1, 2, 3, hyah!
Baby!
Sassy!
Studly.
Check the pecs. Hee! Ha! Huh!
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me! Come on!
Hey there, baby. Oh! Uh!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education
and no tour of Ireland would be complete
without a walk through a field of genuine Irish 4-leaf clovers.
Ooh! Ooh! Ahh!
Tour guide: As beautiful as they are,
4-leaf clovers are very rare,
so as tempted as you might be, please don't pick 'em!
Johnny: She loves me, she loves me not.
She loves me, she loves me not. Dang.
She loves me, she loves me not.
She loves me, she loves me—
aw, dang!
She loves me, she loves me not.
She loves me—
and what in the name of Mike do you think you're doing?
Mike? Sorry, ma'am.
Johnny is the name. Johnny bravo. Ha!
She loves me not. Aw, dang again.
You know, these—
ah! Uh! Ugh!
Ohh...
Boy, I'd hate to be that Mike guy.
Ha!
Ireland, smireland.
What's all the hubbub about this place anyway?
[Coins jangling]
[Mumbling]
Boy, do I!
That's it.
I'll kiss this blarney thing and get lucky in love.
Hyah! Now all I got to do is find it.
Well, top of the morning to you, stranger.
Does everybody here wear green?
Well, looks as though you've discovered me crock of gold.
And according to the rules, I owe you a wish.
Hey, aren't you a little young to have a beard?
Allow me to introduce meself.
Stone's the name. Barney stone.
Hey, did you say your name is Barney stone?
Aye, indeed I did.
[Thinking] Want more luck in your love life?
[Echoes]
Kiss the blarney stone.
[Echoes]
And—and you have magical powers?
Aye, indeed I do—do—do—do...
Ah, close enough.
The name's Johnny bravo.
And I need to kiss you to change my luck.
Pucker up, shorty.
I'll just disguise meself, I will, as a sheep
and give him the slip, I will.
Eeny, meeny, Larry, moe, catch it—
aw, man. How am I gonna find him?
I know. Scotland rules!
Now, wait just a Mike lovin' minute!
Aha!
Aw, man, this place is weird. Hyah!
[Call to the post plays]
I'll be needing meself a ride.
I get the feeling you're playing hard to get.
Whoa! Ho!
Ooh! Oh! Doh!
Well, this is nice—oh!
[Crowd cheering]
Kind of.
Maybe I can lose the crazed hooligan inside.
Oh, baby!
This is where they make my favorite cereal: Fortune flakes.
Cool!
[Alarm]
Who goes there?
My name's Johnny bravo, sir, and I—
silence! I am the great and powerful clovy the clover,
official mascot of fortune flake cereal.
What do you ask of clovy?
Well, I'm looking for a little green guy,
about so tall, hairy face,
running in terror 'cause I got to kiss him.
[Crash]
What the...
Now, then, off with you, strange one.
I smell a little hairy green rat.
Uh, the one you seek has no desire to kiss you or anything else.
Gotcha! Hyah!
[Squeal]
[Bawk bawk]
I'm beginning to see a pattern here.
Now, look, kid, it's not that I want to kiss you.
It's just that I have to, so chicks will still dig me.
You dig me?
Oh, listen, laddie, I'll give you any wish you want,
but I'm a-begging you not to kiss me.
Anything?
Well, just name it, lad.
But for the love of Mike,
don't— don't kiss me.
Ok, here goes nothing.
I wish I could be really attractive to the chicks.
Ah, consider it done.
[Snaps fingers]
And farewell to you,
you strange, strange lad.
[Rumbling]
[Clucking]
Oh, my! He's a big one!
Um...
Let's get him, girls!
Well, I'll be flocked.
Me, too.
Oh, shut up.
It's a beautiful day,
but not as beautiful as me.
"See the world."
"Have an adventure."
"Meet exotic women."
"They're this way."
This must be the place.
Howdy there, military mama.
Ever seen guns like these before?
Huh! Hyah!
Can I help you, Hercules?
Bravo is the name, ma'am. Johnny bravo.
And I'm here to take some of them exotic women
off your hands.
Now, if you'll just kindly point me to them...
Oh, you must have seen our posters.
