Hey!
Baby!
Sassy!
Studley!
Whoa!
Check the packs!
Man, I'm pretty.
Do the monkey with me!
Come on!
Hey there, baby.
Yeah, whatever.
Chicks and money.
Now that's what I call a two-for-one combo.
Hi there.
I'd like to withdraw a little sugar from the bank of your lips.
Seriously, you guys need to lay off the jelly donuts.
I could have been handled better.
Good job.
Well done.
Amazing.
And you are... Don't you recognize the voice?
It's me, Elise Beasley.
Serve up a mystery and I'll solve it quite easily.
Just give me a holler when you witness a crime.
But don't yell too often.
I just do this part-time.
Huh?
Good afternoon.
Curtis Armstrong, TV and movie superstar mogul.
Good for you.
Now, if you don't mind...
But, sir, we were just inside that bank with
you and witnessed something truly amazing.
A real person.
With real struggles.
Real suspense.
Look, could you two nutmegs go and bother somebody else?
I got me some more chicks to chickify.
Just hear us out.
We want to cast you in our new reality TV series, Who Wants to Star in Their Own
Pilot for a Primetime Series as a detective or a detective sidekick?
The title's a work in progress.
Look, I hate to burst your bubble, but I've
done the Hollywood thing and it ain't for me.
But, sir, by the way, I didn't catch your name.
Johnny.
Johnny Bravo.
Well, Johnny who?
Johnny Bravo.
This is different from the Hollywood thing.
This is reality television.
All you have to do is sign this release form, which frees us from any wrongdoing
if you end up suffering from emotional, physical or metaphysical discomfort.
I said no.
I can even say it in Spanish.
No.
Your lips may be saying no, but I have two great reasons why they'll soon say yes.
Wow, I'm pretty.
Clinically speaking, as I've played a doctor on TV before.
I'm sorry, Johnny.
Uh, Johnny Bravo.
But I'm afraid you cannot interact with Marina
Drozcovich until you've signed the release form.
It...
So, Marina.
How's about... What the... Do you mind?
I'm trying to pretty my pretty.
Sorry.
It was set to melt flying insects.
Like I was saying... Please, this is a family show.
Try to limit the flesh tones.
I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Producer.
And I'm ready for my close-up.
And... Action!
Do you have what it takes to be the next Scooby-Doo?
The next Charlie's Angels?
The next old chick from Murder, She Wrote, who also solved crimes,
but I never watched the show, so I couldn't for the life of me know her real name?
Well, we're about to find out with our next contestant, Johnny Bravo!
Now that it's just us, what do you say we audition each other in a kissing scene?
Please.
Ha!
Don't mess with the ways of the Shaolin.
Ha!
Shaolin?
How's about showing Crouching Johnny?
Are you mocking the ways of the Shaolin?
It depends.
Does it make me look hot?
Ah!
Watch the hair!
Are you getting all this?
It's like watching lightning in a battle!
Producer!
At your service!
This guy is so not working for me.
Is it because I'm prettier than you?
I get that a lot, you know.
Zip it, Devo.
Miss Draskovich?
Oh, come now.
We're friends.
Call me Miss Marina Draskovich.
Thank you, Miss Draskovich.
Please.
From behind the camera.
Sorry.
You were saying?
If you don't mind my butting in, of all the people we've seen, I really
believe that the two of you have that it factor.
You know, Janet.
Elise.
I like you.
We should have dinner sometime.
Yet still sit at separate tables.
Sounds like a swell evening to me.
Producer!
At your service!
Let's bring on the detective-ing.
Could somebody help me out of this?
I think my zipper's stuck.
Retrieving the Unretrievable Clue.
Take one.
Welcome back.
We've hidden a carrot somewhere in the vicinity of Johnny Bravo.
Let's see if he can find it, shall we?
You know, I could stare at you all day long.
Then I wouldn't get a chance to look at me.
I hate that part.
You do realize you're supposed to be looking for a carrot.
What do you say we skip the carrot part and go straight for dessert?
We can start with some Johnny Al Amour.
Help!
Somebody help!
Chinkies!
A real-life mystery!
I hope she likes pot roast.
I'm just trying to figure out what to make for dinner.
Well, keep rolling.
You can't write this stuff.
What is it?
What happened?
Somebody kidnapped my llama!
Kidnapped?
Dun-dun-dun!
