One, two, three, go!
Way there.
Sassy.
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
My book report is on the little engine that could, which is a really awesome book
about a little engine that gets attacked by ninjas but morphs
into a snowmobile and his robot friends come to help him.
Then they blow up the Death Star.
The end.
Very good, Raymond.
I'm impressed.
Miss Winkleman, that's not how the story goes.
Raymond's compromising the literary integrity of the book.
Really?
Well, Susie, since you know so much about literary...
Why don't you help Raymond do a new book report?
Um, um, I didn't mean that I would...
Oh, Miss Winkleman, that would be like some wonderful dream.
Well, it's settled then.
Susie, when we get married, do you want to have children?
Because I would rather have monkeys.
We're not getting married, Raymond.
I'm just helping you with your book report.
You smell like cream soda.
Uh, I know a book you could do your report on.
Mrs. Dewey, do you have a copy of Harold and the Fuzzy Bunny?
Oh, no, dear.
I'm sorry.
The man came by and banned that book.
No!
Did he say why?
Oh, something about it's being dangerous for young minds.
Oh, this is terrible.
The freedom to read what we want is the cornerstone of our democracy.
I've got to do something.
That's right, Susie.
Fight the power.
Stick it to the man.
No shirt, no shoes, no freedom.
Sourball?
Want to join my campaign to fight the census repression in our library?
Get lost!
I baked brownies.
Awesome!
Want to join my campaign to fight the census repression in our library?
I like pie!
Who's that man, Mrs. Dewey?
Oh, dear.
That's the horse's patootie who came and took the books away.
Hello, children.
Why did you ban Harold and the Fuzzy Bunny?
Ban is such a strong word.
I prefer to think that I protected your fragile little minds.
But bunnies are soft and cuddly and have lots to teach us about sharing and
togetherness and the dangers of overpopulation.
Harold and the Fuzzy Bunny depicts a world where humans and bunnies frolic
shamelessly in meadows and at picnics and even on the moon.
It's that kind of fantasy hoo-ha that leads to
dancing, card playing and the eating of tofu.
Well, I like that fantasy hoo-ha and so do my friends.
Yeah!
Now, now, calm down, children.
I've brought plenty of wholesome books for all of you to enjoy.
Klaus?
Not so curious, Eddie.
Fun with carpet lint.
For Micah, a short history?
These books stink!
Don't you understand that children must be challenged so that
they don't grow up to be cartoon-like cookie-cutter stereotypes?
Yeah.
Hey.
So, what do you have to say for yourself?
Uh, look!
Matt Damon!
Where?
I'm tired of playing games.
I'm taking this fight to the highest authority in the land.
Welcome to Spit Take Live.
I'm Barry Crowman and we're talking to Susie.
Tell us about the rabbits, Susie.
Well, they're not rabbits, exactly.
It's a Fuzzy Bunny and his friend Harold.
Fascinating.
Collar, are you there?
Yeah, I'd like a large pizza with pepperoni and extra crust.
Johnny?
Little neighbor girl?
What are you doing at Spanky's Pizza?
Collar, do you have a question?
Yeah, could I get a free soda with that?
Johnny, please!
You're eating up my time!
As I was saying... Sorry, we're out of time.
One final question.
Can I fix you up with my nephew?
No!
Sorry, Barry.
Freedom of speech is my boyfriend.
We'll be right back with the nunchuck chicks.
Ew.
It's no use.
Mr. Blowhard doesn't care what kids think.
And everybody listens to him more than me.
Don't be sad, Susie.
Maybe Mr. Blowhard didn't have any friends when he was a kid.
And people said that he smelled.
And he was in love with a beautiful girl who didn't know he existed.
And, aw, but you don't wanna hear my story.
Hear my story?
That's it!
I think Kevin is missing an angel.
Till Rupert the merger is off!
Now tell him it's on!
Now fire Jameson!
Then rehire him at twice his salary!
Hmm, I could use a stick of butter.
Once upon a time, there was a fuzzy bunny.
Ah!
Drive, Klaus!
He lived in Mrs. Fiddlehead's carrot patch at the end of Dimbly-Doo Lane.
Ah!
Your table is ready, sir.
Fuzzy Bunny had lots of friends and loved to play all day long.
Phew!
But sometimes Fuzzy Bunny was sad.
For you see, Fuzzy Bunny didn't have a mommy.
Oh, curse you, you meddling, obnoxious, irritating little...
Fuzzy Bunny didn't have a mommy?
And the fuzzy bunny was never sad again.
