One, two, three!
Way there!
Sassy!
Man, I'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby!
Ow!
Yeah, whatever.
Hey, Count Flabula!
Do you want to work your way to total body fitness?
Do you want abs so awesome they'll frighten small children?
Uh-huh.
If you are like me, you've tried every exercise
product on the market and you are still not satisfied.
It's like he really knows me.
Until now!
Introducing the Abdominizer 9000!
It'll give you abs harder than the densest neutron star.
More powerful than Cannon fire!
So sharp, they can cut diamonds!
You can even fry an egg!
Don't be a smelly, pathetic loser!
Call now, so you can have plutonium abs!
Abs not really made of plutonium.
Abs will refer to fat later in life.
Must.
Have.
Abdominizer.
Step one.
Dump parts on floor.
Step 613.
Insert treadle sprocket into ratchet face Z.
Finished!
Yes, these are extras.
Let the pump and begin!
Whoa!
Getting huge!
Whoa, I'm feeling the burn!
Now, to show off my new physique to the Conchitas.
Off with the wrapper.
Here's the candy!
Here!
No way!
That's totally bizarre!
What?
Am I that good?
Clam on a stick!
Get your clam on a stick!
Great leaping nanny goats!
Nothing to see here!
Come on!
Show's over!
Pops, what's the big idea?
Johnny!
Don't you know what you got on your belly?
Is there still some eggs from this morning?
No, son!
Look!
There's an exact replica of Mount Rushmore embossed on your stomach muscles!
Get them off me!
Make it stop, Pops!
Don't be a fool, boy!
I could make a fortune off this!
A fortune, huh?
What's in it for me?
Well, uh... You can watch me make a fortune off this!
I'm in!
Step right up!
See the boy with the presidents on his belly!
Gaze upon the magnificent freak of nature!
I cannot tell a lie!
This gut is caught!
Uh... Belly!
I mean, bully!
He-he!
Lock of hair!
Five dollars!
Johnny's baby blankets!
Twenty-five dollars!
Treasure the memory of my freakish son forever!
I hold these abs to be self-evident!
In just under a week, we've made a hundred and seventy pounds of money!
Oh, Pops, I can't thank you enough!
Because of you, Johnny finally has focus in his life!
Make way for the emperor of abs!
Hey, here's our star now!
Rico!
Sonny!
Make me a peanut butter sandwich!
No crust!
Whoa!
Go easy on the snacks there, Johnny!
Hey, lay up, Pops!
I'm eating for five now!
Well, okay!
We'll just have to train that much harder tomorrow!
That's another thing, Pops!
I'm done training!
It makes me all sweaty-like!
That's crazy talk, son!
You didn't get to be top freak by sitting on your rump!
Pops, let me tell you a little story.
It's about a shy young lad who came to the big
city with a handful of acorns and a crazy dream.
And that boy's name was... Abe Lincoln.
What's your point, Johnny?
What's on TV tonight?
And where's my potato chip ice cream?
And now, the moment you've been waiting for!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Rossmo the Magnificent!
Ha!
Good gravy!
Hey!
Where's everybody going?
I haven't even done my Bill of Rights dance!
Sign it!
You really want it!
Sign it, ya!
Forget it, Johnny!
They're not coming back!
No presidents, no crowds.
What?
You mean, no more fake friends?
No more screaming girls?
Not unless you get back into shape!
Now do it, Pops!
I'm gonna make a comeback!
First, let's get some lunch.
Ow!
Whoa!
Congratulations, Johnny!
You're back to your original weight!
Great!
Let's eat!
No!
We gotta get you back on stage!
You're right, Pops.
People were paying good money to stare at my deformed bulk and I threw it all away!
I'm not gonna make that mistake again!
Good lad!
The tension is thick here on the lawn of the Bravo House, where we are awaiting the
return of Rushmo the Magnificent and his eerily accentuated abdominal muscles.
There's his manager now.
Let's listen in.
Do you love America?
Do you love those wacky presidents?
Then join me in welcoming back, Rushmo the Magnificent!
That's not Mount Rushmore.
No!
It's better!
It's Melvin Dimitri, the 16th man to swim the
English Channel, dressed entirely in chiffon!
No!
Hey, look!
He's dancing!
And so we see that we are alone in the universe,
a superior species at the peak of its powers!
Yeah!
I'm stirring in the sea monkeys' food, Mrs. Bravo!
Oh, the little deers!
There's so much we can learn from them!
Like what?
Have a cookie, darling!
Hey, look everyone!
I got a mango!
That's a telegram, sweetie!
Right.
What did I say?
Just read it, dear.
To unseal envelope, peel back flap, and... Give me that, Johnny!
We're not getting any younger, you know!
It's from the state.
They say that due to a record-keeping error, you
never successfully completed the fourth grade!
Ah!
