One, two, three, go!
Way there.
Sassy.
Oh, man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Ow!
Yeah, whatever.
Would you quit doing that?
I can't help it.
The frankincense and myrrh is murder on my sinuses.
This stinks.
I thought you said we were gonna see exotic belly dancers.
And so we shall.
Behold, Ahmed, caliph of the dance.
On the downbeat.
Ah!
I'm blind!
Johnny, you have to learn to appreciate Arab culture.
The Arabs have given us astronomy, mathematics, hummus, the Suez Canal,
Omar Sharif, Hickey the dancing camel.
Phew!
Putting the hurting on Carl is hungry work.
I think I'll get one of them falafels on a stick.
Golf slacks.
Hey, I have golf slacks.
Chunky peanut butter, very fresh.
Rare and shiny appliances of mystery.
Ooh, rare and shiny.
Hey, Frenchy, how much for the toaster?
Nice price.
Twenty risottos.
I'll give you thirty.
Seventy-five.
A hundred.
Done.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
What's that in American?
Seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars.
Oh, I hate the metric system.
Here's a blank check from my mama.
I'll let you fill in all the numbery parts.
Here you go.
Not responsible for unleashing dark mystical forces which cannot be contained.
Have a nice day.
He thinks he's a dog.
Come, Toasty.
Let's get to know each other better.
Hmm.
Light, medium, dark, and genie.
That must mean extra crispy.
Cheap shot at German merchandise.
Look out, it's gonna blow!
Yes!
Thank you, sweet, bountiful heavens!
Whoa!
Mama!
Yahoo!
You shall be granted... Wait a minute, I'm not done yet.
Oh, happy day!
Johnny has a genie!
Okay, I'm done.
You have freed me from the toaster, and in
return, I am beholden to Grant you three wishes.
Sweet!
Why don't we start with a thousand and one Arabian nights back at your place?
Oh, yeah.
I warn you.
One more cheesy come on, and according to genie bylaws,
you will be imprisoned inside the toaster for all eternity.
Now, try again.
You mean, I can have anything?
Anything.
Hmm.
Let's see.
I wish for universal peace and goodwill towards man.
No, wait!
A talking monkey!
You can have anything you want and you're wishing for a talking monkey?
I have my reasons.
As you wish, master.
Oh, hello, Johnny.
How are you?
Ooh, talking monkey!
Thank you, magic genie lady!
Aw, monkey, we're gonna have such fun together.
Swinging on trees, throwing fruit at each other.
And you can throw your voice so it looks like I'm talking.
Well, that sounds like marvelous fun.
Perhaps we'll do that just as soon as I finish freeze-drying
and dissecting your brain for scientific study.
Yeah.
And we can jump on the furniture and make prank phone calls and eat with our feet
and... Uh, can you go back to that part about freeze-drying my brain?
Oh, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
Now open wide and say... Ah!
Oh!
Don't struggle, Johnny.
Oh!
Just close your eyes and think of science.
Ah!
Look!
A banana!
Huh?
So, did you enjoy your first wish?
Heck no.
That was the worst talking monkey I've ever almost been dissected by.
I'm sorry, Master.
Perhaps you should be more specific with your second wish.
Oh, all right.
Hey, you know what I've always wanted?
An end to disease, hunger, pestilence, and... no, wait!
The perfect chick!
Be careful, Master.
You're tampering with forces you can't comprehend.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
She should be as smart as me, as pretty as
me, and have my sunny, pleasing personality.
Your wish is my command.
What's this?
1313 Meat Joke Lane.
This must be my house.
That must be my delicate little flower now.
Honey, I'm home!
Hey, baby!
How's about you and me go somewhere quiet and stare at each other's pretty?
Ha!
Couldn't we just talk and get to know each other first?
Wanna see me do this?
Ooh!
Candelabra-y!
I gotta get out of here!
Dang!
It's the Mangos!
You mean the kid.
Right!
What did I say?
Wiggy!
Gimme a dollar!
Whoa, mama!
This won't end well.
Ah!
This can't be happening!
Tell me this isn't really happening!
You know, when I was 11, I kept a live salamander in my mouth for a week!
Jeanie-ho!
But, Master, if I help you, that will be your third wish.
I don't care.
Just put everything back the way it was.
Yes, Master.
Now, Johnny, let's remove that liver.
Oh, no!
I'm doomed!
I'm too young to be dissected by a monkey!
Goodbye, cruel world!
It's all right, Master.
You're safe now.
What?
Jeanie?
But why?
I'd already used my third wish.
I didn't wanna see you get hurt.
While you are a big, stupid lunkhead, I'm afraid I've actually grown to like you.
Really?
So, how's about your taking a ride on my flying carpet of love?
Uh...
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!
Hey!
A toaster!
Greetings, Master.
