I'm going down to South Park.
Gonna have myself a time.
Friendly faces everywhere.
Humble folks without temptation.
Going down to South Park.
Gonna leave my woes behind.
Ample parking day or night.
People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!"
Headed on up to South Park.
Gonna see if I can't unwind.
So come on down to South Park.
And meet some friends of mine.
Stinky britches you got stinky britches.
Stinky stinky britches you got stinky...
What the hell are you singing, Cartman?
This new song by Alanis Morissette.
I can't get it out of my head.
Stinky britches you got stinky britches.
Hello, children, ready for lunch?
Stinky britches you got stinky stinky.
Eric, is there a problem?
Yeah, I can't get this stupid song out of my head!
"Stinky Britches" by Alanis Morissette?
Yeah! Stinky stinky britches.
Children, did you say hi to Mr. Twig?
"Hi boys, how are you?"
When is Mr. Hat coming back?
I told you never to say his name in my presence.
But we hate Mr. Twig. Mr. Twig sucks.
Yeah.
Stinky britches you got stinky...
It just so happens that Mr. Twig
is far more stable than Mr. Hat could ever be,
so he's the better puppet. Now...
He'd be better used as a coat rack.
How dare you! C'mon, Mr. Twig.
Hello there, children!
Hey, Chef.
You got stinky britches.
What did you say?
He's singing some new hit song.
Eric, where did you hear that song?
It's all over the place, on the radio,
MTV, everywhere.
Well, I'll be sodomized on Christmas.
What, dude?
Children, I wrote that song 20 years ago.
- You wrote it? - Yeah.
Back when I used to be in the rock business.
And now it looks like some big record company
has published one of my songs.
Wow, then you should get money for it.
Oh, I don't want any money.
I'd just like to see my name on the credits, that's all.
Then we should go to the record company.
My dad's a lawyer, dude,
he tells me about this stuff all the time.
Well, all right, then I will go.
I'll play them my version of the song.
Stinky britches you got those stinky britches.
So you see, Mr. Big Record Producer,
"Stinky Britches" was something I wrote several years ago.
Hmm, I really see no resemblance between that song
and "Stinky Britches" by our artist, Alanis Morissette.
- Huh? - It's the same goddamn song!
Now, look, I'm trying to be cool about this.
But you can't just rip people's music off.
It's against the law.
I'm above the law!
Mr. Chef, I'm afraid you leave me no alternative.
We're going to sue you.
Sue me?
You stole one of my songs,
and you're gonna sue me?
Yes, I suggest you get a real good lawyer.
We'll have the best in the business.
We'll get my dad to be Chef's lawyer!
Yeah, and he's Jewish!
Stinky stinky britches.
Stinky britches
Mr. Twig, is that you?
Mr. Twig?
Mr. Twig, no!
Who did this to you, Mr. Twig? Who?
Now, just let me do all the talking, Chef.
We're gonna bring these bastards down.
- Right. - This court is now in session.
Who is representing the defense?
I am, your honor, Gerald Broflovski.
And representing the prosecution?
I am, your honor. Johnnie Cochran.
- Why "uh-oh"? - Chef, that's Johnnie Cochran.
He's the guy who got O.J. Off.
I need some help over here!
Please help, I think he's got third degree burns!
Give the child to me.
Is he going to be all right, Doctor?
- Uh... - Is he going to live?
It's a stick.
Damn it, don't give me that medical jargon.
Just tell me straight, is he gonna be okay?
And so on this 15th day of what is considered
to be the most important trial of the... day,
Johnnie Cochran has appeared to defend Capitalist Records.
The question now is,
will Cochran use his famous Chewbacca defense?
- What's a Chewbacca defense? - I don't know.
That's what Cochran used in the O.J. Simpson trial.
Goddamn, I hate that Cochran guy!
If he was here in front of me, I'd be like...
hey!
You stupid son of a bitch!
I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!
I'm sure that would scare the hell out of him, Cartman.
And so, in summation, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
you've heard the version of my client's song
recorded over 20 years ago.
You've heard the exact same song
produced by these cheats in the past month.
I'd say it's pretty much an open and shut case.
