Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and MTV TELEVISION NETWORKS
Oh, no you don't, Mr. Muscles.
If you hurt your back lifting those
you'll be no use to me tonight
on our third honeymoon
when I want all the furniture in the hotel room rearranged.
Don't couples usually go on second honeymoons?
We had one of those
but thanks to a certain young genius
and his "Forgeto-blaster"
it was wiped out of our brains.
Oh, yeah.
Along with the entire fifth year of our marriage.
I do so wish I could remember that year.
Do you think I had pie?
All right, Jimbo, now listen.
We're going to be staying at the Wild Animal Land
in the Dead Zebra Carcass suite.
Don't tell your mother.
It's going to be a big surprise.
Oh, and Jimmy
Granny Neutron's coming over while we're gone.
Aw, Mom.
Don't you remember my theorem
proving mathematically, I don't need anyone to watch me?
No, Jim-Jam, she's not watching you.
You're watching her.
Besides, you can keep each other company.
Now, remember, we're counting on you to watch out for her.
And don't conduct any more experiments on her, Jimbo.
At her age, the last thing you want is excitement.
Told you I could get here from the airport in under 50 cents.
Mom!
Oh, Mother Neutron.
Hi, Granny.
Jimmy, you tote my clothes.
Hugh...
you carry my pills, syrups, salves
serums, girdles, ointments
medical devices...
Trade you.
and miscellaneous supports.
Hugh, darling
Do you think Jimmy
will be able to take care of Granny all right?
I wouldn't worry about that, sugar.
I'm sure she can keep Jimmy entertained
with one of her exciting stories.
And by the time they cleaned out both of my ears
there was enough wax piled up to open a candle shop.
And then
they found this hair in my ear
that they think might go right through to my foot.
Age is a cruel, cruel thing, Goddard.
In a short 65 years
you completely lose your ability to tell
when people want you to stop talking.
And forget Preparation H.
I've made it all the way to Preparation X.
Wait a second.
If I made her young again, I'd bet she'd stop complaining.
But I promised Mom and Dad I wouldn't experiment on Granny
especially after that time I made her magnetic.
Bye-bye.
I had a wonderful time...
She's awfully old.
Hope this is enough.
Good morning.
I was just telling you over there
about my deviated spatum.
On cold mornings it rattles like the tin man
throwing up a hoagie full of wood screws.
What's in the bottle?
Tongue defurrer.
Your tongue gets furry when you're old.
Sometimes I wake up and the cat's chewing on it.
Oh, let me open that for you.
I think you'll feel much better and quieter
after you drink this.
Mm, hmm.
Tastes funny.
Of course, what do I know?
After 60, your sense of taste completely disa...
Granny?
Goo-goo-ga-gee.
Uh-oh.
Granny?
I feel great.
Did I just take my morphine?
Uh, uh...
No, Granny, you're, uh... well, you're sort of a...
baby.
Holy fiber caps, I'm topless!
Oh, man, this isn't good.
Where'd you get the diaper?
I was already wearing it.
Ooh...
I need my diadey changed.
Problem.
Goddard, change diaper.
Change me now.
Who can change a diaper?
I don't know any nurses.
Oh, no way.
I love and respect Mom far too much
to let her know I disobeyed her.
Huh-uh, no way, I will never, ever ask Cindy for a favor.
Clean my poopie.
Okay, let's go ask Cindy for a favor, shall we?
So, how much have we collected so far, Libby?
I'm starving.
We're $1.23 away from just enough to split
an enchillaburitto from Taco Horn.
Look at this!
This must be a discontinued Ultra Lord
double-barreled slingshot.
Uh... sure.
Ten bucks.
Uh... all right, deal.
Uh, I don't know, Sheen.
If that's what it is, then my mom has a lot
of Ultra Lord double- barreled slingshots.
Do you have any other Ultra Lord collectibles?
No. Pay and leave.
Any Ultra Lord videos? No.
DVDs? No.
CD-ROMs? No.
TV episodes... No!
What about the discolored pajamas
you get at the swap meet?
No!
Do I look like the kind of pathetic
self-diluted dweeb case
who'd have any Ultra Lord anything?
No.
You look more like a regular kind
of pathetic self-diluted dweeb case.
Hey, Jimmy. What's up, Jim?
What are you doing here?
Fine, thank you.
So, say... great stuff.
Um, I was wondering where your mom is?
