One, two, three, go!
Way there.
Sassy.
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me.
Come on!
Hey there, way there.
Yeah, whatever.
Tuesday, June 4th, 9.57 A.M.
We're approaching the subject's door.
I'm gonna see if he's home.
Don't!
Sorry.
Yes?
Hi, Johnny.
Carl and I were wondering if you wanted to help... You never take me alive!
He's making a break for it!
Stand back, Carl!
He's going into the kitchen!
Follow him!
I don't see him.
He went out the cat door!
Check out of the pool!
Oh, right!
You were chasing me!
It's not my fault!
The neighbor's dog told me to steal cable!
No, Johnny.
I was just going to ask you to help me with this
documentary I'm making on the Hansel and Gretel witch.
You need someone to do the heavy lifting.
With my delicate knees and missing ribs?
Forget it!
They say her house is made completely of candy!
I'm in!
So, they say the witch makes pastry out of human beings.
Then glazes them with the tears of her victims.
Oh, gee, I think I left something in the car.
Me!
Did I mention her house is made completely of candy?
Oh, I found me again!
Note carefully.
Hansel and Gretel made the fatal mistake of leaving
a trail of breadcrumbs which was eaten by birds.
So, I'm leaving a trail of gravel instead.
Mmm, gravelly.
Johnny!
You idiot!
What were you thinking?
Now we'll never find our way out!
Don't worry, weed.
With my superior pathfinding abilities, we'll be out of these woods in no time.
We've been lost for five days.
Food and water are getting scarce.
I don't know how much longer we can... Give me that thing!
I want to play!
And now the works of John Philip Sousa played on my nostrils.
Johnny, quit wasting our batteries!
This is all your fault!
Susie's starting to lose it.
She's coming unraveled.
Fear is starting to consume her.
Johnny, give me that!
We're drawing straws to see who's going out into the
woods to face the hideous terrors that surround us.
Carl's picked the shortest straw.
Now we find out if he's a man or a trembling little scaredy-pants.
I am confident that the light of reason will dispel your dark superstitions.
Morning.
Still no sign of Carl.
Sweet!
That means I can have his stuff!
Johnny!
Johnny, come quickly!
Look what I've...
It's the witch's cottage!
Then that must be...
No!
Carl!
My poor, dear, sweet, deliciously moist friend!
I'll never forget you.
Never!
Hi, Johnny!
Carl!
You're alive!
We got any milk?
We were all wrong about the witch.
She's really nice.
She can't wait to meet you.
Oh, hello, dears.
You must be hungry.
Why don't you come inside for lunch?
Well, eating Carl did give me a hungry man's appetite.
But you're so thin!
We've got to put some meat on those bones of yours.
Yeah.
Stuff a muffin in it, little girl.
Come on, old lady.
Keep making with the free eats.
Oh, dear.
You are hungry.
I'll be right back with more food.
Hey, look!
I found the old lady's scrapbook of favorite recipes.
Oh, here's one for German chocolate cake.
Let's see.
Chocolate... cake... German!
I was right.
The old lady is a witch.
And she's fattening us up to turn us into pastries.
Johnny, you keep the witch occupied while Carl
and I run to town and get the authorities.
Sweet!
More grub for me.
Oh, dear.
Where did your friends go?
Oh, they thought you were a witch who makes pastries out of people?
Hey, is that tiramisu?
Why, no, it isn't.
This is my famous blackout cake.
Really?
Why do you call it that?
No, really.
Why do you call it that?
Oh, dear.
Awake already.
I haven't finished baking you into an oatmeal cookie.
What?
An oatmeal cookie?
I've always thought of myself as more of a pecan Sandy kind of guy.
Now, into the oven with you.
No!
The horror!
Hey, can I lick the spoon?
Stop!
Stop, witch!
There she is, Health Inspector Stan.
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cite you for improper
food storage and baking a guy without a license.
Oh, dear.
These pesky government regulations are strangling the small businessman.
You know, you'd make a lovely crawler.
Sweet!
She's gone!
That means we get to eat her furniture!
And so, the saga of the Hansel and Gretel witch comes to an end.
Our three heroes, battered but triumphant, emerge into the daylight to tell their...
No, no!
Johnny!
Don't eat the camera!
Mmm, camera-y.
Farnsworth, I just got a bill for 30 pounds of bananas.
What's going on in your division?
I think I'm onto something big, sir.
Watch what happens when I administer this potion to Skippy.
Should I compare the A to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
You see, sir?
My new serum has increased Skippy's IQ tenfold.
You mean to tell me you spent all our research
money developing a potion to make monkeys smart?
Don't you realize people want cute, fluffy monkeys?
Yes.
What were you thinking?
Throw that junk in the dumpster!
Get back to work on the edible car!
If only Dr. Miller had allowed me to test the potion on humans.
But where am I gonna find a human with the IQ of a monkey?
Ah!
This looks like a perfect spot to start my new career as a street musician.
Sir?
Sir, stop for a moment.
Why?
Not a fan of the classics?
Give me a dollar.
Uh, I don't have a dollar.
All I have is this delicious, uh... Lemon lime sports drink?
Uh, yes.
Well, getting down with my bad self is thirsty work.
Well?
How do you feel?
Generally like this.
I find my fingers do the bulk of the work.
Uh, stop that.
Oh, it's no use.
I'm the worst scientist in the world.
Oh, that's not true.
What about those long heads who are working on the edible car?
The hypotenuse of an isosceles triangle is equal to
the sum of the square of the remaining two sides.
Oh, I'm smart.
All those years of eating whitefish have finally paid off.
Now, let's see.
Um, according to my feng shui book, the chandelier, which represents fire,
should hang dangerously near an open door.
Hey, mama.
Guess what?
Oh!
Oh, my goodness.
Johnny, sweetie.
Are you all right?
Oh, I'm fine, mama.
Fortunately, the inverse gravitational pull of the
chandelier was offset by the bone density of my cranium.
Say what?
Oh, today's crossword puzzle.
Hmm.
Thirteen-letter word for exclusive right of inheritance.
Trimogeniture.
Hey, bambina.
Non esten domicilis sed non resta huis.
That's Latin for you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
Well, if anyone needs me, I'll be upstairs writing James Joyce's Ulysses.
Heavens to Betsy!
What's happened to Johnny?
The blow to his head must have made Johnny a genius.
As unlikely as that seems, I believe it.
I can't wait to tell the girls.
This part spins the salad, and here's where the faxes come out.
I'm still working out the kinks.
You know who could help you with that gizmo is Johnny.
They say he's become a genius.
Really?
I suppose it could happen.
Greetings and felicitations.
Hey, a salad spinner fax machine.
Hold on.
Looks like you got a faulty sprocket flange.
In the future, Carl, leave the salad spinner fax
technology to the salad spinner fax technologist.
Yeah, thanks, Johnny.
I hate.
Here's your chili, Johnny.
Thanks, Pops.
This is terrible.
Where's the bouillon?
Where are the herbs de Provence?
Must I forever be surrounded by knuckle-dragging palabians?
Well, I'd stay longer, but you bore me.
A bientôt, mes amie.
Wow, the new Johnny's really smart.
I hate him.
Me too.
And so ends my dissertation on microeconomic market forces in the Benelux countries.
Any questions?
Yes.
Who are you and why are you ruining our annual bratwurst festival?
Philistines.
If I could interrupt all those in favor of hitting my obnoxious
son over the head to return him to normal, raise your hand.
You know, when I said Philistines, I meant it in a good way.
Get him!
Stop!
Think about what you're doing!
If that's not asking too much from you low-brow fat-back-eating boobs.
Sorry, dear, this may sting a bit.
Oh, no.
Is this the end of super-intelligent Johnny Bravo?
Keep up.
What's going on?
The nuclear reactor is going critical.
Only someone well-burst in atomic physics can save us.
Piece of cake.
Can you fix it, son?
Pfft, no problem.
It's a simple matter of balancing the neutrino
flow with the electron counter valence.
And then we reconnect the lithium diode to the, uh, knee bone.
Oh, no!
Johnny's getting stupid again.
Don't worry.
I have the utmost confidence in my son, the genius.
Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, too.
We're all doomed!
Meltdown in 20 seconds.
Perhaps I can be of some assistance.
Who are you?
I'm a super-intelligent monkey.
Your friend Johnny and I shared a smart drink earlier.
But as I suspected, it wears off on humans in a matter of days.
That's ridiculous.
Are you implying that me know any more smart?
Quite.
Now, shovel, uh... Ah, there's a good chap.
Four.
Three.
Two.
One.
Reactor stabilized.
Thank you, monkey.
You've taught us all a valuable lesson.
I don't remember what it was.
Something about humans and monkeys living together and... Oh, whatever.
Let's push buttons.
Whoa!
Phew.
Thank goodness the monkey saved the town from nuclear disaster, Mrs. Bravo.
I'll say.
And more importantly, Johnny's back to his old self again.
Nine times ten is ninety.
Ten times ten is one hundred.
Any questions, Johnny?
Talking monkey.
What happens when an idiot meets his echo?
I'm pretty.
I'm prettier.
No, I'm prettier.
I am.
You're dumb.
I know you are, but what am I?
Oh, he's good.
Silently, stealthily, arachnid guy stalks his prey.
Look!
Up on that building!
It's a jerk!
It's an idiot!
Someone call the cops!
Hated and feared by those he has sworn to
protect, arachnid guy leaps to a nearby building.
Fool!
Who have some more pickles and grape juice?
Johnny should be home any minute!
Johnny, wipe your feet!
Mama, do we have any iodine?
I'm afraid this arm's gonna have to come off in a hole!
Hey, baby!
I'd ask you to come back to my place, but you're already here.
Oh, Johnny!
Look who's moving back into the neighborhood!
Your old childhood buddy!
Stinky Brownstein!
Hi, Johnny!
Hey, you!
Cooties, get the soap!
Oh, Johnny!
You're so funny!
I really missed your sense of humor.
Oh, really?
You know what I missed about you?
Nothing!
Mama, I specifically said when I was eight years old that you were not to let her in
the house again for a million bajillion years!
Has it been a million bajillion years?
I don't think so!
Oh, nonsense!
You two used to be inseparable!
That's because she glued my arm to her back!
In fact, I went through the closet and dug
out some slides of you two from the old days!
Here's when Stinky convinced you it was cross-dressing day at school.
I knew the stripes would make me look fat!
Oh, look!
There's the time I told you that flagpoles were made of candy!
Later I found out they're made of metal!
And here's Stinky pantsing you at your grammar school graduation!
Oh, the neighborhood kids laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and
laughed and laughed!
Alright, we get the idea!
Oh, don't be upset, Johnny.
That was all silly kid stuff.
I've grown up since then!
And so have you!
Your mother didn't tell me how tall and handsome you've become!
She's gonna give me a wedgie!
Beat you to it!
That's the last time you make me look stupid!
How about you and I go on a nice, relaxing picnic tomorrow?
Oh, sure, I get it.
Just you, me, and the swarm of fire ants you'll be putting down my pants!
I'll bring pie!
Tomorrow it is!
Oh, it's so beautiful here, Johnny!
Look at how pretty the clouds look!
Oh, sure!
Look up in the sky, so you can run down to family court, change my name to President
James Buchanan, so that people will come up to me on the
street and say, Ooh, you had an ineffectual presidency!
Well, I won't fall for that again!
Oh, look, Johnny!
Daffodils!
Oh, I'll be right back.
Aha!
Now's my chance to get her before she gets me!
She'll never expect the old porcupine in the picnic basket routine.
Ha-ha!
I can see it now.
She'll reach in, expect her to find a tasty tuna sandwich smothered with Mayo,
dripping with crispy lettuce, then zesty tomato and...
Nooo!
Johnny, what happened?
Oh, like you didn't expect me to put the porcupine in the picnic basket and then
reach into the basket and get covered with quills!
Wh-what?
Oh, she's good.
She's very good.
Buy me front row seats to the soccer match as if I didn't know it's another of her
elaborate plans to make me look foolish in front of 30,000 people!
I've got our root beers, Johnny!
I saved a seat for you, Stinky.
And don't worry, I didn't rig it in any way to pull a joke on you.
I'd never do that.
Thanks, Johnny.
Ha!
I got you!
I got you good!
I stuck a kick me sign on your chair.
And now it's stuck to you and everybody's gonna laugh at you!
There's nothing on my back, Johnny.
Where is him?
I wonder where that pesky kick me sign went to.
Look, mate, that bloke's got a kick me sign on him.
It'd be rude not to put a boot to his bum.
Whoa!
Uh-oh.
Whoa!
Oh, she is very, very, very, very, very good.
I've had a wonderful day, Johnny.
And I brought you here to tell you how I feel about you.
Yeah, yeah, that's great.
But, uh, first, waiter, a round of milk for everyone!
Get ready with the mops, because when I tell this
joke, milk's gonna come shootin' out her nose.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to propose a toast to my oldest, dearest friend,
Stinky Brownstein.
But first, a joke.
Hey, Stinky, I met a guy today... Go ahead, drink your milk.
I met a guy today... That's it, take a big mouthful.
I met a guy today with a wooden leg named Sam.
Really?
What was the name of his other leg?
I don't get it.
She thought the leg's name was Sam!
Johnny!
All right, you win!
You came to town to ruin my life, and it worked!
You got me!
Are you happy now?
Johnny, I haven't been trying to get you.
I've been trying to tell you what a wonderful person you are.
And I was hoping maybe we could become more than friends.
Really?
You know, Stinky, I-I never noticed before, but you've turned into a beautiful woman.
Oh, Johnny, hold me in your arms.
Stinky!
Ah!
Ah-ha-ha-ha!
I.
totally got you!
I just really got you!
I got you!
You know, sometimes the oldest relationships are the most rewarding.
And this is the first sentence.
And this is the second sentence.