When you're little, nighttime is scary
because there are monsters hiding right under the bed.
When you get older, the monsters are different.
Self doubt...
loneliness...
regret.
And though you may be older and wiser,
you still find yourself scared of the dark.
- I'm crazy. That's what this is. - You're not crazy.
Then what is this? What...? What are you?
- I'm a dead man who loves you. - This is my imagination.
- I have an active imagination. - You touched me.
When you were alive. And kissed you.
Everything that's happening happened. I'm reliving moments.
This is just residual grief.
So I guess the only way to test it is to do something
we never got a chance to do in real life.
- Dr. Yang. - Dr. Hunt.
Uh...
- You here for me? - What?
I meant my trauma.
I'm here for a possible appy. Ambulance is on its way in.
Hey...
Did you want to say something?
How'd you beat the ambulance?
I live across the street.
Your sofa sucks. I can't sleep.
- I never went to bed. - Usually read on the bathroom floor?
I didn't want to wake Derek. These are my mother's journals.
- From when she was a resident. - I thought we hated your mother.
I kind of think now, if I wasn't her child, I would have liked her.
She was funny. And intense. A lot like Cristina.
Yeah. Intense, I get from Cristina. Funny, not so much.
She takes a while to warm up, but when she does, she's Cristina.
Give her a chance. She's very loyal, and you need allies here.
What do you think about... what's her name, your sister, Lexie?
- What do I think about her? - As an ally for me.
- My new intern BFF. - No, I... No, I don't see that.
I just... She was raised right. With parents and rules
- and smiley face posters on her wall. - Mm.
It's Cristina. There's an appy. See? Loyalty.
I'll come with you. Try to snag time in the skills lab. I'll get dressed.
Oh, my God!
- Hot. - Porny.
What... What are you doing out here?
You're the only one who paid a nurse to page you with an appy?
- That's not what I meant. - Yes!
That's what I meant. If you're out here, who's in there with Izzie?
- Oh, my God! - Derek?
- What? What? What's the matter? - Nothing. Nothing.
I just...
What are you doing dressed? It's three in the morning.
Who's making a porno in Izzie's room?
Relax, she's flying solo. It's hot.
Iz, party's over. We got an appy coming in.
Death, let's go.
- She's living here, too, Death? - Just a couple of days,
- till she gets her place. - No more strays.
- Iz!
- Iz, come on! - Hey. Hi.
So I'm not feeling that great.
I think I'm gonna skip it. I don't know, I think I have the flu
- or food poisoning... Yeah. I'm hot. - You're sweating.
And cold. Hot and cold. I have the chills.
- I'm just gonna go back to bed. - Didn't sound like you were sleeping.
I could skip the appy and help you out if you want.
No! No, I'm...
I don't want to get you sick, too.
- What are you doing here? - He's mine.
- She's sharing him with me. - I'm on call.
- Good morning, you look nice. - Brownnoser. I got here first.
- The chief said I'm the one to watch. - Oh, I get it.
Solo surgery time, and you heard the past two years the chief
assigned an appendectomy.
So you little mini-surgeons dragged your butts
out of bed to pick up some final tips from the master. That's kind of cute.
- I can use two of you. - But I'm on call!
- I filled Meredith in. - Jason Kron, 47,
- tenderness over McBurney's point. - Karev, what do you know
- about Mr. Kron? - I know he's a lucky man
- to have you as a surgeon. - Arthur Soltanoff, 45,
fell from a second-story window. Stable vitals, fractures
- and lacerations with head trauma. - Trauma One.
I need one of your residents.
- Me! Mine. I'm on call! - It's yours.
We have a patient with abdominal pain. Can you spare a resident?
Grey and Yang, prep Mr. Kron for surgery.
Karev, you never know, abdominal pain could become an appendectomy.
Dr. Bailey, I'm here to help in any way that I can.
There's a patient in pain, I'm there.
Can you feel that there? Can you feel that?
There's no need for you to do that. I can feel that.
The residents are here. In the hospital, so whatever you're doing...
- What are you doing? - We gave him an epidural.
- And didn't call me? - It just happened.
You know, epidurals don't just happen. I'm staying at Death's.
- Staying at Meredith's? What? - Lexie!
- Dude. He peed himself. - We forgot the catheter!
