One, two, three.
Way there.
Sassy.
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
And here we have the famous Rovalisa.
Is she frowning or growling?
Only the artist knows.
And here's Hatfield's classic of the heartland, Sad Puppy Gothic.
Aw, Mama, this stinks.
Where are all the robots?
There are no robots here, sweetie.
This is an art museum.
Ha!
You call this art?
That's the thermostat, dear.
Don't touch that.
Johnny, why don't you go buy yourself something sugary?
Here's a dollar.
Ooh, a dollar.
I can buy sugar nips.
I love the sudden burst of energy followed by the crashing low.
Ooh.
Hey, baby.
I know what you're thinking.
How did the statue get off its pedestal?
Well, surprise.
I'm real.
Sugar nip.
Help!
Somebody get me out of here.
I can't be in closed places.
I'm all hacked up on sugar.
I...
Why... why... sugar nip.
Why an all-girl drink.
Oh, no, Grandma.
I don't want to groom the monkeys.
Help!
Somebody help me!
Where's my cloudy nightlight?
Oh, you star!
Oh!
Hey!
Where is everybody?
It must be past closing time.
Or maybe the sun exploded and I'm the last man on Earth?
Or maybe it's just closing time.
Ah,
the heart of Pomona, the world's largest cubic zirconium.
This will fetch me hundreds on the black market.
Curses!
This zirconium is protected by a case of pure diamond.
How ironic.
Hey, baby.
Say, you don't know anything about the sun exploding, do you?
Phew.
Good thing you landed on my head.
You're not with museum security, are you?
Wanna go out to dinner with me?
I still got 20 cents left.
Uh, sure.
Would you do me a favor first and ram your head as hard as you can into this case?
Well, gee, I don't know, I...
Glad I could be of service.
Now to carefully retrieve the gem.
Ooh, shiny.
I wonder if it's real.
You fool!
Wait your turn, lady.
Mmm, zirconium.
The other white meat.
Stop!
Stop in the name of an independently contracted security firm!
Drat!
I guess you're coming with me.
Back to your place?
Sweet!
Whoa!
I've, uh, never been in a woman's apartment before.
I mean, I've been in them.
I mean, I'm not scared.
Hey, look!
Flowers!
You idiot!
That was a priceless Ming vase!
I mean, why don't you come sit on the sofa
while I slip into something more comfortable?
You imbecile!
You've destroyed my entire collection!
You did it!
Don't worry.
That zirconium in your stomach will more than make up for it.
Yeah, too bad you can't get at it.
Can't I?
Hey, what the...
Mama warned me about women like you.
I was hoping she was right.
This laser can project a spot on the moon.
You can imagine what it can do at close range.
Okay, but I warn you, I'm very ticklish.
Freeze, you vile Vixen!
Mama, quick!
Go away!
You've earned my everlasting hatred, Johnny Bravo!
Someday, I'll have my revenge!
Mitzi, wait!
You can't deny our love!
No!
You idiot!
Oh,
Johnny, you're safe and untouched.
Yeah, great.
Thanks for that.
We got a problem, ma'am.
The museum is gonna need their zirconium back.
But Johnny has such a slow metabolism.
Maybe we can reach some sort of compromise.
Oh, look, Harriet.
It's the world's largest cubic zirconium.
Come on, keep it moving, keep it moving.
A sad keep the line moving.
Remember, no flash pictures.
Hey, you!
Chris!
Who knows what mystery is the boundless universe contains?
Vast spinning globs of gas and plasma.
Ancient civilizations both unknown and unknowable.
Hot alien space chicks waiting to be contacted by yours truly.
Test one, test two.
Is this thing on?
Hello, alien space chicks!
What are you wearing?
Hmm.
Maybe I'll get better reception standing on this dangerously steep precipice.
Whoa!
Ha!
It worked!
The space chicks have heated my calling!
Excuse me, coming through.
Must be one of them alien honeys.
Hey there, extraterrestrial mama.
Can I interest you in a little carbon base love?
Whoa!
Is it because I called collect?
Hi, Johnny.
Have you come to say goodbye to us before we enter the biosphere?
Back off, Carl.
That space chick is mine.
Silly Johnny.
She's not a space chick.
That's Dr. Rachel Levy.
The world's foremost dental hygienist.