Did you hear that, Johnny?
Johnny.
She's a hottie.
Could you help me find my llama?
We'd be happy to.
I'd be happy to find your llama!
Is this your llama?
Uh, no, that's a... What about this?
No.
What?
This?
Do you even know what a llama is?
Oh, you said llama!
Are we on TV?
Reality TV.
As real as it gets!
Like reality gone wild.
Really?
Is that your llama's leash?
Oh, this?
Why, yes!
This is my llama's leash.
Would you like to look?
You know, I'm a natural in front of the camera.
I was crowned the artichoke queen at the county fair last year.
I'm happy to report that your llama was not actually kidnapped.
What?
Observe.
Dun-dun-dun!
The leash is still moist and frayed, which means that
your llama must have chewed himself free and escaped.
Yes, folks.
Marina Drozcovich has just retrieved the unretrievable clue.
The first key in unlocking the mysteries of detectivity.
Helipa!
Another chick who needs help!
Well, what are y'all just standing around for?
We got some detec... bit... ta... Detectiving!
Gesundheit!
Let's go!
I guess we should follow him?
We kind of have to.
Or we could go out for some cappuccino.
Oh!
Oh, I know.
A great coffee shop around the corner.
That sounds good!
Ladies, enough chit-chat.
We've got a mystery to exploit.
Helipa!
Oh, somebody helipa!
Oh, man.
I was hoping you were hot.
Please.
I was just robbed by a large horse-like creature.
He was a... Don't worry, ma'am.
I play a detective on TV.
I'll catch whoever did this to you.
Really?
We're on a TV, huh?
Here he is.
The ugly horse-like creature who robbed your store.
Who are you calling ugly?
Am I on TV?
National TV.
Hi, Mom.
Look!
Hoof prints.
Our criminal just may be a horse after all.
Help!
Another person in trouble.
We must be getting closer.
Are we getting closer?
Focus!
Right.
Focus.
Follow those footprints.
Help!
Somebody please, help!
Hey there, pretty.
Were you just accosted by a llama?
Marie, he stole my tap shoes.
Wait a second.
This way, people!
That means you too, Speedo.
Did you just see a tap-dancing llama run by here?
I don't know what a llama is, but there's a
giant dog in the park giving away free fruit.
A giant dog?
In the park?
Free fruit!
Is there an echo in here?
To the park!
You might want to skip the oranges.
I think he spit all over them.
There he is!
Stand back!
I'll save you, llama!
Save him?
Look, mister.
Nobody eats that lady's llama with Johnny on duty.
One way or another, he's coming back out.
I don't think that's a smart idea.
Oh, boy!
You're not the only one.
Maybe I should have thought this out better.
I can't thank you enough for finding my llama.
Well, I can think of a few ways you can thank me.
Hold it right there!
Do you picture what I'm picturing?
Pony rides at Christmas time?
Exactly!
But I'm also thinking that we should skip Johnny... Johnny Bravo!
And go with these two!
Two girls?
That's like a girl times two!
You can't write this stuff!
Sorry about the change of heart.
But the change, I think, is rather smart.
So now I guess I take your place!
We'll see you on TV!
Solving another case!
Yeah, whatever.
Welcome to the heavily anticipated premiere
of the show that everybody's talking about.
Who wants to be a prime-time detective?
No one in this house.
With your host, Marina...
We interrupt the show that everybody's talking
about to bring you this late-breaking story.
Yeah, Bob, there's a high-speed car chase going
through the neighborhood streets of Arran City.
Apparently!
What the f...
Sir, you've just witnessed the most dramatic car chase in years.
Your home is a wreck.
Now you're on TV.
Any comments?
Don't you just love reality television?
Hi.
I'm Adam West.
Ah!
That's right.
Adam...
West.
Welcome to another action-packed episode of Adam West's Date-O-Rama!
Formerly known as the Great Date Coaster.
A.K.A.
Can I Get Those Digits?
Sponsored by Biscuits and a Cup.
More popularly known as...
Everybody Loves Adam West!
Let's get started, shall we?
I never get tired of that.
Meet the Date Going On or Johnny Bravo.
Johnny is unemployed, lives with his mother, and knows the alphabet.
A. Blee.
That curvy one.
Ah.
A. Blee.
Three.
Oh, what a catch.
And Johnny's date...
It jabs!
I mean, meet the Black Widow.
