I'm going down to South Park.
Gonna have myself a time.
Friendly faces everywhere.
Humble folks without temptation.
Going down to South Park.
Gonna leave my woes behind.
Ample parking day or night.
People spouting "howdy neighbor".
Headed on up to South Park.
Gonna see if I can't unwind.
So come on down to South Park.
And meet some friends of mine.
Hold still, Ike.
We have to get you dressed.
Where the heck is Kyle!
I don't know.
Come on, Kyle!
You're gonna be late for Jew Scouts!
Hmm hmmm, da daaaa.
Kyle!
I'm coming, Ma!
Go get the door, Kyle!
"Get ready", "answer the door"!
Jesus Christ, make up your friggin' mind!
Oh, hey, Kenny.
Mph rm rmph rm rmph rm rmph rm!
I can't watch the meteor shower with you, Kenny.
I have to go to Jewbilee.
What's that!
It's what we do in Jew Scouts.
Usually we just sit around and make stuff,
but tonight because there's a meteor shower
we're gonna do some big thing out in the woods.
It's gonna suck ass, I'm sure.
Oh, that's too bad.
Hey, maybe you can go with me!
Then it won't suck so hard!
Really!
Mom, can Kenny go to Jewbilee with me!
Well, Kyle... Jewbilee is sort of a...
special thing.
Oh. Kenny isn't special?
Awww.
No, no. You're very special, Kenny.
It's just that... well, Jewbilee is for Jewish kids.
You see, boys, Jew Scouts is a special group
that borrows a little bit from all different Jewish denominations.
From the Orthodox Jews, from the Hasidic Jews
from the Northern Italy Cave Jews...
But you have to believe the basic tenets of Judaism to be a scout.
Kenny'll believe whatever you want him to.
Yeah!
Kyle, the problem is...
Please, Ma.
I don't think Kenny has anywhere else to be tonight.
Oh alright.
Just don't let any of the elders know
that he isn't Jewish, okay!
Woo-hoo!
Come on, Ike!
It's time to go to Squirts!
Smrphs!
You have to be in Squirts
if you're too young to be a Jew Scout.
Don't worry, Kenny, I'll fill you in on our faith on the way up there.
And then, Kenny, Abraham's wife bore him no children,
She had a handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar.
And Sarai said unto Abraham,
"behold now, the Lord hath restrained me from bearing,
I pray thee, go into my mate."
Abraham begat Issac, who the Lord then said to kill,
but that was just a little silly trick
to see if Abraham would do it.
No, Ike!
Ma, Ike keeps taking off his Squirt uniform!
Ike, you behave!
Floor!
No, Ike!
Ba-ba ba-ba!
I don't think Ike wants to go to Squirts.
Ike, your brother Kyle was in Squirts and so was I.
You have to go so that someday
you can be a big, brave Jew Scout!
No!
Tell Ike how much fun Squirts is, Kyle.
What, you want me to lie!
Yeah, lie.
Ike, Squirts is so much fun.
Oh my God, what is that!
Hey, it's a bear!
Wow, cool!
This retreat really is out of the way, isn't it!
Welcome to Jewbilee, you folks find it okay!
Yeah, actually we saw a bear a few miles back!
He was huge!
Yeah, we spotted him a few days ago.
Nothing to worry about, though, your boys are safe with us!
I'm sure they are.
We'll be back to pick you up after the meteor shower party, boys.
Goodbye boys.
Kyle and Ike, you be safe.
And Kenny!
Try and act Jewish.
How do I do that!
Come on, Squirt, we're meeting over here!
Who are you!
I'm the Squirt leader.
I don't want to be the Squirt leader,
but I don't have a choice.
It's the only way I can earn my Hutzpah badge
so I gotta spend all night instructing Squirts!
You have to go with him, Ike.
Ba-ba ba-ba.
Don't worry, Ike, Squirts is fun.
And I'll be right over there in the next building.
Ba-ba!
Come on-nn!
Name!
Kyle Brovlofski.
Mmnny mnnrmck.
What!
Kenny Mcheimerberg.
