Baby.
Sassy.
Man, i'm pretty.
Hyuh! Ha! Hyuh!
Do the monkey with me. Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Ooh!
Yeah, whatever.
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group and u.S. Department of education
Here's johnny.
What'll it be, johnny?
Hey, pops. Order of fries.
Now, who's going to be the lucky lady
To share them with me?
Oh, very wrong number.
We have a winner.
Hey, baby. Anybody ever tell you
I have beautiful eyes?
Hyah!
Take a picture of me.
I'm pretty. Check it out.
Huh! Puppy dog.
Oh...
The organism called johnny
Seems to be a superior breed of earthling.
Yes. He will make an excellent specimen for our experiments.
You, me, the moonlight...
You do the math.
Would you excuse me while i powder my nose?
No problemo.
She digs me.
For the love of humanity, move!
Greetings, human.
Well, hello, shiny mamas.
We are 2 enticing females
Who wish to commence dating rituals with you.
Hmm... Usually i like to make the first move.
Let me think about it. Ok, i thought about it.
Let's motor.
Here's your fries, j—
Hmm...
Nice rig. Must be an import.
Hey, pops.
Clam smoothie, and keep 'em coming.
Carl, thank goodness you're here.
I think johnny's in trouble.
What do you mean?
He ordered a side of fries
And didn't stay to eat them.
This is serious.
There's more. There were 2 girls here.
They seemed nice enough,
But look what they paid with.
Anodized titanium crystals.
Johnny left with those girls.
You don't think—
Johnny's been kidnapped by beautiful space aliens!
Welcome to astron 3, johnny,
The most pleasant-smelling asteroid in the delta galaxy.
Swanky.
Here's those napkin holders, pops.
Good, carl. This machine i'm building
Should help us pierce the time- space continuum
And suck johnny back to earth.
They all laughed when i tried to build one of these babies
Back in my nuclear physicist days.
Well, they're not laughing now!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
I miss you, johnny.
Get back to work.
"hall of science."
Hey, what kind of date is this?
Before commencing our dating rituals,
We need to perform a few tests.
Me johnny. You babe.
Actually, i'm here to give you a series of tests
To measure your value as a specimen.
I hope you have a high tolerance for pain.
I've been in love before.
Indeed.
Oh... The set for the dating game.
Hyah!
In this room, we will test
Your reflexes and reaction time.
Huh! Hyah!
Hoo ha!
Hyah! Ha!
How am i doing?
Oh! Oh! Uh! Oh! Oh!
Want to get some lunch?
Soup and salads?
Sounds perfect.
Whoa!
Please, come with me.
For your final test, i will ask you
To complete the task
That men were placed in the universe to perform.
Open this jar of pickles.
Yay! Yay! Yay!
Well, your scores are excellent, johnny.
Now you just need to be vaccinated.
Well, ok, but this date's
Starting to get weird.
Oh! Do i get a lollipop?
You may feel a slight pinch.
Oh, mama!
Oooooh!
We have captured the earthling, my queen.
You may approach me, johnny.
How'd you know my name?
I've been studying you, johnny.
You see, we've been searching
For the perfect male specimen.
I like where this is going.
Though we know little of earth's people,
You seem to be a superior example of the breed.
We wish to know if you'd consent to be our king.
And these are your quarters, my liege—
Designed to the exact specifications
Of the typical male's interests and desires.
Uh!
Hail to thee, o widescreen tv.
Mwah!
What's up with the cable?
Cable? What is this cable, sire?
You know, bass fishing, runway models...
Runway models. Cable!
Ah. Pictorial patterns transmitted
From a satellite through a coaxial wire.
Yeah. That's what i said.
Right away, my king.
Johnny's my best friend.
Why, just the other day,
He said to me, "carl, you're
The mayor of dufustown."
Imagine, me the mayor.
Well, it's ready. I just hope it works.
It's got to work, pops.
It's just got to.
Your cable is plugged in, sire.
They can take our bagpipes,
But they'll never take our makeup!
Sire, who is this earthman?
Some actor guy.
He's all right if you like them pretty boys.
Hello. Remember me?
King of the space babes, monarch for life.
Indeed.
Whoa!
Uh!
Whoa!
Here goes nothing.
Oh, mama!
Ow.
It worked, johnny!
We saved you!
I didn't want to be saved.
The important thing is those beautiful space aliens
Will never hurt you again.
I hate you both.
I love the smell of nuggets in the morning.
It smells like... Breakfast.
One fatty nuggets, extra gristle. Hyah!
I got a powerful hunger.
