One, two, three, go!
Way there.
Sassy!
Man, I'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby!
Oh!
Pow!
Yeah, whatever.
Lunch?
Sounds perfect.
So you see, Madame Bankteller, that's why I need $20,000.
Sir, first of all, there are no flying cars.
That's just what the Swiss want you to believe.
Secondly, in order to get a loan, you need collateral.
That's just what the Turkish want... Oh, collateral.
Let's see, there's the deed to Mama's house.
I know.
How much will this get me?
Hey, come back here, you!
Man, the customer service of this branch stinks.
$20,000, where in the world am I going to find $20,000?
What's this?
Golf tournament first prize $20,000?
That's almost $20,000!
I'll do it!
You know, that's really annoying.
Ah!
The perfect spot to view tonight's meteor shower.
Ah!
Oh!
It's starting early!
Oh!
What amazing luck!
Oh!
Look to the skies!
Excuse me, Dweeb.
Playing through.
Ah!
We've been hit!
Radio Zurich!
I'll get the bank books!
Johnny, are you trying to win $20,000 in the Sappy Bluff golf tournament?
No!
Johnny?
Yes?
Cool!
Can I be a caddy?
What's a caddy?
A caddy is the golfer's constant companion.
He stays by his side through rain, sleet, sand and rough.
He's always there with a kind word and a helping hand.
I'll carry all your stuff.
You've got the job.
Hello, and welcome to the Sappy Bluff golf classic, where the contestants appear
ready for some non-stop, heart-pounding golf action.
There's returning champion Tabby Forrest of the
flawless swing and highly lucrative endorsements.
There you are, kid.
That'll be $400,000.
And there's the old prospector, who, as always, appears addled and delusional.
There's gold on this here course.
Gold, I tell you!
And finally, wild card Johnny Bravo, who appears
to have just picked up the game last Thursday.
Fly, demon ball, fly!
As I suspected, Johnny, you stink on ice.
Good thing I took the Liberty of souping up
these clubs with high-tech space-age technology.
Space-age clubs bring much fear, other golfers.
Let's motor!
And here we are at the first tee, a par five with two sand traps,
a water hazard, and a laughing cloud.
Here, Johnny.
This number three turbo iron with pneumatic
adjustment coupling should compensate for your slice.
Thank you very much.
A hole-in-one, and the crowd goes wild.
Here we are at the 17th hole, Johnny.
Two more holes, and we win!
I knew I would triumph.
I believe I'll use the geosynchronous nine iron with the tungsten shaft.
Wait, Johnny, no!
That's still experimental!
Bummer.
I suspected your caddy was the brains behind your success.
Oh, well.
Perhaps I'll let you smell my prize money.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I got one trick left in my golf bag, Frenchie.
It's called natural athletic prowess.
Prepare to get smoked, Tabby!
Oh, tough break for Johnny Bravo, as hole 17 took him 599 strokes.
Only another hole-in-one will win it for him now.
I've blown it!
I've lost the tournament!
I made a fool of myself.
I'm just a big, stupid, stupid head!
You can do it, Johnny Bravo.
But how, President Monroe?
Just as I used the three iron of industrial might to free our nation from
the sand trap of civil conflict, so should you use... Yeah, yeah, listen.
I'm just gonna use the putter.
No, Johnny!
The ball is heading towards my head.
The ball has lodged in my head.
It hurts so very much.
Feeling faint, losing consciousness, can't feel legs.
I win!
I win again!
I'm all that and a bag of chips.
Wait!
I found one of Tabby Forest's golf balls at the bottom of the pond!
It's filled with iron shavings!
Just as I suspected!
Tabby Forest is a cheater and must be disqualified!
That means I win!
Yes!
No, Johnny, we cheated too.
Oh, right.
The winner is the old prospector!
I told you there was gold in this here course!
We were wrong to Sully this great game, golf.
For in the end, it is not your handicap that matters, but the purity of your soul.
And so...
Cut it out, you guys!
Seriously, I'm not kidding around.
Put me down!
And stay out!
Oh!
Johnny!
You're not supposed to read the subtitles out loud in
funny voices while making hand shadows on the screen!
Well, excuse me, but that movie really bit.
That was the worst seven-hour black-and-white
documentary on moody Danish people I've ever seen!
Hmm, what's that smell?
Can it be the fetid chemical waste dumps of Lodi, New Jersey?
No!
It's the stupid movie Carl took me to!
For your information, it was rich in symbolism.
It was rich in boring me to death!
Oh yeah!
