I believe in heaven.
I also believe in hell.
I've never seen either, but I believe they exist.
They have to exist.
Because without a heaven...
without a hell...
we're all just headed for limbo.
You coming?
If it's bad, the nurses will come get us.
Dr. Grey, he's seizing!
How about now? Now can we go?
Sadie, go find something else to do. Now.
That's an order.
Why are you still here?
I'm here for you, Izzie Stevens.
No, you're not,
because I broke up with you. So you are not here for me.
I'm sorry, but...
you have to go.
- I can't go. I'm here for... - Me. Yeah. Right.
- I am. I'm here for... - Stop saying that!
Dr. Bailey, I just called UNOS.
Jackson's at the top of the list for a liver and small bowel.
They can't come soon enough.
His ammonia level's starting to rise.
I thought the shunt was supposed to buy us 24 hours.
Isn't that what you said, that it should give us 24 hours?
We're doing everything we can.
I know. I know you are.
Excuse me.
- Oh, my God - He had a seizure.
- I gave him lorazepam. - You page Shepherd?
- I paged you. - Page Shepherd.
- The patient doesn't want that. - He tell you that?
Yes. Don't page him.
He's terribly unpleasant.
Mr. Dunn is a match
for your kid who needs the transplant.
He's a match.
Uh-huh.
All of this wasn't caused from the seizure,
but I'm sure you know that already.
Oh, no.
This is my project.
Dr. Grey does not get the credit.
You probably have a brain bleed,
which is why we need to get Shepherd in here.
Dr. Bailey, he's gonna die anyway.
The boy who needs organs, I presume, wants to live.
And me?
I have organs...
and I'm ready to die.
- Dr. Sloan. - Dr. Grey.
- After you, Dr. Grey. - Thank you, Dr. Sloan.
It feels wrong on so many levels I can't even count them.
But there is no case in any medical book
that tells you how to deal with this.
I don't need a book. I do what's best for my patient.
I suggest you do the same.
- I am. - Really? You page Shepherd yet?
Are you gonna page him?
I'm gonna do my best to keep that beautiful boy alive
long enough to find him some organs.
I suggest you do everything you can to keep your patient alive.
Because we're doctors, Grey. We're not... executioners.
- Don't even tell me. - Locked.
People sleeping or...?
Why do I bother asking?
This is ridiculous. I need sleep.
Oh, my God!
- That's not a good noise. - That's a bad noise.
That's a really bad noise.
- Oh, my God! Are you OK? - No!
It's bent. In the middle. I think I broke it!
- Get Torres! Go! - Um! Oh, OK.
I'm getting a 911 page
and I have a casserole in the oven
I spent half the night baking...
- Hey. - Whoa. I'm so sorry.
- Is Cristina a... a... around? - No.
OK, then. OK, then.
Yep.
There's casserole in the oven if you're hungry.
Thank you.
Has there been a change?
Has Matthew improved?
I'm sorry. Still no brain activity.
- What are you doing to him? - Blood test.
It's standard. Excuse us.
You two are on Jackson all day today.
He doesn't have a liver or intestines,
toxins will build, his brain will swell.
We can't stop it, we can slow it down.
You don't have time for this, to think about anyone else.
Stevens, I need a nod. A yawn. Maybe even a little burp.
Something that lets me know
you're capable of keeping this boy alive.
Yes. Sorry. I'm all yours.
Way to listen. Thanks for that.
Dr. Bailey, how much time do we have left?
Sixteen hours, at the most.
There's a liver dialysis machine.
GI is using it for a clinical trial.
- Liver dialysis? - It's new. Completely experimental.
It could help get rid of the toxins.
It may give Jackson a few more hours... maybe.
All right, Stevens, put in the ICP monitor.
Start tracking his intracranial pressures.
Karev, go get the machine.
What if it's hooked up to somebody?
If that somebody has more than 16 hours to live,
then we'll unhook them.
- I want off this case. - Dr. Bailey?
Oh, God, I want off this case. I want off...
This little boy is gonna die.
And I don't wanna be there to see it. I just don't...
I can't see it... I want off.
I want off this case. I want off.
When was the last time you slept?
No, no, I'm OK.
You need one or two hours of rest.
I'm good.
I'm fine. Just go.
OK...
I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.
Mmm.
- Mmm. You're very happy. - I am happy.
I'm happy to see you. You're not happy.
No, I've just been here all night.
How is our resident psychopath? Is he gone yet?
Yeah, yeah, soon.
Good. Sooner he gets out, the better.
Mm-hm.
By the way, Mom likes you.
She thinks you're good for me.
Oh! Dr. Torres! Thank God you're here.
I'm headed to the pit, got a 911 page.
It was me. I paged you 911 for Dr. Sloan.
He's the emergency. Himself. It's on his person.
- Mark's hurt? - Yes. No. Yes. Badly injured.
In a bad way, that is bad for anyone who is a man,
but for Dr. Sloan in particular.
He may have broken a bone.
- A bone? - He broke a bone.
I broke his bone.
You're kidding, right?
You're not kidding.
Cristina, I wanted to apologize for last night.
It was not my intention to arrive in that state.
You don't have to say anything.
As a rule, if I'm showering with a woman
I do it without my clothes.
And if I get in her bed naked, I don't pass out, and if I...
It's OK.
- It's not. - It's not.
But you don't have to talk about it.
It's getting a little harder to breathe.
You can stop doing this, William.
You can stop at any time.
I know.
Do you want me to page Dr. Shepherd?
He's your boyfriend, isn't he?
Yes. I had a feeling.
Yes.
I had a feeling.
The man has very good taste.
Right now all I think about are lemons.
Lemons?
When my grandfather was dying, he said he smelled lemons.
It's all he could talk about for three days, the smell of lemons.
I keep waiting to smell them, and I don't.
Of course, he was a big liar, so...
Are you sure you don't want me to page Dr. Shepherd?
I'm sure.
OK.
O'Malley, whatever you're doing, I need you to drop it.
- I was going home. - Not anymore.
I need you to talk to the nurses.
Find out if any patients on life support
are O positive or brain dead.
Then cross-match those folks against Jackson Prescott.
- Kid's running out of time. - OK.
And O'Malley...
Be sensitive to their families.
We need organs for this boy, but we can only ask.
We can't pressure. We can't coerce. Understood?
Of course, sir.
- Um, Cristina? - Oh, Shepherd.
- It's a ring. - It's from my mother.
It's from me. It was my mother's,
I'm gonna give it to Meredith soon.
I'm looking for an opinion on whether she's gonna like it,
or I should have the setting redone more modern.
That's really not my job.
I know you two are still fighting.
Isn't it about time you wrap that up?
I ask, because when I propose,
she's gonna need somebody to freak out to.
She misses you.
A lot.
You must miss her. I don't know what's going on in your life,
but you must have something
you need to freak out to her about.
I'm sorry. You should ask someone else.
Ms. Prescott? Have you had anything to eat today?
You should keep your strength up.
Get a cup of coffee or some food.
I'll stay here with Jackson. He's stable for now.
Go on. I'll stay.
You are like the guy who graduated from high school
and still hangs out on the football field.
- Do you believe in heaven? - What?
Heaven.
I don't know. I guess.
Because I thought that, maybe, this was heaven.
Getting to be here with you.
But now... Now I'm not so sure. I think this...
I think this may be hell, or...
What are you talking about?
- I'm here for you. - For me, I know.
I got it, I hear you... a thousand times.
I chose Alex. I'm sorry. I am. I'm really sorry about that...
And I'm still here.
You broke up with me and I'm still here.
Doesn't that tell you anything?
It tells me that you're jealous.
That you don't want me to be happy,
you don't want me to choose Alex...
Damn it, listen! You can't pick Alex.
- I'm here for you! - Denny...
I want you to be happy, Izzie.
I do. And I would leave, if I could.
You think I want to stay here
while you tell me you want another man?
I can't go because you won't listen to me.
- I am here for you. - What does that even mean?
- What does it mean? - You're a doctor, Izzie.
Figure it out.
Thank you.
What?
Did... What?
Nothing.
How's your serial killer? Did you monitor him last night?
Yeah. I got it covered.
Cristina, I said I've got it covered.
Tell me you paged Shepherd.
- He wants to die. - Meredith!
He's gonna die anyway, in a few days. If he dies here,
we can donate organs to the ten-year-old down the hall.
Derek won't allow it.
I didn't page him. I hope you won't, either.
I know you think this is wrong. Just let me do this.
Please... please help.
Help me.
I don't want to die.
- I don't want to die. - Page Shepherd right now!
Code blue, 3rd floor. Code blue, 3rd floor.
- Should I thread the catheter? - I want to see the Grand Canyon.
- Visualize it on the ultrasound. — I wanna hike it.
Look out over Dead Man's Drop.
Not because I'm dead. Just 'cause,
- you know, the view. - Shut up.
- What was that? - Nothing.
- Should I be able to see the needle? - Yeah.
That shadow within the lumen is the catheter.
Have we heard anything from UNOS? Have we heard anything?
I'll call them back.
I'd also like to see the Great Wall of China.
I did a lot of traveling in my life
but never made it to Asia. I regret that.
My point, you unbelievably stubborn woman,
is that there are other things I would like to do and see.
Things that I would like to, but I can't.
I can't go to heaven or hell or to Asia.
I can't do anything but this until you figure it out.
Would you just tell me already?
I'm sorry.
Why don't you take a little break, Dr. Stevens.
Does your sister talk to you anymore or just boss you around?
She used to talk to me.
Now she tells me to get lost, like we aren't friends.
- You hear Sloan broke his goods? - What?
- On-call room. I heard him scream. - With Torres?
Maybe. Whoever it was, whoever rode him and broke him?
That's a girl I want on me.
Was it Torres?
- What? - Those two are off and on.
Think she's the one who broke it?
How should I know? It's not my business.
It's nobody's business. It's definitely not yours...
Not that I know.
If I did know who broke Mark's penis, I wouldn't tell you.
We're not friends.
I took out your appendix, almost ended my career.
That doesn't make us close.
I want him prepped and in the OR in 20 minutes.
Yes, sir.
Should have paged me a long time ago.
Better yet, when I asked how he was, you should have told me.
I was following the patient's wishes.
He doesn't get wishes.
- He killed five women. - You believe you're right,
I think I'm right. If I said something
there'd have been a debate.
He's been manipulating you since he got here. He preys on women.
I made a decision as his doctor.
A bad decision.
It was the wrong decision.
You're gonna scrub in on his surgery
and watch while I try like hell to undo what you did.
- His ICP's not going under 25. - Is the catheter occluded?
- Looks fine. - All right.
Try adjusting the height of the drip chamber.
Raise his bed 10 degrees.
- What'll that do? - Not much.
Jackson. Jackson, listen to Mommy.
It's not time. You do not get to go yet.
You have to stay here with me.
You hear me? You stay with Mommy.
It is not time, baby. I love you.
And I need you to fight. I need you to fight, Jackson.
Come on, come on. You fight to stay alive.
Yeah, that's a penile fracture.
Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.
We should operate, then kill yourself.
Oh, God!
- Can you do it? - Him? No! He's a meatballer.
He is meticulous and he will keep his mouth shut.
Mainly because I've seen you naked in a resident's bedroom.
I've done this before. It's not complicated.
Guys run into this on the battlefield?
Don't think we should talk about how guys run into this.
Line up an OR.
We need to get in fast or you risk permanent damage.
Oh, God! No permanent damage, please.
- Hey... - Little Grey, go away.
I don't want you to see me like this.
I made you like this.
I'm saying "please," here.
Please.
Uh...
Talk to me, O'Malley.
- My God. - The guy's not a donor.
They're about to unplug him.
- Dr. Shepherd! - Dr. Bailey?
I need you to stop.
I need you to put down the scalpel.
This man is trying to kill himself.
God forgive me, I need you to let him.
You need to leave my OR, Dr. Bailey.
In five days... In five days this man is going to die,
and his organs are gonna go with him.
They'll be buried with his body, and they'll rot in the ground,
and that is a crime.
It's a crime against life.
It's only five days. That's it.
That's all we're taking from him,
and he doesn't want them anyway.
- We took an oath, Miranda. - I know... that.
I know we took an oath, but...
right now, that oath makes no sense.
It makes no sense. It doesn't.
Just stop. Don't do anything else for this man.
If I stop this surgery,
it's the same as me sticking this scalpel into his brain.
Is that what you want?
Yes. That's what I want.
- I'm sorry, what do you want? - I'm sorry.
I know this is excruciating.
But what I want...
what I need...
are your husband's organs. His liver and his bowels.
- He's a match for... - Go away.
- I'm sorry? - Please, go away.
I don't want anyone cutting into him anymore.
I can't.
I can't take any more.
He was healthy.
He was healthy two days ago.
He's my love.
And he put his head through a windshield.
And I have to unplug him.
He is the person who is supposed
to hold my hand when things go bad.
He is supposed to be here to help.
But he gets to go to heaven.
I can't take any more.
I can barely do this.
So, please, go away.
I don't want anyone cutting into him.
Thanks for doing this, by the way. I know you didn't have to.
Apparently I did, or you would blackmail me to keep me quiet.
I wasn't gonna actually do anything.
I wasn't gonna say anything.
Uh, it wasn't me, by the way. With Mark.
- In case you were wondering. - Wondering what?
Who broke him.
We're just friends. I mean, we also...
We don't really, actually, anymore.
He got involved with somebody else
plus I'm a lesbian now, maybe.
Sort of. I don't know.
Anyway, he took up with somebody else.
That's cool, 'cause I'm celibate.
I cook now, which is totally great.
I roasted a chicken. I'm happy for him,
that he's got somebody who can, you know, shake and break him.
I guess I'd be lying if I said
I didn't miss having a backup penis,
just in case I'm not a lesbian.
And he was my friend, too. I guess he still is,
but it's never the same
when somebody's getting all into somebody new,
so it's kind of like I've lost both those things,
the penis and the friend.
I hate to lose one good thing, never mind two.
Sometimes I get started talking
and I... say more than I should.
Picked up on that.
Cristina can seem cold, but...
that's just a lid,
a lid on a jar that holds her feelings.
But... it's a big jar.
So don't give up too easy.
Torres, I hope you find your backup penis
or a great lesbian to cook for.
- Whichever. - Thank you.
How's he doing?
Intercranial pressure's through the roof.
Where the hell have you been?
I... had some stuff.
Dead man talking stuff?
Yeah, I... I don't know.
This kid is dying in front of his mom.
It's so bad Dr. Bailey, Dr. Bailey
can't stay in here and watch.
But we're busting our asses to save him,
and you're talking to a dead guy.
You want to do that crap at home, fine.
But not here. Here you're a doctor.
Start acting like one.
ICP's too high.
I just gave him hypertonic saline.
When was his last lorazepam?
Gave him a bolus 20 minutes ago.
Put him on a drip with Vec. And put him on a BIS monitor.
Check with UNOS again.
I know it's a long shot. Just go.
Uh-huh.
Whatever Bailey's doing,
I hope she's having better luck than we are.
He's hemorrhaging through his craniectomy.
Should I put in a drain?
That's up to Dr. Bailey.
Dr. Bailey?
- Dr. Bailey? Should I put in a drain? - No.
There's a lot of bleeding...
- I'm aware of that, Dr. Yang. - Sir, really soon.
It's your call, Dr. Bailey.
It's up to you.
Am I an executioner or am I a surgeon?
It's up to you. It's your call.
Pick up the scalpel.
He can't take his liver to heaven,
can't take his bowels or kidneys.
His brain is gone, but those organs are probably good
because he's a young man.
And I know this is not what you want to think about.
It's more than anyone should ever have to think about.
But he can't take his organs with him.
I heard it was this physical therapist
from the rehab floor who does this fancy yoga thing,
where she turns herself into a pretzel while she's on top of a guy.
- She quit two weeks ago. - I thought it was Torres.
Whoever it was is going down in Seattle Grace history.
Sloan is a legend.
Can you imagine the kind of muscle it takes to break a man like that?
Shut up! Just shut up about it!
You know something.
I know that it's nobody's business.
She knows something.
Did you see somebody come out of the room?
Maybe it was her.
What?
It was me. OK? Can we drop it?
It was me.
I do this twist and shout thing that blows most guys' minds,
and I guess I twisted a little too far,
and almost took the whole thing off. OK?
I can feel you.
I can smell you.
If you're dead, how come I can smell your skin?
So I'm thinking, maybe, you're not dead.
Maybe that was the part of me that was crazy.
Maybe this is the not crazy part. You're still alive.
Right? That's it?
I'm sorry. No.
Then how come I can feel your heart?
Because I'm real... to you.
Are you a ghost or a dream or...?
You're a doctor, Izzie, a scientist.
- Think like a scientist. - I am.
I am!
Scientists believe what they can see.
What they can feel. Facts.
Hard facts.
I slapped you. That is a fact.
I felt your face on my hand. Fact.
We made love. That's a fact.
I can feel your breath against my skin. Fact.
Fact. Fact.
Izzie. Izzie, Izzie.
What's happening?
You tell me.
I'm scared.
ICP's still going up.
- Are you hyperventilating him enough? - Yes.
Raise him all the way up.
Jackson, you have to hold on. OK, baby?
Melinda, step back. You're in the way. You need to step back.
Hold on for Mommy, OK? Please, Jackson. Please!
Ms. Prescott.
