One, two, three!
Baby!
Assassin!
Man, I'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby!
Yeah, whatever.
Hey, mama bought some new ice cream.
Mmm, pizza fudge ripple, my favorite.
Ah!
My tooth!
The pain!
The horrible pain!
Mmm, creamy.
Ah!
The stabbing knives of pain!
Hey, it's got nuts in it.
Ah!
Johnny!
What's all the commotion here?
Oh, I got a toothache, mama.
Have you been brushing your teeth, young man?
Yes, mama.
I've been using this baking soda and peroxide, just like you told me.
Johnny, that's not baking soda and peroxide.
That's cane sugar and molasses.
Tomato, tomato.
Ah!
Oh, my poor baby.
Let's get you to the dental college and get those teeth checked out right away.
For free!
The dental college?
Oh, please, mama.
Don't take me to the dental college.
I'm afraid of the dental college.
Oh, did I say dental college?
I meant, um, the Happy Fun Park.
Ooh, happy fun park, happy fun park.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
And I wanna go in the twisty slot, and then I'll go in
the bumper cars, and then we can go in the log flume.
We're the Bravos.
We have an appointment to go on the rides.
Yes, Mrs. Bravo, the dentist will see you now.
Dentist?
Oh, b-b-she means the horsey ride guy.
Ooh, horsey ride.
I'll wait out here, Johnny.
I can't stand to hear your howls of pain.
Or, I mean, uh, your squeals of boyish delight.
Okay, Mama.
Ooh, rocket chair.
Three, two, one, liftoff!
Woo!
Rockety!
Hello, Johnny.
I'm Jeremy Desaad, DDS.
Professor of Root Decay and Molar Dysfunction.
Yeah, whatever.
Can I have five dollars worth of quarters?
No.
Now, I'm told that you suffer from extreme dental larynginical distress.
You talk funny.
Hey, which way to the whack-a-sloth game?
I feel like hitting something.
Hmm.
Your tremendous pain seems to have induced a hallucinatory state.
How delicious.
Right.
Well, I'll, uh, I'll just go find a change machine and, uh...
Oh, I'm afraid you're not going anywhere until
we've given the old choppers a once-over.
Why, look, mister, you don't have to change my quarters.
Uh, I'll just go over to Skee-Ball where the change guys aren't quite so, uh, creepy.
Relax, Johnny.
Pain is just nature's way of telling you you're in horrible agony.
Now, open wide.
Ah!
Mad change guy!
You won't escape, Johnny!
Louise, hold my calls.
We've got a runner.
I'd better hide in here.
Hmm.
Must be the hall of giant chattering joke teeth.
Every fun park has one.
Johnny!
Oh, Johnny, my boy.
Johnny!
Where are you, Johnny?
Are you in here?
No.
Well, if you were in here, where might you be hiding?
Definitely not inside these giant teeth.
Oh, how delicious.
Now I've got you.
I win!
Give me a stuffed panda.
Ah!
Hey, a fun slide.
You'll never find me in here.
Ha!
Whoa!
Hmm.
Must be the room of wacky costumes.
Ooh, look at me.
I'm a spooky janitor.
Doctor, where have you been?
The patient is waiting.
Huh?
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
And now, Dr. Schmenge will perform his famous
lateral frontal bicuspidectomy on a random volunteer.
Johnny?
Carl!
What are you doing here at the Happy Fun Park?
This isn't a fun park, Johnny.
It's Krillman's Dental College.
Dental College?
That would explain the lack of freakish carnivorkers.
You're not gonna do dentistry to me, are you, Johnny?
Me?
I wouldn't touch your mouth if my life depended on it.
Then what are you doing wearing those clothes?
Has anyone seen an escaped dental patient?
Well, open wide.
It's time to begin the dental surgery.
What?
No, wait!
He's not a doctor!
Alrighty, I believe the patient is now anesthetized.
The next step to be performed by a dentist, which
I am, is to glue the foot to the soft palate.
Next, we take a black marker and draw a funny mustache on the patient's face.
Eh, doctor, aren't your methods a tad dangerous for the patient?
How dare you, a pastry chef, question my methods?
I'm not a pastry chef.
I'm a dentist.
Really?
Can you do something about this toothache?
It's killing me.
You!
Huh?
At last, I have you right where I want you.
No!
Okay, everything's peachy.
You just had a pine nut stuck in your gum.
Really?
Sweet!
I'm outta here.
You ate!
Don't forget your complimentary lollipop.
Thanks, doc.
Mmm.
More strained beets, Johnny?
Yes, please.
Mmm.
Strainedy!
Hi, I'm Congressman Mitch Sweeney, and I'm
soliciting donations for my reelection bid.