She'll be leading me and a team of intrepid scientists to see if humans can
survive an entire year in the enclosed environment of the biosphere.
Yeah, that's fascinating.
Excuse me.
Hey, BioBetty.
You know my love is a renewable energy source.
Come, Carl, it's time to enter the biosphere.
Yes, I'm looking forward to living with you and the other BioNauts for an entire
year in an enclosed space with no possibility of contact with the outside world.
Fellow BioNauts, our incredible odyssey has begun.
Yay!
I'll break out some dehydrated seaweed fritters to celebrate.
Good doggy!
Ew.
Kelpie.
Johnny!
Hey, baby.
Your jab to the kidneys said bug off, but your eyes say hello, sailor.
You idiot.
Our resources have been carefully balanced for four.
Now you're stuck in here with us for an entire year.
That's no good for me.
I got karate on Thursdays.
No, Johnny.
She's serious.
We're locked in for a whole year.
But don't worry.
It'll be fun.
Whoa!
Carl's log.
Day one.
Hour four.
My fellow BioNauts and I are adjusting well to complete isolation.
Johnny's a good boy.
Everything's gonna be fine.
I'll just watch TV till they come to take me out of here.
Johnny, that's not a TV.
That's the microwave.
Quiet!
I'm watching my favorite show.
Macaroni and cheese spinning around and around and around and around and around.
And Eddie.
Hmm.
Maybe a tour of the biosphere will take the edge off your claustrophobic paranoia.
Follow me, fellow BioNauts.
You see, Johnny, Spaceship Earth is composed of many different ecosystems
which we have tried to replicate here in the biosphere.
Would you stop saying that?
Sorry.
Here we have the festering swamp ecosystem.
Why would you want one of those?
To propagate the mosquitoes, viruses, and poisonous
tree frogs that complete the complex dance of life.
Oh, hello, little fella.
Let's move on with our tour, shall we?
Also included are the desiccated desert ecosystem, the frozen tundra ecosystem,
the downtown Newark ecosystem, and the piece de resistance, the
hydroponic garden, where we grow the tasteless roots
and vegetables we'll be eating for an entire year.
You mean, this is all we got to eat?
That's right, Mr. Snippy.
Unless you have a better idea.
Good news, Frenchy.
I pulled up all that healthy junk and planted corn chips.
Nein!
Aw, don't cry.
As soon as the first crop comes in, all we'll need is salsa.
All righty, I've assessed the damage to the hydroponic garden.
We still have enough food to survive by a slim margin provided our water holds out.
Someone's in the kitchen with Johnny.
Someone's in the kitchen, I guess.
What are you doing?
My laundry.
You used 472,000 gallons of water to wash your socks?
They were dirty.
Look at that stain.
That's plum sauce.
You scientists are high-strung types, aren't you?
Engineer Wang, your report.
By rationing the remaining water and redirecting the solar panels, we should be
able to survive by growing five soybeans a day.
Provided, of course, that the power grid holds out.
Oh, yeah, Johnny.
Feel the burn.
You jerk!
You've shorted out the entire power grid!
The only way we can possibly survive now is to eat a member of the team.
Unthink-upper?
I refuse.
By the way, those vitally needed oxygen
scrubbers, they make excellent loofah sponges.
See how smooth?
I'll eat him.
Yeah, I'll eat him too.
No!
Eat me instead!
Stop!
What are we doing?
We volunteered for this project to help the world.
Somehow, someway, we'll find a way to complete
our mission and still keep our humanity.
Okay, who's ready to eat?
I got dibs on the wing bones.
Get him!
Did somebody order a pizza?
Oh, that's mine.
I've been standing at the window blinking pizza in Morse code for days.
I knew someone would see me.
We're saved!
It's a good thing for you people.
I know how to open an anodized tungsten airlock door with plutonium hinges.
Good lad.
Here's a nickel.
Nooooo!
Hey, what's everyone looking at?
I know what you're thinking and you can forget it.
This pizza is mine!
Boom!
Ah!
Ooh, oh, come on!
What happens when an idiot meets his Echo?
I'm pretty.
I'm prettyer.
I'm prettier.
No, I'm prettier.
I am.
You're dumb.
I know you are, but what am I?
Oh, he's good.
You've saved me from the deadly undertow for the 19th time today.
You're welcome, Susan.