This is the worst water I ever tasted!
My sea monkeys!
They say that to get your diploma, you have to
report back to school to pass social skills!
Social skills?
What are they?
Social skills are interpersonal techniques such as active listening...
and respectful interacting with others.
Quit blabbing and make me a sandwich!
Just think, Johnny... If you go back to the fourth grade, we'll be in the same class!
No way!
I'm outta here!
If you want me, I'll be in Bolivia.
Now you see here, young man.
No sun of mine is going to be a fourth grade drop-out!
You're going back to school!
Aw mama!
I don't wanna go back to school with a bunch of immature little brats!
I don't wanna!
Oh, wow!
Here's your lunchbox, dear.
I put in some extra prune loaf to snack on.
And don't forget to give the nurse this note about your adenoids.
Be a good boy.
Don't talk to strangers.
Oh, they grow up so fast.
You'll see, Johnny.
We're gonna be best friends.
How about we stay acquaintances and you leave me alone?
Good morning, class.
Whoa!
Learning is its own reward.
You'll be happy to know I'm familiar with the three R's.
Reading, writing, and...
Check out this student body.
You must be Johnny, the new boy in class.
So, you wanna go out with me?
I'm sorry.
I don't date my students.
Oh, I get it.
Op me in front of the ID's cave.
Gotcha.
Suzie, since your grade point average in social skills is the highest in recorded
time, you'll be in charge of monitoring Johnny's progress.
I object!
Withdrawal.
Can I have cutseys?
No.
Please?
No!
What kind of friend are you?
Don't think of me as a friend, Johnny.
Think of me as someone who's going to judge your every move for the next three weeks.
Look, Leonardo DiCaprio.
Where?
Shove over, kid.
Hey, hairnet.
Give me one of them head cheese quesadillas,
some ham tots, a bowl of lips, and gravy.
Aw, give me that.
You're too slow.
And now for the most important food group of all.
Ice cream.
Come on, sweet Pat.
Hey, wide load.
Give someone else a chance.
Ah, you want some?
Yeah, yeah.
Sometime today, Jumbo.
Allow me.
Come on.
You'll pay for that.
Fog fight!
Cafeteria Conduct F.
Muggsy, why don't you be our first for show and tell?
Certainly.
This is my diorama of the St. Valentine's Day Mesa Creed.
Boing!
You had me, and you lost me.
And now, through the magic of sock puppets, I give you...
Johnny Brubble's Puppet Time Theater!
Hi, I'm Johnny.
I'm the coolest guy ever by far.
Let's meet some of my doofy friends.
Hi, I'm Susie.
I think I'm so great because I'm all smart.
And I don't want anyone to know that I'm in love with smelly Raymond in the third row.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah.
Johnny!
Ah, I'm Muggsy.
I pretend I'm so tough, but secretly, I like show tunes.
Don't look at me.
And we're all the other kids in Johnny's class.
We're all short and doofusy.
We're all gonna get beat up in high school and live boring, unrewarding lives.
Ah, Miss Winkleman.
I think Johnny's so cool, I want to marry him and make him my buff little cabana boy.
Thank you!
That'll do.
Sit down, Johnny.
Respect for others.
F.
This field trip is your last chance, Johnny.
If you don't score an A++++ in team supportiveness,
you'll have to start the fourth grade all over again.
Team supportiveness?
What's the team ever done for me?
When does Johnny get his share?
Class, welcome to the Museum of Extremely Dangerous Things.
Feel free to touch and explore.
Let me feed the cobra.
Don't chuff, children.
The cobra's not going anywhere.
These mannequins show what happens to children who sit too close to widescreen TV.
Now, follow me to the Hall of Nasty Paper Cuts.
Stay with your body.
Look, Johnny.
An old 1944 Lil' Stinker Harbor Mine.
I wonder if it still works.
Oh, who are you kidding?
This stuff's all fake.
Look, I'll show you.
Firing mechanism activated.
Detonation in 20 seconds.
1980.
Johnny, what do we do?
The only thing there is to do.
Get out of my way!
Johnny first, then all the women and children.
You mock my lover's show tunes, huh?
Sick of a fight?
No!
Ooh!
Maybe it's a duck.
Quick, everyone!
Johnny smothered the bot with his tremendous bulk!
The big joik's a hero.
Yeah!
Woo-hoo!
And so, for saving your fellow classmates... Sort of.
I award you Johnny Bravo with your fourth grade diploma.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
So, I am not a student anymore.
How'd you like to get hooked on Johnny?
I also don't date brainless, muscle-bound... Oofs!
My son, the graduate!
And these are the prehistoric tar pits where dinosaurs became trapped while
looking for food and sink to an oozy death.
I suppose when your brain's the size of a cashew, you're too
stupid to avoid walking into a lake of sticky, disgusting tar.
This way, please!