Mm-hmm.
I don't think so, dirtbag.
That kung fu guy is a decision you will live to regret!
Thank you, kung fu guy.
Your efforts to rid Congress of liberal tax and
spin robots have made our nation a better place.
What will you trespassers ever learn?
Ha-ha!
Contusion-y!
Squint Ringo, we'll be back after these messages.
Hey, kids, if you wanna keep trespassin' lowlifes off your property just like I do,
you'll want a pair of Squint Ringo Tungsten Knuckles.
Cool!
How can I get a pair of Squint Ringo Tungsten Knuckles?
Just send 97 labels from Krellman's Prune Spread to Knuckles.
Waybosset, Rhode Island, 40023.
Good thing Mama always keeps a big supply of Krellman's on hand.
There must be some Prune Spread in here someplace.
Dear Johnny, we're out of Prune Spread.
Love, Mama.
No!
Five, ninety-six.
Ninety-seven jars of Krellman's.
Hello.
I am a health inspector trackin' a rancid batch of Prune Spread.
You had better give me all of the Prune Spread you have.
Oh, I'm sorry, Johnny.
Can't play now.
I'm taking a basket of goodies to my granny who lives in a house in the woods.
All right, I tried to reason with you.
Now gimme that basket!
Ah!
I'm trapped!
Cha-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Ah!
I'll starve to death!
I'll have to eat my belt, and then how will I keep my pants up?
Oh.
Appalachian Trail, Cumberland Gap, Addis Ababa, Grandma's house.
I know, I'll change the signs, get what's-her-name hopelessly lost,
then steal her basket while she's crying like a little girl.
Oh, Johnny, you are too smart.
Huh?
Grandma's house is this way.
No, really, I'm serious.
That's strange.
I don't remember Granny living in that direction.
Good thing I have my junior bluebird digital geosynchronous compass.
Just as I thought.
The latitude is off 131 degrees.
Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
It didn't work.
I know.
I'll follow this sign to Granny's house and wait for her.
Excuse me.
Can you tell me where Granny's house is?
Dick Stinger's house is on the bush.
Oh, left at the second traffic light.
I know.
I'll get rid of this log so she can't cross the stream.
Then, while she's whining like a little baby, I'll sneak off with her basket.
The chess master makes his move.
The junior bluebird is always prepared.
Good thing I brought my junior bluebird bridge in a can.
Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Ooh, she's a wily one.
But if that bridge can support the weight of a small child, surely it can support me.
Perhaps I underestimated her.
Ah, Granny's house?
Thanks.
Mmm, high-energy protein bars.
A hiker's best friend.
I'll nab the basket while she's stuffing her face.
Better leave the rest for any hungry woodland creatures.
Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Oh, hello, Mr. Feral Wolf.
You wouldn't know how to get to Granny's house, would you?
Oh, man, that thing!
Oh, boy!
You could have just drawn me a map.
Dear Susie, I've gone to mall for the big sneaker clearance, Granny.
Hmm, that gives me an idea.
Hello, Granny, it's me!
Oh, hello, Susie.
Come in.
You look a little different, Granny.
Yeah, whatever.
Did you bring the prune spread?
Granny, what big sunglasses you have.
Yes, well, the better to see you with when it's glary out.
And, Granny, what big hair you have.
Yeah, well, chicks dig big hair, you know.
And my, Granny, you've really bulked up.
Yeah, well, um, give me that prune spread.
Johnny!
Ha, ha, ha, I got it.
Victory is mine!
Hey, this ain't Croman's prune spread.
No, it's Croman's mango butter.
Prune spread gives Granny indigestion.
Aw, I'll never get my squint, Ringo, tungsten knuckles now.
I'm just a big, stupid loser.
I know, Johnny.
But don't feel bad.
Here, have a protein bar.
Go on, down, boy.
And they lived happily ever after, except for the painful rabies shots.
Trap-a-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
Thus, we see how man has evolved to realize his ultimate modern potential.
Hey, how come he gets a banana?
Mmm, banana.
Johnny.
thunders through the Australian outback, on the search for the
post-atomic future's most valuable commodity, sandwich bags.
Suddenly, he's sent on by a gang of kangaroo biker pups!
He's swerved to avoid them!
Sir!
Hurry!
Get these sandwich bags to the orphans at the Thunderdome!
Sir!
Please stop pretending you're in a post-apocalyptic future.
You're disturbing the other people on the tour.
You call this an Australian theme park?
Where are all the great white sharks and boomerangs and leprechauns and junk?
Look, mate, if you just pipe down and pay attention,
I promise to give you an extra gob of Vegemite.