Alright, get to Mashugana Hall,
the meeting is already starting!
What's this!
This is where the elders meet.
Nobody is allowed to go in there when they're having a meeting.
I want to welcome you all.
Though we each come from a different sect of Judaism
on this night of Jewbilee, we all pray to Moses as one.
Now let us introduce ourselves.
Elder Karn from the Orthodox Synagogue.
Elder Harris from the Hasidic Sect.
Elder Garth, from the Synagogue of Anti-Semites.
I... don't believe I've heard of
the Anti-Semetic sect of Judaism before...
We're new.
Okay, Squirts, the elders have given us
a very important task tonight.
We're all going to make... Macaroni pictures like this one.
Using dry macaroni, paper, and glue.
How come we have to make macaroni pictures!
Because that's what Squirts do!
Now shut your pie hole!
What's your name!
No!
How come your head is looking so...
funny looking!
And that's how we'll be making tonight's craft.
And so you see, scouts,
all you need is a bar of soap, and a dull knife
and you can make nifty soap sculptures like these.
Here's a giraffe.
And here's a cloud.
You can all pick up your bars of soap later on,
as we will all be making soap sculptures tonight.
Now, this year, we are pleased to announce
that Jewbilee has grown to over 100 Jew Scouts
from all around the country!
All new inductees raise your hands.
That's you, Kenny, raise your hand.
Uh... yes... And what is your name, young man!
Junichi.
Ah, wonderful!
Could you run out and grab some of those candles for us!
There we go.
Now, I would like all the new inductees
to step forward, please.
This part kind of sucks, Kenny.
But don't screw it up.
Raise your left hand and repeat after me:
"I pledge to be a Jew Scout."
I pledge to be a Jew Scout.
"My honor wide and true."
My honor wide and true.
"I am proud to be a Jew Scout."
I am proud to be a Jew Scout.
"Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew."
Otherwise, I'd just be a Jew.
Na-heek kayem.
Mph-mph mrph-mpph.
Aaaagghghg!
Okay, Squirts, let's see what you made macaroni pictures of.
Ichmael!
Apple!
Good!
Matthew!
Cat.
Joseph!
Triangle!
Okay.
Ike!
Ko-ka shan!
You don't make a macaroni picture of the Last Supper
at a Jewish camp!
What the cheese?
Oh my God, it's that bear they've been talking about!
Where'd he go!
Squirts, go grab your gear!
We're gonna go hunt us a bear!
Then I'll get my Hutzpah badge for sure!
Oh, enough already!
What has Moses ever done for us!
All sects of Judaism follow the words of Moses!
Not mine!
Tonight's meteor shower is a sign of the new time.
We should use it to pray to Hamon
and enter into a new millennium of faith.
Enough, elder!
You will not speak the name of Hamon here!
All you ever do is worship Moses!
But it says in the Book of Centuries
that Hamon will one day lead the Jews.
We pray to Moses here, elder.
If you guys love Moses so much why don't you marry him!
We accept all denominations of Judaism here at scouts, elder,
but your Synagogue of Anti-Semites is too strange.
Get out and do not return!
You are no longer welcome here!
Fine!
Jewbilee is the time of Hamon!
You will all see how wrong you are very soon,
when Hamon returns from the ninth tower of deaf illusionment
and smotes Moses and all his followers into pillars of dust
that would cry for their petty lives, but can't,
having recently been turned into dust and all.
You will see, you will see this very night!
Hel-lo.
C'mon, Kenny.
You have to get in the circle.
What are we doing!
This is where we all stand in a circle
and pray to Moses for guidance during Jewbilee.
I think it's stupid!
It is not stupid, Kenny!
This is my faith and you shouldn't make fun of it!
Alright, Jew Scouts.
The meteor shower will start soon.
Let us pray to Moses for guidance.
Moses... great leader.
On this blessed night of Jewbilee,
we ask for your tutelage.
May the teachings of Moses
fill our ears and our hearts, respectively.
Ohmmmmm...
Ohmmmmmm...
Stupid assholes!
Moses ain't gonna teach them anything.
Do not fear, Hamon, this night shall be yours.
