This is definitely my good side.
The cheekbone, the eyebrow, it all comes together nicely.
This side, I'm all chin.
Uh.
Hey, guys.
Don't we all do weird things when we think no one's watching?
- Well, I'll be going now! - Get him!
I want to live!
- You're right. He is funny. - Told ya.
"I want to live."
Good one, Bobby.
Huh?
Bobby Hill, we want you to be a powder-puff cheerleader with us.
Here's your pom-poms.
We got spirit, how about you?
It's gonna be a test of…
…will and strength to have fake boobs
and not be touching them all the time.
I don't see what's funny about powder-puff.
The girls playing football, the football players in skirts cheering them on.
Maybe you're not getting the joke.
We get to dress like girls and act like girls.
It's funny.
"Hi, Bobby! I'm gonna make you a roast."
Roast.
Cross-dressing's been done, Joseph.
I know I had a prop-comedy phase.
But I've grown.
I've been watching reruns of "Seinfeld."
And I'm impressed with the observational humor.
That's where my comedy is now.
Hill! Two-man huddle! Let's go!
Okay.
I hear your jokes and bits and sketches are hilarious!
They had better be. I got a losing football program.
And the only thing that's going to save my bacon is a good powder-puff game.
Yeah. But isn't powder-puff about girls playing football?
Nobody watches the girls!
It's all about you boys and your tom-fooligans!
Mess this up and I'll be back teaching math to the slowpokes!
Break!
Have you seen this?
Yeah. PTA having another fundraiser.
If you don't give them money, they threaten you with volunteering job.
Swipe credit card, avoid conflict.
Oh no.
This time I am calling their bluff.
I'm gonna go to one of those meetings and volunteer.
Yeah, my time worth more than that.
Well, mine is not.
Isn't the word "carburetor" redundant
since it already has the word "car" in it?
Shouldn't they just be called "buretors"?
- Well, actually, Bill, the word comes… - Hey, everybody!
Guess whose star-athlete son has been selected for powder-puff cheerleading?
My son! Joseph Gribble was chosen.
Dale, we were in the middle of an important conversation.
Yeah, Dale.
Hank doesn't want to talk about powder-puff football.
He wants to talk about "buretors".
Maybe we could just stand quietly.
That's fine. I'll just carry on an internal dialogue.
Yes!
Is this the PTA meeting?
- I'm so glad I'm not late. - Oh, but you are.
We take our first break after 20 minutes. It gets pretty intense.
- People need a macaroon. - I see.
We avoid a lot of tears this way.
But you should feel free to cry on my shoulder,
or any other body part you want.
Well, oh…
Excuse me.
- But aren't you… - Yes! PJ Finster.
Hun Chin Ko's dad.
- Time! - All right.
And don't forget to bring up the bake sale.
I now call this meeting back to order.
I'd like to propose an allocation of funds to pay for more janitorial supplies.
They've been cleaning with just water for a week.
We finished new business before the break.
Okay.
But there's a stickiness issue.
Carl, I left a high-powered law firm to spend time with my family.
And I'm giving up time with my family to be here.
If you want to talk stickiness, put your hand on the kitchen counter at my house.
Well put.
Ah. Excuse me. I'm new here. Peggy Hill!
Now, those animal soap carvings the kids make in art class,
what if we repurpose those?
Nobody likes them anyway.
You know, normally I shun newcomers.
But that kind of out-of-the-box thinking is gonna get you on the PTA fast track.
You get me.
It'd just be a shame to throw it out.
It's only 15 years old.
Hey, Bobby.
You're not gonna believe what happened to me today.
I got picked for powder-puff cheerleading.
Don't worry.
I've got some great ideas about how to get out of it.
They can't make me cheer if they think I have lockjaw.
Huh? What do you think, Dad?
I can't believe you got picked for powder-puff!
Well, that's an honor usually reserved for football players.
This is great!
What?
I'm so happy for you, Hank! And you too, Bobby!
Good things don't usually happen to the un-athletic.
Bobby, I had given up hope of you ever making a team.
But this is finally a chance to be part of a time-honored football tradition.
Uh-huh.
So you want me to dress up like a girl and run around with pom-poms?
Yes.
Hey, remember when I "gave birth" to a football?
Yeah. And we wrapped it in a baby blanket and kicked it through the goal post.
I understand you think it's great and all.
But comedy is very subjective.
And men in drag?
Well, I'm sorry, Dad, but it just isn't my thing.
It is now, Bobby.
Because you're gonna be a cheerleader.
Now, let's go find you a dress!
