1, 2, 3, hyah!
Baby!
Sassy!
Studly!
Check the pecs. Hee! Ha! Huh!
Man, I'm pretty.
Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education
do the monkey with me! Come on!
Hey there, baby. Oh! Uh!
Yeah, whatever.
Now class, take a moment to prepare for your big test today.
Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.
I'll be in the back,
mentally preparing to lead you through the difficult tasks ahead.
[Thinking] Aw, man.
Today is the day I'm going to get my triple dragon belt.
Hyah! Huh! Ha!
I feel lucky to have a great teacher like Mr. Goodman.
[Music playing]
Man on television: ♪ the love ship ♪
♪ soon will be sailing to awesome sun ♪
[siren]
♪ The love ship... ♪
oh, no. A karate studio?
That's just great.
Don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me!
[Whimpers]
Oh!
Uh, Mr. Goodman.
[Muffled] Help! Help! Help me!
Who are you?
And what's Mr. Goodman doing tied up like that?
Uh...
I'm...
Well—
is this all part of the test for the next belt?
Yeah, yeah. That's it.
He's taking a test in—well, let's see—
in escape techniques. Yeah, that's it.
He's taking a test.
But who's going to give me my test for the next belt level?
Well... I am.
That's right.
[Crash]
I am. I'm the substitute.
Oh, yeah, that's good. I'm the substitute teacher,
and I'm going to give you a very special test.
Me... A special test?
Aw, man! I knew this was going to be my lucky day.
The first part of the test is to—let's see—
take this bag and put in the cashbox, wallets,
and all of Mr. Goodman's valuables.
[Muffled speech]
You can do it, Mr. Goodman.
Did I pass?
Yeah, sure, kid, but the road to enlightenment
is long and difficult,
and, well, we're going to need a car.
We can borrow Mr. Goodman's car. I'm sure he won't mind.
Will you, Mr. g.?
[Jingling]
Never give up, Mr. g.
That's what you taught us.
Come on, kid.
[Crying]
Mmhh!
Mmhh! Mmhh!
Johnny: What do I do now, Mr. teacher?
What are you— impeded?
Start the car!
Uh, I mean, the path of advancement can be found in the turn of a key.
Johnny: Oh.
This is great.
Is driving without my hands part of the test?
Because I can do that.
[Horns honking]
No! Hey, watch the hair!
What about driving with my feet?
I can do that, too. See?
What about driving with my teeth?
See? It's easy.
Would you stop that?
Don't do anything I don't tell you to do. Get it?
Got it.
Good. There. Pull over there!
Now, pay attention!
The true key to martial arts begins by leaving the motor running.
Uh-huh. Why?
Because... It just is!
Don't ask questions of your teacher.
Now, stay focused till I get back.
Right. Focus. Focus.
Focus. Focus.
[Alarm bell ringing]
True mastery comes from driving... Real fast.
Now, go, go, go, go, go!
[Alarm beeping]
Hey, look. We better hurry. Get up!
Step on it, Harry. We got to hurry!
[Siren]
Criminy! It's the coppers!
All right, kid— I mean, student,
your next test will be... Lose the police!
Yes, sensei. Huh! Ha! Huh! Ha!
[Horns honking]
[Tires squeal]
What is that lunatic guy doing?
Hang on. I'll take care of it.
Ho ho! Great driving, kid.
Johnny: Thank you very much. Do I pass now? Do I get the next belt?
No, because you didn't obey... Yah!
Right on time.
These are fresh from the deep-fat fryer.
Oh! You can still feel the lard! Ooh.
[Sniffs]
Yeah, and that crazy driver almost made us late.
Oh, good driving, Harry.
Crook: All right. Good work, kid.
What now, sensei?
Now? Now we go to Mexico.
Mexico?
Yeah. The key to inner strength and truth and all that stuff
can only be found South of the border.
Now, the master is tired
and wishes to recharge his vital essences,
so wake me when we get there.
[Snoring]
Mexico.
Let me see. Where the heck is Mexico?
Better not wake the master.
Maybe they can give me directions.
Hey, can either of you tell me how to get to Mexico?
Look!
It's Jimmy the hands!
That's right. He's got hands of fury.
Let's go!
You'll never take me, coppers!
Wait, sensei!
Ugh!
Oh, mama!
Uh! Oh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Ooh!
Ohh.
Did I pass yet, mama?
Mama? Ohh.
Mmhh! Mmhh!
This stinks.
I'm taking up ballet.
[Siren]
So do I get my triple dragon belt now?
Oh, you'll get your belt.
Johnny: Ohh!
There's just got to be an easier way to get these belts.
Ohh!
Ahh!
Johnny: Why, yes, I am a middle-aged bald man.
Ok, see you Saturday. Huh!
I love the personal adds.
Oh, yeah. This one looks interesting.
