Heavens to Harvey Fierstein!
This isn't the Pomona bypass.
Willoughby, you dink!
I told you turn left a the Pants Outlet!
I'm frightened and nauseated.
Where are we?
We're in hyperspace,
where no teacher has gone before.
I've got a good idea who's responsible for this!
Friends, students, kids: lend me your ears!
You may have noticed
that Miss Fowl isn't here this morning.
Shouldn't they have returned from Learnerpalooza by now?
Thanks to my new hyper-chip,
none of our teachers will be back for an entire week.
Let's watch llama videos!
Let's party!
Festival! Festival!
Neutron, what did you do to our teachers?
All I did was send them
on a little side trip through hyperspace.
They'll be back in a week, safe and sound.
Spread the word, people— school's out!
I'm king of the world!
Coming through! Watch it!
Hey, what's wrong with my rocket board?
Mom?
You are so grounded, mister!
She's right, Jimbo.
I'm afraid your senseless reign of carnage is over.
Hi, Jimmy.
You said to spread the word, so I told our parents.
Aw!
You bring your teachers back this instant!
I-I can't!
They're programmed to come back in a week.
Then we will have to round these children up ourselves.
Kids! Oh, kids?
Allow me, hon.
Quiet...!
Children—
please go to your classrooms.
Until Miss Fowl and the others return,
we parents will be filling in as substitute teachers.
Substitute teachers?
Good idea, Judy.
The kids shouldn't miss one precious day of education.
Mom, Dad, you can't do this!
It'll be totally embarrassing.
Don't be silly, Jimbo.
Your mother would never dream of embarrassing you.
No... don't!
Yuck!
Now, now, we don't want to be a Mr. Smudgey-face, do we?
"Mr. Smudgey-face!"
Talk about being stripped of all dignity!
Your turn, Butch.
I've lived too long.
I'm next!
Again.
Oh, this couldn't get more humiliating.
Before we go on, let's look at Jimmy's baby pictures.
Now, kids, as Carl is now demonstrating,
germ-free back skin begins at home.
Harder, son!
You show those germs who's boss!
Hey, Carl!
Can you come over and wash my parents?
Now, now, kids.
My Carl knows that good health and hygiene
is nothing to be ashamed of.
Right, son?
Right, Dad.
Great!
Now let's show 'em
how to lance a boil!
Remember, kids, working with wood
can be a great family activity.
My son Sheen and I made these
pretty dollies together in our spare time.
Dad, they're not dollies!
They're action-play companions!
Some nights, instead of TV,
Sheen will pretend to be the little girl doll
and I'll be her magic flying pony.
Don't be sad, Sheen.
Let's fly away to Happy Rainbow Mountain.
Kids, the book my wife gave me
says that gym class should build self-esteem.
Everyone turn around and hug your neighbor.
Go on, Jimbo, hug your little men-friends.
Dad, I'm not hugging anyone.
Don't make me blow this whistle, young man.
No! No, not the whistle!
All right, all right!
Okey dokey, let's move on to the trust exercises.
Could our parents
have embarrassed us more today?
What's wrong, Carl?
Is my seven-layer soy mulch too tough?
Let Mommy pre-chew it for you.
Mmm...
I mean, gross!
You boys enjoy.
I can't take it anymore!
I actually wish we had our teachers back.
Are you going to finish your soy mulch?
Parents want to be substitute teachers, huh?
Well, I say it's time to sink some subs.
Elbow, elbow!
Keep searching, everyone.
We're looking for some type of shiny blinky sciencey gizmo.
Do they have restrooms in hyperspace?
I'm keeping any change I find!
Almost done, Goddard.
The secret weapon
that'll make our parents run screaming from the school.
I call it "Rebellion."
It's a concentrated version
of the hormone that makes kids challenge authority.
One whiff of this and they'll run amok.
Faced with such sheer raw mayhem,
the parents will be forced to bail.
Psst.
Psst-psst!
Jimmy.