That's the most wonderful story I've ever heard.
So will you stop your crusade of censorship and repression?
And admit I'm wrong?
Never!
Then I guess I'll have to release these pictures I found on the Internet.
Whoa!
Oh, bunny!
Oh!
Thank you for saving democracy, Susie!
No problem, Mrs. Dewey.
I'm just glad that my friends can read great literature again.
Pop-a-pick!
Thus, we see how man has evolved to realize his ultimate modern potential.
Hey, how come he gets a banana?
Mmm, banana.
Hello, children.
Welcome to the headquarters of the Zamo Toy Company, where
we research and develop some of your most cherished toys.
Don't touch anything!
At Zamo headquarters, our aim is to develop the brand
loyalty that turns you all into mindless and obedient droves.
I won't stand for it!
It's outrageous!
The jujitsu chop on this GI gym doll is much too weak.
Observe.
See?
That should have easily blunted your skull.
I demand my mama's money back!
And now, the toy sensation that'll make me rich...
I mean, bring happiness to all the world's children,
I give you the Crazy Wheels Remote Control Race Car!
Whoa!
Oh, I know what you're thinking.
Don't forget all about the jujitsu chop as
soon as a short attention span kicks in and...
Hey, toy cars!
Watch as I demonstrate the turbo-torque-powered parallel parking action!
No, no, no, no, no!
You're doing it all wrong!
Stop, you fool!
Push the throttle to 11!
Set the controls for the heart of the sun!
I.
love you, Fluffy Unicorn!
I love you too, Sally!
Can I brush your hair?
Gangway!
Burdock, what's going on?
Why does this fella have remote control cars on his feet?
Uh, I'm sorry, sir.
I'll call security immediately!
Security nothing!
Why don't you call the guy who makes the medals for great ideas instead?
I love it!
Son, I don't know you, and I'm not familiar with
your work, but I'm gonna make you a vice president!
But, but, but, sir... I'm busting you back to coffee, boy!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a ballet lesson.
Ha!
Tra-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la!
I'm the vast president of a toy company!
Ooh!
Laugh now, my big haired friend, but soon I, Trent Burdock, will be top dog again!
Hey, coffee boy!
Stop muttering to yourself and get me a cappuccino.
Yes, sir!
12 noon.
I guess that stupid buffoon isn't going to show.
My position with this company is secure.
Well, I'm here.
Let's get started.
Uh, yes, sir.
I thought I'd spend today teaching you about the ins and outs of...
Get out of my chair, then make me a cup of coffee with eight sugars.
Then throw it out and make it again, because it's still not sweet enough.
Okay, but let me remind you that if you don't come up with a new toy idea by the
end of the day... You'll be fired!
What?
And lose my reserved parking space?
Look, it's... it's Mr. Happy Pencil and his friend, a magic box of paperclips.
What child in his right mind wouldn't want one?
Hi, Johnny.
I heard you were Zamo's new wonderkin, so I figured
I'd come by and pitch some amazingly cool toy ideas.
Behold the joy and wonder of... The single piece Jigsaw puzzle.
Too hard.
Nobody can solve that.
Then how's about... Baby's First Lettuce Farm.
Just break the lettuce up and watch them create their own society.
Look, they're pollinating the queen.
Yeah, that's fascinating.
You've been a great help.
Wait!
I haven't shown you Mr. Radish Face!
Well, what do you got for me?
I'm afraid Golden Boy here has laid an egg.
Is that a Mr. Radish Face you're holding?
Hello?
Guy who makes the medals?
Call your friend who makes the trophies.
Thanks.
It was all my idea.
Along with the one-piece Jigsaw puzzle and Baby's First Lettuce Farm.
Look!
They're pollinating the queen!
Kid, you're a genius!
If you can come up with a big hit for the holiday
season, I'll adopt you and make you my son.
Sweet!
Now, focus group, you hated Tommy Deer Tick with blood-sucking action,
you despised the refried bean babies, and you simply
loathed Happy Time Watch and Learned Drool Cup.
So, let me know how you like this one.
I give you slick and sassy travel iron with hot steam action.
Remember, the blue button means you like it, and the red
button sends a surge of electricity through your little bodies.
Fine.
Then be gone, all of you.
That's right, get out of here.
I'm afraid you don't figure to be in the action at this company come Christmas.
Eh, Johnny?
Why, you little... Wait a minute.
Action.
Figure.
Johnny.
That's it.
I'll make an action figure of myself for the holidays.
What could be more magical than getting the gift of me?