What's your stupid wish?
Magic bites!
Ah, First County Municipal Courthouse District 8.
Foundation of our democracy.
Guardian of all that we hold dear.
This great institution puts me in mind of one shining central truth.
Santa's coming!
He told me to meet him right here!
I'll see you in court, you idiot!
That must be Santa's sleigh!
Those must be his reindeer.
Dasher, Dancer, Lefty, Mad Dog, One Eye, Rico.
But no Santa.
He must be inside already.
Okay, everybody here for jury duty line-up.
Oh, boy!
I'm gonna meet Santa!
You may now interview the candidates for jury duty.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are not necessarily looking
for the smartest person to serve on our jury.
Sometimes it's best to choose the biggest,
stupidest lunkhead and bend him to your will.
Good afternoon, sir.
I want a shiny red bicycle with a bell and lots of streamers.
This juror is acceptable, Your Honor.
Hey, Santa.
I also want a cowboy hat and some exploding onion gum
and a squint Ringo doll with throttle fist action.
I'm not Santa, you jerk.
I'm a judge!
You know what that means.
You're gonna decide who's naughty and nice?
It means this is a court of law and you have been chosen to serve on a long,
boring case until I say you're done!
I guess there will be no Christmas this year.
This trial will begin tomorrow at 9 A.M.
Uh, that's no good.
I don't get up until 11, then I got a facial at...
On second thought, I think I can pencil it in.
Cut to the next morning, bailiff.
Oh, that's me!
Court is now in session for the People vs.
Ms. Rita Ampley.
Sorry I'm late.
Okay, let's take a vote.
Who thinks he's guilty?
Pipe down, you simp!
They've got to present evidence first.
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, look at my client.
Whoa!
Look at the habeas on that corpus.
Uh, did I say guilty?
I meant...
Order!
I'll have the Denver omelet and some liver nips for my friends.
Are you making a mockery of this court?
Proceed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the state will prove that the defendant, Ms.
Rita Ampley, is guilty of triple parking in a no-loading zone.
Lies!
Oh, lies!
Your Honor, this is outrageous!
Who among us hasn't been guilty of a triple felony?
That's triple parking, you idiot.
I'll take it from here, sweetcakes.
Your Honor, the defendant couldn't have committed this crime.
She was with me that afternoon.
I've never seen this creep before in my life.
Because I was hiding!
In the conservatory with Colonel Mustard with the Candlestick!
Your Honor, this is a travesty of justice!
No, this is a travesty of justice.
Ooh, look at me!
I'm justice!
You have to do what I say!
Mr. Bravo, you're out of order!
No, you're out of order!
You're out of order!
This candy machine is out of order!
Ooh, candy!
Bailiff, pummel that juror!
Ooh, ah, ooh, ooh, hey!
Watch the hair, come on!
Ooh!
Members of the jury, that concludes the case.
It's pretty cut and dried, so I'm sure it won't take
more than a few moments to reach a verdict of guilty!
I feel like we have gotten to know each other so well these last eight months.
Everyone else thinks she's guilty.
You're the only holdout, you dipstick!
Well, Mark...
Dennis... Michael, don't you know you can't punch the snooze alarm of justice?
For it will only go off ten minutes later.
And then you'll miss breakfast and you'll be all cranky and lose the rest of the day!
Now let's go through this once again.
Now, on December 12th, at precisely 11.30 A.M., the defendant was sighted across
from me in the courtroom, where I made these sexy drawings of her.
Then I measured off exactly 11 steps in a northwesterly direction and tripped over a
chihuahua, thus proving a conspiracy that goes to
the highest levels of the frozen food industry!
Haven't you people reached a verdict yet?
Judge, you can't punch the snooze alarm of justice for... That's it!
No more take-out lunches until you come up with a verdict!
I won't compromise my principles!
And no more bathroom privileges!
She's innocent, I tell you!
And from now on, no more ski bunny channel back at the hotel!
We, the jury, find the defendant guilty of all charges.
Miss Empley, I order you to pay the court a fine of $35.
You're free to go.
No, wait!
Your Honor, in view of the defendant's sterling character and overall
lusciousness, I recommend she be put under house arrest.
My house.
Come, my love, to freedom!
Woo!
All right, I know I got a little carried away.
Just find me my $35 and I'll be on my way.
Hmm...
Let me out of here!
I will set up, I tell you!
You guys are in so much trouble!
I'm warning you, I know Santa!
Woo!
Consider the Turkey!
A creature so amazingly stupid, it'll stare up at a
rainstorm with its mouth wide open until it actually drowns.
Hey, what's everybody looking at?
Is it that thing?
Come on, tell me!
I'll be your best friend!
Oh, I see it now!
No, that's not it.
Oh, come on, guys, just give me a hint!
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
And this maintains the level of thermal gigabytes.
