One, two, three...
Way there.
Sassy.
Oh, man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on.
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
What's.
wrong?
Touch two.
Hello.
Oh, I'm Johnny Bravo, and I'm proud to submit this video to you good people at
America's Wackiest Self-Inflicted Injuries.
Do we have tone?
And we're ready to go in five, four, three, two...
Okay, let's get one more for coverage.
Uh-oh.
What a magnificent specimen.
It will make me world-famous anthropologist Richard Leaking.
World-famous.
Now to thaw it, open its stomach, and carbon date its last meal.
It lives!
A walking, breathing example of pre-ice age cave human.
Possibly the missing link between ape and man.
Hey, buddy, I think you got the wrong idea.
You see, I... Father?
Where shall I put these specimens?
Never mind that, Lucy.
We've got a new specimen.
It's going to require your constant care and attention.
How does that sound to you, big fella?
Me, Johnny.
Me, cave man.
Me want mate.
And, uh, pizza tots, if you got any.
You see, Lucy, if Johnny is the missing link, he should be able to score higher on
simple intelligence tests than this rhesus monkey.
Is he ready to begin the test?
I'll see, Father.
Johnny, are you ready?
Sure, knock yourself out.
And begin.
Hmm.
Ooh.
Seven seconds.
Excellent.
Lucy, how much faster did Johnny score?
Well, just because he swallowed a peg doesn't mean he's stupider than a monkey.
Hey, a red-flavored one.
Wah-ah!
This exercise in deductive reasoning will prove
that Johnny's more advanced than a monkey.
Ready to begin the test, Father?
Tsss.
Ha-ha!
Hmm.
Not bad at all.
How did Johnny do?
These stool wings will help me get that banana.
Better flat-test them first.
Johnny, away!
Whoa!
On behalf of the flight crew, I'd like to wish you all a pleasant day.
And the winner of the Nobel Prize for Science isn't Dr. Richard Leaking,
because he's a big, stupid, stupid head!
I've tucked Johnny into bed for the night, Father.
Oh, Lucy.
If only I could have found some link between Johnny and modern humans,
it would have made my career.
Don't worry, Father.
Come, let's go to the kitchen.
I'll fix you a nice hot cup of tea.
Huh?
Oh, someone's in the kitchen with pancakes.
Someone's in the kitchen, I know!
Ah!
Hot metal monster steals soul.
Cavemen have much fear of labor-saving appliances.
Johnny!
You are the missing link!
And I'll be famous after all.
Dr. Gordon, what an honor.
Leaking, what's all this nonsense about a missing link?
I promise you, sir, once you see the creature, you'll be as excited as I am.
Indeed.
There, Johnny.
You look primitive, yet stylish.
Ah!
Comb-filled caveman with fear.
Need hug.
Oh, Johnny.
You've made Father and me so happy, it almost makes me wish they weren't going
to dissect your brain to learn its basic chemical composition.
Yeah.
Cavemen have much fear about the hook- What?
So, Farnsworth says to me, if I could walk that
way, I would need an occipital tarsal bone.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
That's... and your bone.
Stop!
I'm not the missing link!
I'm a perfectly modern human!
Look, I'll prove it!
Swanee, how I love ya, how I love ya, my dear old Swanee.
Observe that I am holding my spine pridefully erect at all times.
Oh, no!
A musical instrument!
What modern man doesn't love classical music?
My baby don't love me!
Ha, ha, ha!
And I got the blues!
I got those... I really don't want my brain to be dissected!
Blues!
Alright, guess I've cleared up that little misunderstanding.
Leaking!
Dr. Gordon, I can explain!
You'll explain, alright, while you're digging up trilobites in New Jersey!
No!
My life's work destroyed!
I'm ruined!
Run!
So, now that you know I'm human, how's about making me your natural selection?
Oh, ow!
Oh, hey, cut it out!
Now, oh, caveman, fear lacerations!
Oh, hand contusions!
My pain!
Johnny, you know how much Mama loves her high-stakes bingo!
Well, there's a big tournament in a faraway land called Las Vegas,
and Mama's gonna have to leave you by yourself for a few days!
Now, Johnny, don't give me any of your sass, young man!
I'm entitled to a life of my own, and that's it!
End of story!
Oh, dear, that didn't go well at all.
Sure, the broom can handle the truth, but it'll shatter, Johnny!
Hey, Mama!
Here's the mail!
Hey, look!
The new issue of suffocating mothers quarterly!
Thanks, sweetie!