Make the right decision. Thank you.
We've got them.
Mr. Johnnie Cochran, your closing arguments?
Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury.
Chef's attorney would certainly want you to believe
that his client wrote "Stinky Britches"
ten years ago, and they make a good case.
Hell, I almost felt pity myself.
But ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury,
I have one final thing I want you to consider.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca.
Chewbacca is a Wookie from the planet Kashyyk.
But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor.
Now think about that.
That does not make sense.
- Damn it. - What?
He's using the Chewbacca defense.
Why would a Wookie...
An eight-foot-tall Wookie...
Want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks?
That does not make sense.
But more importantly, you have to ask yourself,
what does this have to do with this case?
Nothing.
Ladies and gentlemen,
it has nothing to do with this case.
It does not make sense.
Look at me, I'm a lawyer
defending a major record company
and I'm talking about Chewbacca.
Does that make sense?
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm not making any sense.
None of this makes sense!
And so you have to remember,
when you're in that jury room deliberating
and conjugating the Emancipation Proclamation...
does it make sense? No.
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury,
it does not make sense.
If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit.
The defense rests.
Okay, then.
Wow, he's good.
In a teary-eyed courtroom, Johnnie Cochran has just
finished his closing arguments,
and as was anticipated, he did use the Chewbacca defense.
Whether or not it worked is up to the jury to decide.
How find you the jury?
We find the defendant Jerome "Chef" McElroy...
guilty as charged.
Whoops.
- Whoops? - Mr. Chef,
you've been found guilty of harassing a major record label.
The full fee of $2 million
will be handed over within 24 hours.
Do I look like I have $2 million?
Well, you have 24 hours to find it,
or else you'll have to go to jail...
for 8 million years.
It's actually for four years.
Oh, sorry, you'll go to jail for four years.
This can't be happening!
Oh, no, dude. Chef's gonna go to jail.
And that chair, too. I want that chair.
Hey, that's my favorite chair!
You heard the judge. Since you lost the case,
I can seize whatever I want to pay my legal fees.
Yeah, take that water cooler, too.
Hello there, Chef.
- Hey, children. - What's going on?
Children, that record company guy's taking all my belongings.
And if I don't come up with $2 million,
- I'm going to jail. - Well, don't worry.
We came over to cheer you up.
- Yeah, ready, Cartman? - Ready!
I will do the German dance for you.
It's fun and gay and tra la la
I hope you will enjoy my dance.
Hilia hilia hey.
Would you like some sauerkraut?
German boys German boys.
Yes I'd like some sauerkraut.
Okay, okay, children, thank you very much.
- I feel much better. - You do?
- Sure, just please stop. - See?
- I told you guys it would work. - What's that, dude?
This? This is my photo album
of all my times in the rock business.
Did you ever know any famous people?
Did I? Janis Joplin.
The Beatles. Elton John.
Got to travel all around the world.
Hanging out with bands, going to lavish parties,
loving many, many women.
- What's that? - Nothing, anyway...
- Take this too. - Hey!
That has no monetary value.
What the hell are you taking that for?
I can take whatever I want.
But I have 24 hours to come up with your money.
- That's the law. - I'm above the law!
I told you not to mess with me.
That does it. You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna raise that $2 million,
but I'm not gonna use it to pay you back.
I'm going to use it to hire Johnnie Cochran myself
and sue you!
You wouldn't.
Watch me.
Now get the fudge out of my house!
I brought you some more juice, Mr. Twig.
Are you feeling any better?
I don't know who would want to hurt you like this,
but I promise, nobody will ever hurt you again, ever.
Mr. Twig? Are you okay?
Mr. Twig?
Mr. Twig is broken in half!
Who did this?
You won't get away with this, you bastards!
Okay, thank you, Mr. Cochran.
Well, Johnnie Cochran will take my case
if I can pay his legal fee... $2 million.
Hey, why don't you ask all those famous people
you used to know for money? They're rich.
They wouldn't remember me.
All I did was cook for them.
You can raise $2 million, dude... we'll help you.
I appreciate that, children,
but raising $2 million is not an easy thing to do.