Why?
Well, uh, well, here's the thing.
I, uh, need some help, with, uh... this.
Aw.
Ew.
Yeah, see, I think she might need changing.
What was your first clue?
So you'll do it?
As much as I detest helping smug, pseudo-brainiacs
my nurturing female instincts will not let me
leave a helpless infant in your care.
Where's the new diaper?
New diaper?
What's wrong with what she's wearing?
It's full of poo!
I thought you were a genius.
Hey, he's a guy.
She-she talked.
Well, now that we got past that
I've got a rash brewing down here
that would make a red-hot chili pepper look pale.
Cindy, Libby, um...
Granny Neutron.
You turned your own grandmother into a baby?
I have a loophole.
I mean, an explanation.
This could have happened to anyone with a genius IQ
and access to unstable chemicals.
Could we hurry up?
I'm getting dizzy from my own fumes here.
Ooh...
dolly.
How long is she going to be a baby?
Well, I'm not sure exactly
but I've got to change her back before Mom and Dad get home.
Well, how many diapers do we need?
Well, I'd err on the side of hundreds.
So, great, here's some money
and a list of things I need for the antidote.
I'll see you when you get back from the store. Thanks.
Whoa, no you don't.
Libby, you run the yard sale
while Dr. Spock and I go to the shop.
( nasally ): That's fine by me.
I'm bored.
Make a funny face
and let me hit you with my rattle.
No.
Okay, okay.
Bleh.
It's fun hitting you.
Granny, Granny, quiet.
Did that baby just talk?
No, ha, ha.
Everyone knows babies can't talk.
That's right, 'cause if we could
the Video Tubbies would be canceled so quick
it would make their head aerials spin.
Luckily I've got 36 hours to make the antidote
before my parents return.
Hello?
Honey, it's Mom.
We're coming home.
No!
I mean, oh, great.
I mean, oh, why?
Well, your father accidentally disturbed a nest
and had a run-in with a mother eagle.
How's Granny?
Oh, she's great.
Yeah, you wouldn't even... recognize her.
Oh, well, I'm very proud of you, Jimmy.
We'll see you and Granny soon. Bye-bye.
Wait, wait...
Really, I wasn't trying
to harm your little eaglets...
Stop talking to it, Hugh.
I think it calms her.
Try moving your finger like a worm.
No.
We want the talking baby!
Goddard
compare antidote completion
with mother's return time— go.
Oh, Mom and Dad!
Oh, come on. Think, think, think.
Brain blast!
Okay, as soon as that turns blue
pour it in a baby bottle and bring it outside.
Come on, Granny.
Ladies and gentleman
I give you the amazing, talking baby!
Hey, give me a cuddle.
And a diaper change while you're at it.
Hey, hey, there's a string in her back.
Oh, no, I have been found out.
Yes, you have, son.
Whew.
Here.
Anything else you'd like?
Your slippers and a pipe, maybe?
Hello, honey.
How was everything?
Oh, hi, Mom.
Nothing unusual here.
Just me and Granny obeying all your rules.
Yes, ma'am, that's what we're doing.
Hey, Mr. Neutron.
That shirt's cool.
And so's that big bird on your head.
It's actually an eagle, Sheen.
It considers me a hostile predator.
Ooh, does that hurt?
Yes. Very much.
Well, I'd love to stay and help you
narrowly avoid even more consequences
of your stupid actions
but it looks like Libby and I
have a date with some enchillaburittos.
It's nice to have you back, Granny.
So nice to be back, Jimmy.
Hey, Jim, I'm really thirsty.
Does your mom have any lemonade?
Drink this.
No!
Carl?
You okay?
Well, my eyes hurt, my hair's gone
and I have a powerful urge to dance badly.
I'll take a piece of that.
Oh, great.
Oh, yes.
And that concludes the first tenth
of our very long discussion of the electromagnetic balance
in the left hemisphere of the brain.
Oh.
Who would have thought
the frontal lobe would have had that much influence
over the corpus callosum, huh?
Not me.
Me, neither.
Hey, Jimmy, you think
you could come up with an adventure?
You know, like changing the channel?
You know, I don't know.
Maybe, like, um, I don't know.
A remote control.
Yeah, Jim.
Like, this is informative and all
but I think I'd rather be covered in bees.
And I'm allergic.
Well, it wasn't all painfully horrible, Jimmy.
I like the part about the medulla oblongata.
I don't know what it means, but I love the way it sounds.
Back, or I will slay thee with my medulla oblongata.
What do you guys want to watch?
Ultra Lord.
Yeah, I'm pretty much good
with anything that's not this.
All right.
Don't touch that dial.
What would you say if I told you
you could harness all the information in the universe?
All of it?
That's right.
You can possess infinite knowledge.
And it's all right here in the new 1,000-volume set
of The Encyclopedia of Infinite Knowledge.
What ancient civilization built
an entire royal palace from shredded wheat?
What species of owl can be milked like a cow?
Where is Waldo?
That's right.
1,000 volumes.
Just order now, and you'll receive a new volume
every week for 19.23 years.
The Encyclopedia of Infinite Knowledge.
Order now or you're an idiot.
Wow!
Did you guys see that?
There's never been an encyclopedia like that.
Ever.
I've got to have it.
That's so crazy.
Because I so don't want it.
Well, sorry, guys.
I got to go talk to my mom right now.
Hi. I'm calling about the encyclopedia.
Yes.
And how much is the set?
Oh.
My.
Uh, well, thank you anyway.
Well, Jimmy, your mother
sort of keeps track of the finances, and I...
don't.
Dad, they're educational.
Encyclopedias are an investment.
Yeah, but they make my brain... twitch.
Now, what you want to do, Jimmy, is be thankful
for the things you already have.
Look, we all want things.
Would I like to have a six-foot duck sculpture
with a year's supply of free pie?
You bet you, I would.
Uh, we don't have the kind of money.
I wish we were rich.
Oh, well, there was a time, Jim, when that almost a reality.
You know, years ago, I almost invested
in McSpanky's Burger Factory.
McSpanky's?
Really?
Sure.
15 years ago, I picked up a scruffy-looking McSpanky
on the side of the road.
He didn't have a penny to his name.
Told me all about this grand scheme he had
to assembly-line hard, little tasteless burger patties to the masses
disguising them with inexpensive condiments
and yummy buns.
He offered me a full partnership
for $50 of startup money and a back rub.
And you didn't do it?
Well, Jimmy... I almost did it.
But then decided to use that money for a more...
important reason.
Man has to have his priorities.
I need money is what I need.
Uh, gee, Goddard.
It's not fair.
I wish I could go back in time
and convince him to invest in...
That's it.
If we go back in time
I can convince Dad to invest in McSpanky's
and then, we'll have all the money we'll ever need.
Gentlemen, I give you...
the time booth.
Just punch in the time
and visit the period of your choosing.
Go on. Step inside.
Um, has this thing been tested
by an independent laboratory?
Uh, who cares, Carl?
Where we going, Jimmy?
Okay. My Dad said
he met Hank McSpanky 15 years ago
so, I'll just set this to 15 years in the past
and we'll just...
Hold the phone.
You mean, McSpanky Burger Factory McSpanky?
Uh, that's my favorite place in the whole wide world.
Okay. Enough, you guys.
We're ready for the maiden voyage.
Maiden voyage? Maiden voyage?
You're bringing a girl with us?
Wow!
The past is so dark.
It's spooky.
No, guys.
The lab used to be a basement.
We did it.
We went back 15 years in time.
Yeah.
I just love those three guys with the high-pitched
female-type voices.
Check out the new moves, Sugar Booger.
I call it The Monkey Grind.
Oh, Hugh.
You are so groovy.
Grind that monkey.
I'm grinding the chimp, too.
Jimmy, can we please
go back to the present?
The past is kind of dorky.
N-not yet, Carl.
I-I've got to convince Dad to invest with McSpanky.
Ooh.
Mom, Dad.
Hey, you cats don't live here...
do you?
How did you get in here?
Of course they don't know me.
We don't exist yet.
Would you let me handle this?
We come from the future.
You know what he means? The door.
The door was open, so we just, uh, uh...
Came inside?
Yeah. Your crib.
Uh, I'm Jimmy, and these are my friends—
Carl and Sheen.
Hi.
Glad to birada nicto.
Jimmy.
Uh, I love that name.
Oh, that's quite a wild-sized noggin you got going there, son.
You're like a mod... buffalo-headed boy.
Now, look, I'm all for freedom, Buffalo Boy, but you guys...
You can't just go busting in to a cool cat's bachelor pad.
Bachelor pad?
You mean you two aren't married yet?