- No catheters! - Do you wanna pee yourself again?
- No. - An epidural. Wow. I'm impressed.
- Death is so wrong about you. - Why? What did she say?
That you were a priss.
Too bad he's not pregnant. We could do a C-section.
- We could take out his appendix. - Or amputate his foot.
Seriously.
- He doesn't need his appendix. - We could take out his appendix.
We'll find an empty OR, in and out in an hour.
- I'm sitting right here. - You could watch.
We wouldn't put you under. Stay on the epidural.
I'm off tomorrow. I'd trade and take his shift so he could recover.
- They're all here. - They're busy chasing solo surgery.
It's a genius idea. We would be rock stars.
No! I draw the line at a tube in my penis. Line drawn!
Fine. Do me.
As long as I can do one of you guys next.
- Done. - Done.
- What have we got? - Massive injuries.
Shepherd and Hunt are working. Sleepwalking and took a header
- through a window. Night terrors. - Can you imagine?
You wake up, you're battered, bruised, don't know where you are
- or how you got there? - Like my life:
Married, betrayed, gay, abandoned. Wake up, no idea how I got here.
I just figured this is the bottom, as bad as it gets.
- It can only go up from here. - Tib-fib. Trauma series is clear.
- Needs a head CT. - Free fluid in there.
Oh, God. Ivy, get out of the way!
- The mountain lion's there! - You're in a hospital.
- Ivy! Where's my daughter? - I'm right here.
He's gonna get my daughter! Let me go!
- I've gotta get my daughter! - Calm down.
- He's gonna get Ivy! - Mr. Soltanoff, calm down!
Let go! She needs me!
OK. Bailey's got an appy in OR 2, so this floor's out.
But outpatient surgery is totally open.
- OK, let's go. - Looking for something?
Hi.
We were giving Sadie the tour. This is the OR Board.
And this is a patient. You're in good hands.
- Dr. Grey is an excellent doctor. - What's next on the tour?
- Back to skills lab? - Skills lab, great idea.
- Gotta stick with my allies. - Smiley face posters.
That's all I'm saying.
Mrs. Hammer, what seems to be the problem?
I have this pain in my stomach and I can't keep food down.
- It goes through me. - Tell him your theory, Lauren.
- She has a theory. - I'm right here, I can speak.
Thinks she has stomach cancer. The Internet told her.
I'm not a hypochondriac! He's not inside my body.
I have a theory, too. Crazy disease. Diarrhea.
- Seth. - Fine. Shutting up.
Let's take a look.
You're not tender over your appendix. We don't need to take that out.
That's a good thing, right? You look upset.
Just disappointed... for you.
I'm gonna have to collect a stool sample.
I can't believe this is happening.
- It wasn't a great nose, anyway. - Yes, it was.
- It was a nice nose. - Relax, I was kidding.
It was a gorgeous nose and it will be again.
- Two weeks, won't be able to tell. - Really?
- Three weeks. Four tops. - I hate you.
- You love me. Little pinch. - Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Come on, that didn't hurt.
Maybe if I was having a good year, it would feel like a little pinch.
But it hurts, Mark. It hurts a lot!
You know what? I was gonna do this with some local,
but I think we'll use conscious sedation. When you wake up,
your nose will be fixed and it'll be a whole new day.
OK. Well, at least I still have you.
You'll still be my friend and have sex with me when I want.
Anytime.
You know, once your face heals.
- I hate you. - You love me.
I hit a doctor?
I don't understand. What am I even doing here?
Your daughter said you were having a dream and jumped out the window.
- Have a history of sleepwalking? - It started years ago,
when my wife died. Scared me so much, I went to a sleep clinic.
They said it was stress-induced, and gave me some clonazepam.
- How's that been working? - I'm raising a 13 year old,
so stress comes with the job. I haven't had an episode in a while.
I must have forgotten to take my pill tonight.
Honey, I'm so sorry.
- You must have been so scared. - I'm OK. I'm fine.
- I'm just worried about you. - I'm sorry.
Dr. Sloan. Hi. Hello.
Know where they keep the IV kits? Where are all the damn interns?
The interns are... interning.
- Busily interning. They're very busy. - Dr. Sloan.
- Little Grey. - I need some medical supplies.
Found the intern in the supply closet.
Did not invite the intern into the supply closet.
