- What happened? - Betadine, saline and a suture kit.
- What happened? - She cut herself. An accident.
- I've got this. - How much blood has she lost?
- Alex. - She's fine. I've got this.
Given the situation,
I'd understand if you didn't want to proceed with surgery.
But we did learn from Jeremy,
and the formulation of the cocktail will be adjusted.
- We have not had a positive outcome. - Liz?
I want to take her home.
- I understand. - No. I want the surgery.
Honey.
- Honey, that's the grief talking. - I want the surgery today.
Well, there are no other clinical trials out there.
No one else has any answers.
- Dr. Shepherd has worked hard on this. - Meredith.
We're not letting you have surgery because you want to die with Jeremy.
If I go home, I die.
I die in a few weeks, a few days.
I don't want to lose you.
Mom, you won't.
- Because I'm not finished.
Daddy. He loved me.
Yeah, you know, Jeremy really loved me.
And he'd be so mad if... if I just gave up.
Please. Do the surgery today.
- Lola, Andrew's asking for you.
Could you come with me, please?
Hey, um, is... Is he OK?
No, he's not OK. He's stuck in a block of cement.
Hardening-by-the-second, concrete cement. How could he be?
Wow, you care about him.
He's my friend.
I... I know I told you he wasn't, but he's my friend.
I think he's more than that.
And I think you're too proud to admit it to your friends, and maybe to yourself.
Mommy, I have a boo-boo. Kiss it better.
- Hey, he is in pain, he is scared,
and he needs someone he knows to hold his hand.
Lola, hold my hand.
Screw what they think. This matters.
They don't.
I can't help him.
You're gonna hate yourself for this.
Later.
You're gonna hate yourself for this, and you'll be right.
- Don't think this looks right. - Cristina is dyslexic,
but she got straight A's during school and has a Ph.D. Amazing.
- Eight letters of recommendation. - This look right? How you found 'em?
Izzie went to college at night. Six years to graduate,
volunteered as a candystriper. Patients wrote letters of rec.
- Gotta get outta here.
And Alex, he wrote this essay to get in, this moving, beautiful essay
about how his grades weren't that good. He was suffering from testicular cancer.
- Ow! What?
He lost a ball. I've seen him naked.
He has two mangerines, two pouch potatoes. He lied.
- Stop telling me information. - One point. Just one point.
- How can they keep you back? - Forget about it!
Photographic memory! I can't.
- We'll get it right with Beth. - She lost the love of her life.
- You encourage her to surgery? - Encourage her not to?
Not me with the big ego, it's you. You backed me into a corner.
- What was I supposed to do? I can't. - Derek.
- She's a kid. - Who's gonna die without surgery.
She'll die with surgery. What you and I do.
We kill things over and over and over again.
We've killed 12 people, and now, because of you, I will kill a 13th.
Surgery's over, we're done.
Don't wanna work with you, see you, talk to you. We're done.
OK, Andy, we're ready to begin.
Wait. Is she?
- Lola? - She... I couldn't find her.
She went to eat or something.
We need to start the catheter.
OK. Now, you're gonna feel some pressure.
She didn't go to eat. She just didn't want to come, right?
Lola likes to hang out with me.
Or she did... used to.
Before I did this.
Once, she almost...
There coulda been a kiss,
but I chickened out.
Well, maybe you don't need to be kissing her.
No, I do. I do. I do need to be kissing her.
- My whole life is about kissing her. - Catheter's in.
Guys are on their last piece of cement.
Thank God. The hard part's over, right?
- The hard part's over? - Get a crash cart ready.
I've got calcium, D-50 and insulin.
- Ready. - The hard part is over?
OK, there is a chance
that when the nice gentlemen take off the final piece of cement
there, on your abdomen, the toxins that have been building up
underneath the concrete will rush to your heart, and you'll crash.
You... Your heart will stop, and you'll stop breathing.
But, no, there's no need to make that face because we will restart your heart,
and we will put in a tube that will breathe for you and rush you to the OR.