Aaaaaaahhhhhh!
Here I am!
Cliff Rogers, the world-famousest lifeguard in the world!
All the chicks love me!
Hi, I'm the new lifeguard!
You can't be a lifeguard, you're just a chick!
Oh, yeah?
Wait till you see my moves!
Look out, you fools!
It's the Deadly Loch Ness Ducky!
Hoo!
I knew she'd fail.
Eat chlorine, you hideous pool beast!
Hoo!
Oh!
Wow!
Hi, Johnny!
I didn't know you liked to play with dollies, too!
These aren't dollies, they're action figures.
Now, go away!
But, Johnny!
Today's the day you promised to take me to a taping of my favorite TV show,
Aunt Katie's Farm!
I never promised that.
Yes, you did!
I have a signed letter of intent notarized by three
witnesses and a tape cassette of you promising to take me.
Promise me, Johnny!
All right, all right, just give me that pizza!
Even so, I'm not gonna take you no how, no way!
Johnny's playing with dollies!
Well, let's get going, don't wanna be late for the taping.
Johnny!
Take that stupid thing off your head!
I don't want anyone to recognize me.
Hi, Johnny!
You here for the taping, too?
I camped overnight.
I love Aunt Katie.
She's my favorite agricultural children's host.
Wanna know how much I love her on a scale of one to gazillion?
I wish there were a little seed so she could plant me on the ground and nurture me.
The doors are opening!
Hey, wait for me, guys!
Where am I gonna sit?
Hey, down in front!
Ranch Hand Jim and Piggy Pig are warming up the audience.
You using this?
All right, let's get the stink first over with.
Ranch Hand Jim and Piggy Pig look seriously injured.
Ladies and gentlemen, due to circumstances beyond our
control, this episode of Aunt Katie's Farm has been cancelled.
Unless someone out there can fit into the Ranch Hand Jim and Piggy Pig costumes.
Oh, Johnny!
We could fit in the costumes!
I could be Ranch Hand Jim and you could be Piggy Pig!
How about if I'd be Mr. Slap You Silly and you'd be Mr. Shut Up For A Change?
Oh, please, sir.
I'd be forever indebted to you.
Oh, it's Aunt Katie herself?
Sweet!
Hey, farmaroos!
Pull up some hay!
We're going to Aunt Katie's Farm today!
Songs and games to make you think?
Please won't you watch our ratings stick?
There's Ranch Hand Jim, he's not all there.
And Piggy Pig, aww, you don't care!
So gather round!
We'll all make nice!
And then you'll buy our merchandise!
Hey, farmaroos!
Hiya, Katie!
Today's episode is brought to you by the great taste of fat.
Fat, the other, other white meat.
Oh!
I hear golly trolling.
I wonder who it could be.
Hi, kid!
Hi, Katie!
It's Ranch Hand Jim and Piggy Pig.
How are you today, Ranch Hand Jim?
I am plum fine, I reckon it, Katie.
And how are you today, Mr. Piggy Pig?
Farmalicious, Aunt Katie.
Check out this bacon.
Maybe Piggy Pig ought to stick to the cue cards.
How about we go back to the smokehouse and you cure what ails me?
Someone's being a naughty Piggy Pig.
You know what we do with naughty piggies, don't you, children?
Packing party!
Yay!
The heck's a packing party?
Well, farmaroos, here we are at the learning corral.
Today's lesson is all about sharing.
Let's see, who can help us learn about sharing?
I expect I can, Aunt Katie.
With a little help from Piggy Pig and used as the angry donkey.
Come on, donkey.
Good donkey.
Johnny's got a nice piece of fish for you.
Just what is sharing anyway, Ranch Hand Jim?
Sharing is when you let someone else have some of your stuff just because it's nice.
Piggy Pig's going to show us how he shares these
yummy corn husks with Eustace the angry donkey.
Corn husks, sweet.
Piggy Pig, aren't you going to give some to Eustace?
No way!
Johnny, I really think you'd better give him some.
Hey, Eeyore, is this what you want?
Denied!
No, seriously, you want some?
Denied!
No, really, this won't end well.
Oh!
Whoa!
And, uh, that's what happens when you don't share.
Are you all right, Mr. Piggy Pig?
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
The best way to cheer up a Piggy Pig is to give him a big ol' mud bath!
Yay!
No, please, don't!
That does it!
Piggy Pig's mad as heck and he's not gonna take it anymore!
Say goodnight, John boy!
Get off this set before I call security!
You shall be my wife!
Wait for me by my secret brain, Silo.
I will join you anon!
No!
Fly, my titties!
Fly!
That'll teach him to mess with Piggy Pig, won't it, kids?
Four feet good, two feet bad!
That'll do, Pig.
That'll do.
Sorry.
Look out!
Ha-ha!
Oh, mama.
Oh, babe.
Mercy.