Well, you're stupid!
No, you're stupid!
Well, you're stupider!
No, you're stupider than stupid!
No, you're stupider!
You know why?
Because you don't even know how to spell stupid!
Hey Morty, we're looking for two perpetrators and those are two guys.
Is that a coincidence or what?
Good digging, Mike!
Let's take them down!
Well, you're stupid Tom's 10!
Yeah?
Too bad it's opposite day!
It's not!
It's so!
Alright, you two kumquats, you're under arrest!
I wasn't talking during the movie!
I was just moving my lips and noises started coming out!
Quiet, Johnny!
We have the right to remain silent!
It was Carl!
He's an international cattle rustler!
And he doesn't recycle!
You dirtbags are going away for a long time.
I think not!
These trumped up charges will never withstand the
sterilizing sunlight of our American justice system!
Wow, Carl!
The 26 month media circus surrounding our trial was really something!
I don't think it helped us.
Welcome to stinking bog correctional facility!
America's correctional facility!
Trying to escape will get you time in the box!
Talking back to the guards will get you time in the box!
Inhaling oxygen and converting it to carbon dioxide will get you time in the box!
Hey, warden mama!
Ha!
The name's 864129, but you can call me... Hey...
How'd you like to spend some not-so-solitary confinement with yours truly?
What we have here is a failure to communicate!
What?
What we have here is a failure to communicate!
Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
I said, what we have here is a fail... D'oh!
That's it!
It's time in the box for you!
Wait, not the box!
I beseech you anything but the box!
Where's your decency?
Where's your humanity?
And you're going in there with him!
I get dibs on the breathing hole!
Not the box!
Sweet, merciful heavens, not the box!
I'll see you boys in 17 days!
Let's see how our boys are doing after 17 days in the box!
Hey, you're just in time for the pinata!
Hi, warden!
I hope you don't mind.
We knocked out the south wall for a patio.
And Johnny took up the linoleum piling and found beautiful hardwood floors!
That's it!
From now on, I'm gonna make your lives a living heck!
Break them big rocks into little rocks!
That ain't so bad.
Then, when you're done, paste them back into big rocks!
Well, that is kind of annoying.
Then, I want you to break them down into little ones again!
That's it!
I can't take it anymore!
Shh!
Johnny, I have a plan.
It's just crazy enough to work!
You haven't heard it yet.
Talk, talk, enough talk!
I need action!
Okay, dear, we're leaving now!
The convicts can stay up too late if they do the homework!
Feel free to eat anything in the refrigerator!
We'll be at the Plitzkers!
Their phone number is on the pad next to the phone!
But no long-distance phone calls!
Oh, I don't think the convicts will be any trouble!
They're usually perfect little angels!
Sweet, Carl!
I didn't think your stupid plan would work!
Oh, they're such a cute couple!
Wait a minute.
I'm not the babysitter.
I'm the...
RATSO FATSO!
GUARDS!
Quick!
Did that work, Carl?
Well, Johnny, the bad news is we're covered with leeches.
The good news is we'll be cleansed of evil humors.
Oh, we?
I mean...
We're trapped!
Not quite, Carl.
I've been studying the tides.
By clinging to these coconuts, we can ride every seventh wave out to sea
and reach landfall in Nicaragua and freedom!
I don't know, Johnny.
It'll be fine.
You go first.
AHHHHHHHHH!
You did it, Johnny!
We escaped!
We're free!
Hey, Morty.
Now we're looking for two other perpetrators and there's two new guys.
Good digging.
Let's take them down.
What we have here is a failure to communicate!
Uh, say again?
I said, what we have here is a failure...
No!
No, really?
I didn't catch it.
Maybe if you'd enunciate a little more, I'd... Ooh!
Have you ever considered speech therapy?
Ooh!
Not with the hair!
Just leave the hair alone!
Ooh!
Consider the Turkey.
A creature so amazingly stupid, it'll stare up at a
rainstorm with its mouth wide open until it actually drowns.
Hey, what's everybody looking at?
Is it that thing?
Come on!
Tell me!
I'll be your best friend!
Oh, I see it now!
No, that's not it.
Aw, come on, guys!
Just give me a hint!
Hey, pops!
Sitting on my butt watching the Cartoon Network
all day is giving me a hungry man's appetite!
You're in luck, Johnny!
In honor of the annual lumberjack competition in
town, I'm serving up a variety of party-themed dishes!
Just give me a bowl of chili.
I've got lumberjack pot roast, lumberjack finger sandwiches...
Yeah, yeah, I'll take the chili.