- Go away now, Grey. - Thank you.
Stop looking at me. I didn't do anything.
- Don't do anything. Don't. - I didn't. I didn't.
Dr. Bailey, do you have to visualize the peritoneum?
Depends. I've seen so many, usually just feel it.
Did you split the muscle this way or that way?
This way. No, that... Hold it.
That way. It's the kind of thing that becomes so natural,
you don't even think about it after a while.
The two of you are thinking so hard, it makes me tired just looking at you.
- This is so cool. - Can you believe we're doing this?
The epidural should be working.
OK, she's numbed. We're ready. OK. Here we go.
- You OK? - I find the fact you have parents
and smiley face posters oddly comforting.
- What? - I'm ready.
Surgical marker. I'm going to mark the incision.
Can you hold that a little bit closer, please?
One third the distance from the anterior superior iliac spine
to the umbilicus. OK.
That's right about...
OK.
It's a great day to save lives, people.
Although, technically, your life is just fine. And...
It's night-time.
- Shepherd says that... - Could you just go?
Scalpel.
OK...
This is a bad idea. This is a really bad idea.
And it's the middle of the night, so our judgment is... off.
But we can use this frustration that we feel that's driven us to the point
where we're about to do a stupid thing,
a thing I'm certain we'd all regret, possibly from jail.
And we can use that frustration for good.
We can ask for more time in the skills lab, ask to observe more surgeries,
and we can demand that our residents teach us better.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Or we can just take out my appendix.
OK. I'm following the taeniae coli down to expose the appendix.
- Wow. - There it is.
- I want to see. - Get her a mirror.
- Ooh! Cool. - Hmm.
- What? - Does it look a little inflamed to you?
It does a little. It looks inflamed.
- Can I see a book? - It's normally only supposed to be
seven to eight millimeters in diameter.
Yeah. It looks a little big.
If it's inflamed, this isn't a routine procedure.
It's... We should... We should call a resident.
- We're not calling a resident. - Sorry. I was just...
- I'm really freaking out. - I'm lying open on the table,
and the last thing I need is panicking. If you can't handle it, leave.
Anybody else?
Kelly clamps and 2-0 silk.
Your dad around? I need to check stitches.
- He's still having tests. - I'll come back.
- Hey. How's that doctor my dad hit? - She'll be OK.
- Tell her I'm really sorry. - Why? You didn't hit her.
Yeah, it's just...
if I'd been able to get my dad back to bed...
Sometimes I can talk him to sleep.
This hasn't happened for a while?
- Him sleepwalking? - Yeah. Right.
- When's the last time you slept? - It's OK. I'm not that tired.
Seriously, kid, you should get some rest.
So you diagnosed yourself?
I ordered antibiotics online to kill a staph infection.
- Oh, my God! - My husband dismissed as a pimple.
- Along with your dermatologist. - Who barely looked at it.
OK? It was a staph infection, Seth. It was. And it went away.
- After I took the drugs, it went away. - Pimples go away.
You have C. diff. It's not going away on its own.
- Well, how do I treat it? - You've basically killed
all the healthy bacteria in your body so we have to introduce new bacteria.
- OK. - By performing what's called a...
- a fecal transplant. - Poop?
- I need a poop transplant? - We'd feed a small tube up your nose
and down into your stomach. The donor needs to be someone
who you share everyday germs with. Typically, a spouse.
- Admit it was a pimple. - Seth.
No. I'm not going to crap into a bowl until you admit it was a pimple.
That's the deal! When you're ready, come and find me.
- Come on, tell him it was a pimple. - It was not a pimple!
None of my interns are answering pages. Did they go home...?
- Hey! Where are the other morons? - I don't know.
I was just getting candy and...
I don't know.
- Clearly. - I don't know. I don't know anything.
Hey!
Give me your chocolate. All of it. Give me that, too.
- Where are the stooges? - That moron is a moron,
- and the others are AWOL. - I need an intern to page me
- if my guy craps. - I wonder if they're in skills lab.
- Sadie said something about it. - In the hospital?
Time in skills lab is paying off. My interns are still idiots,
but they're idiots that can put in an IV.
No, they're just idiots.
- So what's going on with Izzie? - I don't know what's wrong.
I'm sick of people not talking to each other.
I'm gonna go get my crap-chick some crap.