Why, yes, ma'am.
Now, do I get all the women at once,
or do you just kind of send them to me one at a time?
Well, if you just sign here on the dotted line,
everything will become perfectly clear to you.
Huh. "The party of the first part
does hereby sign over to the party of the second part—"
cool. I love a party.
Blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda.
Where do I sign?
Here, here, and here.
You might want to save them there autographs, little French fry.
They're gonna be valuable some day.
Oh, I'm sure they will.
[Buzz]
Is this part of the party?
Congratulations. You are now a proud member of the French foreign legion.
I love the way you say French. Ha!
Whoa!
Oh!
Is there a movie on this flight?
Oui, monsieur. It is entitled shut your mouth!
Haven't seen it. Any chicks in it?
Listen up, slime!
You are now a private in the service of the French foreign legion.
Your training will begin immediately!
Training?
Hey! I'm at the beach!
Hyah! Huh! Surf's up.
[Whistling sound like incoming bombs]
Ooh!
Oh... This is nice.
Who are you?
Aah!
Sand worm!
Take that! And that!
Aw, mama.
Hey, sand worms don't talk.
Who are you?
Mister, I'm Johnny bravo. Huh! Ha!
And you just made a big mistake.
I'll say. I never should have fallen
for that free exotic vacation bit.
Look at this place. There's not one massage table.
What is this place?
Looks like the desert to me.
My skin's gonna get so dry.
[Whistling sound]
Hi there, folks! I'm Jackie Jacques!
And I'm the host of "find the fort,"
the game where you either find the legion fort
or you die of thirst in the Sahara desert.
Yay! Yay!
Let's meet our contestants.
Johnny bravo.
It says here that your hobbies are women, girls, and chicks.
And babes. Don't forget babes.
And your name is Lawrence?
That's right.
As in Lawrence of Arabia?
No. As in Lawrence of shut up, smart pants!
Ha ha! Well, good luck to both of you.
Yay!
All right, let's get going.
You're not the boss of me.
Hey! You can't leave me out here all alone!
[Sizzling]
♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA ♪
♪ what a glorious morning ♪
hey, let's race.
Come on, Mr. lazy bones!
I'm kind of thirsty.
Thirsty? Ha!
I'm never thirsty.
You see this hump?
Yeah. You should get that lanced.
No, silly.
This hump keeps me constantly supplied with moisture.
I can go for days without water. Ha ha!
♪ I have a hump, and you don't ♪
oh...
Geronimo!
Ah... That's better.
Hey there, baby.
In case I drown, I'm counting on you to give me mouth-to-mouth.
Ow!
You silly! That was just a mirage.
You know, an optical illusion.
Man, mirages hurt.
Oh ho! It looks like one of our boys
is getting a little tired.
What about it, Johnny?
Think you'll still be able to find the fort?
Well—
what do you think, folks?
Yay.
Hey, you got any water?
No. Good luck, fellas.
Man, I'm hot.
Thirsty?
No. I mean good-looking.
[Sizzling]
[Panting]
W-water.
Water? How about we sing the water song?
♪ Oh, there was a farmer had a dog ♪
♪ and water was his name-o ♪
♪ w-a-t-e-r ♪
♪ and water was his name-o ♪
not the water song. Anything but the water song.
Hey, what are you looking at?
Aah!
Now, hold it!
You're being very scary.
All right. I need water, hump boy, not show tunes,
and I need it now.
[Rumbling]
Congratulations!
You found the fort.
We did? We did?
Yay!
Jackie, tell me what I've won.
Well, you can either stay here and enter the fort
or take what's behind door number 2.
Aw... Well, I have had it with this place.
I'm taking door number 2.
Congratulations!
You've won an all-expense-paid trip to Aron city.
Ha! Check you later, hump boy.
Gonna miss you, sand worm.
I'm going to the fort, Jackie!
Ah!
Who wants to play twister?
We do! We do!
Smoothie?
You know it.
Hey, baby!
Whoa!
Man. I hate women drivers.
[Ticking]
[Ring]
Hyah!
Aw, man. It's today.
Today is the day they release the new farrah fawcett shampoo!
Huh! Hyah!
Oh, farrah, I love the way you make me smell.
