One, two, three...
Way there.
Sassy.
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Wait, son.
Don't go outside.
It's dangerous.
They'll catch you and cook you and serve you up for lunch in some cheap diner.
Really, Daddy?
No, just kidding.
Go on, have a ball.
More blossom pie, Johnny?
Thanks, Pops.
No one does marsupial cream sauce like you do.
Johnny, look out.
There's a giant kangaroo on your head.
What?
There it is.
Get it off me.
Just kidding.
April Fools, Johnny.
April Fools?
I knew it all along.
Really?
So I guess you also knew about the giant man-eating lizard behind you.
Where is he?
April Fools, son.
All right.
I knew that.
I was just playing along.
You're an awfully good sport considering your face is melting!
No!
Not my face!
Anything but my face!
April Fools, Johnny!
Oh.
Yeah, that's another good one, Pops.
Hey, Pops.
What's that on your shirt?
Hurry.
Better look down where my hand is.
Never mind that.
What's that on the ceiling?
Huh?
Oh, yeah!
Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
All right, Pops.
This has been fun, but I should go.
Okay, Johnny.
Watch out for the wet floor.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
And I.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I get duped every April Fools day.
This year, I'm going to get someone to fall for one of my practical jokes.
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Hey, neighbor girl, there's a kangaroo on my head.
There is?
Get it off me!
Don't let it lay its eggs on me!
Aah!
April Fools.
By the way, you wouldn't have a neck brace, would you?
No, Johnny, but I have a secret.
You know my teacher, Miss Williams?
You mean the one.
Uh-huh.
She likes you.
She does?
I mean, she has excellent taste.
One small problem, though.
Is this about my 11th toe?
No, silly.
She only dates men who love and live for the dance.
Why, that's me.
Except for the part about the dance.
Okay, so listen.
Here's what we do.
May we see her, she could see her, she could see her, she could see her.
And that's how cowboys invented cursive writing.
Okay, turn to page... Hey, Miss Williams!
Huh?
What on earth?
Hey, get a load of me.
I'm dancing.
You probably want to go out with me now, huh?
Hey!
What's so funny?
Attention, Johnny!
April fools!
Aw, you think you're all so funny.
Well, you all have something on your shirts.
Rats.
There must be someone around who's stupid and
gullible enough to pull a practical joke on.
Hey, Johnny!
Oh, a glass of cherry cola for me?
Hmm, a dribble glass, eh?
I'll just put my finger over this hole.
April fools!
Ah, my, that was refreshing.
Hey, you cheated!
Ah!
Johnny, what was in that glass?
Just cherry soda, what's the big deal?
Ah!
Carl!
Oh, no!
Carl's dead!
And my fingerprints are all over the dribble glass!
April fools!
I'm not really dead.
Not yet, you're not.
Chill out, Johnny.
Drawing your rage with a nice, refreshing glass of soda.
Oh, thanks, Carl.
Huh?
April fools!
Thanks for the laugh, Johnny.
Everybody likes making fun of Johnny.
Oh, there, there, sweetie.
Not everyone takes advantage of you on April fools day.
Why, I guess you're right, mama.
Oh, look!
A rattlesnake!
Rattlesnake!
Ah!
Oh, relax, sweetie, relax.
It's not a real snake.
April fools!
Phew.
Oh, no!
Oh, it bit me!
It bit me!
Oh, Johnny!
Johnny, help!
I'll save you, mama!
Dirty little, sloppy, cold-blooded.
Hiyah!
Woo!
Johnny, Johnny, it's just a washing machine hose.
Now, give it back to me.
I'm doing a load of whites later.
I'm gonna think of an April fools day joke if it takes me all week!
I've got it!
I'm glad you really do have a crush on Johnny, Miss Williams.
He'll be so happy to hear it.
Oh, Suzanne, her teacher, Miss Williams.
What a coincidence to run into you two.
Hi, Johnny.
I was just wondering...
Wondering if you could play another April Fools joke on Johnny?
Oh, well.
No hard feelings.
Let's be friends.
Oh, gee, I-I-I'm sorry.
Here, smell my flower.
Stupid flower.
Let me wipe off your face with this pie!
Hey, April Fools!
Johnny, April Fools was yesterday.
Huh?
Oh, right.
So you still want to go out with me?
Huh?
Oh!
Ow!
Oh, that word's sense of humor!
Ow!
Girls just don't have a sense of humor.
Tower to pilot!
We're tracking your approach, and opening our hangar doors of yummy goodness!
Tower to pilot!
Mayday!
You're coming in too low!
Pull up, man!
Pull up!
No!
Dang, Windshear.
Hello, handsome.
Mind if I sit here?
Hey, look out!
You're crushing the International Terminal!
Whatcha eating?