Meredith?
Do you have a sec?
- Two! What are you doing? - I'm only charting!
- Well, where's Three and 4.2? - I don't know? I thought...
Stop. Come with me, you're doing post-op orders on the appy.
Tell me all about whatever trouble your little friends are into.
- Do you need a leash? Let's go! - No.
- What do you mean, no? - I mean...
I kind of can't walk.
Due to the catheter and the epidural.
I can hear your heart beating.
Which is odd because they took it out for the autopsy.
This isn't real, is it?
This is real.
Izzie, this is real.
I'm just gonna keep my eyes closed
because this is like that moment in the morning when you first wake up
and you're still half asleep. And everything seems...
Things are possible. Dreams feel true.
And for that one moment between waking and sleeping,
anything can be real.
And then you open your eyes and the sun hits you and you realize...
I'm just gonna keep my eyes closed.
OK.
I think she's dying.
- Her BP is dangerously low. - We need to push two liters of LR.
- Should we call a code? - There is no code team in outpatient
in the night because this would be done by a surgeon in a regular OR.
Page the chief, get Bailey. Tell her there's an emergency.
You're not to say anything else. Take that crazy look off your face.
How's Mr. Soltanoff? His night terrors are happening more than he knows.
The kid's exhausted.
Scary going to bed at night not knowing what you to wake up to.
Sounds like living with Meredith. She takes in strays.
It's your fault. I never thought about Little Grey in that way
until you told me not to.
Now, I can't help it. You planted a seed.
Unplant it.
She wants to tell you something.
I believe that you believe it was a pimple.
- Lauren... - That's the best I can do.
- I believe that you believe it... - It was a pimple!
- It was a staph infection! - No poo! No poo for you!
Wait! Dude, she could lie to you and tell you what you want to hear,
but she's not. She's telling you what's real for her.
Stop walking away.
I still think this could be stomach cancer.
And when I get a headache, I think it's a brain tumor.
And I lay awake and feel lumps in my breasts,
and my heart starts to race and I think I'm having a heart attack.
So no, I don't think it was a pimple.
The world is a scary place
and there are a thousand things a day that can kill you.
And I don't see how you don't see it.
Dr. Bailey, there's an emergency in outpatient surgery.
- What kind of emergency? - There's a...
It's an emergency. Please come?
I'd like to do an EEG. There's a chance night terrors are caused
by epilepsy in the frontal lobe.
I went through all that in the sleep clinic. As long as I take my meds...
We have reason to believe the problem may be worse than you're aware.
- I don't understand. - How often does your dad sleepwalk?
I sleep. I just forgot my meds this time.
No, you didn't.
You took them while I was brushing my teeth like you always do,
and then you put me to bed like you always do,
and then you woke up screaming like you always do.
I try to stay awake because usually I can talk you back to bed.
But tonight, I must have fallen asleep.
- Why didn't you tell me? - You said these bad dreams
were caused by stress, and I'm your stress.
You take such good care of me during the day,
the least I could do was take care of you at night.
We're saying the nightmares were caused by epilepsy, not the stress.
If the test confirms epilepsy, you understand what that would mean?
- This wasn't my fault? - That it wasn't your fault.
Dad...
Let's get the EEG.
Sweetheart.
Denny?
Denny!
- Denny! Denny! - What's all the yelling about?
You can't do that! You can't disappear! I thought you were gone!
- I was just... - I thought you left me again!
- I told you, I'm here for you. - No, you're not. You died.
You died and you left me here! I was left here by myself!
- You left me all alone! - You're not alone anymore.
Why? Why did you come back? I had moved on! I got over you!
I have a life and a job and a boyfriend!
And now you're back and I'm in this room all day,
probably talking to myself! I'm probably going crazy!
There is a real world out there and I'm stuck in here with you!
- I'm sorry I died. - No! No! Screw you!
You don't get to apologize for dying!
You don't get to apologize because I killed you!
I convinced you to let me cut the LVAD and I killed you!
So you don't get to apologize for dying!
- Dead people don't apologize! - Izzie.
Just shut up! Shut up!
I love you.
I love you, too.
- What the hell is going on? - Trying to take out her appendix.
- Whose foolish idea was that? - Mine.
- Where are we? - Found the artery in meso-appendix.