She's a reformed intergalactic supervillainess.
She enjoys walks on the beach and shattering mirrors with her ghastly visage.
I want a man who will bow down before me and... Oh, uh, cuddle.
I just want a man to cuddle.
That's swell.
Will romance blossom between Jimmy, Barko, and Yellow Fever?
The answer?
I am simply stunning.
To the date!
I am so great.
Give me a hot date.
Lucky lady, get ready to meet Johnny Bravo.
Now, who could that be?
Nice try, Johnny Bravo, but you agreed to go on this date, and on it, you will go.
Pruitt!
This is a legally binding contract.
I've got your John Hancock right here.
No, you don't.
My John Hancock's over there.
I declare this contract legally binding.
Advantage, West.
To the date-o-rama-mobile!
I knew I should have gone with a Ben Franklin.
Puh!
Let's just say, my last relationship left a bad taste in my mouth.
What's the matter?
Can I cut your tongue?
Pruitt!
Well, there you are, Miss Kitty.
Bad dog!
Pruitt!
This is so not fun.
Aw, don't be embarrassed.
I got a frog in my throat.
What?
Ah.
Hmm.
Wow.
You look a lot better when you can't tell what you look like.
Oh, yeah.
Now, we're getting somewhere.
So, how do you like your date, Johnny?
Well, between you and me, kid, she's a real cow.
Really?
No, no, no.
I mean, she's a real pig.
A dog.
Whale.
Mule.
Oh!
Quit horsing around.
I'm trying to tell you that chick is ugly.
Uh,
what I meant to say was that you're very, uh, UN-good-looking.
Ooh, busted.
Oh, my.
What a...
Gentlemen!
So, Black Widow, that's a...
name.
Isn't that French for puppy dog or something?
Actually, it's English for Black Widow.
You know, the spider?
Spider, huh?
Is that Chinese for knee socks?
May I take your order?
I'd like to order the gastropods of the planet Saltus to
relinquish control of the tallest moon to anthropod forces at once.
Oh, and a hot salad.
I'd like to order a, how about you and me go
out some time with a side of your phone number.
I'd like to cancel that order.
Friend of yours.
This you?
Oh, no.
Well, here we are.
Then here I go.
I'd like you to come inside for some coffee.
Wouldn't you like to come inside for some coffee?
Not really.
What?
Not... really?
That's it!
You pathetic, insensitive, unappreciative, callous, self-absorbed Earth-Dweller!
You say something?
I tried to be sweet, I tried to be good, I tried to be a fun, model, citizen!
You're a model?
So, how's about that coffee?
Oh, Johnny.
Poor slow, slow, slow Johnny.
There's no coffee for you.
And there never will be!
Wait a minute.
I'm not slow.
Not so fast.
Adam West.
Black Widow.
So, we meet again.
That's right.
Well, I assure you, we shan't meet again!
Again!
Shant we?
We shan't!
Get him, boys!
I see you've fallen off the villainous recovery wagon, Black Widow.
Allow me to reintroduce you to my 12-step program.
Step one, don't swim for at least 30 minutes after eating.
Step two, don't wear white after Labor Day.
Step three, don't talk to strangers.
Baby, don't you talk.
Step four through 11.
Well, they're pretty much the same as steps one through three.
Step 12, don't mess with the West.
Ah, phooey!
Hey, Adam West, when did you get here?
Johnny, in the future, please be more selective
about the variety of hooligan you can sort with.
I'll sign to that.
You are so gone, Hancock.
Well, fair audience members, it looks like those two kooky kids really hit it off.
But don't take my word for it.
Let's see what they have to say.
I had a great time with Johnny.
I would go out with him again.
Uh, can somebody get me down from here?
Aw, nothing gnaws at this Cavalier Casanova's sinewy
heartstrings more than the sweet, dewy music of the lovestruck.
It's what brings me back to this show day after day after...
Well, that and my limo driver, Charles.
Anyways, tune in tomorrow for another astonishingly
wondrous episode of Adam West Presents Adam West.
Same Adam time, same Adam channel.
Hello, Johnny.
It's activity time.
One of these things is not like the other.
Can you guess which one it is before the kids at home do?
No problem.
Thought you could fool me on this one.
But I know the thing that is different is this thing.
Woohoo!
Congratulations, Johnny.
You are today's winner.
So until next time, good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.
You like me!
You really like me!