One, two, three...
Way there.
Sassy.
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Now for the chili taste test.
Too much paprika.
Hey, guess I'll have to dump this batch.
Here's a dollar, Pops.
Give me a bowl of chili.
Oh, well, a dollar's a dollar.
Gotta warn you, though, today's batch might be a bit hot.
But chili ain't been made that's too hot for Johnny Bravo.
I'm afraid it might be hotter than you like it.
No matter.
Bring it on.
No, really, we're talking Mondo hot chili here.
I don't care how dang hot it is.
Give me a bowl of chili.
Bon appetit.
This ain't so hot.
Hi, Pops.
Way so glum, Carl.
Oh, I spent all night trying to perfect the world's first smart drink.
But all I came up with was this stupid fountain of
youth potion that keeps people young and virile.
Ah!
Them's the break.
Chili?
Johnny, no!
You're only supposed to drink a teaspoon.
Hey, uh, I feel kind of funny.
Oh, no.
I was afraid this would happen.
Carl, you idiot.
My drink and that stupid potion has turned you both into horrible giants.
No, Johnny.
My fountain of youth potion has turned you into a little baby.
Bummer.
Uh,
what's the matter, little baby?
Pops, don't patronize him.
I've got your little toe.
Where's his little toes?
Woo-ja, woo-ja, woo-ja.
Woo-ja, little baby.
Where's his little toes?
All right, now just cut it out.
I made it.
Back off.
Sorry, son.
Woo-ja, woo-ja, woo-ja.
Where did Carl go?
Here he is.
Good one, Carl.
I really thought you'd left.
Listen up before I spit up on the both of you.
Carl, you've got ten seconds to break out the antidote.
Sorry, Johnny.
There is no antidote.
You'll have to wait until the potion wears off at around...
Noooo!
Four o'clock this afternoon.
Well, at least give me something to teeth on.
I think someone needs his nappy.
You're right, Pops.
I better get him home.
Mama Bravo will know what to do.
So, uh, Johnny sorta drank the potion and, uh...
Well, I hope you're not mad because... My baby!
Now, Mama, this is only temporary.
Don't go getting all crazy on me.
Oh, honey, don't ruin it for me.
I've been waiting for this moment ever since you hit puberty and broke my heart!
Oh, Mama, just settle down.
Hey, I think your stories are on.
Oh, look at you, all naked and vulnerable to the world.
Let Mama tend to all your needs.
I've had all your baby things hermetically sealed since you were weaned.
Uh, oh, oh, all right, Mama.
You're, uh, getting a little weird on me here.
Ha-ha!
Remember the bunny suit?
Here comes the bunny suit!
Who loves his little bunny suit?
Oh, no, did it all for me, did it off!
Yeah, this is comfy.
Ha-ha!
Whoa!
Now, you sit right there and let Mama feed you.
I still have three cases of strained squab here someplace.
Aw, Mama, not the squab.
It'll make me all colicky.
Now, open wide.
Mm-mm.
Now, what was that game we used to play to get you to eat?
Oh, yes.
Oh, good heavens!
What the heck is that?
Ah!
What?
Ha-ha!
For crying out loud, Mama, I'm a grown man.
Not anymore, you're not.
You're my little baby.
And I'm going to keep you at my side forever and ever and... Whoops!
Two-fifteen.
Time for my poker-size class.
I'll have to drop you off at daycare.
No, Mama!
Not daycare!
What?
I can't have a life of my own!
But I don't wanna go!
I don't wanna!
Hello, I'm Katia, your child maintenance engineer.
Well, powder my honey!
I'll take it from here, Mama.
All right, Johnny.
Mama loves ya!
Ciao!
You know, I don't drool like this for just any caretaker.
Oh, aren't you cute and you're so verbal for your age.
I'll just put you here so you can make some little friends.
Okay.
What?
No!
Let's go get a steak!
I'll let you chew it for me.
No, really?
That's fascinating, you stupid drool monkey.
Hug, hug, hug.
I can see we're gonna have to get a few things straight around here.
Well, how's everything?
What happened here?
With my superior intelligence, it was easy to conquer them.
You're a naughty baby, aren't you?
I was hoping you'd notice.
Hey, while you're up, could you get me some more cookies?
Oh, look at you.
You're all dirty.
Now I've gotta give you a bath.
What?
I don't want a bath.
Now, now, don't fuss.
I don't want a bath.
You can't make me or hand me, I say.
Gotta time this just right.
Ride, Binky.
Ride like the wind.
Gotcha.
Let go, lady.
I said let go.
Now, let's get you cleaned up.
It's four o'clock and your mother's gonna be here any minute.
No, I tell ya.
I ain't gonna... Did you say four o'clock?
Lady, I don't think you wanna do this, really.
Sorry.
I'm not kidding.
It's a funny story, actually.
Wait!
Come back!
Now we can go out together.
I'll buy you dinner and let you burp me.
How are you doing, Johnny?
Fine, Mama.
But can I please get out of this crib now?
Huber me, honey.