[Telephone rings]
Hello?
Hi, Johnny. This is little Suzy from next door.
Will you come to my birthday party today?
I'm busy. Call me in 15 years when you're a coed.
Please? It'll be fun.
No.
You want to come to my birthday party?
No.
You want to come to my—
no!
Why not?
I'm busy, little girl.
Doing what?
I'm on my way to buy the new farrah fawcett shampoo for men. Hyah!
Farrah fawcett? You know, she's coming to my party.
Is not. Is too.
Is not.
Is not! Not! Not! Not!
Is! Is! Is! Is!
Farrah fawcett is my cousin,
and she's coming to my party.
Yeah, right. And pigs fly.
[Oink oink]
Besides, I'm too big and too handsome
to come to a silly little kid party.
Fine. I'm taking your name off of
the approved guest list.
Like I care.
[Horn honks tune of LA cucaracha]
Ah!
Wha...
Oh, man. Farrah fawcett.
The only person whose hair is prettier than mine. Hyah!
Cousin farrah!
Cousin Suzy, Happy Birthday!
Did you set up the kissing booth for me?
I sure did,
and I have a lot of different-flavored lipsticks for you, too.
I got to get in there.
[Crying]
You, blond boy, back of the line.
Well, at this rate, we're gonna miss bikini volleyball.
Life is cruel.
Next!
What's up, dude?
Give me that! You can never be too careful!
[Ticking]
It's a bomb! Ah! Oh! Eek! Ah!
Man, you're spazzing.
All right, you can go in, but the skateboard stays here. Capisci?
Capisci. Later, captain spaz.
Kids. Next.
[Alarm]
Hold it right there, granny. Empty the pockets.
No way, handsome.
You're gonna have to frisk me.
Next.
Darn it.
[Alarm]
Name? Johnny bravo.
Occupation? Johnny bravo.
Your name has been crossed off the guest list, friend.
Entrance denied.
Look, mister, I got to get in there and meet farrah fawcett.
I'm afraid I can't allow that.
Well, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to use my karate on you, mister.
Ha! Ha! Oh!
That's why I always carry this handy-dandy cattle prod.
I am here for the party. Honk, honk.
Sorry, chum. No clowns allowed.
Who are you calling a clown?
Ooh!
That's why I always carry this handy-dandy extendo boxing glove.
Oh!
Hey!
Sorry, mister. It's a matter of overabundant testosterone.
Ha ha ha!
This is so much fun.
I can't remember the last time I was blindfolded.
Oh, wait.
Yes, I can. Hee hee hee!
Oops. Hee hee!
[Whistling sound]
Farrah! Oh... Farrah.
Whoa!
Oh! Ow! Doh! Ugh!
Oh... Oh, mama.
Hey, what are you supposed to be?
I'm smarmy the dinosaur.
Hold on there, mister.
I need to borrow that costume.
No way! It's a rental.
You don't understand.
Farrah fawcett's in there, and I'm out here.
Tough luck, uberman.
Uh!
Give me the suit!
Smarmy the dinosaur! Wow!
May I say, Mr. smarmy, that I have always admired your work?
Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure.
Now let me in, all right?
Ow! Ow!
Thank you, Mr. smarmy.
One for you.
And one for you.
And one for...
For you.
Look! It's smarmy the dinosaur!
Smarmy! Smarmy! Smarmy!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
I want to give him a big smarmy hug.
Woo! Smarmy!
Oh, how sweet. That smarmy is so nice.
I'm gonna have to give him a big kiss.
Aw, man! It's my lucky day.
I'm gonna kiss farrah fawcett.
Now, if I could only get this thing off! Argh!
You know, I'm a big fan of yours.
Oh... Mama.
[Thud]
Thank you for inviting me to your party, cousin Suzy.
I'm sorry you couldn't meet my neighbor Johnny.
I know. I guess I'm gonna have to find another date for tonight.
Oh, well. His loss.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Oh. Well, I got to run. Good-bye, everybody.
[Everybody] Good-bye, farrah.
Hey, come on, get off of me, kid.
Watch it, you little brat.
Hey, don't dis the do, baby.
Don't touch the hair.
Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education
captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.
Public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute