1, 2, 3, h'yah!
Baby.
Sassy.
Studly. Vroom!
Check the pecs. Hee hi huh!
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me. Come on.
Hey, there, baby.
Oomph! Ah!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education
Johnny: Oh, mama!
Hey, there, cutie pants.
Huh! H'yah! Ho! Ha! H'yah!
Am I as studly as the statue of David or what?
I'd say you're as studly as David... Brinkley.
Do you honestly think
women are attracted to that kind of macho attitude?
I honestly do, sugar beets.
Hmm. Astounding. [Slurp]
Ohh, pressure.
[Burp] Bu-bye.
Oh, yeah, she wants me.
Pardon me, miss.
Gosh, I'm really not very good at this sort of thing—
I'm rather bashful by nature, actually—
but I find you quite beautiful.
Would you go out with me?
Oh, aren't you sweet?
Of course I will. Here's my phone number.
Wait a sec. That ain't possible!
How'd you do that, mister?
Do what?
Get that little chick's phone number.
She wouldn't give it to me, and look at me.
Huh?
Well, sir, women like a man with depth.
When I speak to a girl, I always express my true feelings
in a sensitive way.
What? Beg your pardon?
What was that word? Sensitive.
Now, listen, mister. I ain't got no time for you to be talking Greek.
How'd you bag that babe?
Aw, fella, somebody's got to teach you a thing or two about...
♪ Sensitivity ♪
♪ sensitivity ♪
♪ show that girl you really give a "d" ♪
♪ show her your mind is occupied ♪
♪ with more than the pictures in the TV guide ♪
♪ show her you've got a bit of bona fide ♪
♪ sensitivity ♪
♪ makes for a groovy conductivity ♪
♪ the base word "sensitive ♪
♪ sensitive ♪
♪ now, that's an adjective ♪
♪ adjective ♪
♪ "ity" is a suffix they found ♪
♪ to tack on the end and make it a noun ♪
♪ and that turns sensitive to sensitivity! ♪
♪ sensitivity ♪
hey, hold on there, music boy.
What does grammar have to do with getting chicks?
Nothing if you're sly Stallone, but look here, Johnny—
whoa! How'd you know my name?
That doesn't matter. All that matters is that...
♪ Everybody's got a name ♪
♪ hey, what's your name? ♪
♪ your special little claim to fame ♪
♪ hey, what's your name? ♪
♪ I got a pal whose name is Jim ♪
♪ and when I want to talk to him, I say, "hey, Jim!" ♪
♪ that's how he knows I'm talking to him ♪
look, mister,
this is getting really old really fast.
Ok, Johnny. Come on. We're going to teach you about sensitivity.
You like her, Johnny?
Oh, baby.
She is so fine.
Next lesson, Johnny— observation.
Look, she's got a pooch.
That gives you something to talk about.
Keep your eyes open, Johnny.
♪ Observation is a noun ♪
♪ that means you know exactly what is going down ♪
♪ observation is a way ♪
♪ for Johnny and the girl to start a repartee ♪
♪ howdy, there, my beauty ♪
♪ hello, sir, how do you do? ♪
♪ oh, isn't he a cutie? ♪
♪ but not as cute as you ♪
♪ see? Observation, Johnny, it just clears the fog ♪
♪ all I had to do was notice she had a dog ♪
♪ observation— it'll get you far ♪
♪ it'll get that girl out of your dreams and into your car ♪
♪ try it, Johnny ♪
ok, but stand back.
Hey, there, foxy lady.
Oh, hello.
That's a fine-looking weenie dog you got there.
Hmm. Thank you.
Say, how about you and me sharing a soda right now?
Oh! My Fluffy!
Oh, mama!
Runaway weenie dog!
Hubba, hubba, hubba. I'm coming, fido.
Got you.
Hmm. She might still go out with me.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Is there any way I can repay you?
Well, you could grant me the pleasure of taking you out to dinner.
Oh! The pleasure's all mine.
Can I come?
[Grr]
Or you could just bring me back some pie.
Hey, get a look at that chick at the counter.
I bet if I went over there and flexed my pecs—
she'd pour that phosphate down your pants.
Fella, you're too masculine. You know that?
Why, ain't that like being too ethical?
Johnny, a woman likes a man who's in touch with his feminine side.
You got to think like one of them.
Meaning...
♪ Matching your shirts and pants ♪
♪ purely by winds of chance ♪
♪ won't leave her impressed ♪
♪ poetry by the lake ♪
♪ baking the girl a cake ♪
♪ does much more than beating your chest ♪
♪ your feminine side, boy, your feminine side ♪
♪ whenever you can, favor Jekyll over Hyde ♪
♪ let's see a shellful of female ♪
♪ cracked open and fried ♪
♪ so you can find your feminine side ♪
trust me, Johnny.
Ok.
Johnny: H'yah. Excuse me, miss.
[Gasps]
How'd you like to paint the town red
with a happening hipster?
[Laughing]
Oh, where did I go wrong?
Man: Say, you're kind of pretty,
and we're on shore leave.
Excuse me just a second.
H'yah! Ho! Hoo! Oh!
Take that, sailor boys.
Man, I can't wait till next shore leave.
Oh, baby.
I'm going to make her dreams come true.
H'yah!
And what's your angle?
I'm going to say, "hey, hot mama,
want to go back to my place for a game of twister?"
No, no. Next lesson, Johnny.
Calling a woman "hot mama" isn't the way to win her over.
You've got to show her some respect.
How do I do that?
♪ M-a-n-n-e-r-s ♪
♪ that's the way to sure success ♪
♪ you don't need that hairy chest ♪
♪ you need manners ♪
♪ r-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪
♪ she's a lock, and that's the key ♪
♪ "thank you,"please," and "pardon me" ♪
♪ that's manners ♪
♪ she's your little sugar dear ♪
♪ so treat her with respect ♪
♪ call 800-att instead of just collect ♪
♪ if you try to flip her wig ♪
♪ simply just by talking big ♪
♪ she'll say you're a sexist pig with no manners ♪
see, Johnny? Now, try it, and remember, manners.
Use words like "pardon me," "if you please,"
and "may I have the pleasure?"
Pardon me, hot sexy mama,
if you'd please to take a look at my studly bod,
then I may have the pleasure
of you wanting to be my number-one main squeeze.
Excuse me while I make a wish.
[Rumbling]
Buffalo?
Oh! Ooh!
Oh, Johnny, you did it again.
Um, do you want to hand me my teeth?
They're over there by that shoe store.
It ain't for me, mister.
Maybe you can stand to be sweet and sensitive all the time,
but that's not my style.
Well, you know, Johnny,
you've got to act polite, thoughtful, and considerate,
but no one ever said you got to mean it.
Heck, I'd tell a girl I could turn lead into gold
if it would get her to date me.
I'd just be sure to say it in a sincere, sensitive way.
♪ Tell her what you know she'll really... ♪
♪ want to hear ♪
♪ just be sure you tell her in a... ♪
♪ way sincere ♪
♪ say it with the candor of a mousketeer ♪
♪ keep your eyes on her face ♪
♪ that's the proper hemisphere ♪
come again?
The easiest way to a woman's heart is sincerity.
If you can fake that, you've got it made.
♪ You've got it made ♪
♪ you've got it made ♪
♪ the women will flock like an easter parade ♪
♪ so much for flowers and serenades ♪
♪ learn how to fake it, learn how to fake it, Johnny ♪
♪ and you've got it made ♪
boy, you've got it made.
Hold up there, fella.
What's the matter, Johnny?
Oh, hello, ladies.
I can explain. Really, I...
Hey, girls, what say we go make a wish?
I think that's a fine idea.
Woman: Oh, please. I've never seen anything quite like that.
Man: Temporary insanity, ladies. That's what it was.
What a jerk.
[Whistling]
Ahh, it's a beautiful day,
the kind of a day where nothing can go wrong.
Johnny?
Oh! Oh! Johnny!
You forgot your pants!
Oh, man. I thought it was kind of drafty.
[Man in car laughing] Oh, look at that!
Well, that's a fine kettle of fish.
[Vehicle approaching]
Hi, there. My car just broke down,
and I was wondering if you guys could give me a lift.
I'm on my way to visit my aunt jebidisa,
and I'd sure hate to be late.
She lives in this spooky house up on widow's peak.
All: Spooky house?
Jinkies!
"Jinkies"?
Hey, gang, what do you say
we give this guy a lift?
"Jinkies"?
Hop in, stranger.
Don't worry. I don't bite.
Does she?
Whoa!
Hey, scoob, dig this guy's crazy hairdo.
Ha ha ha!
Yeah! Ha ha ha!
That's her house right up there.
Oh!
[Thunder]
All: Ooh!
Spooky!
Yeah, whatever. Aunt jebidisa!
Like, this place looks deserted.
Spooky voice: Get out!
[Spooky voice growling]
Zoinks!
Oh, man, you're pretty.
Spooky voice: You're not welcome here.
Well, it's been nice knowing you, Johnny.
Uh-huh.
Hang on a minute, gang.
It looks like we're up to our ascots in a mystery.
A mystery? [Gulp]
Aunt jebidisa!
Hey, scoob, dig this crazy broom closet.
Like, maybe there's food inside.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Get out!
Zoinks! A ghostly gardener!
Both: Yow!
Aunt jebidisa!
Oomph!
My glasses! I can't see without my glasses.
My glasses! I can't be seen without my glasses!
Jinkies!
Everything's dark. I've gone blind!
I'm only going to say this once—
don't... Touch... The glasses!
Zoinks!
You know, we got to keep meeting like this.
Oh, don't be silly, guys. It's just a harmless old rake,
but I'll bet it's a clue to your aunt jebidisa's disappearance.
Hey, gang, look,
the ghost left flour on the handle.
Why would a ghost be covered in flour?
Easy, silly. Because it's not a ghost.
You understand what that dog says?
Sure. We all do.
Come on, gang. Let's split up.
Now, hold on a second there, mister.
We're going after some creepy ghost person,
and you want us to split up?
Well, yeah.
Want to get lost with me?
I'll give you a Scooby snack. Aah!
Scooby, you and Fred check upstairs.
Velma and I will look in the basement.
Daphne.
I mean, Scooby, you and velma check upstairs,
and Fred and I will look in the basement.
Right. Ok, gang. Let's go.
Well, Mr. bravo,
I guess that leaves us with the kitchen.
Come on.
Why do I have to get stuck with jughead?
Hey, Johnny, check out this crazy pantry.
[Moaning]
Zoinks! Like, it's the ghostly gardener.
What the...
[Groaning]
Apple core!
Baltimore.
Who's your friend?
Me!
Now, hold on, everybody.
H'yah hip hoo!
All righty.
♪ Come on, baby, let's take my car ♪
♪ to the place where dreams come true ♪
♪ it's a mile off the interstate ♪
♪ and if you want to dance, well, that's there, too ♪
♪ at the happy haunted sunshine house ♪
♪ we can groove ♪
♪ oh, yeah ♪
♪ well, there's cobwebs ♪
♪ everyone's dead ♪
♪ but once the sun shines in ♪
♪ we'll paint the place red ♪
♪ don't be ♪
♪ don't be scared, girl ♪
♪ when we monster mash ♪
♪ it's out of this world ♪
♪ come on, baby, kick off your shoes ♪
♪ wave your hands from side to side ♪
♪ come on, baby ♪
♪ we'll dunk our heads in the apple bin ♪
♪ maybe if you're lucky, you'll be mummified ♪
[humming]
♪ Maybe if you're lucky, you'll be mummified ♪
jinkies.
♪ At the happy haunted sunshine house ♪
jinkies. Jinkies— isn't that a breakfast cereal or something?
Zoinks! Like, looks like
we're going to get hedged.
Whoa!
What the—
like, look out below!
Oh, I knew I shouldn't have worn high heels today.
Don't worry, daph. Help is on the way! Oomph!
Good work, gang.
We captured the ghost!
Now let's see who the ghostly gardener really is.
All: Professor Hyde-white!
Where's my aunt jebidisa, you big freak?
Wait a second.
All: Harry the hypnotist?
Harry the hypnotist?
It can't be.
All: Bigfoot?
Don knotts?
Joe barbera?
Who is that?
All right, all right. Enough with the silly masks.
Holy... Aunt jebidisa!
It was you all along.
But—but why?
I was trying to scare you away, Johnny,
because, quite frankly, I just don't like you.
What do you mean, auntie?
You are an embarrassment to the family name.
Does that mean I can't come visit anymore?
Ooh, I was almost rid of him,
and I would have done it, too,
if it hadn't been for you meddling kids.
Gosh, aunt jebidisa. We're sorry.
Like, we didn't mean any harm.
Is there anything we can do to make it up to you?
Well...
Oh, man. This rope is really binding my pits.
Now, let's have some fun. How about it, handsome?
[Laughing]
Like... [Gulp]
Scooby-dooby-doo!
[Muttering and sputtering]
Hey, pal, hop in. I'll give you a lift.
[Muttering and sputtering]
Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education
captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.
Public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute