One, two, three, go!
Way there!
Sassy!
Man, I'm pretty!
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby!
Ow!
Yeah, whatever.
Murd dried banana chips, Monsieur Uhu?
Oh, do not turn up your nose, mon ami.
When I, the great Jean-Louis Brevo, receive my $7 million Grant to direct my
new film from the stupid American government,
you will be eating mangoes from a silver bowl.
This is the mail now.
Bill, bill, bill, bill.
Bill?
This is not my mail.
What is going on here?
Bill, bill, bill, bill.
Hey!
My Grant check from the government arrived.
Here's Jean-Louis Brevo.
That's me in Frenchy language.
Mama!
The $7 million Grant check from my art film arrived!
Johnny, you don't make art films, and you never applied for that Grant.
But, Mama, my government needs me.
I shall make a film to inspire the countrymen of all races and creeds.
A touching, sensitive film about real people.
And sewer mutants.
Sewer mutants who kidnap sunbathing bikini chicks and turn them into space androids.
It'll be the feel-good movie of the year.
I love it!
It'll be like two for the seesaw.
Only with sewer mutants.
Follow your dreams, sweetheart.
You mean that one where I'm in my underwear at the nougat factory and...
Just make the movie, dear.
Okay.
The camera loves you, son!
Uh, Pops, I think you're looking through the wrong end.
Whoops, my mistake.
The camera only likes you as a friend.
Thanks, Pops.
Your experience as a fry cook should make
you an excellent choice for cinematographer.
Talent Wrangler!
Yes, maestro!
Send in the auditioners for the sexy space queen!
Well, I spent three years at the Royal Academy, then
taught voice and body work at the actor's studio.
That's great.
How are you at running in slow motion while wearing a seashell bikini?
I'm sorry?
Here's the script, which I myself have written.
This is the scene where I save your life in the active volcano.
Save me, Rex!
If the sewer mutants capture me, they'll make me wear
scanty clothes and perform menial household tasks.
Hey, guys!
She's over here!
Rex!
Now, quick!
Kiss me!
Kiss me hard!
What?
I don't see that in the script!
Well, it's not in the script, but if you do it, I'll give you the part.
I'll be in touch.
I think she's too tall.
Next!
You know, in space, no one can hear you smooch.
Make me a sandwich!
Fine!
Well, that's the last of them.
Let's knock off for the day and go get me a CAT scan.
Sorry I'm late.
I had to stomp a paparazzi on the way over.
Leapin' Linguini!
It's the famous Italian movie star, Gia Gara nice to body!
Mamma Mia!
That's a spicy meatball!
How do you like to roll the love gondola down the Via Del Johnny?
You are a pig!
Don't hit me!
All of the great directors are a pig.
You must be brilliant.
I'MMA take the part.
You're hired!
We shoot at dog!
Hey guys, make sure you work extra fun.
Quiet on the set!
All hail our great director, Maestro Johnny Bravo!
Greetings, little dirty people!
We're all here for one reason.
To realize the brilliant vision that is Revenge of the Sewer Mutants Part 1!
Now remember, I do my best work when I'm being worshipped as a god.
So under no circumstances must anyone ever, ever question me!
So are there any questions?
You're fired!
Come on!
You heard the maestro!
Scram!
Don't call us, we'll call you!
Johnny!
How are you gonna shoot the film without the crew?
Don't worry, my little cream-filled cannoli.
I myself shall do the work of the entire crew.
Carl!
Scene 4!
Right, JB!
Places for the big rocket ship scene!
Now in this scene, you're filled with anguish because
you're blasting off into space to rescue the bikini women.
Now I want honest emotion!
Good!
Now, get on the ship!
And... action!
Hooray!
Cut!
Let's get one more for coverage.
No can do, Johnny.
That was an actual working S-10 rocket.
You just launched the actors into space.
Think there'll be problems with the union?
No.
Then let's move on!
But, Johnny, how are you gonna shoot the movie without the actors?
Actors!
I'll play the parts.
All 40 rolls are the ones I was born to play.
Quiet on the set, Hikes!
Camera!
Action!
Surrender, Rex!
You'll never leave this planet alive!
Says you, you suction cupped mouth breather!
Use the ray gun I invented!
Thanks, Dr. Sarkhan!
You ray blasted me, human, but I have one card left up my sleeve!
Cut!
Print it!
Oh, Johnny!
You are a great director!
I'm glad you recognize the vision and sensitivity that lives in my soul.
Oh!
Cure the giant inflatable soul lizard!