Congratulations, sir!
You're our one millionth customer.
What about my nuggets?
Right away, but first,
Let's get a picture
Of you and everybody's favorite fatty nuggets mascot, lord lard.
All right.
Check it out. Manly. Studly.
Adonisy.
Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Now, what about them nuggets?
First, let's tell you what you've won.
It's a fabulous, fun-filled ocean cruise!
Yes, your limo is waiting right outside
To drive you to the s.S. Gavin macleod,
Famed for its sports facilities, fine dining,
And world-class entertainment.
Where are my nuggets, tuxedo boy?
By day, visit exotic beaches with your fellow passengers,
Mostly cute single women.
Women? That's slang for babes. When do we leave?
Better hurry, my friend.
The boat sails in 5 minutes.
Hyah!
Let the groovin' begin.
Hey, you must be the new swabby.
Yeah, whatever. Hey, deck monkey,
Fetch me up one of them fancy umbrella drinks,
And don't skimp on the cantaloupe balls.
Ha ha. That's a good one.
On this ship, you don't breathe
Without asking captain mcspleen.
He's the meanest, one-eyedest, one-leggedest sea dog
What ever walked a poop deck.
The what deck?
Hoist the mizzenmast. Make fast the topsails.
Shiver me timbers.
We're setting sail, me mateys.
Hey, sea monkey, you're in my sun.
Huh? You're supposed to be down below.
What? I'm not missing bingo, am i?
If the captain sees you here, i'm dead.
Come with me.
Aw, i get it. Bumped to first class.
Sweet.
Now take a seat and get to work.
Aerobics. Cool.
Shove over, old-timer.
Oh, yeah. Flex the pecs.
Everybody feel the burn. Come on.
Ah, the sea in me face, rats at me feet,
And a star to steer by.
All's right with the world.
Johnny on p.A.: Attention, passengers.
Please join admiral johnny for shuffleboard
On the fiesta deck. Ladies play free.
Neptune's barca lounger!
Oops. On the line. Nice try, old man.
I hate the sea.
What in blazes is going on?
Must be the new galley slave the agency sent.
I'll take care of him right away, sir.
I took care of it, captain.
He won't be bothering you again anytime soon.
Listen to me, you scurvy son of a squid.
I'm the captain of this here rig, see?
Captain, huh?
Then this must be the captain's bell.
Nobody jingles me captain's bell!
Hey, skipper, where'd you get the tin paw?
What, the hook? Why, thereby hangs a tale.
Uh-huh. Is this going to take long?
It was 10 years ago.
I was running me first tuna haul
On me new rig on a day just like this...
I finished swabbing the decks, captain mcspleen.
Please, call me tim.
And have yourself an extra ration of pie tonight.
Aye aye, captain.
When over the starboard side,
I heard a voice that could only come from the darkest abyss.
Hey, you hockey puck!
That's right. You, you sea cucumber.
Nice uniform.
You look like a bellboy at the motel 5.
I say, we're very busy here.
So, if you don't mind—
Oh, snappy comeback.
You're a bundle of laughs, you know that?
You're about as exciting as a bad bowl of prunes.
Don't mock me in front of my crew.
Oh, i apologize. Why don't you go
Chase an anchor, you fish stick?
Fetch me me harpoon!
Hey, ahab, put down the toothpick.
You'll hurt yourself.
From hades' heart, i stab at thee.
I gave him chase,
And i've been chasing the scabrous beast ere since.
But how'd you lose your leg and your eye?
Badminton accident.
Huh?
Well, aloha, mexicali mamacitas.
What in the name of davy jones' tambourine are you doing?
I'm taking her in.
This trip's hurting for babage.
Shove over!
You tried to take over my ship, and that's mutiny!
For that, you'll pay the ultimate penalty!
All right, where's my stick at?
How am i supposed to bust a pinata without a stick?
Have you any last words, sailor?
Well, i could use some extra towels in my cabin.
You've spoken your last,
You big-haired buffoon!
What do we have here?
It must be idiot day on the high seas.
Here, read my lips. You're a meatball!
All hands below deck!
Raise the mainsail!
Come on, men! The chase is on!
Hey, where is everybody? I'm out of here.
Arr! I'll give you such a pinch.
Try and catch me, liver lips.
Say that to me face, you scurvy devil.
Oh, i'm shaking. Ha ha ha!
I hate you! I hate you!
Now, where did them ski bunnies get to?
You rang, fishy mama?
Hey, you meat head, you're so stupid,
You joined a stupid contest,
And they said, "no professionals."
