Have gone through this week?
We have been up all night
Every night studying.
We haven't slept. We haven't
Talked about anything else
Except this school
And this test for seven days.
We have stretched ourselves
As thin as humanly possible
Without going
Completely postal.
My god!
We're just one person!
Why don't we narrow
Our conversation down to rory?
Okay. Why don't we?
You sit here
In your snotty little school
That's in desperate need
Of extra heating vents,
And you nurture
Horrible kids
Who treat each other
Like mortal enemies.
You set impossible standards
That make normal people
Feel less than everybody,
And you take a great kid
Like rory and tear her apart!
I don't think
That's completely fair.
You say she's smart
And she'll do fine
This rotting, stodgy rat-Hole
Could use somebody like her,
And then you shut her out of
A test she's crammed for
That she completely deserves
To take!
I didn't call this place
A rat-Hole.
That's true.
I added that.
Wouldn't want you to get
In trouble with il duce.
I thought this place
Was gonna be so great,
And now this goes on
The "boy, was i wrong" list —
Right above gauchos but just
Below the "flashdance" phase.
My goodness. You do like
To throw fits in your family.
What are you talking about?
Your daughter threw a similar
If not as manic
Fit of her own
This morning.
Oh, please.
Rory doesn't throw fits.
She's the most
Even-Tempered person i know.
Well, then, she did
A lovely impression of you.
Ms. Gilmore,
Everything you said in your rant
Was absolutely true —
Without
The colorful embellishments.
We do set impossible standards,
And such standards do foster
Highly competitive children.
However, that is life,
And that is chilton.
Rules can change.
You can change them.
I told your daughter
That this place
Was not for everyone
And might not be for her.
I will now tell you
The same thing.
She doesn't have to be here.
She doesn't have to go
To harvard.
If she can't handle
The pressure, she should leave.
Take your daughter home now
And decide what it is
You intend to do.
However, another outburst
Like this from either of you
Will not be on the options list.
Thank you for coming in.
That will be all.
You got hit by a deer?
You did.
You got hit by a deer.
It just came out of nowhere.
You couldn't just run
Into a wall like other kids?
Can we just go home, please?
Yeah, sure. Jump in.
Man: may i help you?
Yes. Hello.
My name is sookie st. James.
I'm the chef
At the independence inn.
I know who you are.
You do?
Well, i'm flattered.
You write
About a lot of chefs —
What are you doing here?
Right.
Well, i know that this is
A terrible intrusion, but —
Are you cooking?
I'm making chicken.
You used too much salt.
I did not.
It smells salty.
I'm closing the door now.
No, wait!
I found out your address from my
Network of culinary friends —
This is
Really inappropriate.
I gave you a good review.
I suggest you go home.
I don't care about the review.
I just want you to try
This dish...
With this wine...
And i'll wait.
Quite a day, huh?
I don't want to talk —
Please.
Okay.
You know, i just think
That we should talk about it.
Stop the car.
Here — stop here!
You're just feeling like
An impromptu nature walk?
I wanna see if it's alright.
If what's alright?
The deer.
Sweetie, you're never
Gonna find the deer!
I'm gonna try.
I'm in heels.
Stay in the car.
It's dangerous in the car with
All the kamikaze deer around.
I have to find it.
Alright. Wait up!
So what does the deer
Look like?
Does he have
Any distinguishing marks —
Besides the word "jeep"
Imprinted on his forehead?
He's just a deer.
So i had a nice chat
With headmaster charleston.
He said you went ballistic
In class.
I was just tired.
You wouldn't have been tired
If you hadn't been killing
Yourself all week.
I was studying.
I didn't have a choice.
Maybe you shouldn't be
Studying that hard.
What are you talking about?
You're 16.
You should get some sleep
And eat a real meal
And come up for air
Once in a while.
They kicked me out.
Of course not. They love you.
This is coming from me.
Are you saying i should quit?
If you wanted to go back
To your other school,
That would be fine with me.
You don't think i can do it.
That's not true.
I think you can do anything.
But you don't lose it in class.
That's not part
Of the rory personality.
If you're losing it in class
Because you're tired
Or stressed out
Or working too hard,
I'm worried about that.
I have to be.
I lost it once.
Okay. Fine.
It's just
I can't remember a time
When we weren't talking
About you going to harvard.
It was just a given.
That was what
We were working for.
Everything went
In that direction.
I know.
And i'm forgetting
Where that all started.
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about
Did it start with me
Or did it start with you?
Was it my dream
That you went to harvard?
Mom.
Because i never got to do
The big, fancy college thing?
Maybe all this time
I'm thinking it's all for rory
When really it wasn't.
I'm not doing this
Because of you.
If you are,
You don't have to.
I'll still love you. Even if you
Can't support me in my old age
In the fabulous manner which
I plan on growing accustomed.
I'll remember that selfless
Gesture. Thank you.
I just want you to be happy.
I am.
No, i want you to be "dancing
Through the woods, crazy" happy.
If harvard and chilton
Is not gonna do that for you,
Then forget about them.
I was just behind. I never
Caught up on the reading.
That's why i got a "d."
I can catch up.
I will catch up.
When i do,
Everything will be fine.
Rory...
No. Harvard is my dream.
I want it more than anything.
I swear.
Yeah, but —
I appreciate all that
You're saying.
But i'm not ready
To give up on chilton yet.
Fair enough.
I do, however, reserve
The right to change my mind.
That's your prerogative
As long as you remain a woman.
Thanks, though.
For what?
For yelling at the headmaster
The way you did.
Oh, i didn't yell at him.
You called him il duce.
Which means "kind sir"
In cantonese.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
How much longer are we gonna
Look for this crazy deer?
Just a little further.
I just hope
He didn't hurt himself.
I just hope he has insurance.
Go get that plaid skirt off
And grab your books.
We're going to luke's.
Don't you have to get to work?
They can last a little longer
Without me.
Plus michel gets so cute when
He feels he's been overworked.
His ears puff out,
His nostrils flare. Go.
I'm gone.
[ telephone rings ]
Lorelai: it's us.
We're not here.
We have a life.
Get over it.
Hi. This is a message for rory.
It's max medina calling.
I just wanted to say that i
Talked to headmaster charleston,
Or il duce, as he's
More affectionately known
In the gilmore household,
And he's agreed to let you do
Some extra-Credit work to help
Make up for the missed test.
Now, i'm not sure what
The extra-Credit work is yet,
But it probably will be
Time-Consuming
And extremely painful.
It will, however,
Get you back up
To where i think
You rightly belong, rory.
Don't lose heart.
Make this work.
And if your mother's listening,
Lorelai, it was a pleasure
Encountering you.
I hope it happens again.
Anyway, see you in class.
Bye.
[ theme music ]