You!
Get me some tea.
Then throw it out and get me some coffee.
I hate tea!
Now, let's see.
If I were a toy, what would I look like?
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the hottest toy sensation of the Christmas season.
The Johnny 3000!
Check thanks.
Give me a dollar.
I'm pretty.
Johnny, your toy is the hit of the convention.
I have half a mind to hollow out my body so you can live inside me.
Ah, right.
By the way, I-I couldn't figure out how to make them
gold, so I just used the Destructo chips from the G.I.
Gym doll.
Did I mention it was his idea?
No!
Get him!
I love the holidays.
Here's your ID bracelet.
Here's a compass in case you get lost.
Mama, I'm just going next door to borrow a cup of sugar.
Mrs. Crownman?
Open up!
It's me!
Johnny!
I love kite flying.
And this highly conductive copper wire makes the perfect string.
Curse you, Ben Franklin!
You knew this would happen!
Hey, my kite!
Mama paid almost four dollars for it!
Man, whoever owns that dump is a big fat Skyhog.
These people think they can just move in, build
scary castles, and take over the neighborhood.
It lives!
I don't know, boss.
I'd give it another two minutes.
Hey, buddy.
I told you, you're not getting a tip!
You keep throwing the paper in the mot, and then I can't read the phonies!
Man, I came to get my kite back.
Oh, your kite.
I see, yes.
If you just step right over here, I'll see what I can... Stop, Igor!
That's no way to treat a guest!
With such a huge, finely developed cranium.
You're some kind of weirdo, aren't you?
Welcome to my home, young man.
I'm Dr. Frankenstatt, uh, Jones.
Oh, you're a doctor.
Well, it's like this, Dr. Frankenstatt, uh, Jones.
After I eat, I experience a sudden loss of appetite.
Sometimes for hours.
And then every night, I lose consciousness until the next morning.
And sometimes my mind wanders and I lose my train of...
Hey, burrito, you gonna eat that?
Don't touch that!
That's my lunch!
Hey, look, sciency stuff.
Ah, cleverest.
No, you fool!
Look at me!
I'm inventing the cotton, dude!
Ah!
Man, this thing's hot.
Whoa, mama.
Behold, my friends, the perfect woman, kissed with the spark of life and...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey there, tall, gray, and reanimated.
How'd you like me to alternate your current?
Whoa, graveyard breath.
Do you like her, Johnny?
You know I could fix you up with her.
All I have to do is remove your brain, stick two bolts in
your neck, and run 300,000 volts of electricity through you.
So, let me get this straight.
I get to go out with her, but you're gonna remove my brain?
That's right.
Hmm.
You know what?
Hmm.
I'll do it!
Did you hear that, my little gauze-wrapped gladiola?
One day with Johnny, and you know your body temperature will go up to four.
Ah, young love!
Oh, carrying me over the threshold, huh?
No!
Whoa!
She has the strength of ten women!
She is ten women.
Hey, baby.
If we're gonna go out... Can I get a warranty on the parts?
Oh, no!
She's getting away!
Rev up the brain-removing machine, I'll be right back.
Good luck, son.
Wait!
Come back, my embalmed little peach blossom!
I shall not rest until I find her.
Even if it takes me to the end of time, I shall not sleep until my true lover not.
Hey, Pop's Diner.
Who's there?
Hey, I can't see you, stranger.
I've just had laser eye surgery.
Poor inarticulate brute.
Come and share my simple meal with me.
No, no, fire.
Good.
Hey, come on, stranger.
Let's go to the freezer to get you some ice.
Sweetie!
Come back!
I know I'm alive, but I can change, honest.
Friend!
Uh, poopy.
Wait up, my little flat-lining Fleur-de-lis.
Hey, everybody!
Johnny's formed an angry mob!
Let's join in!
Back!
Back, you animals!
I'll handle this!
Look, man, I know you want me.
And by...
I guess you mean, Johnny, I love you.
Be with me forever and ever and ever.
Oh, Johnny's gone.
So, who wants cookies?
Honey, I'm home!
You're late again!
Why do I put up with you?
I don't even know why the doctor bothered to sew you back together.
All right, all right, keep your stitches on.
I slay all day around this dump and you just thunder
in and plop yourself down in front of the TV.
Well, what about me?
What about my needs?
Everything is you, you, you.
They always start out nice when you marry them,
but afterwards, they turn into real monsters.
Oh, and where's your paycheck this week, huh?
Look out.
Oh, mama!
Oh, babe!
Mustang!