"Single, stunning, sexy seductress"--
oh, mama! She's talking my language—
"seeking blond, macho, egotistical,
swaggering, self-loving, superstar wannabe."
Huh. It's a stretch, but I think I could pull it off.
What do you think, rubber ducky?
"Quack. Quack." My thoughts exactly.
Get ready there, Fluffy.
You're about to meet your dream man—
huh! Ha!--Johnny bravo.
[Crickets chirping and owl hooting]
Oh, man. She should be here any minute.
I better bring out the reinforcements.
These here doggy treats should show her that I love animals.
Chicks dig that.
Excuse me.
Are you the blond, macho, egotistical,
swaggering, self-loving superstar wannabe?
Uh...
Hi there. I'm Fluffy.
You must be Johnny.
Uh... Why, yes, ma'am.
Huh! I'm Johnny brav—
hey, are those dog biscuits?
Yeah. Those were for you.
[Burp]
Excuse you, honey.
Johnny, before we go any farther,
there's something I need to tell you.
I'm not like other girls.
What? Are you a werewolf or something?
Well...
[Howl]
Hey, Fluffy, look— a full moon.
Pretty dang romantic, huh?
Hello!
Yes, Johnny, it's true.
I am a werewolf.
Oh, please, don't run away in a cowardly panic.
That's weird. That's just what I was about to do.
Waah!
Now, look, missy, don't cry.
There's nothing wrong with having to, um... Comb your face.
Waah—really?
Yeah. I'll bet there's a beautiful little sweetie pants
underneath all that hair.
[Sultry voice] And you know, I do change back at sunrise.
Sunrise.
Hmm.
Johnny.
Oh, mama!
Then how's about we go out for the evening?
And then later on, we can watch the sunrise—
huh!--Together.
Oh, Johnny, that sounds wonderful!
[Sniff sniff]
You might want to try some of these here mints.
Look, Fluffy, I don't want you to take this
the wrong way or anything, but your face is—
what's the word I'm looking for?
Horrifying. Yeah, that's it.
Can you do something about your, you know, condition?
Oh, sure. No problem.
There. No one will ever know.
Yeah... No one will ever know.
Mmm! Wow! This stuff is great!
And how is everything?
Fine and dandy. Can we get the check?
Yes, you certainly may, and would you care for a doggy bag?
What's that supposed to mean, Buster?
Uhh! Gracious! Good heavens!
A werewolf!
[People screaming]
Are you going to eat that?
Give me two tickets, please.
No pets allowed.
She ain't no pet. She's a werewolf.
A werewolf?
Aah!
I guess that means we don't have to pay.
It's the werewolf from the restaurant!
[People screaming]
I'll bet the movie was bad anyway.
No. It's me.
I'm hideous, hideous!
Now, calm down there, sugarplumkin.
When the sun comes up, everything will be back to normal.
It's almost time, Johnny.
Ohh. Liking that. Huh! Come on.
Let's go get some frozen tofu.
Tofu? I love tofu!
[Panting]
Now, don't do anything unusual, ok?
You got it.
Mister, me and my girl here
want some frozen tofu.
Okey-dokey. You want any toppings on that?
Ooh, I want some kibbles and bits.
Ha ha! No, but seriously, do you want any toppings on your tofu?
I'm sorry. Did I stutter?
Aah!
It's the werewolf from the theater!
[People screaming]
Hey, free ice cream!
At least she's a cheap date.
Thank you for a wonderful evening.
I had the time of my life.
Yeah. Don't mention it. Come on, sunrise!
I can't wait to give you a very special thank-you.
I can't either.
Give me an "s"! Give me an "unrise"!
Huh! Hello, sunrise!
[Rooster crows]
Here comes the sun!
All right!
Is this what you want?
[Purrs]
Rrrow!
That's the stuff.
Oh! Wait. What's today?
I don't care. Uh, it's Wednesday. Why?
I forgot to mention,
besides being a werewolf,
I have another problem.
Another problem?
On wednesdays, I change into—into—
[Fluffy groaning and voice changing]
On wednesdays, I change into an annoying little bald man
named Melvin, who collects stamps.
Want to see some?
Stamps?
See here? This is the fat Elvis from a couple of years ago.
And here's the skinny version.
[Breathing heavily]
Maybe I'll take up something safer, like shark wrestling.
Hey!
Wait up!
[Whistling cheery tune]
Ahh... It's a beautiful day,
the kind of a day where nothing can go wrong.
Johnny?
Oh! Oh!
Johnny!
You forgot your pants!
Aw, man. I thought it was kind of drafty.
[Horn honking and man laughing]
Man: Look at that!
Narrator: Aron city general hospital...
A paragon of health care,
a place where bright and happy smiles are guaranteed for all.
Suzy: I just had my tonsils taken out.
In the medical world, they call the procedure a tonsillectomy.