At least for a few more years.
Aw, man.
This stinks.
I'm... Hey.
Rattle it.
Ha!
It's amazing the way they stand at attention like that.
I'll get him to move.
Will you cut that out?
I'm not at attention.
I'm bored.
Bored, do you hear?
Anyone can be a security guard.
Even an idiot like you.
Really?
Can I boss people around and write tickets and junk?
Uh, yeah.
Ah, but you probably wouldn't like it.
You have to carry around a big, jingly ring full of keys.
Ooh.
I wanna be a security guard.
I wanna, I wanna.
Great.
Here's everything you need.
And remember, you're not just risking your life.
You're risking your life for minimum wage.
Minimum.
Sounds like a lot.
Don't forget to sign me out at five.
Yippee!
I'm free!
Hear me, evildoers.
Your reign of terror is at an end.
From this moment on, I shall ceaselessly defend
this maul against all who would do evil against it.
But first, I'm gonna get a donut.
Ha ha!
Look at me.
I'm the man!
Ha!
Now to find someone to hassle.
Ah, ha!
Where were you on the night of the 16th?
Thank you for your cooperation.
Yep.
It's a great responsibility of safeguarding
the lives of all these innocent maul goers.
So I get off at five.
You like Chinese?
Right!
Be back after I finish my rounds.
Ow!
I meant to do that.
Ow!
Hi, Johnny!
Hi, Weed.
You know you got a wiener on your head?
Uh-huh.
It's all part of my new job as assistant manager trainee of Weenie on a Rod.
Only 57 months till I get my big weenie hat.
Hmm.
Maybe this would be a good time to practice my suspect takedown technique.
Ow!
Ah!
You're funny!
By the way, I keep my eyes open.
There have been a rash of burglaries at the mall lately.
What?
Not on Johnny's watch.
You know, Johnny, I can get you free weenies.
Whoa!
Hand talk now, dweeb.
I see a 36-24-36 in progress.
Freeze!
Stop right there, gorgeous.
You have the right to remain luscious.
Anything you say can and will make me hold you against me.
Oh!
We may call you for further questioning.
I've got you now, punk.
You're going away for a long time.
So just stop struggling.
Hey, I got his lawyer.
That's 20 points.
Officer!
There's a guy over there stealing laptops.
You fool!
You've ruined my high score.
Nah, he's gonna get off on a plea bargain.
But that guy's robbing me blind.
Talking back to me, huh?
Come here, you.
I'm your worst nightmare, kid.
A high school graduate with a cardboard hat.
Now you think about what you've done.
Okay.
Hey!
Officer down!
I have to go to the bathroom.
Hey, Mr. Police.
Why you suck all of the yogurt out of my machine, huh?
It's all right, citizen.
I'm here in an official capacity.
Johnny!
The burglar's making off with my ceramic weenie!
Aha!
A crime in progress!
This ceramic weenie should fetch a hefty price on the ceramic weenie black market.
Hurry, Johnny!
I think you can still catch... creating a disturbance, $35.
bring him my heir, $50.
wearing that stupid weenie hat, $40.
Stop him!
He's got the weenie!
Hey!
That's the guy who took my computers!
Fools!
Your pathetic vigilantism is no match for my criminal genius!
a-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Nya-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
All right.
Run away!
Get him!
Living on the same block as me, $63.
Nobody move or the rent-a-cop gets a hair full of mustard.
Do what he says!
Come on, you!
Pff... Oh my gosh!
I gotta get help!
You fiend!
You'll never get away with this.
Your life of crime will lead you to... Hey, weenies!
We have the weenie store surrounded.
Come out with your hands up.
I hold the cards here, copper.
What's more, I won three million dollars, a Learjet, and two tickets to the Shaw and I.
I don't need orchestra seats, mind you.
You can put me in the balcony.
I'd be happy to stick it in.
Mmm.
Listen, take your time with the whole of me hostage thing.
The Shaw and I, that's gonna take some time.
Mrs. Bravo?
I saw the whole thing on TV, and I came right over.
I'll take it from here, Captain.
Carl?
You stole for time.
I'm going in!
Attention, burglar!
I know you're feeling lonely and alienated, but that's okay!
Let's do some role-playing to explore those feelings.
You be you, and I'll be... Sultry cabaret singer, Billie Holiday!
Why don't you give up your life of crime, and join me on stage in a bluesy ballad?
La, la, la, la, la!
Is he always like this?
Uh-huh.
Do me a favor.
If you try to escape, use him for your human shield.
Mama!
Oh!
Stop, or I'll smother him in onions!
Eat leather, punk!
Yaha!
Ooh!
Ah!
Ooh!
Thanks, Mama.
You saved my life.
My pleasure, dear.
Beside, your little hostage crisis was preempting all my favorite shows.
Johnny, thank goodness your horrible experience is over.
Not quite.
We still have a situation.
Give me that.
Attention!
Does anyone have an antacid?
The British are coming!
The dang British are coming!
Hey there, revolutionary mama.
Ow!