Pop's 5 alarm, Chili.
But you wouldn't like it.
I ordered it with extra motor oil.
Extra motor oil?
I love a man who loves extra motor oil.
And I love a woman who loves a man who loves a... Um, what was that first part again?
Kiss me, Johnny.
Kiss me like I've never been kissed before!
Hmm.
Okay.
Wait!
Johnny, stop!
Huh?
She's not real!
This is all a terrible dream!
What are you talking about?
You're not really here.
You're asleep in my dream research facility.
And I'm having a tiny problem waking you up.
Now, where were we?
But I have a theory!
No!
Perhaps a sudden traumatic shock will wake you!
Quick!
Slap yourself silly about the face and neck!
What are you waiting for, Johnny?
Kiss me.
You do want to wake up, don't you?
Now, how about you and me go someplace a little more... quiet?
I love Swedish karate movies, don't you, Johnny?
I think I may be falling in love with you, uh... whatever your name is.
But first, I have to know, what are your intentions?
Whoa, mama!
But first, I want you to clean your room!
Huh?
And don't forget to take out the garbage!
Mama!
What's going on here?
There was a beautiful chick sitting there a second ago!
That's what I was trying to tell you, Johnny!
In the dream state, everything you think of becomes a reality!
Now, quick, dump your soda on your head so you can wake up!
That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!
If everything I thought came true, what's to stop me from thinking of a giant
pterodactyl flying in and carrying you off for food?
Uh-oh!
It worked!
I am dreaming!
And another thing!
How many times have I told you not to bathe in the dishwasher?
I don't need to listen to this.
I can just think my chick back!
Hey, how yous doing?
Dream Girl!
Oh, Dream Girl, you're everything I've ever wanted in a woman.
You're beautiful and you smell like baloney.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I couldn't hear you.
My senses were blunted by your extraordinarily good looks.
Pretty and smart.
Oh, this'll be the first date I... Uh, I mean, the best date I ever had!
Oh, Johnny, the stars, the moon, the 67 hot tub car.
It's all so perfect!
Thanks!
You know, in real life, only the televangelists have hot tub cars.
More sarsaparilla, my pet.
Thanks.
What are you thinking, Johnny?
Hmm, I guess I'm just thinking how amazingly cool I am.
And the fact that... Huh?
Oh, no!
What did I do?
Warm Sandy beach!
Ah, that's the ticket.
Gotta get my dream chick back.
Oh, Johnny.
The sand, the sun.
It's all so perfect.
What are you thinking?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Every time I start thinking, something horrible happens.
Well, then, you just lie back and enjoy your little dream.
And whatever you do, don't think of me as a horrible, one-eyed, tentacled sea monster.
Rats.
Gotta wake up!
Nothing.
Still not waking up.
Man, I must have fallen asleep watching public television.
Hey, you guys!
Help me wake up!
I-I-I-I-I, conked me on the head or something!
No can do, blond one.
Our tribe is peaceful and sedentary.
Huh?
I guess that's why you're all a bunch of poor-eating, grass-skirt-wearing yahoos.
Get him!
Come on, harder!
Is that the best you got?
Or you call that aim?
That'll do.
Oh!
Wake up, sir.
Wake up!
Uh, uh, what?
Where am I?
You're at the clinic for gastric disorders.
You came in three days ago after eating a bowl of wax fruit.
Oh, thank goodness.
Hey, you know, it's funny.
You look just like the girl in the dream I just had.
I am the girl of your dreams, Johnny.
Look familiar?
What the?
Carl?
Sorry, Johnny.
I had to wake you.
You were reaching DreamCon 4.
But unhook these stupid wires.
I want to go home.
No can do.
As a participant in this study, you're required to
stay here 72 more hours for testing and observation.
But don't worry.
I'll be right by your side the whole time.
Sleep, Johnny.
Sleep.
I want to go to sleep.
Send me back to sleep.
Maybe I should try that warm milk thing.
Sleep.
Consider the Turkey.
A creature so amazingly stupid, it'll stare up at a
rainstorm with its mouth wide open until it actually drowns.
Hey, what's everybody looking at?
Is it that thing?
Come on, tell me.
I'll be your best friend.
Oh, I'll see it now.
No, that's not it.
Oh, come on, guys.
Just give me a hint.
I'll be your best friend.
Breadcrumbs.
He's close.
I can feel it.
Subs!
We got big subs.
Come get your big subs.
The sandwich is a sly but predictable creature.
Though he is a noble beast, the food chain must prevail.
Bloated from its noonday meal, it fails to sense my approach.
Steady, Johnny.
Steady.
Sandwiches are smart.
No wonder they've remained unchanged for millions of years.
Hello, operator.
What do you mean, please deposit 75 cents?
I'm Fishlips Malone.