And this switch extracts radioactive isotopes from H2O.
And that's the thermodynamic fusion capacitator.
And this drawer here is where I keep my glitter makeup!
Hey, what's the big idea?
I'm down to my last cookie!
So?
So, unless I miss my guess, the DNA from your atomic doohickey can be combined with
this raisin cookie, thereby creating a giant mutant super-cookie that will supply
me with enough crunchity goodness to last me a lifetime.
Ah, silly Johnny.
You can't put anodized titanium in the microwave.
Mmm, titanium-y.
Johnny!
What have you done to my kitchen?
He did it!
Hey!
Johnny, Johnny, I'm so disappointed in you.
I give and I give and I give.
And all I get is pain!
Pain!
Aw, Carl.
Mama doesn't seem to love me anymore.
No, she hates you.
So what do you want to do now?
Underwear.
My favorite sock.
My pet goldfish, Willie.
Goodbye, room.
I'm gonna go far away, where I'll never bother Mama again.
Ooh, forgot my ducky nightlight.
This is it, Johnny.
Your bold journey begins today.
The life you once knew is now gone.
Now you're truly on your own.
No!
Strange mailbox.
I wanna go home!
Ooh!
Last stop.
City limits.
So hungry.
So all alone.
Hey, hot dog.
Living off the land will be easier than I thought.
Whoa, whoa!
Can I help you, buddy?
Ah!
Talking hot dog!
Kid, look out!
There's a horrible talking hot dog!
Ribbit!
Don't worry, we won't hurt you.
We're just a traveling band of good-natured carny folk.
Oh, that's a relief.
I thought you were a bunch of weirdos.
I'm Tina.
That's Leon, a tattooed pediatrician.
And this is Frog Boy, and I see you've already met Hot Dog Head.
Hey, I was rude before.
Go ahead, take a bite.
Nice to meet you.
Well, gotta get back to running away from home.
Aw, that is so sad.
Why don't you come with us?
You mean, travel the dark and seated back roads
of America with a bunch of weirdos and misfits?
Uh-huh.
I'm in!
Mama Bravo!
I have the spinach ravioli and leg cream you asked me to pick up!
Whoa, gal.
She's inconsolable over Johnny's running away from home.
Don't worry, Mrs. Bravo.
He'll come back eventually.
No, he won't.
He has amnesia.
You obviously haven't been watching The Young and the Feckless for very long.
You mean you're not crying about Johnny's running away from home?
You clearly missed last week's episode where Jack
and Cindy fell down a diamond mine and... Say what?
Surely you've noticed that Johnny's been gone for the last ten days.
This is terrible!
I've got to do everything in my power to get my baby back!
Right after I find out if Zack is having an affair with that hussy Tiffany.
I, the bearded man, am the most exquisitely malformed freak of them all!
Behold my hideous beard and tremble!
Tremble!
Bearded man, come quick!
Wait till you see what Johnny can do!
That perfectly formed pretty boy!
I don't know what you see in him!
Steady!
Whoa!
How am I doing, Tina?
Just do exactly what you did before!
You mean my perfect display of balance and hand-eye coordination?
Hey, isn't it marvelous?
He can fall on his head from extraordinary heights and remain completely armed!
He'll be our biggest draw ever!
You're one of us now, Johnny!
One of us!
This mutant wannabe seeks to supplant me!
I'll make him rue the day he crossed swords with the bearded man!
Yo, whisker boy, keep it down!
I can hardly hear them praising me!
A pleasant evening at the carnival should take your mind off your horrible loss!
Loss?
Oh, right!
Johnny!
My baby!
My life!
My love!
No!
Cotton candy!
You're on, Johnny!
Have a good show!
Yes, Johnny.
Have a good show!
It will be your last!
Look, Mrs. Bravo!
It's Johnny!
My baby!
These extra fluffy pillows will cushion his fall, making
his act bomb and leaving me, the star of attraction!
So Johnny's just gonna fall onto those cushions?
That doesn't look very dangerous.
Those cushions are polyurethane!
Johnny's allergic!
I've got to save him before he gets all blotchy!
Notice, at no time do my hands leave... Excuse me, human cannonball!
Hey!
Hold on, Johnny!
Don't laugh!
Whoa!
Oh, mama!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You tried to hurt Johnny!
Now you're gonna get it!
Stop!
Do not hurt the bearded man.
Sure, he's a jerk, but he's one of your own.
His horrible man-beard makes him a misfit, just like all of you.
He truly is.
Family.
You're right, Johnny.
Oh, no!
Not the bearded anything but the beard!
No!
We're a family again, too, mama.
And I promise I'll never run away from home again.
Oh, you can count on it, mister.
Doggy!
There's no place like home.
Look out!
Oh, mama!
A baby!
Moosehead!