We are good at what we do. Just, if you see the warm, welcoming light,
- do not go into it.
Let's go.
OK, we're gonna do this on three.
- OK. One. - Watch the leads.
Two.
Three.
- There he goes. - Clear his airway.
All right. One.
Two. Three.
- Easy, easy, easy. - Push the lidocaine.
- Bailey. - Got the intubation.
Go.
I don't know what you mean when you say she didn't want to die.
When you were sitting on the floor with your mother, what did she say to you?
She told me to be extraordinary. She said that she had failed,
but that I should be extraordinary, that I shouldn't depend on anyone.
"Be an extraordinary woman," is what she said.
And so you became a surgeon, just like her.
- Yes. - Which means you have all the tools
- to figure this out. - But I just...
- You need to work this through.
I promise you, when you do, you're gonna be glad.
- My head is exploding. - Make it unexplode.
- Are... Are you mad at me? - No.
- Why talk to me in that voice? - There's no voice.
There's a voice. And I did you a favor.
You didn't do me a favor. You made it clear that I'm still me.
The almost guy.
All that separates me from the rest of my class is one point?
It would've been OK if it was 50 points or even ten points, but one?
That means it was right there, it was in my hand, and I let it slip away.
I didn't want to know that. Do you get that?
That knowing that if I had just checked A instead of B,
one point separates me from freedom. I have been running my tail off,
busting my ass to make up for one lousy point,
proving...
You didn't do me a favor. Don't kid yourself.
At least now you know you have what it takes.
Yeah.
This arm's almost bandaged, then we're gonna move to the other one, OK?
OK.
I've prescribed her Alprazolam and Clonazepam.
Psych will be down, but it'd be good to keep her calm.
She doesn't need any drugs or any psych.
She needs a psych consult to be admitted.
- Not admitting her. - Not taking her.
- I was watching her every minute. - You shouldn't have to watch her.
You're not on today so she was admitted under my name,
which means I decide the treatment. She needs to be put on hold...
Damn it! Leave us alone, you stupid bitch.
You're supposed to sit down. That's what the breaks are for.
- We're on our feet. Rest your legs. - My legs are good.
Inappropriate, don't you think, thinking about sex during surgery?
Just saying what I've been witnessing all day.
This poor kid's entire body was encased in cement.
His legs are crushed, his vessels and nerves cut off completely,
and still... I was turned on.
This entire time I've been turned on because of you and your dirty talk.
It wasn't my dirty talk. It's what I was dirty talking about.
- What? - Erica. You and Erica.
No. That's...
- No. - Callie.
- What? - It's OK.
I wish I was all someone thought about.
You had 14 letters of recommendation.
Cristina had eight, Meredith had four, Izzie had ten. But you had 14.
The words used to describe you... Nobody had recommendations like yours.
People said the others were smart, they said they were hard workers,
they said that they were good. But your letters?
They said you were great.
They spoke of kindness, attention to detail.
They talked about how hard you try, and that you never give up.
They painted a picture of the kind of doctor that I hope to become.
It was an honor to read those letters, because now I know that what
separates you from the others isn't one stupid point.
What separates you from the others is greatness.
So don't you dare let one point hold you back.
I'm covered in blood. Talk fast.
Alex brought Rebecca in. She tried to hurt herself. He's taking Rebecca home.
- And? - She needs to be admitted.
- She needs a psych consult. - And?
- Can you just do your job? - I am doing my job.
I'm helping a 19-year-old man that I promised would get to live, get to live.
That's my job as a surgeon. I took my son to daycare when I came in.
My job as a mother. I'm asking you,
what are you going to do about your patient? My job as chief resident.
- How about you do your job? - I can't.
- I don't know what to do. - Stevens. She's your patient.
He's... her loved one. Come on, you know what to do.
It's just hard to do it.
- OK, I'll try. - No, you don't have to try.
You're a doctor trained by me, with all the skills that God gave you.
You have everything you need.
