Oh, Christmas gifts from Santa Claus.
The kind you get for free.
Oh, Christmas gifts, free Christmas gifts.
All of them for me.
How great it is to get free stuff.
You belong by... I'll move free presents.
Pretty man.
Hello, fire department.
I just called to let you know that I am the bomb.
And I'm about to blow up.
Whoops.
Cancel that.
It's too late.
I just can't get enough.
Johnny!
What, mama?
Come help me move the tree.
Yes, mama.
Hold my place.
Tiger.
Johnny!
I don't know what it is.
I'm just not feeling that feng shui.
Mama, could you figure it out and get back to me?
Johnny, that's a great idea.
I could draw a diagram and map out the whole thing.
Meanwhile, could you clean out between the cushions?
I just did my nails, you know.
You people need to clean more.
What's this?
Santa Claus.
Oh, no!
These are mine and mama's letters to Santa Claus.
I-I thought I mailed these off last month.
Wait a second.
Now remember, don't forget to mail our letters to Santa Claus.
On today's episode of I Am Woman Kung Fu Chicks
Weightlifting Women and the Season's Hottest Looks.
All right, a new episode.
Oh, that there was some good TV.
But these letters...
If Santa doesn't get these letters by tonight, I
might not get all those free presents I asked for.
And who ever heard of a Christmas without free stuff?
Mama, I gotta run to the post office.
What?
Suck an egg.
Happy Holidays from the Aaron City Post Office.
Hi, my... My name is Roy, and I'll be taking care of all your postal needs.
That's great.
From Borneo to Bakersfield, we deliver your package to your destination.
Will you stop already?
How may I assist you?
I need to get these letters to the North Pole by tonight.
Yeah, right.
What?
I'm not joking here.
Hey, Melissa!
This guy wants us to deliver his letters to Santa by tonight.
A loser.
Hey, everybody!
This guy thinks we can deliver his letters to Santa Claus by tonight!
Hey, mister!
Huh?
Freak!
Oh!
You should know better than to try to mail something on the day of Christmas Eve.
Especially a letter to Santa Claus!
Stupid post office.
Stupid mail.
Stupid sidewalk.
Stupid grass.
Hey, Johnny.
Stupid kid.
I like to eat apples and bananas.
Ape bananas.
Opals and bano-nos.
Whopals and bano-no's.
Knock it off!
Knock what off?
All this jumping in, Johnny Johnny!
I'm so happy!
I'm a girl!
Yabby baby!
Humbug.
Yeah, well it takes one to know one.
That's good because I know that I'm a Princess.
R-not.
M-2.
R-not.
M-2.
R-not.
M-2.
I just Bugs Bunny'd you!
Look, kid.
Do you mind?
I'm trying to think here.
About what?
I need to figure out a way to get my free presents from Santa.
Why?
Have you been naughty?
No.
Oh, I forgot to mail mine and Mama's letters to Santa Claus.
Oh, man.
How sad.
I need to figure out a way to get these letters
to him before he takes off on his sleigh tonight.
Have you thought about emailing him over the Internet?
I know.
I can hand deliver these letters to him myself.
If you want to do it the hard way.
Oh, man.
All I got is his post office box number.
How am I supposed to find Santa if I don't have his home address?
I have his email address if you want it.
I know.
Maybe that stupid kid has his address.
Hello?
I'm right here.
Hey, kid.
Do you have Santa's address?
As a matter of fact, I do.
But I'll only give it to you on one condition.
Just one?
Just one.
That's less than five, right?
Uh-huh.
Fine.
As long as you don't make me eat bug larva again.
All you have to do is take me with you to meet Santa Claus.
What?
No bug larva?
Only if you say no.
All right.
But don't think that I'm a pushover, cause I'm not!
Passengers at gate 10, your flight has moved to gate 97.
Maybe we can still get a ticket.
Or maybe we can secretly sneak on and stow away.
Flight 1213, you're clear.
Well, that was easy.
I hope this doesn't go on my permanent record.
Hey, you know the last time I was in a cargo hatch, I was bound, gagged,
and forced into training for the French Foreign Legion.
Shh!
Do you hear that?
Quick, hide!
Is someone in here?
I know somebody's here.
I heard voices.
Are you a stow away?
No stow away is here.
Just a lamp and a fan.
Ow!
Psh!
Hey, child!
Who's that?
You know, you're so dumb, I bet you couldn't even pass a blood test.
Yeah!
And I bet his breath, it smells so bad, people's on their phone, hang up!
Yeah!
Yeah, Vince, it's all clear down here.
Just a bunch of the animals being stupid.
Yeah, well, your mama's so dumb, she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.
Okay, you can come out now.
The coast is clear.
Thanks for distracting the guard.
Come on, little neighbor kid, let's go hide again before that guy comes back.
So, what are you guys doing for Christmas?
Christmas?
Ha!
Why would a bunch of circus animals wanna celebrate Christmas?
Hey, circus stuff!
Duh!
Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus.
A time for selfless generosity and showing others that you
care by spending time with them and giving them presents.
One time, Amy gave me a knuckle sandwich.
That wasn't really a present, though.
Ow.
I can't even begin to count how many times I wish to be back in the wild over there,
living off the fed of the land.
Hey, check this out.
Mom!
Whoa!
Well, guess what?
Today is Christmas Eve.
And I'm about to make your Christmas wishes come true.
Lucky for you, a Buttercup scout always carries her handy, handy pocket knife.
What the...?
Come on!
Vogue!
Will you get back in your cages?
If we could talk... Party over here!
Hey, hey, hey!
Merry Christmas!
Yee-haw!
Bye-bye!
Try not to get shot!
At least we have our health.
Oh, man!
Now what am I supposed to do?
Time's running out, and I gotta get these letters to Santa.
Christmas only happens once a year, and I'm gonna miss it because of a bunch
of stupid animals who wanted to live off the fat of the land.
Hey, speaking of fat, I'm hungry.
I could go for some Taco Wolf right now.
Ooh, beans!
Huh?
Did you say something about beans?
One out of 12.
Roscoe P. Coltrane, do you copy?
So are you cooking beans inside there?
Ah!
Bean hog.
BJ Kid Convoy, this is Little Miss Thang.
Do you copy?
Break of 1-7 for Little Miss Thang.
This is Godzilla.
Read you loud and clear.
Hello!
According to your homing device, I'm about a mile from your 20.
Hey, Godzilla.
Isn't it about time a fiery voice fixin' like you had her way with Tokyo Johnny?
Johnny.
Ow.
I think it you need a little.
Oh, yeah!
Mercy.
Can't wait to get an eyeball full of you.
Is all that really necessary?
Can't stand the heat.
Get out of the kitchen.
Hey there.
Oh, it's my hair, isn't it?
Curse this new hairspray.
Are you sure that's you talkin' and you didn't swallow some beautiful babe?
The only other person in here is my niece, Monique,
from France, and she barely speaks any English.
Bonjour.
Comment allez-vous?
Enchanté, chiquitita.
Wanna see my abs?
Hey, don't hurt the hair!
So, I take it you're one of them slow to warm up types.
There's a tiny little airport an hour north of here.
You could probably find a pilot to take you where you need to get.
Cool beans!
Hey, Johnny, they've offered to give us a ride to the nearest airport.
I knew I felt the love in that last punch.
We only have three seat belts up front.
But don't worry.
My girls in the back will keep you company.
Other girls?
Other girls.
Fat!
Shiniest fire drill.
Time for the kid to get in the back with the pigs.
And for me to snuggle into some French cuisine.
Merci beaucoup.
Good luck on your trip.
Thanks for the lift.
Joyeux Noël.
And a merry Christmas to you two.
Au revoir.
Wait!
I didn't get your number.
Come on, Johnny, we're here.
Let's get to getting and find a plane.
Call me!
Could you fly us to the north pole?
No.
Could you fly us to the north pole?
No.
Could you fly us to the north pole?
Do birds poo on cars?
Come again?
Let me guess.
You've uncovered a secret governmental plot to create alien-human hybrids,
to combat the oncoming alien invasion, and you're
going to the north pole to uncover the truth.
Close.
Nice try, though.
We're going to deliver these letters to Santa Claus.
Well, burn my britches and call me Shirley.
I've always wanted to meet Santa Claus.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down there, Shirley.
We can't take just anybody to meet Santa Claus.
I just baked fresh cookies.
You're hired.
Are you sure this thing will get us to the north pole?
Sure as sunshine, sweetheart.
Hey, that was a tongue twister.
Sure as sunshine, sweetheart.
Hey, Johnny, I think we're going to make it on time.
Are you going to eat all holes?
No.
Not to be nosy, but how long have you been flying?
I just got my license this morning.
Hey, Shirley, is that a good thing?
Sure, sunshine, sweetheart.
So, uh, here.
Show me Santa's address.
Sure, sunshine, sweetheart.
It's right here in the cereal box top.
It says, One Candy Cane Lane.
Does that box top have a longitude or a latitude on it?
Nope, just a cute little picture of Santa and Blitzen.
Do you mean to tell me that the address you have is fake?
How was I supposed to know that?
I'm a little girl.
Man, now I'll never get my free presents.
What the... Donny, I'm friends!
Don't worry, you didn't hurt my smile.
Hey, Johnny!
How the heck are you?
Great, Donny.
How the heck are you?
Now, Johnny, don't you make me come over there and hug you.
I don't know.
Too late.
You two know each other?
Unfortunately.
So, what brings you folks to this neck of the woods?
We're looking for Santa.
Wait!
Let's all sing while we're talking.
Okay, Donny!
Why are you out here on Christmas Eve?
Johnny forgot to mail his family's letters to
Santa Claus, so we are here to deliver them.
I am the pilot of the airplane and I'm just along for the ride.
But now we are lost because the address we have is fake.
Fear not, fear not, I have the address you seek.
What did you just say?
How did you get Santa's address?
I visit Santa every year to offer a helping hand.
Look, Donny, just show us where Santa lives and I won't have to hurt you.
Only if you sing while you're talking.
Say yes!
Oh please, Johnny, say yes!
Maybe.
Good enough, because you know what they say.
Maybe's a baby that just needs to be loved till it says yes.
Isn't that the truth?
Who's flying the plane?
Duh, I am.
Maybe we should buckle up.
Oh no!
We're going to crash into that mountain!
Nah, that's just a decoy.
It's a cloaking device.
There it is!
Santa's village!
Oh no!
We're going to crash into Santa's village!
Yeah, that's a pickle.
What the?
No care, everybody!
Well, that was fun!
There he is!
Santa Claus!
Hey, Santa.
It's me, Johnny.
Remember I'm the one that beat you up last year because I thought you were a burglar?
Johnny, hold out your hand.
No, I can't say I recall that incident.
But from the sound of it, I think that was called for.
Merry Christmas, Mr. Claus!
My name's... Little Susie.
You know me?
And Leo.
Wow!
You're good!
And, uh, you're, um... I'm a little bit rock and roll.
Elvis?
Uh-uh.
It rhymes with Shawnee.
Donnie!
Donnie Wahlberg from the New Kids on the Block.
No, sir.
Donnie Osmond of the Osmond Family.
Okay.
Sounds good to me.
So, Johnny, what brings you all the way to the North Pole?
I forgot to mail mine and Mama's letters to you.
I hope it's not too late.
Well, let me see here.
A year's supply of hair gel, a new black T-shirt, a brand-new pink Cadillac.
Oh, Johnny, your Mama's got a tall order.
Wait a second.
That's my Mama's list?
Well, it's your Mama's handwriting, but it does sound like stuff you would want.
So, Mama must have asked Santa for gifts from me.
Besides, I've got your list right here.
Whoa!
Give me that!
But, Johnny, we came all the way up here so you could ask Santa for your free presents.
Yeah.
Well, things change.
Well, Johnny, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm afraid
I can't fill yours or your Mama's orders this year.
All the gifts have been matched to their recipients,
and the workshop is closed for the season.
Santa, I've got a late-breaking Naughty or Nice update.
Should I pack two more lumps of coal into the sleigh?
Yes.
Thank you, Salvador.
Johnny, it seems that there are two newly freed up gifts.
Uh, Santa, if it isn't too much trouble, could
you just give both those gifts to my Mama?
Johnny?
Are you sure?
The only wish I have is that you make my Mama happy this year.
Hey, Johnny, while you're at it, could you ask
him to help fix our plane so we can get home?
Leo, I'm one step ahead of you.
Just turn around, have a safe trip home, and Merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Merry Christmas!
Yeah.
Merry Christmas.
So anyways, Mama, that's what happened.
I'm sorry that I forgot to mail those letters.
Oh, honey, please!
So you're not mad?
Nonsense!
The most important thing about Christmas is that we're together, honey.
All the presents in the world couldn't replace that.
Hey, Mama, speaking of gushy stuff... Could you make me some chicken pot pie?
All I've eaten today was cookies.
Do you hear something?
Yeah, that must be my stomach.
It sounds like Christmas carolers!
And heaven and heaven and nature sing!
You're conceited.
What's going on here?
Oh, Johnny, something cool happened!
Yeah!
Susie told one person about your selfless act at the North Pole.
And he told two friends, and they told two friends... And so on!
And so on!
Anyhow, me, along with the citizens of Arran City, I want to wish you and Mrs.
Bravo a Merry Christmas!
And a Happy New Year!
Now, come on, everybody!
Wang Chung!
My boy looks so happy!
He's a good egg, Mrs. Bravo!
I only wish he could find that one girl that sees him the way we do.
One can only dream.
You gotta love it!
Hey, Mama!
Did you buy any mistletoe?
Oh!
Now, come this way!
Just get this rope, let's get on!
To get up, there is nothing new.
Where are you?
And he, he, he's been a... Who did that?
You got to know.
And he said she already knew that I wasn't Ba-Bar, Managing mğin Inside!