Listen, Johnny, Mama has something to tell you!
I don't believe it!
I never even suspect it!
I have a baby brother!
I'm gonna love and protect him until years of
rivalry drive a wedge of bitter hatred between us!
I'm gonna call him Sweepy!
Come on, baby bro!
I'll go show you how the toilet works!
Oh, I'll never be able to leave my sweet baby alone!
What's this?
Robo Mama!
The world's most advanced automated robotic mother!
Hmm, your family will never know the difference!
Oh, my, Johnny's too sharp!
He'll never fall for it!
Mama, where's the toilet paper?
Sweepy had an accident!
I'll send for one immediately.
That was fast!
What's in the box, Mama?
What's in the box?
Is it for me?
Uh, Johnny, uh, be a doll and run to the pee patch
and, uh, fetch Mama a hat full of butter beans!
Butter beans!
Oh, boy!
Sweepy's favorite!
Ha-ha!
Oh, she's lovely!
A bit broad in the hips, but lovely!
Now, let's see what setting do I want.
Neglectful, permissive, overprotective.
I do and do and do for you, and this is the thanks I get!
Oh, she's perfect!
Vegas, here I come!
Mama, we don't have a stupid pee patch!
Huh?
Caregiver mode activated!
Assessing subject!
Oh, he's a perfect little angel!
You feelin' okay, Mama?
You look all pale and tungsten-y.
Grass stains, schmutz, soil deposits!
You need a bath, young man!
Aw, Mama, I don't wanna take a bath!
No son of mine is going to be a Mr. Grimey Face!
But I don't wanna bath!
I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wa- Hey, ducky!
I can't believe Mama's makin' me wear a stupid helmet just to fly a stupid kite!
After all, I'm a grown man!
Playtime is over, sweetheart!
Come help Mama with her grocery shopping!
Aw, Mama, can I stay out a little longer?
And fall down and swallow your tongue?
I don't think so, mister I'm a big boy and don't need a mother's love!
Hey, Mama, do you think we'll eat 144 tins of pickled mackerel?
Fish is brain food!
Sensors indicate extreme lack of cerebral function!
You always said it was because I was special!
Fancy cheeses!
Free samples!
Attention shoppers, pick up in aisle five!
Free samples, sir?
Don't mind if I do!
Alert!
Hussy sensors activated!
Warning!
Danger!
Danger, Johnny Bravo!
Not now, Mama, you're crampin' my style!
She's not good enough for you!
You're breaking my heart!
Look, I-I don't even know this guy!
Stand away from him, you hussy!
Oh, Mama, what'd you do that for?
The sample lady was the one!
Hey, check her out!
B-3!
Come on, baby!
Mama needs a new pair of comfortable shoes!
We interrupt illegal college football betting to bring you this special report.
The latest series of Robo Mama androids is being recalled by the Fujitake Corporation
due to a defect in the model's personality chip
causing dangerous and unpredictable behavior.
Owners of Robo Mama 3000 are being advised to deactivate them immediately.
Oh, my goodness!
I've got to go home and save my baby!
Please, Mama, I-I've already had 870 pancakes.
I can't eat another bite.
But you're so thin, and I just made lenses!
Unhand my son, you!
Oh, sorry, wrong house.
Unhand my boy, you clinking clanking collection of cacophonous junk!
Error!
Johnny is my boy!
You are an imposter!
Mama, I-I didn't know there were two of you!
Gee, you think you know a person.
Johnny, don't you believe her?
Sure, she may have a shiny chrome frame and hyper-fast positronic relays,
but she doesn't have a mother's love!
That's it!
It's go time!
Bring it on!
I'm the real mama!
Stop!
Did you see this stylized bite scene as tearing Sweepy and me apart?
You're right, sweetie.
The only way to resolve this is for you to look deep in
your heart and choose which one of us is the real mama.
Okay.
Eeny, meeny, miny... I always get mixed up!
I'll take the shiny one!
You have chosen well, sweetheart!
I will terminate this imposter!
Woe is me!
I'll never see my baby boy again!
Tell it to the scrap pile, you lousy carbon-based home-breakers!
Johnny!
You pulled out the robot's battery pack!
But how did you know?
It was easy, mama.
I realized the mama I know would never hurt another living thing.
Not even a robot.
Oh, Johnny!
We're a family again!
Excuse me a moment, dear.
You lousy, no-good, sun-stealing, titanium-based, red-hearted, retractable,
clawed, short-circuiting, bubble-headed, oh, you're fucking up!
That's our mama!