My only hope is to whore myself to every woman in town.
Wish me luck, children.
- We gotta help him, dude. - Yeah, but how?
Come on, maybe those rock stars will remember Chef.
Let's go pay them a visit.
Whoa, dude, this house is huge.
Yeah, it's bigger than Cartman's ass.
No, it isn't, you guys.
Can I help you?
We've come to raise money for our friend, Chef.
Would you like a mint crunchy or a snacky cake?
- Are you Elton John? - No, I'm one of his butlers.
Ugh, then what the hell are we talking to you for?
Come on, guys.
Hi. Are you Elton John?
Sir Elton John. I was knighted, you know.
We're trying to raise money for our school chef.
We have chocolate nuggets and smoke crunchy...
I'm sorry, but I'm not a candy bar fan.
- What? - Could you just buy
a couple anyway? Our friend Chef is...
Chef? You mean Chef, Chef?
- Yeah, dude. - Whoa, you remember him?
Of course. I haven't seen him in so long.
I remember when I first met him.
It was about 25 years ago.
I was just a struggling musician
who couldn't get a break.
Oh-oh you're my cheddar cheese girl.
You're soft but firm and you go well with wine.
Oh-oh cheddar cheese girl.
Cheddar cheddar cheese girl.
Hey, Elton, don't feel so down, baby.
Have some of my Scottish haggis.
It'll cheer you up.
Thanks, Chef.
I don't understand what my music is missing.
Look, Elton, you are a great singer,
but a retarded monkey could write better lyrics.
I really thought I had it this time
with "Cheddar Cheese Girl."
What you need is a guy
to write really good lyrics for you.
I know a guy named Bernie Taupin
who's working at Moth Burger right now.
- I'll give him a call. - That's a great idea.
And Elton, why don't you get yourself some new threads?
You know, some slick glasses and shit.
And so I got Bernie to write my lyrics.
And if it wasn't for Chef,
I would never have had a career in music.
So will you buy some of our candy bars to help him out?
Yes, of course. I'll buy three Crispy Yum Yums.
Three Crispy Yums Yums.
Hey, Elton, if I give you these lyrics,
will you write a song for my girlfriend, Wendy?
Sure, kid, but I would retain exclusive worldwide rights,
including but not limited to Asian territories
with a 20% commission on all domestic sales
and sole ownership of any of all publishing.
Okay...
- Tell Chef I say hi. - Thanks, dude.
Dude, we'll have Chef's $2 million in no time.
I thank you, Chef.
No problem, Ms. Broflovski.
Uh... now, about that hundred bucks?
Of course, here you go.
Leaving so soon?
I got a long way to go to raise the kind of money I need.
Well, best of luck to you then.
How was it, honey?
Pretty much what I expected.
Hello. Are you Meatloaf?
Yeah. What the hell do you want?
Mr. Loaf, we are selling candy bars
- for our dying friend. - He's not dying, Cartman.
Shut your Goddamn mouth.
We have nougat crunchies, berry bars...
- What's this for? - Our friend Chef.
- Chef's in trouble? - Yeah, do you know him?
Do I?
Nobody came again.
There, there, Cous-Cous, it'll be all right.
Maybe you just need to change your image.
- What do you mean? - Nobody wants to see a guy
named Cous-Cous.
You need a big, strong beefy name.
Beefy, like a...
- Tri-Tip! - That's not bad.
Here, have some meatloaf.
I owe everything to Chef.
- Wow, so you'll help him? - You bet.
Give me a box of Nilla Yums Yums
and a couple of berry bars.
- Cool! - Yeah!
All right, let's get this show on the road!
Come here, baby!
Uh, hold on a second, Ms. Crabtree.
How would you like to use some sex toys?
Sex toys? Like what?
Like this very special device.
I call it "Chef's pleasure bag."
- How does it work? - All you do
is put this paper bag over your head,
and it increases your sexual pleasure.
Really? Well, hell, let's give it a shot.
Ah, yeah. That's much better.
Sure, I'll do anything for Chef.
Give me a box of those Choco-nomos.
- Gosh, thanks, Rick James. - Yeah, thanks.