- No. No, no, no, no, no, no! - You have to let them work on him.
I can't leave my son. I can't. I can't leave him. Please.
- Let me stay, please! - We'll be outside.
- You see any bleeders? - Field looks clear.
Nice work, Dr. Yang. Go ahead and close up.
- Thank you, sir. - What a waste.
He's alive, Dr. Grey. We saved a life.
That's never a waste.
He's just a little boy.
He's never had a sleepover.
He's never learned to ride a bike.
Melinda, listen to me.
Miracles happen. Medical miracles happen every day.
People live.
Even when they shouldn't.
I need to be with him. He's never been anywhere without me.
He can't go alone. I need to be with him.
You are here with him.
You're here for him even though you aren't in the room.
You are. You are here for him.
You're...
I'm here for you, Izzie Stevens.
- I'm here for you. - You're not real.
- I told you, I'm here for you. - You are not real.
Izzie, I told you, I'm here for you.
Dr. Bailey says you need to come now.
It's time to hold him.
He's going, Melinda. Hold him and help him go.
It's OK, baby. You can go.
It's OK. You can go.
It's OK, Mommy won't be mad.
You can go, Jackson. It's OK.
It's OK, Jackson. You can go.
We have organs!
Get him to OR 3 now!
- Starting CPR! - Push.35 of epi.
Fifty of bicarb.
Finishing the vena cava.
Releasing the clamps.
Do we have any black spots?
Looks clean.
He's coding.
Start CPR! Get the crash cart over here!
- Heaven or hell. - Yes.
You're here for me.
- Yes. - No.
You're not here for me.
You're here for me.
You came to get me.
I didn't know what heaven was.
I thought you were my heaven.
I loved you so much.
I loved you so much that when I got to come back for you...
I thought...
you are my heaven.
But, maybe...
maybe I'm your hell.
I'm sick, aren't I?
And instead of telling me...
Instead of telling me to save my life...
You son of a bitch! You selfish son of bitch! I hate you!
I didn't know there was a chance. Miracles happen!
Medical miracles happen every day. You said it. You said that.
Leave! Leave.
I can go now... because you know.
But it's your choice. You get to choose.
But, Iz, if I go...
I don't know. I don't know if I can come back. If I go...
In the choice between heaven and hell,
I choose heaven! I choose life!
Go! Get out of here! Go! Get out of here!
Go.
- I really hope this is heaven. - Go.
Yeah...
What are you waiting for?
I'm alive.
Yes, you are.
I was playing you.
Your boyfriend was right.
I wanted to destroy your career.
I was playing you the whole time, Dr. Grey.
And I wanted to be here to see the fallout.
You were scared, William.
Death is scary. I would've been scared, too.
It'd be good to have a friendly face in the crowd...
when they kill me.
I planned a whole evening... last night. A real date.
It was a clear night, one of the five Seattle gets all year.
I was going to take you to the West Point Lighthouse,
and we were gonna watch the Northern Lights together.
I had a planned date.
I'd like another chance.
I want you to give me another chance.
You've got some problems.
You've got some big problems.
Yeah.
Yeah... Yeah. I do.
Will you go out with me, anyway?
Yes.
- Hey. - Please go away.
- No. - Little Grey...
It's not Little Grey. It's Lexie.
And I'm sorry that I broke your...
I'm sorry that I hurt you.
And I'm sorry that you're humiliated.
But I'm not going anywhere.
I've got a friend who is guarding the door.
A good friend. And since no one is going to be coming in,
I am now going to climb into bed with you and stroke your hair.
Because that's what I like to have done for me when I'm hurt.
How is he?
We were so late getting those organs in.
Between the cerebral edema and the reperfusion coding,
we don't know what kind of damage was done to his brain.
We don't even know if he's going to wake up.
I crossed a line today.
I endangered my medical license
I crossed a line.
So did I.
Heaven. Hell. Limbo.
No one really knows where we're going...
Lemons.
My grandfather wasn't lying after all.
Or what's waiting for us when we get there.
But the one thing we can say, for sure,
with absolute certainty...
Can I have some water?
Oh!
Is that there are moments
that take us to another place...
I know you don't understand me.
I don't understand me.
I wanted to show him compassion.
That's why I went.
That's the reason.
And it was horrible. It was horrible.
It's OK.
She's in the car and she won't stop crying.
- Did you propose? - No. She went to William's execution.
Moments of heaven on Earth.
And maybe, for now, that's all we need to know.