I wish to hear the tale of the tiny fairy princess
who rides a cat as though it were a horse.
Meow! Meow!
I have an even better story to tell.
It's an origin story.
Oh, snap, I love orangins.
So juicy and filled with that vitamin C's.
Not exactly, but this is indeed a juicy, pulpy tale.
It begins many years ago,
on a night like any other.
At that time I was a young circus acrobat,
- part of the famous... - Hold up!
Did you say "circus?"
Ah, he is again telling the depressing tale of his childhood.
It's not a depressing tale, it's my origin story!
Nah, we want to hear about fruit, bro.
Come on, I didn't even get to the good part yet.
There are no good parts.
All of the parts are the sad.
That's what makes origin story so great.
The heart-wrenching tragedy.
If you want a tragic origin story, you should hear mine.
Oh, yeah, tells it, mama. I loves this one.
No! I'm in the middle of telling
my poignant origin story.
All right, it starts way back when I just a normal kid
living with some old people.
Oh, no, I need to get to the science lab.
I got to go, old people raising me.
Before you go, remember,
if you ever get superpowers
you should probably use it to do some good
instead of not doing some good.
Quiet, old man,
you don't know anything about my life.
I don't know why they hired a teenage photographer
to take pictures of all these secret lab experiments,
but I sure am grateful for the work.
Oh, man,
that dang raven just bit me!
I hope it wasn't one of those radioactive ones.
Oh, great, now I'm gonna get radiation poisoning and...
Oh, wait...
I'm feeling stronger.
What? Awesome!
I got superpowers from that radioactive bird bite.
Ah!
It's pretty funny.
- Let us out. - Oh, my goodness, help!
Those people look like they could use my help.
But I'm too busy having fun with my superpowers.
Before you go, remember,
if you ever get superpowers, you should probably use it
to do some good instead of not doing some good.
Mmm, maybe the old man raising me with his old wife was right.
Help me!
Help. Can't breathe. Ahhh!
So I saved a bunch of people
with my sweet new superpowers and thought to myself,
"Hey, I should do this more often."
Radioactive bird bite!
- Classic. - Yeah, it was pretty cool.
Oh, an old man passed away
at the age of 95 from natural causes.
He died too young.
Wow!
That story is not true and it is not tragic!
You want some real tragedy, bro?
Cyborg, tell this fool your origin story
- and don't leave nothing out. - You got it, bro.
It all started back in the day.
I was born on this doomed alien planet
that was about to blow up at any minute.
To save me, my loving but questionable alien parents... -
placed me in some old raggedy capsule
and shot me into outer space like some sha-wow! -
I was just a helpless baby boy slipping through space all by my lonesome.
It was crazy. I don't know what they were thinking.
Then boom, I crash landed on some random farm here on Earth.
This nice old farm couple found me all naked and crying,
so they decided to take me in and raise me as their own.
Later I discovered I had all types of cool powers. -
So I left that farm life
and became a superhero instead.
Saving people falling off things...
like tall buildings, waterfalls, ladders, horses and chairs.
And that's how I ended up here on Earth all super like.
- Ooh! - Wow!
Oh, and that nice old farm couple that raised me
later fell on hard times with the climate change, agricultural subsidies
and the advent of industrial farming.
They lost their farm and are now homeless.
That is really tragic.
That was even more ridiculous than the last one.
You guys are making a mockery
of these sacred and tragic tales.
- We would never. - Yes, you would.
This is serious stuff and you should take it seriously.
Robin, is correct.
There and a for I shall recount
the true tale of my origin.
Dark and tragic though it is.
My kitties and I had just seen the wondrous moving picture.
Oh, what a wondrous moving picture!
I did not think the hot shot fighter pilots would ever be the friends,
but I was the incorrect.
Oh, you wish to take the shortcut home?
Through the dark and the grimy ally?
Very well!
Kitties?
Kitties!
I vowed to bring the mean puppies of the city
to justice.
Using my departed kitties' vast fortune I built
the Crime Fighting Cave and The Very Nice Computer.
Thank you, Kitty Alfred.
The kitty alarm!
The Joking Dog... Leave it to me.
This city belongs to me, Joking Dog.
Down, down, down.
No. No, boy, no. Stay.
And so I became
the protector of the good kitties of the city.
A guardian that is quiet.
A knight with the lights off.
And that is the end.
Oh, except Doggy Bane once cracked my spine
and I was unable to walk for some time.
It's all so plausibly tragic.
That is Batman's origin story
with you as Batman and everyone else as cats and dogs.
I thought Batman was bitten by a radioactive bat
- or something. - Oh, no, no, no, that was me.
Remember, with the bird?
Batman came from a planet of bats,
but the Earth's yellow sun gives him extra man powers.
Huh, I thought's my dude got hit
with that bat gamma radiation so he gets all them muskels.
He wasn't... You can't... You can't just make up...
Forget it.
You know, I thought sharing our origin stories would help us reflect on
the awesome responsibility we have as heroes,
but I guess not.
All right, dude, you wants the real story?
I'm gonna tell you the real story, for real.
Thank you, Beast Boy.
Buckles up your butts, y'all, 'cause this is my origins.
Back in the day I was a test pilot,
flying all kinds of crazy experimental fighter jets.
They call me The Man Without Fear, yo.
'Cause I wasn't afraid of nothing!
I ain't afraid of nothing!
One night I was on the beach just chillin',
thinking about how rad and fearless I is and such things,
when I saw something in the sky.
Whoa, gnarly!
I have searched the galaxy for you, Man Without Fear.
Take this ring.
Use it for good!
That's what's up... Fresh.
So basically I gots this sick ring from an alien
and then I did things like protect the universe
from red dudes and other guys.
And that is the tale of how I became the superhero.
- Oh! Are you kidding me? - Wow! Great story, really.
I never knew you were a pilot.
That's because he wasn't.
He just told you Green Lantern's origin story.
Oh, yeah, duh!
Why do you think I'm green, fool?
I don't know, something to do with a rare monkey
carrying an incurable disease, an experimental serum.
Oh, bro!
Now yous the one being ridiculous.
Serums in monkeys.
Get out of here.
Wow! So you're green
'cause you've been a Green Lantern all this time.
Nah, bro, nah.
I'm just a fake green dude coming out of Green Lantern's Green Lantern ring.
Check it. Oh, what,
I'm not even real!
Oh, what a tragedy.
My best friend's a hologram. My best friend's a hologram.