And... Action!
Take that!
Could you do that again?
The camera ran out of film.
Grrr!
You may be a pig, but you're also a stupido!
Uh-huh?
I quit!
Fine!
That's right, quit!
I don't need you!
I don't need anyone!
I can finish this film all by myself!
So there!
Oh, Rex!
You're so big and strong!
Save me from the mutants!
This is the film they'll remember me by.
You know, I think this is some of your finest work.
But Johnny, you know how your Aunt Myra loves to see her favorite nephew.
She told me she hates me.
Well, you know how her... dogs like you.
Last time I had to get 14 rabies shots.
All right, look, I'm having the girls over for our annual Yahtzee Marathon.
And you know how we like to dip into the cider and use colorful language.
I don't want to expose you to that.
But Mama, she's always licking a napkin and whapping my face with it.
Not another word, young man!
Now you get on that train and I'll see you in a few months.
Days!
Right!
What did I say?
Oh, and here, don't forget to give Myra the
German chocolate neutron cake I think I baked her.
Whoops!
I made it with heavy water.
Now you know how I hate long goodbyes.
So, see ya!
Mmm, German chocolatey.
And don't even think about eating it!
Oh, but I'm hungry!
Better get something to tide me over.
Hey, newsstand guy.
Give me a pack of sugar nips, some onion gum, a bag of chips, and...
Do you have any best-selling novels about a young
feisty lawyer that you're taking on the establishment?
Ooh!
Let's see, I'll take this one, and that one, and one of those!
Thanks, buddy!
Let's see, 29A.
Gentlemen, we are counting down to the maiden voyage of the Blue Goose 9000,
the train that will revolutionize global travel.
And bring order to the world!
Heh, er, sorry.
Captain, have you finalized the pre-launch check?
Uh, that's a Roger.
Mission Control, standby for initializing sequence.
27A, 28B, this must be it!
Hey, hotshot, get out of my seat!
Uh, that's a definite negative, sir.
Mission Control, we have an unauthorized... Whoa!
Mission Control, I am no longer in control of the train.
Ah, to get my tiny peanuts.
I'll bet this flashy start button summons the stewardess.
No!
You've initiated launch!
You don't know what you're doing!
Bye!
I'll miss you, too!
Don't forget the ride!
The.
real way to see America is by train!
Attention, hijacker!
Hey, it's the stewardess!
What are your demands?
My demands?
Uh, well, let's see.
I'll take a pillow, some tiny peanuts, and your
phone number, my little engine that probably won't.
I don't give my phone number out to terrorists.
Then how do they contact you?
Look, we'll give you whatever you ask.
Just stop the train!
Whatever I ask?
Well, I'd like to see more chimp-based TV programming.
Uh... We may need time, but you've got it!
Now, I'm going to put you on with Dr. Odd Mitten.
He will instruct you on how to deactivate the train's magnetic plasma drive.
Have you seen my little terrorist friend?
Gesundheit, Frenchy!
If I may direct you to the train's operating manual, uh, behind the minibar?
Minibar!
All right!
Cold cut!
Ha-ha!
So, uh... You are a complete idiot, yeah?
Look, before we go any further, I demand to know one thing.
Was ist das?
Do you have any Dijon mustard?
Uh, yeah.
It is behind the mayonnaise, next to the... Agh!
We are running out of time!
Quickly turn to page 151 in the operating manual.
Okay, I'm ready.
Now what was that?
Doom Cop!
The agents are going critical!
Don't worry, I'll just start pushing buttons.
Can someone please tell me what happened?
Uh, yeah, Madam President.
It would seem he has reversed the magnetic polarity on the tracks.
Nothing can stop our invasion of the Earth now.
Woo!
Our only hope is to go to Plan B.
Hey, don't you people know what the left Lane is for?
Train track's next exit.
Shoo.
Wooaah!
Waah!
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dunf!
Plan B is in place, mein Chancellor!
A steel wall!
I'm doomed!
Unless... Aunt Myra's pound cake.
Phew.
Oh, good, Johnny.
You haven't left yet.
I forgot to write your name on your underwear.
Mama, you'll never guess what happened.
Wait a minute.
What's Aunt Myra's cake doing lying on the ground?
Mama, no!
Next time, I'm taking a plus.
Thus, we see how man has evolved to realize his ultimate modern potential.
Hey, how come he gets a banana?
Mmm, banana.
Hey, Pops.
Congratulate me.
My cholesterol level is up to 405.
So give me an order of cheddar fries and keep it coming.
405?