Aren't they cool?
Oh, Suzy!
Hello, Mrs. bravo.
Look who's come to cheer you up—
John John the clown!
Suzy: Yay!
Aw, mama, I can't do this.
What if some... Body sees me?
Hubba, hubba! Oh ho ho!
And how is my number-one patient, hmm?
Suzy: Peachy as pie!
Is there anything else I can do?
How about you and me playing doctor?
And you are?
Johnny bravo, m.D. Want to take my pulse?
[Sarcastically] Please!
Don't wait up for me, mama.
Was I supposed to?
Help, nurse beautiful!
Pain! Aw!
And your problem is?
The problem is, I think I love you,
but I don't have your phone number.
Alphonse, can you help Mr. bravo?
How's about I put you under "h" for one "hot tamale"?
[Voice like Peter lorre] Help him? Sure. It's only my sworn duty.
Or how about "g" for "good golly miss Molly"?
You run along downstairs to the cafeteria and get yourself some peach cobbler.
Oh, yeah. "R" for "rrrow!"
"S" for—hey!
Where's nurse Amber babe?
She went to "g" for "get away from you"
because you're "j," a big, dumb "jerk."
And you are?
Aah!
Oh!
And stay out, you womanizing sick-guy impersonator!
♪ Roll, roll, roll your chair ♪
♪ don't you want to play? ♪
oh, alphonse!
You called?
Oh, hello.
How can I be of assistance, nurse amberly?
Him.
♪ Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily ♪
♪ let's roll in the hay ♪
well, well, well. A wheelchair.
You must really be feeling poorly.
No, not really.
Now, where'd that nurse go?
You see, Mr. bravo, this is a hospital.
We only help the sick and injured here.
That suits me because I was just going—
oh!
♪ ♪ ♪
there. Now we can help you.
Let's get you back into that wheelchair.
Johnny: Ah, that's ok.
Oh, that's a nasty head wound.
We'd better get you down to X-ray.
These stairs look dangerous.
Maybe we should— oh, look! A quarter!
[Johnny groans in pain]
[Crash]
Alphonse: Whoops!
Did I do that?
Gosh, looks like I'd better drag you back up here
by your ears so we can take the elevator.
How about a little fresh air?
Here, nurse nymphet.
Let me show you how it's done.
[Straining groans]
Come on, Suzy. Let's go get a smoothie.
Suzy: Whoopee!
If I can just...
[Window creaking]
Mr. bravo, looking for a little fresh air, are we?
Here. Just press this button.
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Oh!
Oh, my, Mr. bravo.
You don't look so good.
I'd better put you on a gurney and wheel you down to surgery.
Oops! I'm so clumsy today.
Johnny: Whoa!
[Groans in pain]
[Crash]
Aw, mama.
Johnny, guess what.
Because of my tonsillectomy, I get to have all the ice cream I want.
Isn't that cool?
Yeah, whatever.
Suzy: Hi, alphonse.
Well, I've got to be going now.
Wait. Don't... Go.
What was that, Mr. bravo?
What did you say?
Nothing.
You feel like a sandwich?
Gee, that's funny. You don't look like a sandwich.
[Beep]
Oh!
[Muffled] Oh, man.
There. Now you look like a sandwich.
I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on you.
Really, I'll be ok.
Must reach button...
Call beautiful nurse.
[Beeping]
Hey, nurse lovely,
it's the handsome guy in room 12.
You rang?
Uh...
I've always wanted to say that.
I'm sorry. I was trying to reach nurse Amber babe.
Well, in case you want to get ahold of me...
♪
all you have to do is whistle.
Whistle?
You do know how to whistle,
don't you?
[No note]
I think that one's broken.
[Barking]
Help! Help! Ohh!
Looks fine to me.
[Johnny mumbles]
What was that, Mr. bravo? What did you say?
Nothing.
You'd like to donate your liver?
Oh, that's great.
Wait a minute. Don't I need my liver?
Oh, heck, no. You've got 3 of them.
No, wait a minute.
I'll double-check on that after the surgery.
Aw, man. It just couldn't get any worse.
Johnny, as soon as little Suzy told me,
I rushed right on over here, boy.
Hey, Johnny, guess what.
Now I got the chicken measles. Pretty cool, huh?
Wait a minute. Isn't that contagious?
Oh, dear. I forgot. You never had the chicken measles before.
Aw, man!
Wow! The constellations!
Here's cassiopeia. Ow!
And look! The big dipper!
Come on, Suzy. Let's tell the nurse you'll be staying.
Uh-oh. Oh, no. I've got an itch!
Itch? Did someone say itch?
Fortunately, I just happen to have
a little sandpaper and rubbing alcohol handy.
Hee hee! Hee hee! Hee hee hee!
Hee hee hee!
This just isn't my day.
Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education
captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.