Bobby, you can't throw a rock at a Rotary Club meeting
without hitting a former…
…powder-puff cheerleader.
Tom Hutto down at AAA, powder-puff.
David McDavid at Wide Track Motors, powder-puff.
Bob Decker from Centex Escrow, powder-puff.
Great.
Now, the kind of brassiere you choose as a cheerleader
will determine your cheer personality.
Are you the fun-loving buxom one? Or the flat-chested brainiac?
This one, I guess.
Good choice.
Now…
…let's get you made up.
Run!
Okay, team, let's go!
Over here! Over here!
Together!
Run!
- Go, Longhorns! - Hey, cheerleaders!
That doesn't look like flouncing and bouncing to me!
You're in over your head, Kleehammer.
Hill!
Comedy bow-wow!
Cherry picker now!
Hill!
What do you think of all the boys blowing kisses to the crowd
like a gaggle of beauty queens?
It's fine, I guess.
All right, boys! Get in line and blow kisses till your arms turn to jelly!
Hill says it's funny!
- Coach. Coach. - Not now, Beth.
All right, pucker, smooch, and blow!
Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Alexis.
I've noticed that there are 41 PTA committees.
I believe they can be condensed…
…into a fewer number.
My estimate is ten but my guesstimate is six.
Great thinking, Peggy.
Sounds like a project for you, me, and PJ.
Yay!
I'll call home and have Lima start the kids' homework.
This might take a good long while.
But I made a choice.
I stand by it.
And I have no regrets.
I hope one of you brought a sleeping bag big enough for two, or more.
Then we practiced popping each other's boob balloons.
And then we practiced popping each other's butt balloons.
You're doing balloon work already?
Well, I'm sure Coach Kleehammer knows what he's doing.
You know what would make your outfit perfect?
My old striped tube top.
I am not wearing Mom's clothes!
Look, Dad, this just isn't working for me. I hate it!
Fine. If you can't see how important this is, then go ahead and quit.
I'm free?
This is great!
Well, we'll see.
When you're face to face with your teammates,
it might not be so easy to quit.
Are you kidding?
I've quit more things than you've started.
Gribble, you call that demure?
I, I don't know what that means, sir.
When I say bat your eyelashes…
…I mean bat them!
Okay, now watch.
This is where Hill comes in.
See? He's created a character.
The exasperated bobbysoxer.
Princess.
Now, that's funny!
Actually, guys, I've got something to tell you.
Everybody listen up! Hill's got something to tell us!
Yeah, the thing is…
He's continuing.
I needed to tell you guys that…
Anything. Anything at all you can say to help these boys?
First of all, Kurt, your pantyhose should be darker and baggier.
And Eric, you shouldn't wear pantyhose at all.
You've got hairy legs in middle school.
Don't waste that.
We're gonna need props.
So how'd they take it?
Well, they took it pretty good…
…because I'm staying.
I knew you couldn't let them down.
Thanks for making me dress up like a girl, Dad.
You know that after this is over, you can't do this anymore, right?
Oh, I know.
Meeting adjourned.
So, congratulations, Peggy.
Your restructuring proposal passed with flying colors.
Thank you.
I'm just glad I got through my argument before all the whooping
from the powder-puff cheerleading practice started.
What is going on out there exactly?
Could you explain it to me in detail?
If I have to miss Circle Time at Kidnasium, so be it.
Well, it's an annual football game.
But the girls are the players and the cheerleaders are the boys.
They wear makeup and wigs and act silly.
Boys are making fun of girls?
Yes.
You know, my son Bobby is actually kind of the head cheerleader.
Mm-hm.
He keeps knocking over lamps around the house with his big, clumsy boobs.
That kind of mockery does untold damage
to a young girl's fragile psyche.
My daughter was hysterical recently
when an eighth-grade boy told her her ponytail looked like a piece of doodie.
Thank God I was home to console her!
Which was my choice, stand by it, no regrets.
Well, that's terrible.
Have you tried putting her hair up in a bun?
No, no. That could look like poop too.
See, it starts out innocently with a boy teasing a girl.
Then that same boy dresses like a cheerleader.
Then little Mary Jo Honor Student
is having her buttocks slapped in a rap video!
That is the saddest hypothetical story I have ever heard.
But powder-puff is all just in fun.
So was pouring pigs' blood on Carrie.
Poor girl had to kill everyone.
I will not let that happen.
Lima, I'll be home late.
I have another fire to put out.
Ready! Okay!
We're red hot and can't be stopped.
I love that cheer.
But seriously, you have to stop.
What's going on down there?
Boys, this here's the PTA president.
And she's making me call off the cheerleading part of things.
- What? - That's not fair.
But I'm so pretty!
Why is this happening, Mom?
Sometimes things that are funny to everybody are not really funny at all.
You can't take this away from us!
You just can't!
Sorry, boys.
I guess I won't be needing this anymore.
I guess not.
Hello, Peggy.
Hello, Hank.
Hello, Mom!
So what else did you destroy today besides powder-puff football?
Actually, class favorites.
And, technically, the powder-puff game is still going on.
Maybe the girls will play well for the first time ever
since they won't have anyone on the sidelines making fun of them.
Those boys weren't making fun of anyone.
They were just doing what powder-puff cheerleaders do.
So you won't be offended if I stuff a sock in my jeans
and strut around the neighborhood?
That would be hilarious!
Do it, Mom! Do it!
No! I am not gonna do it! And neither are you!
Dangit, Carl.
These boys weren't hurting a soul and you know it.
You've got to do something about this.
If you're asking me to go up against the PTA, the answer is no.
I'm not walking into that buzz saw.
You can't just sit back and watch this great tradition die.
All right, you didn't hear this from me.
But PTA's a democracy, Hank.
You're a parent.
You bring a motion to the floor and you get the votes,
you can bring the cheerleaders back.
Democracy in action.
The answer was there all along.
The beauty of it is, it's not on me.
Well, I got to go to the geography classroom.
Some kid drew groin on Florida.
All those in favor?
Motion to turn the air on is accepted.
That completes new business.
Wait.
I have a motion…
…I'd like to bring to the floor.
Reluctantly, the chair allows.
Powder-puff cheerleading has been a grand and often hilarious tradition
in Tom Landry Middle School athletics.
You'll notice how much fun all these kids are having.
I don't see anyone who looks offended.
Look. They're all having the time of their lives.
The time of their lives!
What's really offensive is watching those girls play football!
You're really not helping, Coach.
In summation, powder-puff cheerleading
is a way for these boys to have some fun,
make people laugh, and create friendships that will last a lifetime.
It's true.
I think these men make a good point.
Maybe we should reconsider our stance on this.
I can't do that.
It would undermine my leadership. I can't risk all this.
What's "all this?" Staying here all night when we could be home with our families?
Peggy…
…you are interfering with procedure and gavel handling!
I support Mister Hill's motion.
This isn't about ridicule.
It's about freedom of expression.
Girls should be able to play football
and boys should be able to put on skirts and wigs and cheer their hearts out.
Gay men should be able…
…to come out of the closet
and be openly and unapologetically gay.
And working mothers should be able to go back to work
if that is what they really want.
Who's gay in the PTA?
Spicy!
Ladies and gentlemen, parents and teachers,
I move to reinstate the powder-puff cheerleaders!
Is there a second?
- I second. - Hey-hey-hey!
Sorry.
That's how we second a motion in the gun club.
Show of hands. All those in favor.
Opposed.
A tie. Carl, you know how this works.
The principal's vote breaks any ties.
So what's it gonna be?
Huh! Uh! Oh, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ah, Carl.
Sorry, Hank.
Motion fails to pass!
You know, if this was a movie, we'd get to be cheerleaders again.
And Kurt Russell would be my dad!
We're gonna find a way to fight this.
I don't know about you,
but my pantyhose came three to a pack and I plan on using all three!
Here!
Run!
Hey.
Hey, this isn't my fault.
Hey, get off me!
Blue 32!
Blue 32, hike! Run!
Come on, you guys! Get it together!
Ready? Okay!
"Shake it but don't break it.
Took your mama nine months to make it!"
I said…
"Shake it but don't break it.
Took your mama nine months to make it!"
I said…
- Thank you, sweet Jesus. - Whoo-hoo.
Yeah, whoo.
Look, Bobby's rallying his troops.
Whoo-hoo.
Ah-ha-ha.
And hey. He's starting a fake catfight.
And Joseph's storming off.
My son's a diva!
You can't do this! It's been banned!
What's been banned?
We're just fans of powder-puff football who happen to be cross-dressers!
Or does the PTA have some problem with cross-dressing?
No, no! Of course not!
Transvestite and transgender individuals are protected
when participating in public activity.
- Ooh, yeah I love that.
I'm having a contraction!
It's a bouncing baby ball!
Way to go, guys.
- Let me through. - …enjoy that.
Shh. It's okay.
Look, Hank.
Have you ever seen such a beautifully punted baby?
Well, that sure does bring back memories.
We're red hot and can't be stopped.
But I'm so pretty!