- The stitches the interns did came off. - Hand me a 3-0 silk.
I need more suction. How's her pressure?
- 74 systolic. - She's really bleeding. I can't see.
The stump isn't closed. She needs a cecectomy.
- I can't get to the appendiceal artery. - You can. You almost had it.
Here.
- Is your visualization better? - I can't see anything!
Don't panic. Put that down.
Feel down for the meso-appendix. Find the pulsation.
Now follow it to the end.
- It feels... I think I've got it. - Good. Now, place your clamp.
OK. That's right. Grey, tie it off while Yang holds the clamp in place.
- Stick-tie or ligature suture? - Whatever works.
You have to do what feels right to you.
Ligature suture.
- Are we gonna go to jail? - You're not gonna go to jail.
You didn't have the balls to stay. The rest of us are gonna go to jail.
I just heard.
What the hell happened?
We live together. You should have come to me.
So what? You could have saved me?
Maybe I could have stopped you.
This isn't about you.
This is the one thing I've done in the past few months
that wasn't about getting you to notice me. I did this.
You had nothing to do with it. This was all me.
Dude, she's like in love with you. How did you miss that?
- It's 911. I have to go. - OK. So go.
Is this the part where you go back to heaven or wherever
and you and your dead guy friends talk about how great it was
that you gave me this last night together?
That I needed it to grieve and move on?
Me and my dead guy friends mostly talk about sports.
- Denny... - Izzie, go.
I'm not going anywhere.
We're just about ready.
- I'm sorry, honey, for all my crazy. - Don't be sorry.
I love you, even crazy. OK. I've taken your crap all these years.
It's finally time for you to take mine.
I'm here for my wife, but it's better for our sex life
if I don't see this, so I'll be here for her down in the lobby.
No more spikes. We've eliminated seizure area.
He can finally get a decent night's sleep.
How did he not know this happened?
Why is it his fault for not noticing?
Going through life thinking they had the relationship
where she could talk to him if she was in trouble.
If you really have feelings for someone, if you really love them,
- then you talk to them. - Maybe she tried.
We don't know what went on between them.
Maybe words failed her. Sometimes, words fail.
Your dad won't be out of surgery for at least another hour.
You could have a little nap.
You're 13? You're hitting the hard stuff?
I like the taste.
I was raised by parents who weren't very interested in having kids.
They had friends, they had lives. They weren't around much at night.
Before I went to bed, I would turn on all the TVs,
every light in the house, even in the closets.
Still couldn't sleep.
It's hard to sleep when you don't feel safe in your own house, isn't it?
Yeah.
Give me that. You are going to sleep.
- No. - I'm not taking no for an answer.
Close your eyes. I'll be here.
Go on.
Close your eyes.
I was sleeping.
And sleep isn't easy for me to come by, but I was finally sleeping.
- Then I get a call. - I can't believe it.
- I still can't believe it. - Don't beat yourself up about it.
I've seen a lot of maturity in you through this whole mess.
You handled the crisis, you handled the surgery.
You saved that girl's life.
And you called for help right away.
There was a time you would have reached a different conclusion.
You could've stuck to the code and saved your own.
Tried to hide the mess.
Sometimes protecting colleagues is solidarity,
and sometimes it's just hubris.
I'm glad to see you know the difference.
Chief... I can't let you get in trouble.
- Lexie... - It's not right.
People tried to stop me. Dr. Yang told me to shut it down,
- but I didn't listen. - You knew about this yesterday?
- Did you know? - No.
- You knew. - No!
You knew they were gonna cut her? Lexie just said you knew!
I knew they were doing sutures. I didn't think I needed to say anything
- because I shut it down. - Apparently, you didn't.
Almost cost Lexie her job, not to mention Sadie almost died!
Sadie did that to herself,
and let's not pretend you have a relationship with Lexie.
- Let's not pretend you care. - I care about my job!
- I care about doing right! - Who are you to lecture
on doing right? Are you kidding me? You're not an attending.
- You may be sleeping with one. - Is that was this is about?
- It's always gonna be about Derek? - Fine, it's about you and me
- and that you didn't have my back. - What did you want me to say?
Anything! You should have said anything!
You have a relationship with the chief, have his ear, you didn't say anything
to defend me. Because this isn't just on me.
You stood there and watched him take me out of the running for solo surgery.