And the Anti-Semetic Jews will once again rule the earth!
We are Squirts we are Squirts.
We're so kosher that it hurts.
When we get older we will be scouts.
But until then we are Squirts.
There he is, Squirts!
Okay Squirts, remember the plan:
Immobilize and attack.
Matthew, you immobilize the bear with the net,
then echo team run up and attack it with your Squirtknives.
Don't get too close now,
just close enough to throw the net on the stupid bear.
Now!
Oh, Frank!
Nooo!
Oh no!
Oh God!
Oh, the bear took a Squirt!
Oh, I'm gonna get it now!
Ohmmmm... Ohmmmm...
Mprh mm mrph mrmmp!
Shh! Shut up, Kenny!
What the mphhh is that!
That's Moses, stupid!
Great Moses, we, your most loyal followers,
want to thank you a lot for coming.
The hour of Jewbilee is near.
Let all debts be forgiven and all slaves freed.
Mwaaaaaaa...
Mwaaa... Mwaaa...
Alright scouts, let's all show Moses
our soap sculptures so that he may rejoice and be pleased.
It's a duck.
"And it was foretold that the spirit of Moses
"would finally rest, when his spirit was imprisoned by Hamon
in a conch shell of blind faith..."
A conch shell... Like this one!
Moses, the Squirts have made you tidings of macaroni pictures...
They should be here any second...
Where the hell are the Squirts?
We need those macaroni pictures for Moses, right now!
Now, we'll just see how Mr. Bear likes rat poison...
That oughta be enough to kill a stupid bear!
Okay, raise the tray!
Hutzpah badge here I come!
Yikes!
Okay, here he comes. Easy now... easy Squirts.
Okay, Squirt! Lower the tray!
That's it... That's it you Goddamn stupid bear-face...
Jesus, hell, he got another Squirt!
Mommy!
You think you can stop me
from getting my Hutzpah badge, you stupid bear?
Think again!
Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya.
Oh Lord, kumbaya...
Great and honorable Moses
what do desire from us, your children!
I desire...
I desire macaroni pictures.
Yes, yes. The macaroni pictures are coming right away.
Uh, anything else you want from us, oh, great leader of the people!
I desire... popcorn necklaces.
You heard him!
Get to making popcorn necklaces, right away!
All you need is some popcorn and a needle and thread!
Hold!
There is... an impurity...
Oh no, he's on to me, Hamon!
An impurity, Moses!
This child here is not Kosher.
What are we gonna do!
Don't worry, I know what to do.
Scout Brovlofski, have you defiled Jew Scouts
by bringing a non-Hebrew to Jewbilee?
Elder, it's not my fault.
He told me he was Jewish.
What!
A non-Jew has infiltrated Jew Scouts
and looked upon the face of Moses.
He must be dealt with.
Mph rmph rm rmph rm rmph rm!
You are banished from here.
You must leave, before the Great Eating of Carrot Cake.
What!
He doesn't get cake!
No cake for the impurity.
Go now, you do not belong here.
Aaagghgh!
Eem batu kom da-veed!
Da-veed hakem bar laka shtood.
Elder! What are you doing!
Shtood valak shtood inka inka broost!
He is reading from the Book of Hamon!
Into the conch shell, Moses!
Hellllllppp!
And there you shall stay, trapped for all eternity!
Elder! What have you done!
I told you. The meteor shower is the time of Hamon!
I am running Jewbilee now!
Release Moses now!
I don't think so...
When do we get to eat carrot cake!
Now, all of you into that building
or I'll shoot you where you stand!
Elder, you cannot mean...
Move!
Now! Now, Hamon! Your time has come!
Dude, what the hell is going on!
If he summons Hamon, we will all be destroyed.
Oh no!
We are Jew Squirts we know Jew words.
Schtick schtick.
Shmadda shmadda.
Schtick schtick.
Shmadda shmadda.
Hold it, Squirts!
This is where we'll set our trap!
Everyone remember your squadron.
Alpha-5 and Gamma-7 will be on recon team.
Alpha will take left flank
and flush the bear out of Sector-3.