That's $35. Come on, you guys.
We gotta hurry and get this money to Chef.
Oh, that was wonderful, Chef. Good show.
Oh, I can't keep doing this. It's killing me.
Ah, come on, buck up, little fella.
I'm serious. I'm not gonna make it.
Sure you are, Chef.
I'll give you a hundred more for another rump.
Ah, hell.
Thanks for coming, Officer Barbrady.
- What's this all about? - These pictures just arrived.
I set up a camera
and caught Mr. Twig's assailant red-handed.
Now go arrest him.
- What? - Can I go now?
Yes, yes, I'm sorry.
Weirdo.
It can't be.
This can't be right.
Mr. Hat!
Wait, what are you doing?
It's over, children.
I couldn't raise the $2 million to hire Johnnie Cochran.
- Now I have to go to jail. - No, you don't.
- Huh? - We went to a bunch
of rock stars and sold them candy bars
to raise the money you needed.
Did what? Wow, how much did you make?
- Cartman? - Well, you can see here
that we raised approximately $95.
Falling well short of our $2 million goal,
illustrated here.
But we can put our money together
with the money you made whoring yourself to all the women.
- How much did you make? - I made about $410,300 but...
That doesn't matter because that money belongs to me.
You can't take Chef's money. That's illegal.
I'm above the law!
All right, you, it's time to go.
Good-bye, children.
Thanks for all your help.
Let's go.
What the hell did you do that for?
I don't tell you how to do your job,
don't tell me how to do mine.
Dude, Chef is gone.
No more Chef.
No more Salisbury steak and pecan pie...
We can't let him down, you guys.
Dude, it's over, he's gone.
No. Chef wouldn't give up on us.
How many times has Chef gotten us out of trouble?
- Four. - But what are we gonna do?
It's easy, dude.
- Chef Aid. - Chef Aid?
Yeah, we set up a stage
and have Cartman do the German dance.
Then we charge people for tickets.
- Hey, that's a great idea. - Yeah.
Did you think I would just take you back?
Like you can walk out
and then come back like nothing happened?
Oh, don't look at me like that, Mr. Hat.
Remember, you're the one that left.
And I'm not gonna take you back.
You can just go to hell.
You go to hell and you die.
You're a lying ball of turd, Mr. Hat!
I hope you starve, you lousy son of a bitch!
What are you all looking at?
This is between me and Mr. Hat.
It's over, Mr. Garrison.
- This is it, we've had enough. - What do you mean?
I'm afraid it's the big house for you, fruitcake.
What? Jail?
I will do the German dance for you.
It's fun and gay and tra la la.
Hope you will enjoy my dance.
Hilia hilia hey.
Hmm, this isn't going over so well.
Cartman just needs to put more into it.
Dance better, Cartman!
Would you like some sauerkraut?
German boys German boys.
Howdy ho, boys.
Elton John, what are you doing here?
It occurred to me that you might need some more help
- raising money for Chef. - Boy, do we.
So I called a few friends,
and we all decided to come over.
- Wow, cool! - I see you've got a stage
all set up for us.
Yeah, dude, it's all yours.
Then let's rock and roll!
- Or something similar. - Hooray!
And Mr. Twig is at home.
He has no idea Mr. Hat is even back.
I mean, I care a lot about Mr. Twig,
but Mr. Hat and I have so much history.
You finally snapped, huh, Garrison?
- What? - Don't you get it, Garrison?
It's all you. You're Mr. Hat and Mr. Twig.
You've got split personality schizophrenic jeebeez.
I warn you, Chef. Don't even think of
taking advantage of me in this prison cell.
- What? - Okay, thanks for coming
to Chef Aid, everybody!
Are you ready to rock and roll?
All right, let's get things going with... Rancid!
Whoo, sweet!
California sun has sunk.
Behind Anaheim Hills I come tonight
I was high on junk.
You still aren't entertaining any ideas
of raping me here in this prison cell, are you, Chef?
No, Garrison, shut the hell up.
That's good.
What the... Oh, boy, we're free!
What a daring rescue.
Mr. Hat!
Mr. Hat saved us, Chef!
Come on, let's get in the truck.