Marriage is
for the older scene, man.
Besides, Judy Cakes only lives five minutes from here
and Hugh Doggy Dog's a free spirit.
We let love rule.
The wind is our minister, and true love is our chapel.
Ah!
Oh, Hughie.
Ooh. Make it stop, Jimmy. I...
You seem familiar somehow, Buffalo Boy.
Are you one of Hughby Dooby's neighbors?
Hughby Dooby. We live down the street, and, um...
Listen, can I talk to you for a minute in private?
Okay, listen
I know we just met and all
but you have to trust me on this one.
Now, when you meet a man named Hank McSpanky...
Oh, you mean the smelly hobo with the funny eye.
You know him?
Yeah, I just gave him a ride the other day.
McSpanky's got some wacky burger scheme
that he wants me to invest my last $50 in, but...
Hey, hey. Do it.
What? Invest.
Invest in McSpanky's Burger Factory.
I did consider it
but there's something very special
I'm planning on using that money for.
A man has to have his priority.
Listen, listen, Dad.
Uh, Hugh.
Um... Hughby Dooby Do.
Hey!
Only the chicks can call me that.
Sorry.
You've got to invest.
McSpanky's Burger Factory is going
to be huge, and you'll be rich.
Oh, oh.
And when you're older and have a son
make sure you get him the 1,000-volume set
of The Encyclopedia of Infinite Knowledge.
I got to go.
Ha-ha, we're back.
Yeah, but-but everything looks the same.
Well... maybe he didn't take my advice.
Come on.
Uh, Jimmy.
I think he took your advice.
We're rich.
We're really rich.
We're rich.
Uh, Carl, Jimmy's rich, not us.
Okay.
It's the principal of the thing.
I know.
Um, Mom, Dad...
I don't care if he is my dad.
Life-saving operations are expensive.
I mean, it's my money, after all.
If I give him some, I have less.
Ow! Be careful.
That's my credit card hand.
Mom, Dad!
What? Yeah, what?
Well, uh... how are you guys?
He's still got two lungs. Since I couldn't make up my mind
Say it to him, for God's sake. I just said...
Hey, hey, hey, come on, I'm your son, and, well...
Point?
Huh?
Tick-tock, tick-tock.
Oops! Looks like you just wasted another chunk of my life.
Thanks a lot, Jerry.
It's Gary.
It's Jimmy.
Whatever. We don't have time
for this kind of...
talking thing you want to do.
And what are they doing here?
The big one is odd
and the thin one is... a weirdo.
Hey, you can't insult us like that.
Here you go.
Get yourself something nice.
Sure they can.
Let's go, odd guy.
You got it, weirdo.
Oh, and here's some for you, too.
Bye-bye, now.
What do I do with this?
Oh, for heaven's sake!
Hilgo.
Hilgo?
Hilgo, could you take Jimmy up to his room?
He's being all... sonish again.
Da.
Ooh, and get that contraption out of here.
You know I don't like it in the house.
Da.
Oh. What happened, Goddard?
I thought being rich would be great.
Mom and Dad are...
Well, they're not Mom and Dad.
Come on, Goddard.
Let's get Dad's 50 bucks back.
What do you think, Jimalimb?
That's just about the greatest thing
I've ever seen.
It's a Montana Wormsnuffer.
Well, look here.
My favorite men.
Jimmy, your father and I had a talk
and we've decided
that as long as it's for your education
we're going to postpone our family vacation
and use that money
to order you your encyclopedia set.
Mm-hmm.
Aw. You know what?
I'm over that.
I-I heard it's not that great anyway
but thanks, though.
( laughing ): That was close.
Hugh.
Of course, it would have been for a very... worthy cause.
Yes.
Uh, Dad, can I just ask you a question?
Hmm?
Well, that $50
that you didn't invest with McSpanky—
what did you spend it on?
Well, son, I spent it on your mother's wedding ring.
Mm.
And it was all the money your father had to his name.
Mm-hmm.
You see it's about having your priorities in order, son.
But, man, if I had had $100 at the time
we'd be loaded right now!
Ducks everywhere.
We'd live in Quackertown.
And I would require every member
of Quackertown
to have webbed feet and a duck bill.
I would go to the doctor myself
and have the webbed toes put in.
Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
and MTV TELEVISION NETWORKS
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
Oh.
Hi. I'm Paul.
Got to blast!