It's a good thing there were no witnesses around.
One more offense and they'd send me up the river for good.
Can I have a quarter, Mr. Fishlips?
Whoa!
You just made a big mistake, kid.
Take it easy, Fishlips.
I never squeal on you.
Unless someone paid me for the story.
Hey, how much do you think I could get?
Why, you... I'm gonna shut you off for good, see?
Yeah.
Hey, look.
Big sale on ice picks.
Huh?
Where?
Carl, you gotta hide me.
I fingered Fishlips Malone for shaking down a
payphone and now he wants to gut me like a kipper.
Why should I help you?
You're the one who was stupid enough to go blabbing that you were a witness.
Hmm, good point.
Look, this is Carl.
I told him what you did.
He's a witness now, too.
Look, Johnny.
Johnny, racks of women's clothing.
Let's disguise ourselves.
It's our only chance.
What?
Johnny Bravo ain't dressing up in no frilly chick clothes.
No way, no how.
Anybody seen two lowlife rats?
Because when I find them, I'm gonna tear them both apart.
So then I says to him, I says, I don't care if you are a millionaire.
I'm not that kind of girl.
Oh, pardon me, ladies.
That was a close one.
Shut up and get this stuff off me.
I smell all perfumey.
All right, girls, everyone on the bus.
What?
Whoa.
Hey, hey, quit shoving.
Watch the hair.
This is gonna be the best 23rd Annual Miss Perky Beauty Pageant ever.
Johnny, did you hear that?
We're on our way to a beauty pageant.
What?
But I look terrible in strapless evening wear.
I'm out of here.
Johnny, no.
We have to stay in disguise.
As terrible as it may sound, our only chance to stay alive is to remain
surrounded by hundreds of beautiful women for days and days and days.
Sweet.
All right, girls, I want you signed in and ready to rehearse in one hour.
Name?
Carl, uh, Carla Krasinowitz.
Room 21.
Next!
Name?
Uh, m-m-Mitch.
Uh, Mitch, check out time is at 2.
It's Polish.
I love your name.
It sounds so made up.
Thanks.
I love you.
I know.
I love all the girls.
So, want to be roommates?
Ro-roommates?
I'm afraid Mitch is rooming with me, young lady.
Oh, too bad.
I hate rooming all alone.
It makes me all goose pimply.
Well, bye.
Johnny, no.
We've got to stay incognito.
Oh, but these cognitos are chafing me.
Everyone in their tight-fitting leotards for the big dance number.
Good ladies.
Now lift and push and step and kick.
Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop.
You, with the enormously broad shoulders, step forward.
You talking to me?
This is a beauty pageant, not a rugby scrum.
Show some grace, some style.
And for goodness sake, shave your legs.
You look like a longshoreman.
You want a piece of me, tango boy?
Johnny, look.
Say, any of you ladies seen these two bozos?
I'm trying to find them so I can gut them like kippers.
I like being a chick.
That's my goal.
Oh, I can't believe the big night is finally here.
I feel all goose pimply.
Norma, there's something I need to tell you.
I know.
I hope you win too.
Your finger puppet reenactment of the Civil War went over real big.
Oh, what do I do, finger puppet?
I love Norma, but if I reveal my identity, I'll be gutted like a kipper.
You've got to follow your heart, Johnny.
Then burn Atlanta.
General Sherman is right.
And now our next contestant, Mitch Checkout Time is at 2.
Mitch, as we all know, war is very, very bad.
As Miss Perky, what single thing would you do to bring about world peace?
Oh, oh, I'm a man!
Oh!
You lousy stool pigeon.
I'm gonna got you like... I know, like a kipper.
Listen, could you make it quick?
My mascara is clumping.
Stop!
Don't hurt Mitch!
She may be a guy, but she's the best girlfriend I ever had.
Sorry, doll.
This is business.
Well, I can't respect anyone who solves their problems with violence.
Hmm.
I never looked at it from that perspective before.
All right, the mug's free to go.
Thanks, Norma.
You saved my life.
Now how's about letting me show you why I was voted Miss Congeniality?
Could I borrow your Blackjack?
Oh, ah!
Oh, you smudged my bank!
Oh, watch the lips!
Oh!
Hey!
Come on, Fishlips.
You may be a bloodthirsty gangster, but you know how to treat a girl.
Oh, this place stinks.
Come on, Carl.
Let's get out of here.
Carl!
This is the happiest day of my life.
What?
How could you pick him?
He's not even a chick.
He's a guy.
Well, I suppose I can admit it now.
I'm a guy.
So am I.
Me too.
Yeah, I'm a guy.
Yeah, 100% U.S.
Huh.
Didn't see that coming.
Look out.
Huh.
Oh.
Uh.
Oh, babe!
Mercy.
Whatever.