I think that's kinda high.
Alright.
Throw some sour cream on top.
Here you go.
And here's your complimentary jar of Nightcrawlers.
What?
Have you gone mad?
You're supposed to serve Nightcrawlers in a bread dish with a salad fork.
No, Johnny.
Them's ain't for eatin'.
I've decided to expand my product line and sell live bait on the side.
That would explain all the crusty fishermen at the counter.
Blueberry pancakes and a cappuccino.
Pint of glow worms for me.
Ooh, that's the biggest guppy I've ever seen.
Aye, three ounces she wore.
Tore me like clean off.
Hey, Pops.
Chicks dig fishermen.
Ooh, sure, Johnny.
Everybody knows that.
Hey, baby.
I once kept a goldfish in my mouth for an entire month.
Ah, silly Johnny.
Chicks don't care about goldfish.
They want to hear about the Valiant struggle of a man alone in the wilderness,
locked in mortal combat with the great sport fish, the plucky grouper,
the scheming coelacamp, and the rare endangered sassy mouth salmon.
Alright, I'll do it.
You mean you'll borrow my puddle jumper to fly to Alaska and
catch and eat the world's last remaining sassy mouth salmon?
No, actually, I meant go home and make milk come out of my nose.
But your idea's good, too.
Lord, to Alaska.
Get off the counter.
Thanks for letting me use your plane, Pops.
Sure thing, son.
If you do catch the legendary sassy mouth salmon,
it'll be great publicity for my bait business.
Besides, I need to fly in practice.
Didn't see that coming.
Peanuts?
No, thanks.
Soda?
No.
Headset for the movie?
Yes, it is.
Now, go away.
Come on, Johnny.
Take the headset.
It'll work, Carl.
But, Johnny, it's Meryl Streep.
Quit touching me!
Uh, but, Johnny... Come on, I asked you not to touch me once before, did you not?
You kids cut it out!
Don't make me turn this plane around!
At least have a soda!
I don't want a soda!
I'm hit!
Mayday!
Pull up, Pop!
Pull up!
This is definitely gonna bring my insurance rates up.
Sure.
Just like a plant.
You guys stay here and tend the fire.
I'm gonna go catch this so-called sassy mouth salmon.
Ah, fly fishing.
The serene simplicity of a man, a fly rod, and a bubbling broom.
Oh!
I got one!
Whoa!
Congratulations!
You hooked yourself an idiot!
You know, it's not nice to make fun of people.
Hey!
You must be the legendary sassy mouth salmon!
Now, really?
I thought I was the Duke of Northumberland.
Well, your majesty, prepare to be caught!
Not likely, you mouth-breathing ignoratus.
You know, after I catch you and eat you, I'll just wash your mouth out like soap.
Now, let's see.
Which one of these cunning lures I've designed should I use?
Mama's priceless diamond earring has never failed me.
But my feathered wiener dog works best in fresh water.
Hey!
Honest Abe!
No fish can resist the lure of the great emancipator.
Careful!
Give him lots of play!
Pull man!
Pull!
I think you've got me!
Really?
Oh, that's rich!
That's it!
It's go time, you wall-eyed piece of chum!
That takes care of him!
Now, to fulfill my inexorable drive to spawn...
Hello, beautiful!
Heaven must be missing a salmon!
Why, the little fella's just trying to pick up fish chicks!
In that way, he is not unlike myself!
So tell me, do you spawn here often?
Oh, man!
That's the worst lion ever!
I suppose you've got a better idea?
Just talk to her, be yourself!
And if that doesn't work, flex your packs!
Chicks dig that!
Hmm, a brazen display of machismo!
It's just crazy enough to work!
Hello, scrumptious!
Care to see me do this?
That a boy!
See those moves?
I told him that!
Good work, Jenny!
I see you got the big one cornered!
Not him, Johnny!
Not him and death him!
You fiends!
Touch not this gentle salmon!
For in his chest beats the heart of a lover!
And if we look in our hearts, would we not find the heart of a salmon?
Yes!
The heart of a scared little salmon!
Well, Dad's burning, Johnny!
If we aren't gonna eat him, what are we gonna do with him?
You're not gonna do anything to them!
So long as I live, these salmon are under my protection!
Hey, look!
A butterfly!
Hey, Pops!
This salmon is delicious!
What did you do to it?
That's trout almondine, you nabob!
And get your elbows off the counter!
Look out!
Don't Barcelona!
A bad...
Mustard.
Whatever.
BJoom Koopog Minute And this is the second one.