It's snack time.
Oh, coming on to me, huh?
Yeah.
I've heard you Germans like to make the first move.
Look!
Is that a dingo tape-dancing with Olivia Newton-John?
What?
Where?
Stop the tram!
Is that her?
No, that's the dingo.
Wait a minute.
I don't see anything.
Okay, I'll, uh... I'll wait here, then.
Oh, look, an adorable koala.
Well, hello, Mr. Koala.
Aren't you a cute little fuzzy wuzzy little koala?
Ha!
Trapped.
Stranded.
Alone in a harsh, unforgiving wilderness at an Australian theme park.
I wonder what will get me first.
The hunger?
The loneliness?
Or the lack of clean linen?
Kangaroos?
If I can roam among them, get them to like me,
gain their trust, then I can steal their food.
Hello, you stupid kangaroo.
That's right.
I smell a lot better than you.
Look, a shiny nickel.
That's right.
Yeah, go get it, Einstein.
Ha!
Sike!
That's why a man bestrides the earth like a
colossus, ruling all that creeps or hops in...
I want a rematch.
This time, I'll dazzle him with my fancy footwork.
Whoa!
How about a bracing game of checkers?
Help!
Mad kangaroo!
He's all hopped up on eucalyptus!
Hold me back!
Lucky my chicks here.
Hey, you're a mama kangaroo, ain't ya?
Well, anyway, nice to meet ya, lady.
Now, if you could just point me the way to the... Hey!
Aw, no, not in your pouch.
Ooh, snuggly.
Looks like the only way I can stay alive in this harsh
environment is to learn the ways of the kangaroo.
With my new mama teaching me, it'll be a snap.
If I can just keep my lunch down.
No thanks, kangamama.
Johnny does his own grooming.
Let's see now.
This tree sap should make a nice hair gel.
Oh, yeah.
Primitive, yet stylish.
Ew, gruesome.
I bet if I help Ruzilla over there with some of
my styling secrets, I can get on his good side.
I, uh, notice you got a little bald spot, so I'm just gonna comb it over a bit.
Now, see you got a big forehead, so you wanna push the hair up and back.
Whoa.
It's like looking in some kind of smelly, sub-Equatorial marsupial mirror.
He must have a very negative body image.
No thanks, kangamama.
I'll catch up.
All the kangaroo guys are calling me a mama's boy.
From now on, I travel Johnny style.
Oh, go in.
No!
I don't suppose any of you kangaroos is a licensed chiropractor.
Ah, there's nothing more relaxing than sundown at the watering hole.
Well, what are you all standing around for?
Let's drink.
Oh, I get it.
The water must fill your walnut-sized brains with fear and superstitious dread.
Here, let Johnny show you how there's nothing to be afraid of.
Once again, I, a highly evolved human, must take the lead.
Hey, you know you got a little piece of platypus on your back tooth here.
Oh!
You mangy marsupials, you set me up!
Ah, it's no use, kangamama.
I don't fit in.
I'm just a big, pouchless loser.
The authorities frown on hunting animals in a zoo, but that won't stop me.
Boomerang Kane, Tasmania's foremost kangaroo hunter.
If only I hadn't lost my glasses during that wild animal attack.
Why, hello there.
Say you're a cute little rascal, ain't you?
Blimey, there's a big honking kangaroo.
Look at the shanks on him.
I'll never be a kangaroo.
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.
Freeze, kangaroo.
You talking to me, Frenchy?
I think you made a little mistake.
Gaw, you're mighty well-spoken for a kangaroo.
I'll bet your tongue and palate will fetch a hefty price.
Look, I'll explain it to you slow.
I am not a kangaroo...
Saint Crispin's Day!
Help!
Fat kangaroo poacher!
Save me, kangamama!
A lady kangaroo.
She'll make a fine batch of cutlets.
You just made a big mistake, Frenchy.
No one, I mean no one, messes with Johnny's mama.
All right, all right, I know.
I'm a shining, gleaming man-god.
Hey, quit licking me!
What the heck's going on here?
Tour-god lady, you found me!
Now you can take me home.
Boomerang Kane.
We've been trying to catch this scallywag for years.
Ha!
Take him away, boys.
I guess you'll want to reward me now.
I take cash, credit cards, and sloppy southern hemisphere smooches.
How about if I toss you in the slammer for harassing my roo?
Hey, man.
Why don't you just have him give you a pair of glasses?
Boy, kangaroo, you're spoiling me aim.
I want my kangamama.
Look out.
I don't know.
Huh-pup!
Oh!
Oh-oh-oh-oh!
Oh, mama!
Oh, babe!
Mercy.
Whatever.