I'll drive from here, Mr. Hat.
How the hell did he reach the gas pedal?
Rick James, ladies and gentlemen!
God bless you, Chef.
And now here's your favorite band, Primus, whoo!
We're damn proud to be here to support our good buddy Chef.
It was Chef who told us in the early days
to keep trying and to keep pursuing our dreams,
no matter how much we sucked.
I love that man.
What are you bastards doing?
We're raising money so that Chef can hire Johnnie Cochran
- to sue you. - Yeah, now get out of here
before I kick you in the nuts!
Oh, yeah?
We'll just see about this!
Now, here's Joe Strummer!
You know, when The Clash went on tour and we lost our beat,
Chef would be, like, on the side of the stage, going,
"Don't forget, pump your loins, children!"
You know, that was like, his motto or something.
- Whoo! - But it's a rocking world.
Make no mistake about it.
It's a shocking world could be what's so great about it.
It's a rocking world.
What the hell is this?
Welcome to Chef Aid, Chef!
Wow, how'd you get out of jail, Chef?
Mr. Hat busted me out. Children, did you do this?
Well, we helped.
We're gonna raise your money, Chef.
I don't believe it.
We'll just see how long this Chef Aid thing lasts.
And now, here he is, TV's Ozzy Osbourne!
We're all here to help our good friend Chef,
who has touched our lives in the past.
I remember when I was just starting out,
Chef suggested I buy a pompadour hat.
I thought he said, "Bite the head of a bat."
So I did, and the rest, oh, is just history.
Now, let's go crazy!
Ain't nowhere to run.
'Cause I be running this.
Ain't nowhere to hide.
Come on!
Oh, my God, Ozzy Osbourne bit Kenny's head off!
You bastard!
And now here's Ween!
We're thrilled to be a part of Chef Aid.
Chef was the guy who told us to do a country album.
No, dude, that was Steve's idea.
Oh, then who's Chef?
I don't know, dude, I thought you knew him.
Oh, well. Anyways, here's our song.
Many colors in the homo rainbow.
Don't be afraid to let your colors shine.
Don't worry, Mr. Twig,
even though Mr. Hat rescued me from prison,
I'm still gonna stick with you.
Do you love him?
It doesn't matter. He left me.
Do you love him?
Yes.
Then run to him.
But I feel like I'd be making the wrong decision.
Love isn't a decision, it's a feeling.
If we could decide who we loved,
it would be much simpler, but much less magical.
I'll never forget you, Mr. Twig. Thank you.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!
Thank you all for coming to help Chef.
This is a song written by a very special little boy.
I have no idea what his name is, but who the hell cares?
Anyway, he wrote it for his girlfriend.
Wake up Wendy smell the coffee.
Dude, that's your song for Wendy.
You're a wuss!
I win, you lose.
Chef Aid is over,
and you didn't raise near enough money
to pay Cochran's legal fees.
I win.
And what happened then?
Well, in South Park, they say.
Johnnie Cochran's heart grew three sizes that day.
Wait.
Mr. Chef, this music has really touched me.
I'd like to take up your case free of charge.
- You will? - I will.
- No! - We'll see you in court,
Mr. Record Producer.
No!
Ladies and gentlemen of the supposed jury,
you must now decide whether or not
to reverse the decision for my client, Chef.
I know he seems guilty, but ladies and gentlemen,
this is Chewbacca.
Now think about that for one minute.
That does not make sense!
Why am I talking about Chewbacca
when a man's life is on the line?
Why? I tell you why.
I don't know. If it doesn't make sense.
If Chewbacca does not make sense, you must acquit.
Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey.
There he is!
Chef, how does it feel to be a free man and finally
have your name credited on the song "Stinky Britches"?
It feels great!
I just can't find the words
to thank all the artists who put on Chef Aid.
Most of all, I want to thank the children.
So what are you gonna do now?
Get back to what's important.
It's Tuesday, and that means tomorrow is tuna casserole day.
Hurray!
Stinky britches.
You got them stinky britches.
Stinky britches.
You got them stinky britches.
Stinky britches.
You got stinky britches
Whoo! Stinky!