Perhaps now you'll learn to swim.
Watch the railing!
That concludes our 72-hour marathon of beach patrol.
Stay tuned for our 72-hour marathon of adorable Dolly auction.
Muscles weakened by marathon.
Must reach remote.
Are you out of shape?
Lazy.
Stupid.
Huh?
Hi, I'm Kira at Morning Mist Spa.
My staff of tan and detractive specialists will help cleanse your body of toxins
while we tighten and tone those atrophied muscles.
Call for your reservations now.
Fancy spa chicks walking on my spine is exactly what I need to get back into shape.
I'm gonna call right now.
Must.
Reach.
Phone.
We're centered.
We're going to the happy place.
Allow the warmth and fuzziness to fill your being.
Hey, where's the pool?
Come on, let's go.
I've been here an entire five minutes and still haven't been pampered.
Hello, sir.
Please, sit down and find your center.
Ah.
Okay.
Whatever.
Come over, tubby.
Okay.
So, visualize a bright light.
When's cookie time?
We don't consume harmful refined sugars here.
Now, see the light.
But you got Bikini Bingo right.
It was in the brochure.
No, it wasn't.
And we're visualizing.
Oh, I get you.
I got the deluxe package and you don't want the rest of these losers to find out.
Sir, could you?
You know, you seem kind of tense.
I think you could use the healing powers of Johnny.
Could you pop my shoulder back in, please?
Hmm, that was almost too easy.
How did you get into such horrible condition?
Well, first thing in the morning, I power up with a big glass of bacon grease.
Then... Here.
The toxitron will measure the level of harmful toxins in your body.
Hey, do you have a couch?
All this standing around is making me woozy.
My goodness.
I've never encountered anyone with such a high level of poisons in their system.
Hey, I forgot I had chocolate cake in my pocket.
You shall be my greatest challenge yet.
Getting you into shape will put my spa on the map.
Fine with me, healthy mama.
You can fluff Johnny's chakras any time.
You know, now that you mention it, I do see a bright, sir, and painful light.
The first step is to relax the body with a rejuvenating deep tissue massage.
Oh, I knew I came to the right place.
Let the deep tissue massaging begin.
Oh, you have such a soft, nurturing touch.
Why, thank you.
I think we can move on to the spinal adjustment now.
No!
Oh!
You jerk!
Look what you've done to my clients!
Hey!
That kink in my neck is gone!
Oh!
Now if I could just do something about that rib in my lung.
I've placed the client in the mud baths as you asked, boss.
Silently, stealthily, hip old man mirrors his prey.
Oh no!
I've been spotted!
The tables have turned!
Will you shut up?
I'm paying 300 bucks a day for a little tranquility, you idiot!
None there, my hippo man!
Ah!
Folgers!
Run away!
Well, is everyone cleansed and relaxed?
They started it!
This is a place of healing and wholeness.
I will not tolerate such primitive, unchecked aggression.
Ah!
The victory belongs to hippo man!
Hey waiter!
This ain't right.
I ordered the lobster special.
That is the lobster special, sir.
Oh.
Can I have 143 lobster specials?
There he is!
Throw him in the sauna of quiescence until he screams for mercy.
Oh no!
I'm trapped!
Alone!
Doomed!
Hey!
Fahrenheit 451.
That's the temperature cheese melts at.
It's a good thing I have these fondue fixings hidden in my spa slippers.
Ah, by now the brainless oaf should be detoxified and
ready to join my happy brigade of soulless health drones.
Pretty little maid am I am I.
Oh, pretty little maid am I.
Mmm.
Fonduey.
What are you doing?
You are impossible, incurable, intolerable.
Is that fondue I smell?
No.
There's no fondue here.
I wasn't cooking any.
There's not enough for you.
Fondue was my favorite comfort food back when I was unhealthy, uncleansed.
Fat.
Good.
Then you won't be wanting any.
Give me that.
It's not like Kira to be late for Aromiatsu class.
Hey, give me back my lunch.
No.
The cheesy goodness is mine.
What are you all looking at?
Sure, I may have hopped on the express train to Piggy
Town, but I'm happy for the first time in years.
What have I done?
I'm ruined!
Ruined!
Aw, don't worry my little carbo-pack chrysanthemum.
At least you still got me.
After we work on your table manners a bit.
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We'll be right back.