Each one teach one.
- Where are we? - Sloan, Hahn and Torres are done.
- We're up. - Unclamped the vein.
- Blood flow is good to the liver.
- Right, chief? - Absolutely right. Good job.
- Good, then we're ready to...
I think I liked it better when you were saying boring science stuff.
I'm never good enough.
No matter what I say or what I do.
I never wanted to do this.
This clinical trial is making me a failure.
I fail her over and over and over.
You mean "them."
When you say, "fail her," you mean, "fail them."
The patients.
He's gonna need an embolectomy. Call Hahn back here.
- A clot in the right pulmonary artery. - I could get to it.
- Hahn will assess him. - I can get to it.
The lung retracts, leaving the area for embolectomy clear.
He's already severely compromised. We'd waste time,
time his brain won't be perfusing. It'll take me seconds.
I've done it before. With Burke.
I promised this kid he'd live.
Dr. Bailey, take over CPR.
Yang, I'm right here if you need me.
Ten-blade.
You don't have to do this.
- Come on. What are you, scared? - Yes.
Me, too.
So let's just leap. OK?
OK.
- What happened? - He threw a PE.
Yang would be the best person to open him up?
- She's a cardiac savant. - Is that why she went through
- the fourth intercostal space? - Couldn't get in through fifth.
- Gauze pushing the diaphragm up. - This could be easier
- under fluoro. - Already had the TEE. I'm doing fine.
Reach it better... Forget it. I'll do it.
- Gown, please. - I've got this.
- No, if you had done it... - Just shut up and let me work.
Let her work, Dr. Hahn.
Shepherd scheduled two craniotomies for the clinical trial today?
- Yes, we lost the first one... - I told Meredith one patient.
- Dr. Grey said she cleared it with you. - Did she?
- I... Sir, I might be mistaken. - I don't think you are.
- She's holding steady. - The ICP's 13.
- We'll see. - Derek.
She's still alive. We've gotten this far.
- She's still alive. - For how long?
- You can go. - I'll stay with her.
No, it's just... I'll do it. You can go.
Yang flew solo,
and you should be celebrating because that means you're doing your job.
Teaching her how to save a life.
Residents are like puppies,
eager and enthusiastic, and you need to learn how to teach
without crushing their spirit.
Now you want to work here with my residents,
then you need to do better. You need to be a better teacher.
- Don't make me regret backing you up. - No, sir. Absolutely not, sir.
- Thank you, sir. - Puppies.
Rebecca.
This is Dr. Shapiro from Psych. He's gonna be examining you.
- Iz... - Ask questions while Karev and I talk.
- What did I tell you? - She's my patient.
I decide her treatment. I am not releasing her without a consult.
If you try to take her without my OK, I will have you arrested.
- You can't have me arrested. - Try me.
Look, Iz, you're worried. I see that, and I understand.
But you're being a little unreasonable.
- I've got this. - No, you don't have it. I have it.
- I'm taking her home. - No. No!
- You gonna bodily restrain me? - I will if I have to.
- Hit a woman? - If I have to.
Alex, she's sick. She needs help you cannot possibly give her.
- I can take care of her. - No, you can't.
You have no idea. You could do damage by taking her home.
I can take care of her. I've done this before.
- Alex... - She's just going through a bad patch.
People go through a bad patch. All right?
I can feed her and I can... I can change her,
and I can bathe her and I can watch her. Until the bad patch is over,
I can take care of her. I took care of my mom, and I can take care of her.
- You've done this before. - I've done this before.
I have done this before, Izzie.
But I was a kid then, and I'm a man now, so I'll be better at it.
- I have done this before. - Stop.
You don't have to say anymore.
- You're here early. - I never went home.
You'd want to monitor your patient. I figured you were tired.
- How is he? - His vitals are stable.
He received 16 liters over the first 24 hours.
I changed it down to 125 cc's per hour. Urine output's at 37 cc's per hour.
