One, two, three!
Way there!
Sassy!
Man, I'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby!
Ow!
Yeah, whatever.
You're good.
You're very good.
But I'm better.
Jim, pay the man!
Oh, Johnny, the dry cleaning bill is due, and I don't have the money to pay.
Aw, Mama, what did I tell you about watching the Tchotchke Shopping Network?
You know I can't resist a sale on porcelain figurines.
Oh, come on, Mama.
You know I hate to see you cry.
Then it's settled.
You're taking the family cow to market and selling her.
Aw, Mama, you never let me have any pants.
Say, boy, that's a mighty fine-looking Holstein you got there.
Good card player, too.
You're kind of simple, ain't you, son?
I like that!
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna trade you a bottle of this here hair tonic for that there cow.
What do you think?
I just fell off the yutz wagon?
You're right, son.
I deeply apologize.
Give me two bottles.
Done!
Nice doing business with you.
Treat her good now.
Don't worry.
She's gonna be a guest of honor at a little barbecue I'm throwing.
Can I come?
No.
Oh, I'll never let you go.
Never, never.
You're all my babies.
I'm back, Mama.
Did you get the money, dear?
I got something better than money.
Wild Bill's hair tonic.
You sold the family cow for a bottle of hair tonic?
Two bottles.
Ain't I slick?
Now I'll never get my moo-moos back from Chumlee's cleaners.
Johnny do bad?
Mama, no!
Now you march right upstairs, young man.
And don't come down until I feel the need to smother you with affection.
Later that night.
A giant hair stock.
Maybe I'll find gold treasure.
Or pizza.
Mmm.
Johnny likes pizza.
Whoa!
A castle in the sky.
Just like in that fairy tale Little Red Rumpel's still skin on the three bears.
And Gretel.
Stupid cloud.
Who's there?
Johnny.
Johnny who?
Johnny Bravo.
That's the worst knock-knock joke I ever heard.
What do you want?
What any young adventurer would want.
Fame.
Fortune.
Pizza.
Extra cheese, no anchovies.
You know, you're the perfect size for an action figure.
My old ones are all busted up.
Uh-huh.
Well, look, you're a busy guy, so I'll just...
How would you like to be my very specialist playmate?
How'd you like to get your sweaty mitts off of me?
And here's a tip, try a breath mint.
You've got spunk!
I like that in an action figure.
Come on, let's have some fun.
Oh, oh, what should we play with first?
Let's play Johnny in the Box.
Okay, Tiny, that's it.
I'll give you five seconds to... Whoa, whoa.
Hey, watch the hair.
Kids, don't try this at home.
Oh, the fun is just beginning.
Hey, what's with the stupid hat?
I thought we'd have a bracing game of badminton.
Watch the birdies!
Whoa!
Oh,
I hope he regains consciousness soon.
I want to play some more!
Another giant hair stock.
What do I pay property taxes for?
Oh, look at these split ends.
Howdy, ma'am.
I couldn't help noticing you got a giant hair stock on your lawn.
Now, I just happen to have some hair removing that'll take care of that in a jiffy.
But I don't have any money.
No money?
Hmm, got any porcelain figurines?
Hey, nice set of wheels.
Now for a quick getaway.
Whoa!
Let's take you for a little spin.
Now, drive carefully.
These weekend motorists can be nuts!
You would know.
Whoa!
Hey, that wasn't so bad.
Is that all you got, Sasquatch?
Uh-oh.
Nothing can stop me now.
So, look.
Except for the pain and terror, I had a swell time.
So, I'll just head home and... Let's play hide and go seek!
I'll hide and you count to 100.
I don't hear you counting!
One, two, three, four, file.
Bet you can't find me, Johnny!
Huh?
Oh, gee.
I wonder where old, tall, dark and tubby is hiding.
You'll never find me in a million years.
Well, in that case, I'm out of here.
Hey!
Where you going?
Don't leave!
Watermelons yet!
This better work.
That porcelain Shepherd boy went perfectly on my acrylic wet bar.
Here we go again.
Oh, that looks like fun!
Woo-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Here's.
my tiny friend.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Get your... Get your who?
Get your butt off of me, you big ape!
Oh, that's a good one!
Now you've done it.
My mama's not gonna like that crater.
Hey, that gives me an idea.
So, tell me, Johnny.
How did you ever get the money to buy my
moo-moos, porcelain figurines, and the cow bag?
Ah, nothing to it, Mama.
I just charged all the neighbor kids to use our new swimming pool.
You're good!
You're very good!
But I'm better!
Jim, pay the man!
Ow.
Stealthily, the great blonde hunter stalks his prey.
The dangerous, man-eating tree squirrel!
Unaware of his peril, the vicious beast chomps on a nut with his massive incisors.
Slowly, cautiously, the hunter prepares to pounce.
Come back here!
I gotcha!
You win this round, my fluffy Nemesis.
Winded, but undaunted by his setback, the hunter decides to check out babes.
Hey, baby.
Lose the pooch.
I'm all the puppy love you need.
Fufu, attack!
Whoa!
Can I crash here till the heat's off?
No!
Keep away, I know karate.
Now, where'd that chick get to?
Fufu, don't bother the man.
That's all right.
They seem to have taken quite a shine to each other.
Your puppy is so cute!
And by the laws of association, I'm now finding you irresistible as well.
Are you free for lunch?
I'd be delighted.
Slowly, the mighty hunter puts two and two together.
Chicks, big doggies.
I want to buy a dog.
Certainly, sir.
Any particular breed.
What do you got?
Oh, there's a dog for every type of person.
The noble collie for the man of action.
Too hairy.
The sleek greyhound for the sporty types.
Too houndy.
The mysterious and exotic sharp A.
A durable companion or horrible genetic mutant.
You decide.
Hey, what's this one?
Oh, he's one of our unfortunate cases.
I'm afraid he's got a bit of a behavior problem.
Now, down here.
Hey, I think he likes me.
No, actually, he's trying to pick parasites off of your skin.
Hmm.
That might be useful.
I'll take him.
Sir, are you a complete idiot?
Who's a cute little doggy?
Who's a cute little dog?
I'll write up a receipt.
Hey, baby.
Foo-foo.
Hey, wait a minute.
I'm a dog lover too.
See?
Oh, where is the little poochie-woochie?
Here, Rex.
No, Rex.
Down, boy.
So, uh, wanna get lunch?
Get that horrible creature away from me.
Ah!
Manny-moo!
It was horrible, Mama.
Everyone was yelling and screaming.
It was like they'd never seen a dog before.
Oh, get him away from me, Johnny!
He's frightening me with those terrible black eyes like a doll's eyes.
Oh, I don't mind, Rex, Mama.
He's just hungry.
That's another thing, Johnny.
Do you know what 60 pounds of avocados cost per day?
But Mama, Rex loves his fruit smoothies.
Oh, Johnny.
I'm afraid Rex is gonna have to go.
Huh?
No, Rex!
No!
Dog for sale.
Only slightly used.
Good eye, mate.
Wanna buy a dog?
Well, that's not a dog.
That's an emu.
A flightless bird what ails from our native country of Australia.
Yeah, whatever.
You want him?
Well, now, a bit of emu might make us feel right at home.
Open the door, kids.
He likes avocados and, uh, punting little rat dogs.
Yeah, well, who doesn't?
You look hungry, Johnny.
Nah, Pops, I'm sad.
Eh, close enough.
You wanna try today's special?
Emu Burger Jardiniere.
You mean people eat emu?
You betcha.
Especially Australians.
They can't get enough of the stuff.
Rox!
So, you want a soda with that?
He's a lovely emu he is.
видите, cranberry sauce.
Oh, no.
I'm too late!
Stand aside, you dirty no good emu-eating houses!
Hello, mate!
Care to join us?
In your horrible feast of evil?
Never!
Come on, Rex.
I'm busting you out of here.
Stick around, mate, or there's plenty enough for everyone.
You fiend!
Oh, well.
I'll bet you might, kids.
Oh, he looks so pale.
It must have been a terrible experience.
Have another bedroom slipper.
Aw, Rex likes you, Mama.
He does?
Oh, how sweet.
Well, I suppose we could keep him for a little while.
I'll get it.
Gasp!
It's Dr. Bruce Savage from the National Zoo.
I see him on TV all the time.
You know Rex, Dr. Savage?
I'll say.
In fact, when his mother left for a host gig on the Animal
Channel, I personally kept Rex's egg warm with my own body heat.
Are you gonna take Rex away?
I'm afraid so, Johnny.
You see, emus require very specialized attention.
And besides, Rex has told me that you're a danger to yourself and others.
Why?
I guess this is goodbye, Rex.
Oh, I hate to see you sad, Johnny.
Come on out to my Van, and I'll let you have any other animal you want.
Yoo-hoo!
I'm the luckiest boy in the world!
Hey, baby.
How's about you and me?
Guess he doesn't like animals.
Fetch, Tigger!
Fetch, boy!
Good dog.
Fetch!
Welcome to the chess match of the century, Johnny Bravo vs.
the Supercomputer.
What's this horsey thing again?
It's a knight!
Can I move here?
No!
King me!
There is no king me in chess!
Hey!
Look at me, I'm a Martian!
Anyone up for a parcheesy?
Oh,
no, the mosquito netting goes in with the pre-fab Quonset Huts.
Hey, Pops, whip me up a batch of your famous squid cakes.
And don't scamp on the beaks.
Sorry, Johnny, we're closing early today!
I'm packing for my annual recipe hunt to the South Seas.
I'm gonna be first mate.
Ahoy!
I don't get it.
If you go on that recipe hunt every year,
how come all you serve is burgers and chili?
Because the food in the South Seas is disgusting.
You know, Johnny, I could use an extra hand to do the back-breaking menial labor.
No way.
Too bad.
The gorgeous native chicks will be disappointed.
A walla-locka-mocka-lookie-hookie.
That's Johnny for When Do We Leave.
Are we there yet?
No.
Are we there yet?
No.
Are we there yet?
Shut up!
Blah!
You all right, Carl?
Oh, I'm fine.
I was just imitating the plaintive mating call of the great tufted narwhal.
But I guess I don't have him here.
Don't mess around with the wildlife in these parts, son.
They say the creatures around Skull Island are dangerous and prehistoric.
Luckily, we're headed for harmless and peaceful Bikini Island.
And here we are now.
No, Johnny, that's Skull Island!
Ah!
Quick!
Near 30 degrees to starboard!
Huh?
Turn left!
Ah, well.
Ah!
Hmm, this place isn't so bad.
I guess all that talk about danger was just a lot of hooey.
Oh, oh.
Ah!
This is an interpretive dance troupe.
No, Johnny.
It's a tribe of hostile natives.
Ah, who are you trying to scare with them cheesy masks?
This won't end well.
Later.
Goober, goober, chakamalawala.com!
Ah, hiya!
Too bad, I'm gonna miss him.
So, wanna go look for seashells?
Cops, Johnny's in trouble.
We have to save him.
Oh, right.
Save him.
That's what I meant.
So, like, it was nice being sacrificed by it and all, but I gotta go now.
Well, I guess I could stay a little longer.
Great seats, eh, Carl?
Poor Johnny, what do we do?
Hey, I suggested looking for seashells.
I can't come up with all the ideas.
Where's everybody going?
Someone untie me!
Shh, shh, shh.
Why?
I smell bananas.
It's a good thing I know you giant apes are all vegetarians.
Hey, that's my best friend you're playing with, you big ape.
You put him down right... Whoa!
This might be a good time to mention that I'm high in HDL cholesterol.
That's the bad kind.
Drat.
Now we're really getting off schedule.
I like your place.
The dirt really sets off the mildew.
Look, this ain't going to work out.
I'm a Libra and you're an ape.
People would talk.
This won't end well.
Johnny, if you and your friend are through fooling around,
I gotta sample some gazpacho and Pago Pago in two hours!
Did I sound pushy just then?
Bye, Pops.
Say hi to Carl when you see him.
Come on, Pops.
Now's a chance to escape.
Hang on, Johnny.
This ape obviously has a little crush on you.
Yeah, whatever.
Let's go.
Well, that gives me an idea.
Great.
Tell me later.
By using you as bait, we can lure the ape back to town.
The publicity for the diner will be huge.
Sounds dangerous.
Only for you.
I stand to make millions.
Tell you what, I'll split it with you 95-5.
You can make over $50.
I'm in.
Hold on tight, kids.
Here we go.
Here, Pops.
I've already plotted our course.
Carl, I saw the ape swallow you whole.
How did you escape?
I'd really rather not discuss it.
Step, Ryder.
See the eighth wonder of the world.
A creature so terrifying, you'll be extremely terrified.
Look, it's the ape's boyfriend.
Shut up.
We're just good friends.
Yeah, right.
Snuggle up, Romeo.
Let's get a shot of you two together.
Nah, we better be careful, Pops.
We may be agitating the ape too much.
I'm sorry, Carl.
I can't see you.
I have huge dollar signs in my eyes.
Now let's get a shot of you with some sexy supermodels.
Oh, yeah.
I can do that.
Who?
I told you so.
Bongo.
They mean nothing to me.
It's you.
It's always been you, baby.
Look, I'll make it up to you.
We'll go away this weekend.
Whoa!
My baby!
Don't you worry, sweetie.
I'll save you from that giant ape pussy.
Right after I finish my reps.
Seriously, flowers can't eat a whole nine yards.
You know you're beautiful when you're angry.
Get away from him, you darn dirty ape!
Mama!
Be careful!
Lock and load, baby!
No, Mama!
Not your vacation slides from Tampa!
Okay, this is me by the pool at the Fountain Blue.
This is me and Aunt Shirley on the donkey rides.
This is me eating a $1.99 prime rib at the casino.
It was good, but just a little gamey.
Was beauty vanquished the beast?
You got that right.
Ah!
Can I get a paramedic?
Whoa!
Look out!
Hi!
Hello!
Bum, bum, bum!
Whoa!
Mama!
A babe!
Mercy!
Whatever.