Let freedom ring!
Ow!
And then, and stretch, and one, and two, and breathe, and then!
Hey, tan blonde and limber, mind if I ogle you?
Huh?
Uh-oh!
Oh, mama!
Ah!
Uh-oh.
Ah!
La, la, la.
Hi, Johnny!
Look, I lost a tooth!
Big deal.
I lost my eighth lateral vertebrae.
It's all right.
I'll just walk it off.
Whoa!
Excuse me a sec.
You know what I'm saying?
And tonight, I'll put the tooth under my pillow
and the Tooth Fairy will give me a dollar for it.
Tooth Fairy?
A dollar?
What's so funny?
There's no Tooth Fairy, kid.
Don't you realize those are just myths your parents tell you so that you'll
repeat them in public and then they'll point at you and laugh?
This is terrible.
I know the Easter Bunny was a big scam.
But if there's no Tooth Fairy, then life is meaningless.
Oh, no.
What have I done?
I've taken a little girl's hopes and dreams and dashed
them against the craggy rocks of... Wait a minute.
There's no Easter Bunny?
Nooooo!
More tea, Mrs. Livingston?
No, thank you.
I'm too sickened by all the lies and betrayal.
Oh, poor kid.
I've got to snap her out of her funk before
she drives me crazy with her miserable whining.
Uh-oh.
Ta-da!
Ah!
Like I was saying, ta-da!
It is I, the stupid Tooth Fairy.
Please, please don't let anyone see me.
Behold my ridiculous sparkliness!
Whoa!
Are you really the Tooth Fairy?
Because my neighbor says you don't exist.
Yeah, well, he is wise and pretty, but mistaken in this instance.
But how... Look, kid.
Here's two bucks.
Now give me your dang tooth.
I gotta go pick up a bicuspid over in Pomona.
I don't know.
If you're really the Tooth Fairy, you must have magical powers.
This is getting ugly.
I'm afraid I won't believe you until you Grant me three wishes.
What?
There's no haggling with the Tooth Fairy.
I'll give you one wish.
Two wishes.
Done.
Oh, yeah.
Who's the fairy?
You didn't see that, did you?
I'll have a double chocolate Dresden belly bomb with sprinkles.
Extra fudge?
Yes, please.
And nuts, and tiny marshmallows, and licorice pieces, and chutney, and.
Whoa, slow down.
I ain't made of money, you know.
Right away, little girl.
You know, Susie, me and the other fairies
think you've been packing on the pounds lately.
You said I could have any wish I wanted.
You are a real fairy, aren't you?
Could you stop saying that so loud?
Here you go, belly bomb for the little girl.
And a glass of water for the cheapskate and the sparkly costume.
That'll be 23.50.
23.50?
Uh, I almost left my wallet and my other tutu.
But I'm good for it, right?
After all, I'm the tooth fairy.
I don't care if you're queen of the Stardust Ballroom.
I'm sick of you sparkly weirdos stiffing me on the bill!
Listen, kid.
I'll give you one of my teeth if we call it quits right now.
Uh-uh.
I still have one wish left.
You're not still hungry, are you?
Take me to the petting zoo.
What a delightful little child.
Would you like some delicious animal pellets, sweet little Annie?
Hey, these pellets are yummy.
I gotta get the recipe.
Get your own, you oversized rat.
Hey, check out the rat camel who thinks he's a horse.
Hey, where'd he go?
No!
I'm not hurt!
Uh-oh.
Phew.
I'm glad that's over.
But I didn't do it, I swear.
All right, lord of the dance, tell it to the judge.
I just hope those poor, adorable animals are okay.
Get in the wagon, Tinkerbell!
Stop!
That's no fairy!
That's my friend Johnny!
What?
You knew it was me?
Of course, Johnny.
I'm not an idiot.
What gave me away?
The stupid outfit?
Eating animal pellets?
Starting a stampede?
Uh-huh.
Aw.
I guess I'm pretty lousy at cheering people up.
No, you're not, Johnny.
It made me happy just knowing you cared enough to try.
Aw.
I guess you're my bestest and truest friend.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get it.
Don't run it into the ground.
So I guess you'll be releasing me, huh, Mr. Policeman?
Yeah, right.
Now get into the paddy wagon, dirtbag!
What?
No!
It was the llama!
He was the ringleader!
If all you boys and girls will clap your hands real harsh, Johnny can make bail!
Get me the lawyer fairy!
Bye, Johnny!
I'll write to you!
Hey, kid!
You susie?
The tooth fairy!
You do exist!
Yeah, whatever.
Make with the enamel.
Ten cents?
That's it?
Boo-hoo!
Come back when you get your first crown and we'll talk real cash.
Well, I'm not gonna offer today.
Come on, Morty!
But, but, but, but, but, I, I...
Look out.
Hup, hup!
Oh!
Bump, bump!
Whoa!
Bump!
A bear!
I Saints came to another day!
In... Monster Hand!
No name is what!
Oh!
First leg!
Went over.
We were put on Infant.