He had some anxiety at 3am, and then again at 5am,
- which I treated with diphenhydramine. - Good. Good job.
It's not a good job.
- O'Malley? - It's not a good job for me.
Sitting by his bedside recording urine output
and giving antianxiety meds all night. It's not a good job for me.
Running labs for Meredith Grey, that's not a good job for me.
It's not a good job because I'm better than that,
and you know I'm better than that. Maybe if I wasn't good at my job
or maybe if I had struggled and was lagging behind...
My personality, I'm not Karev, I'm not Yang, I'm not Meredith.
I'm not hardened, I get that. I get it.
I don't have the personality of a surgeon.
Maybe that's why you made the mistake
of not thinking that I deserve a second chance
when everyone else around here has gotten one.
But, sir, it is a mistake because I'm excellent.
I'm excellent at my job. And I did fail my test,
but I deserve a second chance.
OK.
- OK? - OK, you can retake the test.
OK.
She hasn't woken up yet.
Sometimes it takes longer with brain surgery for the body to recover.
But she could not wake up?
- Could she die? - That's a possibility,
but I'd rather not worry about that until we have to.
- When? - When what?
When will we have to start worrying about that?
- Still here. Sleep in the waiting room? - Look, I like him.
All right, I do. But he doesn't need to know that.
- Nobody needs to know that. - He needs you,
- and you're worried about your friends? - What do you know?
Do you know what it'd be like for me, for him, if they knew? Think it's easy?
I think it's better to be honest.
He's alive. Barely, but... he's alive.
I, uh, called your husband.
He says he took the baby and left you two months ago.
He says...
You have something called underlying borderline personality disorder,
which means you were fragile to start with, so this...
This has probably been coming on for a while.
Probably since your... your accident.
Then they changed your face.
I helped change your face.
You couldn't...
You need help, Rebecca, and I can't give it to you.
So you're gonna stay here tonight, and tomorrow...
Tomorrow, they're gonna transfer you to a psychiatric facility.
- I think that's better.
I'm sorry.
I really tried.
I wanted to be better for you.
I know how hard it is for you to trust people,
and I wanted to be someone you could depend on.
I'm sorry.
It's OK. You tried.
So you convinced Shepherd to do the second surgery without my approval.
- So? - So?
That's how you speak to the chief, "So?"
My mother tried to kill herself after you left. Did you know that?
- Did you know that? - I didn't know that.
- I'm sorry. I didn't know. - She was a brilliant surgeon.
How could you do that to her?
She was a talented, gifted, extraordinary surgeon.
Meredith?
- Tell me. - She was a surgeon.
An excellent surgeon. If she was really trying to kill herself,
she wouldn't have slit her wrists. She knew better.
She would've taken the scalpel, cut her carotid artery.
Would've taken seconds to die. She didn't really want to die.
She was an excellent, gifted, extraordinary surgeon.
- Didn't want to die. - What did she want?
- She wanted Richard to come back. - And why didn't he come back?
Well, because he never knew about it, and she was too stubborn to ask.
- What does that mean? - Well, that part I don't know.
Could you just tell me that part for once?
I can.
It means that you are a gifted,
talented, extraordinary surgeon, exactly like your mother,
but the difference is you get to learn from her mistakes.
Be extraordinary.
- She wasn't talking about surgery. - No, she wasn't.
She wasn't talking about surgery at all.
Well, do I or do I not keep my promises?
- You do.
And remember what I said about the bigger picture?
Yeah.
He's been waiting his whole life for that, huh?
Yes, he has.
- Are those Beth's films? - Yes.
These are from two days ago, and these are from today.
Would you hand me the calipers, please?
This one is smaller than that one. The tumor's shrinking.
- The virus is working. - Oh, my God.
- You have to go tell Derek. - No. You have to tell Derek.
It's the kind of news he'd want to hear from you.
Rose.
Congratulations on your major medical breakthrough.
It's the stuff of legends.
- Hey! - Take the sparkle pager back.
I am drunk on the power.