And I just finished tossing a delicious lumberjack salad!
Gee, pops, I appreciate all your hard work and everything, but, uh, let's see,
um, how to put this... Please!
Please give me my chili!
All right, but you don't know what you're missing!
Why the lumberjack queen herself is enjoying my cuisine!
Oh, mama!
Ha-ha!
She's like some sort of flannel-wearing, chainsaw-wielding garlic!
Hey, baby!
You've clear-cut a path to my heart.
You're the kind of girl I could put down roots with.
Sorry, I do not date seps.
Bonjour, mes amis!
Let the maple syrup flow!
Jean-Paul, it's here!
Bonjour, Jean-Paul!
Oh, you all have been strong this year, oui?
Uh, Jean-Paul, have you ever heard of a magical invention called deodorant?
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha!
Oh hooh!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Hey!
You're strong with the joking, tiny man!
But I have not seen you before!
Oh, et-vous a lumber-hat?
Am I a lumberjack?
Hey, Pops, am I a lumberjack?
Nope.
Don't listen to Pops, he's a little...
Where have you worked?
I have never heard of you.
Never heard of me?
Why, my exploits are legendary.
Once I bestrolled the Northwoods like a colossus.
I cleared groves of giant sequoias with the help of my trusty blue platypus,
uh, Neil.
I'd eat a hundred spotted owls for lunch, and I used tree trunks for toothpicks.
But what did you use for trees?
Shut up, I'm talking.
Once, I dug a hole in my garden.
And today, that hole is London, England.
None of that story is true, is it?
No.
I like you, tiny man.
I look forward to facing you in manly competition.
Au revoir, mes amis!
Au revoir!
If even half of your story is true, Johnny, you
are certain to receive the winner's kiss tomorrow.
Oh no, tomorrow's no good for me.
I got a CAT scan at nine, then a... Winner's kiss?
Oh, I'm there!
Au revoir!
À demain!
À bientôt!
Yeah, French Toll, Seiffel Tower, burrito!
Hello, and welcome to the fifth annual Lumberjack Competition.
We have a couple kids of Lumberjack superstars today.
Jean-Paul Lafitte!
Black Jacques-Chillac!
Panny Johnson!
Root-Rot McGee!
And an exciting newcomer who is extremely tiny!
Johnny Brother!
My hair is ready!
Let's begin!
Time for the first event, cross-cut tricoting!
Hey, Bluto, you speak English?
Oui.
Oh, all right.
We speak English.
Look, just follow my lead and try to keep up, okay?
Ow!
Pain!
Hurt!
Splinter!
We move on to our second event, log rolling!
Hey!
These crazy Germans haven't reckoned with my Yankee ingenuity.
That's why they lost the Civil War.
Ah, my tiny friend!
I wish you luck on the log rolling!
Ha!
Like I need it!
Ah!
So you know the secret of the log rolling?
Uh, uh, yeah!
Um, uh... What was it again?
You must think of the log like a woman, only harder and covered with bark.
Really?
Hey, baby, wanna go back to my place and...
Whoa!
Ah!
I did it!
Nailing my boots to the log has made me the most balanced lumberjack in all the land!
Look upon me and tremble at my balanceiness!
Or, see me fall down a waterfall and scream like a little girl.
Woo!
And now we move on to the third and final event!
One man, one axe, one tree!
Finally!
An event worthy of my strength and stamina!
Ooh!
I'm beat!
Hey, you!
Cut down this tree and I'll give you a dollar!
Ah!
Let me put it to you this way!
Cut down this tree and I won't cook you and stuff you with peppercorns and breadcrumbs!
Ah!
He's all hopped up and through it!
Get him off me, someone!
Ah!
Super!
Fantastique!
Vive la Jeannie!
Congratulations, Jeannie!
For your amazing feats of lumberjack excellence, you are winning this trophy cup!
And the winner's kiss from the lumberjack queen!
Lay it on me, my little love baguette!
And don't bestend you with the lips!
Oh no, Jeannie!
I am only the lumberjack Princess!
This is the queen, my mother!
Bonjour, Jeannie!
Pucker up for the mama!
No, no, no!
Wait!
See, I-I-I thought you-Let me just take hands!
Wait!
I must give you the winner's kiss!
No!
Really!
Winning is its own reward!
Well, my work here is done.
Look out.
Judah is the one!
I know!
It's real evening!
You are always sending it to me!
Woo-hoo, little kidnapping!
Huhamma?
Fair enough!
Moosehead.
Whatever.