You let me take the blame. We all had interns in that room.
We all failed to supervise them. And if your friend had died in there,
if you and I hadn't saved her life, that would have been on all of us.
You should have said that.
- Why are you looking at me? - We were wondering...
- The interns... - What you're gonna say to them.
Uh-uh. No. No. I am tired. I'm not saying anything to the interns.
I raised my babies. You were my babies.
You all are grown. This is on you. You raise your own babies.
- So we have to talk to them? - Your babies.
- What do we say? - Do you need a speech from me?
At this point? After this time? If you do, you shouldn't be here.
If you do, I haven't raised you right. And I know I raised you right.
No. You don't get a speech from me. It's time to make your own speeches.
- Dr. Grey, present. - Sadie Harris, 30,
three hours post appendectomy complicated by hemorrhaging.
- Death, what is this? - Dr. Spalding.
Vitals stable, antibiotic coverage. She should recover within two weeks.
- And? - And we, your surgeons,
made mistakes that compromised your care.
Mistakes that reflect poorly on this hospital and that won't happen again.
Effective immediately, every intern here is on probation.
So much as sneeze, and you're done.
None of you will see the inside of an OR until further notice.
You've lost the chief's respect, which believe me, is not an easy thing to get.
Speaking for myself, you've lost my respect and won't get that back.
- But he still respects Izzie Stevens. - What did you say?
You still seem to respect Izzie Stevens and she killed a patient.
She was trying to save a man's life. You almost killed a friend for fun.
It's different.
- How're you doing? - They give good drugs here.
- Do I look bad? - You look beautiful.
Badge of honor all over your face.
Hey. Did I hear correctly?
- That the interns went scalpel-crazy? - Yes, you did.
- Crazy. - I don't know that they were. Crazy.
I can remember what it's like being an intern.
Loving medicine. Being so excited by surgery,
wanted to operate so badly that I'd do anything.
That I couldn't stop bouncing up and down long enough to hold a scalpel.
Now...
Now?
I can do most of my surgeries without even thinking about it.
Like I'm driving. Suddenly, I'm home. I don't even know how I got there.
It's rote.
I don't even remember most surgeries. Most of the lives I save.
And the residents, they work so hard,
working like crazy to get to do a solo surgery that I have come to hate.
I hate appys. Appys bore me.
I resent the appendix for bothering to get hot and needing to come out.
I resent an organ.
I don't know.
Maybe I don't want to do general surgery after all.
Maybe I need a new challenge. Maybe I need something to make me
bounce up and down. Maybe I'm just tired.
- It's OK... to be tired. - Hmm.
Right?
- You're tired, too. - I'm exhausted.
Deep down inside exhausted.
I just... I want...
I don't know.
But I want something.
Well, that makes two of us.
Sleep. It's the easiest thing to do.
You just...
close your eyes.
OK, fine. The surgery was a bad idea.
No, it was a terrible idea. Speaking as your boss, it was an irresponsible
and reckless idea that makes me question if you have
- what it takes to be a good doctor. - Death...
As your friend...
what the hell is going on with you?
I don't know.
But for so many of us,
sleep seems out of our grasp.
Thank you.
Your mom used to see how tired I was.
She used to make you bring me home 'cause I was alone and needed family.
That was a good thing.
So either you bring her home or I will.
We want it, but we don't know how to get it.
I don't know why I came here.
- Do you want to come in? - No.
I don't think that would be appropriate.
Do you want to go someplace else?
No.
I think you're beautiful.
But once we face our demons, face our fears...
- Hey. Lexie's here. - Hey.
- Yeah. - Are you making up a bed for her?
- Yeah. - You brought home a stray.
Yeah.
And turn to each other for help.
I'm gonna try to get some sleep.
I gotta be back at the hospital in six hours.
Alex, wait...
I'm a mess.
I'm a flat-out freaking mess. I know that. I know.
And I'm sorry.
- You deserve a lot... - Stop.
If you don't want to be with me, if this is too much for you now,
it's OK.
But you're gonna have to break up with me. I'm not going anywhere.
I can handle the mess. So it's up to you.
You coming?
I'm sorry.
I can't...
It's OK.
I will be right here.
It's OK.
Night-time isn't so scary because...
we realize we aren't all alone in the dark.