- Where is it? - I think it might actually be mystical.
- Have you seen Derek? - Nope.
- Um... You paged, Dr. Yang? - Grab that banana from my cubby.
You... You want me to peel it for you?
I want you to learn running whip stitch. I'll teach it.
Take the needle.
- Chart. - Here you go.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hey.
You're alive.
Yeah. I'm alive.
Not just for show anymore.
- No.
That's not sanitary.
A little closer together. Try again.
- Dr. Yang, thank you for... - Uh-huh.
How'd it go?
- Awful. - Yeah.
OK. Um...
These are for you.
Why give me your keys to the clinic?
I'm not giving you my keys to the clinic. I'm giving you the clinic.
What?
I've seen the bigger picture. I love the clinic.
I love what it means, I love what it is.
But I don't love it as much as I love surgery.
I don't love it as much as I love being chief resident.
I don't love it as much as I love my husband and my child.
I have seen the bigger picture,
and I can't do everything and still have everything.
So I have to... let some pieces go.
This piece. This is your piece.
I've watched you earn this piece
the hard way, the awful way.
Knowing that I can give the clinic to someone like you.
You have grown into a fine doctor, Izzie Stevens.
Thank you.
The Denny Duquette Memorial Clinic is in your hands.
You make me proud.
Derek!
He's not there.
Oh.
I'm not a bad man.
I know I'm the villain in your story, but I'm not a bad man.
So you want to finish what we started yesterday?
Or you can finish what you started.
I'm growing.
Go. Get outta here.
Hey.
I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink.
- I can't find my keys. - Maybe we could, um...
- Something I wanted to talk about. - I had the damn keys.
I put them in this bag, but I can't remember...
- This whole thing with Yang... - Erica.
- What? - I'm saying something here.
I just... I wanted to say...
I just wanted to say...
Meredith!
- Richard? - I want to come home.
- Richard! - I am a good man.
I'm a good man.
I spend my days being a good man for the hospital, for my residents,
for my patients.
I'm a good man who made one mistake with a woman 20 years ago.
I am a good man for everybody but you. I know that.
Don't you think I know that? But I am a good man.
And I am your husband...
and I love you.
Now, I am not asking you to come home.
I'm telling you.
I am your husband, and I want to come home to my wife.
Well...
it's about time.
Meredith.
- I'm retaking my intern test. - Oh, my God.
I talked to the chief, made my case, I'm taking the test.
Lexie, I know I was mad before, but thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you. Get out the liquor, 'cause we are celebrating.
- I'm sorry. - Whatever.
Not whatever.
I'm sorry.
About Rebecca and your mom.
I'm sorry.
- Alex. - Please.
Just this once.
Just for this one night, please.
Please.
Please. Please.
We goin' home.
Home to Daddy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Meredith?
Stupid, corny, idiotic. I cannot believe I did this.
Stupid loser. Son of a... I could be at home instead of...
- Stupid brain man. - Meredith.
Where have you been?
I've been waiting and waiting for you, and I did this stupid, embarrassing,
humiliating, corny thing, and I was gonna tell you that this here
is our kitchen and this is our living room,
and that's the room where our kids could play.
I had this thing, "I was gonna build us a house,"
but I don't build houses. I'm a surgeon.
And now I'm here feeling like a lame-ass loser.
I got all whole and healed, and you don't show up.
It's ruined because you took so long.
And I couldn't even find that bottle of champagne.
This is the kitchen?
Living room?
Little small.
I think the view is much better from here.
And that's the room where the kids are gonna play?
Where's our bedroom?
I'm still mad at you, and I don't know if I trust you.
I want to, but I don't know if I do. I'm just gonna try.
I'm gonna try and trust you. I believe that
we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart, and I wanna be...
- I have to go. - What?
In order to kiss you the way I want to kiss you,
in order to do more than kiss you,
I need to speak to Rose.
I want my conscience clear so that I can do more than kiss you.
Stay here.
Don't move.
Wait for me.