One, two, three.
Way there.
Sassy.
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, way there.
Yeah, whatever.
I love your hair.
Thanks.
Nunchuck chicks rule.
Mama, what are you doing?
I'm installing a V-chip to screen out all the mindless garbage.
Before it rots your brain.
Mindless garbage, not rot brain.
And now it's time for the gentle hug hug show.
Hug, hug, hug.
You'll get nothing out of me, copper.
Rule.
Until I get another one of those tofu sandies.
Huh?
You're watching the Fish Network.
All fish, all the time.
Aw, Mama, I can't live like this.
I'm sorry, dear.
While you're under my roof, you'll only watch decent, wholesome programming.
Mama, I'm a grown man and I demand you treat me like one.
The answer is no.
But Mama...
Mama!
Hey, I found a nickel.
What'll I do, Pops?
I need bad TV like I need air.
Water.
Bad TV.
Sounds to me like it's time to cut the apron strings.
Why, I left home when I was three.
Never looked back.
Phew!
Hiya, hobos!
The name's Pops.
So you're saying I should hang out with hobos?
Are you kidding?
They need you alive.
I'm saying move out.
Get your own pad.
Why, I have an old windbreaker mobile home
that I keep out at the dangerously steep cliff.
I could let you have it for, say, 800 a month.
All right, make it 50.
Deal.
Hmm.
Now, where am I gonna get 50 bucks?
Hiya, Johnny!
Carl, old buddy!
Carl, I'll let you be my roommate for 50 bucks.
Okay!
What have I done?
Here she is, boys.
Ain't she a beaut?
She sure is, Pops.
Aren't you gonna show us around?
Eh, no.
Don't think so.
You kids have fun.
And don't make any sudden moves.
Bye now.
Carl?
Nice pumps.
Huh?
Carl, what are you doing?
Carl!
Maybe I'll clean up later.
And now, back to when animals attack pro football players.
Carl, what are you doing?
I'm doing Kundalini yoga, Johnny.
Well, stop it!
But, Johnny, I'm just about to contact my big toe.
Here, contact mine.
Trading on all exchanges today was marked
by profit taking on the fun market overseas.
Captain, long range sensors detect an alien warship.
Armed torpedoes.
Huh?
Engage!
Carl!
Don't worry, Johnny.
It's only my 160th scale resilient star cruiser.
Oh, yeah?
Let me see.
Hey, give it back!
Ah!
That wasn't very nice, Johnny.
Look, see this line?
It separates your half of the house from mine.
You stay on your side.
Well, then you stay on your side.
Fine.
All right, then.
Stupid little monkey.
I heard that!
Hey, dudes.
It's time to chill out at the spring break pool party.
I love the arts.
Then, the amoeba envelops its prey in a deadly dance of death.
Hey, that ain't my dance show.
Tiny, hair-like cillium.
Insouciant paramecium.
There's only one explanation.
Tiny, invisible ghost monkeys changing my channels.
I don't think so.
Give me my remote, Carl.
No!
You left it on my side of the line.
Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ner.
Why you... Uh-oh.
Battle stations!
Ah!
Huh?
Whoa!
When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna... What the... Hey, hey, hey!
Oh, oh!
Oh, come on!
Close your eyes, you're dreaming.
Oh, yeah?
If I were dreaming, could I do this?
I'm still on your side, Carl.
If you've enjoyed yam planting with Pat, call in with a pledge.
We'll send you a tote bag.
Uh, I'm Jones and Carl.
I gotta see my shows.
Uh, I'm serious, man.
Nope, sorry.
Oh, please.
I-I'll give you anything you want.
Hmm.
Here, take my bean bag chair.
That's a start.
Here's my waffle iron, my barbells, my stuffed narwhal.
My entire supply of potted meat.
My lifetime membership in the Squint Ringo fan club.
Oh,
no, I'm not allowed to cross the line.
Yeah, yeah, you can!
Please, Johnny, I'm not strong enough.
I'll do it if you give me the remote.
Here, take it!
Not getting my stuff back.
Here, Johnny, please!
Not getting your stuff.
Take it!
It's the Gentle Hug Hug Show.
This is the part where they hug.
He-he.
Uh, everyone stay calm.
Because we're all doomed!
Of course you realize this comes out of your deposit.
Hug, hug, hug.
Hey, Mr. Minsky, want to get some beef jerky?
Sure thing, Johnny.
Mmm, my tradie.
Hey, Minsky, what's with the going out of business sale?
Well, we're going out of business.
No one needs a $3 store since the $2 store moved in.
Well, that's too bad.
Still, a penny's a penny.
Nice knowing you.
You know, Johnny, the $2 people don't have the high sodium jerky you like.
What?
Nobody takes Johnny's jerky!
Mr. Minsky, I swear by all that is tough and salty,
your $3 store shall not perish from the earth.
What's it gonna take to keep you guys in business?
Mmm, about $10,000.
Hmm.
Johnny, what's wrong?
You look so pale.
I've been selling my blood to raise money for the Minsky's.
There are easier ways to raise money than selling your blood.
But I need my eyes.
No, Johnny.
We can put on a benefit.
We can even televise it on public access TV.
Hey, that means I can perform my famous armpit symphony.
Um, maybe it would be better if we made you master of ceremonies.
I'll do it!
I don't know what it means, but I like the word master.
Give me a camera angle on stage two.
Refocus those scoops.
Do we have tone?
Where are my color bars?
Come on, let's get this baby on tape.
I have to be in bed by eight.
We're ready, Johnny.
Try not to think before you speak.
Just read from the proctor and you're on in five, four, three.
Good evening.
I'm Johnny Bravo.
Tonight, we're gathered for a very important cause.
A cause we like to call jerky relief.
Imagine a world without high sodium jerky.
Well, I don't want to live in that world if you don't either.
Call this number.
Unless you're a pretty mamacita.
In which case, call this number and ask for me.
And now, let's get this bad boy started.
Few people realize how a cuffed hand and a bare
armpit can produce the magic we call Harmony.
Excuse me, Johnny.
You forgot to introduce me.
Quiet, you weed.
I just want everyone to know that I'll be Manning the tote board.
And every time they call in with a donation, the numbers
will get higher and higher and higher and higher.
And now, a little suction, a little sweat, and here's the music that you get.
Psst.
Johnny, just introduce pops.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
It's better to build the suspense.
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to be astounded.
He's not as pretty as me.
But then again, who is?
Ha!
You know him?
You love him?
You've sent back his chili.
Give it up for the magical stylings of the great popsini.
Thank you!
The illusion I'm about to perform is incredibly dangerous.
For my assistant.
Bobo, get in the basket.
Mmm.
Bobo?
Mmm.
Sword, please?
Hey, little girl.
My pits are tuned up and ready to sing.
Ha!
Am I on next?
But, Johnny, an act like yours deserves to be... Um, the finale.
Fine, as long as I'm not last.
Great.
I will now immerse the basket in a tank of ravenous, man-eating piranha.
Upon my mystical command, I will raise the
curtain and reveal Bobo to be safe and sound.
Yadda yadda, et cetera, whatever.
Thank you!
Oh, poopy!
Hang on, Bobo!
Bobo!
Why, sweet heavens, why?
Yay!
Bobo, fine.
Oh!
Thank you!
Yay!
That was great.
Did you ever see the trick where the guy pulls the bunny out of a hat?
I mean, how does he do that?
Does he have a bunch of bunnies in there?
How does he fit them all in?
Johnny!
Huh?
Johnny, calm down and introduce me.
We take you now via live remote to my mama.
Can you hear me, mama?
I can hear you fine, dear.
Don't shout.
What you gonna do for us, mama?
I wanted to do a little something for the kids, so I'm
gonna take my big fat hog and leap over 14 monster trucks.
Wiggy.
Here I go.
Don't do drugs.
Nice ride, mama.
You raised a lot of money.
Thank you, dear.
Don't slouch.
And wipe your face, you have a little smudge.
Hey, nunchuck chicks.
Johnny!
All right.
Okay.
Armpit time.
Hold on to your hats.
Some of these notes only dogs can hear.
Aren't you forgetting something, Johnny?
No.
It's time for my big number.
All right.
Here's Carl in a stupid costume.
Thank you.
You're a beautiful crowd.
I'd like to pick up the pace a bit now with a little
ditty that's a favorite of mine, and I hope one of yours.
Maestro.
Keep chipply-dill, mouse.
My pigeon is falling.
Terrible daughter.
What do you mean the chimps' bust broke down?
Will they be here anytime soon?
Okay, bye.
I'll never work in public access again.
We're getting closer to what you all want, folks.
The finale.
But first, put your hands together for the hilarious
sketch comedy of the Tingblad Family Chimps.
No chimps!
Huh?
I'm sorry, Mr. Minsky.
I let you down.
Don't feel bad, Johnny.
I knew you'd let me down.
Here, I saved the last stick of jerky for you.
That's right kindly of you.
Hey, what's this?
Johnny!
You've won $10,000 in the jerky sweepstakes!
10 Gs!
Oh, mama!
Think of all the crud I can buy.
Candle, comic books, live bait.
Oh, man, I can buy my blood back!
Take care, Minsky.
Oh, I almost forgot.
How much do I owe you?
Well, let's see.
Dollar three, times 99 hundred, carry the three.
At $10,000!
I always thought this place was a bit pricey.
These are the prehistoric tar pits where dinosaurs became
trapped while looking for food and sink to an oozy death.
I suppose when your brain's the size of a cashew, you're too
stupid to avoid walking into a lake of sticky, disgusting tar.
This way, please!
Cymantruck!
Johnny?
Can't talk, mama!
Cymantruck!
Blank canvas for the artist.
First, a moment to prepare.
I'm blind!
My face is hurting!
Hey, Johnny!
Look what I made!
It's a computer made entirely out of nougat and recycled aluminum cans!
You broke it, you big, clumsy, brainless, insensitive oaf!
I'm still your best friend though, right?
Careful, Johnny!
My begonias!
They're ruined!
Honestly, Johnny, sometimes you can be so faultless!
While.
I tie my shoe?
Huh?
Oh, sure can.
Could you put your finger on the bow?
Like this?
My balloon!
Oh, Johnny!
Everyone hates me.
Mama, weasel boy, what's her face?
I'm just a big, stupid, stupid head.
I wish I'd never been born.
I'm fine.
Wiggy.
Hey, are you an angel?
Duh!
Yes!
The name's Maurice, and I'm here to ease your pain and anguish.
Ah, I'm over it.
But I'm going to show you what the world would be like if you'd never been born!
Maybe later, I'm gonna go watch TV.
Listen you, how am I going to earn my halo if you don't play along?
Now close your eyes, rub my head, and click your heels together.
Ain't gonna happen.
Do alright.
Is there a movie on this flight?
No.
Can I get one of them tiny pillows?
No.
Give me a bag of peanuts.
Quiet!
Pay attention!
Hey, this is where Carl's house used to be.
It still is Carl's house, Johnny.
Well, it's about time you got here.
The jacuzzi's around back.
And don't skimp on the chlorine.
Open your eyes, cheddar head.
It's me, Johnny.
You go blind or something?
Carl doesn't know you anymore because you were never born.
Is that true, Carl?
You don't know me?
I'm too important to know you.
After all, I'm the multi-billionaire inventor of the Nougat 2000, the
electronic marvel that revolutionized the computer industry.
I shudder to think what my life would be like if I'd
hung out with an overstuffed, macho monkey like you.
Why, you lo...
I am also a master of Kwai Dan Ho Man Fu.
Guards, remove him!
Well, Johnny, what have you learned?
Uh, Carl's better off without me being born.
Oh, Johnny, do you really think that money, power and beautiful women equal happiness?
Yeah.
Let's move on, shall we?
What happened to Pop's place?
This is Pop's Diner, Johnny.
Good evening, Senator, Duchess.
Get right in.
Yeah, it's me, Bubble.
Now step aside.
I see.
Have you a reservation, my good man?
Uh, Johnny Bravo.
Oh, here it is.
Welcome to Pop's.
Enjoy your meal, gentlemen.
Wow.
Look at this place.
I gotta find Pop's.
Hey, Pop's.
Thank goodness you haven't changed.
Give me the usual.
And just what might that be, stranger?
Pops, don't you know me?
Me and that doofus Carl used to hang out here all the time.
You mean Carl Crenzes is a witch?
Why, that doofus built the computer plant to put this town on the map.
If it weren't for him, I'd still be serving up roadkill and calling it filet mignon.
Nobody talks that way about Carl and my joint.
Bobo!
Uh-oh.
I don't get it, Maurice.
Pop's is better off without me, too.
Yes, but think of his enormous, eh, tax burden
and the payoffs to the health department.
Aw, can it.
Everybody's happier without Johnny.
Except for Mama, right?
Well, eh, actually... I bet Mama will still know me.
She's got to.
No, Johnny!
Don't!
No, poopy.
Ha!
I knew it.
Nothing's changed.
Mama!
Mama, let me in!
What the...
State your agent identification.
Mama, it's me, Johnny.
I have no agents with the co-designation Johnny.
But Mama, I'm your little baby boy.
I have no son.
That's why I was able to devote my life to my one true love, International Espionage!
No!
What's the matter, dear?
You look a little flushed.
Small pie to Madame Axe.
Come in, please.
Say, it's the kid next door.
She ain't changed much.
Have you decided to meet my demands?
Or must I destroy Cleveland?
Excuse me, sweetheart.
I have to take this.
Whoa!
Well?
I don't know.
I actually thought you put on a little weight.
In those shoes, I... Oh, I give up!
My boss was right.
You are nothing but a big piece of meat with a mouth hole.
The world's a much better place without you.
I'll never get my halo.
Wait a minute.
Something's missing.
Where's the imprint of my face?
It's not there, you kumquat.
You were never born, remember?
Then this world is Johnny's face in cement-less.
This entire planet is being deprived of my pretty.
Yes, that's right, Johnny.
I can't let that happen.
I wanna live, Maurice!
I wanna live!
Sure, whatever works.
Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a guy stuck in a well in Oregon.
See you later, monkey boy!
Not if I see you first, you winged, flapping wahoo!
My face!
Everything's back to normal!
Hi, Johnny!
Hello, annoying little neighbor girl!
Hello, you dweeby fungus-collecting dork!
Johnny, what's gotten into you?
Mama!
You know what they say, Johnny!
Every time an overstocked macho monkey falls face forward into cement,
an angel gets his halo!
That's right.
Way to go, Maurice.
Way to go!
Look out!
Mama!
Oh, babe!
Moosehead!
Whatever!
Moosehead!