Oh, i don't want to say you're a loser,
But i hear you tie steaks around your neck
To get dogs to play with you.
What's the matter? Cat got your brain?
Does this mean you dig me?
Don't you know when you're being insulted?
How about you and me go find an island somewhere
And make fishy lips?
Hey, where are you going?
Come back, tuna girl!
I know you dig me.
Aw, baby, come on.
I think you love me.
I think you love me!
Arrr... Arrr...
Huh?
Oh, mama.
Hyah!
Hey there, my little etruscan honeybun.
Your burly gladiator is here.
Huh!
Uh!
I came, i saw, i broke a hip.
Uh!
Radio d.J.: Hey, it's the top of the hour here in the big town,
And there's a whole lot of crazy going down.
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
Morning, beautiful.
Ok, mr. Kevin, let's make a little magic.
Uh-oh.
This qualifies as an emergency.
Hmm...
Hyah! Huh!
Johnny's high-tech.
Huh! Switch sides.
Backstroke. Huh! Hyah! Huh!
Baby.
Well, that ought to hold her till i get to the store.
Hey, minsky.
Hey, johnny. Live komodo dragons
On sale today. $1.03.
Get back! Get back!
Hello, johnny.
Hi, mrs. Minsky.
Hey, minsky, where'd you put
The mr. Kevin's?
Sorry, johnny.
The hair gel plant went on strike last week.
I don't get it.
Johnny, they've shut down the factory.
There's no more mr. Kevin's in the whole town.
Ok. Try to be calm, johnny.
Got to go to my quiet place.
I can't go outside without hair gel!
I can't do it! I just can't do it!
Why don't you just try
One of these other nice products?
$1.03.
Price check on the no-more frizzies!
Mrs. Hold on.
I'll look it up.
$1.03.
That'll be $14.63.
Here's $12.00. Keep the change.
Don't worry, johnny. Your hair looks fine.
Aw, mama.
Aw, double mama.
Don't panic. Lots of fine products out there.
One of them has to work.
That ain't the one.
Huh-uh.
I don't think so.
Aah!
Aaaaaaaah!
Huh? Hey, johnny.
Hi, johnny.
Don't look at me.
Your hair looks really awful. What happened?
Big strike. No hair gel.
The horror. The horror!
Don't worry, johnny. I'll fix your hair at my house
While we watch my new gabbity abby video.
A gabbity time for sissie. A gabbity time for sue.
A gabbity time for margaret.
A gabbity time for you.
I think gabbity abby is so pretty.
Ow.
I have every gabbity abby doll there is.
Ow.
I also have the comic book and the newsletter...
Ow.
The whole picnic set and the 24-disc cd-rom.
She's not real, you know. Ow!
There, johnny. All done.
What did you do to me, man?
Aah!
Hey, johnny, where are you going?
Aah!
That's a new look for you, johnny.
I'm ruined, pops. The one hair gel
That can keep my hair looking pretty,
And they've closed the factory.
Hair gel, eh? Which hair gel?
Mr. Kevin's triple-strength hair cement.
Mr. Kevin's? Did you say mr. Kevin's?
Ha ha ha!
Yeah.
Why, that's the secret ingredient
In my 5-alarm chili. Ha ha ha!
Come on back into the kitchen, son.
Ha ha ha!
Huh?
Back, bobo, back.
Bobo, back!
Back, i say!
She's all yours, johnny.
Come on, chili. Daddy needs a new set of locks.
Uh!
Whoa, baby! Soft, pliable, bouncy.
Hyah!
Thanks, pops.
You're a lifesaver.
Sure thing, johnny. Oh, and, uh...
Let's not tell the health department about this.
Righteous.
Huh?
That ain't good.
Hey, get off of me! Get off, you dang varmints!
It doesn't get much weirder than this.
Hair gel...
Hair gel.
What the...
Oh, mama!
Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's the stuff.
Just relax and feel the hair gel.
All the hair gel you'll ever need.
I think you missed a spot.
Compliments of mr. Kevin.
He is the artist. I am merely the clay.
Everything's perfect here at the hair gel oasis.
Radio d.J.'s voice: Where the temperature's
A steaming 91 degrees in the shade!
Aah!
Now let's get the traffic lowdown
From my man bobby g.
Folks, watch out for that overturned pickle truck
On the i-6. There are gherkins everywhere.
Oh, it was only a bad dream.
Huh! Hyah! Huh!
Aah!
Captioning made possible by turner entertainment group and u.S. Department of education
Captioned by the national captioning institute —www.Ncicap.Org—