What happens when an idiot meets his echo?
I'm pretty!
I'm prettier!
No, I'm prettier!
I am!
You're dumb!
I know you are, but what am I?
Oh, he's good.
Your clan is weak and silly where mine is strong!
Well, you have sacrificed story content for mindless violence and lack of structure!
Oh, yeah?
Let's fight!
Johnny, are you watching that horrible Clam League 9000 cartoon again?
Oh... Clam... You will never beat my clam!
Jin Shu can spit acid and tap dance!
Oh, yeah?
Well, Macrame has laser-beamed tongues and has memorized the works of Ken Burns!
Ha-ha!
My clam has won!
And you can, too, if you go to the store and buy our toys!
Buy our toys!
Mama, I have to buy Clam League 9000 toys.
Johnny, don't you think you have enough Clam League 9000-related merchandise?
No.
Well, forget it, mister!
I'm not giving you one more penny!
Oh, man!
Every cell in my body is crying out for Clam toys!
I wonder where I can get them for free.
The Clam is a shy, elusive creature.
The little suckers will never see me coming.
Ooh, H2-O-E!
Ha!
There they are!
Boom!
Attention, Clams!
You will be absorbed into my toy collection!
Resistance is futile!
Uh-oh!
Mama Clam!
Hey, lady!
I wasn't gonna kidnap all your babies from my toy collection!
I was gonna...
Um... Eat em!
That was the wrong thing to say.
Aaaaaaaaaah!
No!
I'm being torn apart by a giant Clam, shredded by its razor-like tonsils!
Oh, I'm fine.
Who dares disturb the delicate balance of this ecosystem?
Well, who dares suck me into the cold metal energy of a giant fake clam.
I do.
Well, what took you so long?
Say, chicky of the sea, you can pull in your net.
You've landed your love, Marla.
Rex!
Daisy!
Hey, I didn't know you had kids.
Can't we drop them off at your mom's or something?
Hey, hey, quit pinching.
As you can see, I control giant crabs.
Good, because I was going to say, your kids are ugly.
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Captain Nemo, Debbie Nemo, of the Oceanic Institute for Young Ladies.
For years, I have traveled the world's oceans, protecting its fragile inhabitants
from the... Look, do you have Clam League 9000 toys here or not?
Because Chick Prattle gives me nosebleeds.
I don't mean you.
I'm just saying.
Rex!
Daisy!
Snack time!
You don't want to eat me.
I taste terrible.
Look!
Hey, that's not bad.
No!
Call up the crabs!
I-I can help you!
I'll do anything!
Hmm.
A brain like yours consumes relatively little oxygen.
I'd save a fortune on scuba gear.
Are you prepared to save Earth's oceans?
Hey, look!
I can do this!
You are hired.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Slow down, boy!
Hey, does this thing have rack and pinion steering?
Johnny, pay attention!
Well, it's got a driver-side airbag, right?
Look, Johnny!
Fish poachers!
Their nets capture anything too stupid and lumbering to avoid them.
Now, our job is... Uh, Johnny?
Johnny!
Don't!
I'm trapped!
No one catches Johnny Pebble in a big tuna net!
Come here, you!
Run free, you magnificent specimens of bin and scale!
You too, ugly.
Ooh!
See you, Sushi boy!
You did it, Johnny!
You saved the lives of hundreds of innocent fi... Where did that oil slick come from?
Man, that salt water really takes the oil out of that dude.
You idiot!
You've caused untold ecological damage!
Hey, that's a small price to pay to look this pretty.
Captain's lawn.
Johnny isn't working out as I'd planned.
On Four-Nine, I assigned him to the task of salvaging sponges from a nearby reef.
Instead, he used them to lather up with some
industrial soap, poisoning the entire area.
Manly, yes.
But Johnny likes it, too.
Today, I've given him one more chance.
Captain Debbie, I'm home!
I retrieved that drum of radioactive waste from the ocean floor.
You fool!
That's not a drum of radioactive waste!
That's the egg case of a giant squid!
Right, what did I say?
Relax, what's the worst that can happen?
Its mother crushes the ship in a maternal rage?
My life's work!
Ruined!
Aw, cheer up, Debbie.
I'm sure that someday you'll design another
irreplaceable state-of-the-art undersea vessel.
Get away from me, you briny, brained, over-muscled yachts!
Are you coming on to me?
Dive!
ро!
Look out!
Hit, hook up!
Hold up!
Duckies!
Obama!
Oh, babe!
Mosangui!
We are back.