Once we're in position,
I want constant contact between all squad leaders.
We'll flush him out and then attack him!
- Ahhh! - Remember, this is only a bear.
All we have to do is stick together,
and we can spend the rest of the night
making bear sandwiches!
Where is Ichmael!
No!
Goddamnit!
You stupid Goddamn son-a-of-bear!
You've taken your last Squirt, you hear me!
"And the ancient one looked upon Hamon
"as the new leader of the people.
And it was the night that stars flew around in the sky..."
Yes, yes!
If he summons Hamon,
it will be the end of everything we hold dear.
I wanna go home.
Mlp!
Sh-mmm-t!
That bear thinks he can outsmart me!
Well, I'm not gonna let a stupid bear get...
Hold, look over there!
It's one of the Squirts the bear took!
Maybe he's okay!
It's a trap!
Damn! Damn damn damn!
Okay, bear, that does it!
You want to kill all the Squirts!
You can have 'em!
I give up!
I don't need my Hutzpah badge, or Jew Scouts
or any of this crap!
Forget it!
Let the new tide turn!
Let Hamon rule his people once again!
No!
We await your return, Hamon!
Your passage is safe from enemies!
Arhhh!
It's hopeless.
Hamon will be summoned, and we will be forced to obey him...
or die.
I'm fine with obeying.
Yeah, obeying should work out swell.
Don't worry you guys, he forgot about Kenny.
Kenny will help us.
How!
Kenny will find a way.
Rmpppphh!
Mphh!
Hey, welcome to the party!
See this little bear cub!
It's his birthday!
Yeah, so his mommy brought us all over to play with him!
Aww...
Mprhm, mrm mrph rmph!
Mrphm rmphm rmh rmhprm!
They are!
Mprph rm mprhm mrph, rmph rm rmphm rpmh!
Come on, Squirts, we have to help them!
Yeah!
Elder Schwartz, I lost the Squirts...
I lost all the Squirts...
But screw you!
I don't need your Hutzpah badge anyway!
Hello!
Schlomo, get us out of here!
What the cheese?
What are you guys doing in there!
Get the keys and unlock the door!
What!
Get the keys and unlock the door!
I lost the Squirts.
Look out!
Don't move!
Oh jiminy gravy, what is this!
It is the summoning of Hamon, fool.
The wakening of a new kingdom.
You can't awake Hamon, what would Moses say?
Moses is trapped for all eternity
in the Conch of Blind Faith.
Oh no, you don't!
Owwwwww!
Enough of this waste of time!
Hamon, the great summoning is done!
Upon these words let your spirit come!
Ayneck, holst...
It is lost...
Na-yak, ka-reem!
Woo-hoo!
Hey! Give that back!
- It's the Squirts! - Go, Ike!
Unlock the door, Squirts, the keys are up there!
They'll never reach!
Squirts, fall in, Chinese formation!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
Give me that book!
Hamon will deal with you!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
Oh no, it's too late!
Gramack, shtoood!
What is that!
It is Hamon.
Yes!
Free! Free to punish those that imprisoned me!
Hamon, it's me, Garth!
I freed you!
Look!
Mphh hmmmp rppp!
Kenny, noooooo!
Moses!
Nooooo!
No! Noooooo!
Moses... I...
I apologize for any inconvenience.
You see I was just, uh...
Die!
Arrrghhh!
Hooray!
Kenny!
That blow to his head must have killed him.
He saved us, he saved all the Jews.
Y'know, I think we all learned something today...
It's fine to have your own beliefs and your own traditions,
but as soon as you start excluding people from your ways,
only because of their race, you become separatist.
And being a separatist sucks ass.
We've learned a lot from you and your great friend, Kenny.
Every year we shall gather here in this special place
and bring Kenny tidings of soap sculptures
and macaroni pictures.
Yes!
And those little shaker things
where you put beans inside of paper plates
that are glued together.
Paper plate bean shakers!
And let us put patterns of glue
on the outside of those paper plates
so that we can then pour glitter on them
so they look nice and sparkly.
You heard him, scouts, let's get to work!