Carl and I have decided to run away
and join the carney circuit. You in?
You won't need to.
I've got the answer to our problems.
Jimmy!
Ow!
What have you got?
( gulps ) Uh-oh.
Is that one of your experiments?
Bring it up.
You know you're grounded from doing science.
B-but Mom...
No buts!
You march off to your next class.
I'm going to keep this in a safe place.
Neutron, this coffee you made is absolutely delicious!
Thanks, but my secret ingredient
is the low-cal sweetener Judy brought.
Hugh, that's not low-cal sweetener!
That's the bottle I took from Jimmy this morning!
Well, it tastes marvelous.
Sí, so robusto.
Oh... dear.
Guys, we've got to get back that hormone bottle.
It could be highly toxic to adults.
I'm sick of all the rules around here, man!
This place is totally bogus!
I told you not to come into my room!
Whatever!
You are not the boss of me!
Oh, no! They've been exposed to the hormone.
Guys, try to calm your parents down.
Ow...!
Stop!
Mom, Dad!
Stop shooting those spitballs right now!
Who's going to make us?
You?
As if!
Ah! No!
Hey, don't!
Give me that!
Dad, stop!
You just can't take people's stuff.
You're about to get served, chumps!
Dad, I'm warning you!
Behave yourself!
You can't tell me what to do!
Stop trying to ruin my life!
Ow! The elbow!
It's no use.
We've looked everywhere.
Ooh, and it's getting musty in here.
Coach Grubber, could you grab
a fresh stick of pine scent
from the glove compartment?
Hey, what the heck is this?
One of Jimmy's gadgets.
I knew we'd find it.
What happens if you press this button?
Let's trash this place!
Food fight!
Guys, stop!
You've got to listen.
You've been exposed to a concentrated hormone.
If you don't calm down,
it could damage your endocrine system.
Hmm... what do you think, Jude?
Get him!
Calm down, people.
You don't want this on your permanent record, do you?
Jimmy, I'd like a word with you.
Guys, you've got to get these parents under control.
They're loopy and need medical attention!
You can't control us!
No way— you're totally lame!
Parents rebelling against teachers?
Has the world gone mad?
Folks, I think someone needs some discipline.
Good thing I stocked up on teaching aids—
like these eraser nunchucks!
And I'm glad I picked up this crate of dodge balls!
Look out!
My new high-carb pancake recipe
should make them slow and lethargic.
How about you, old woman?
What do you bring to the party, hmm?
Young man, in 74 years of teaching,
the only thing I've ever needed
is my piercing educator's skunk-eye!
No, not the skunk-eye!
Don't look at me!
Back! Back, I say!
( dreamily ): Bicycle...
Great job, everyone.
Our parents should be back to normal
just as soon as they wake up.
Thank heavens for that.
As for you, young man,
we found your little hyperspace gizmo.
It'll never happen again!
In fact, I've learned a valuable lesson
about the importance of our teaching professionals.
You're still getting 900 days detention.
And no soup on Soup Tuesday!
In fact, drop and give me 40, maggot, right now!
( straining ): But... you're not...
the boss... of me.
Double-time, Neutron!
In the library, Neutron's foot hit mine
so I tapped his foot back and he kicked mine again.
I think we were playing footsie.
Promise you won't tell.
Of course— you know how I respect people's privacy.
So what are the guys doing now?
Uh... they're up to something.
I'm locked onto the evening news video feed.
You're on!
Yes, ( clears throat ).
Hello.
This just in— I'm not wearing pants under this desk.
Repeat— I'm not wearing pants.
Um, hi.
Who wants to see my head spin around?
Whee!
Well, that's odd.
I don't remember the weather lady being quite so... hideous.
Come on, anchorman, spin your head with me.
Whee!
We're spinning our heads.
We're in a lot of trouble.
I'm going to make you boys superstars!
Huh? Huh? What?
I saw your crazy news show.
I want to produce a kid's evening news starring you boys.
Huh? Huh?
What?
We don't know anything about doing the news!
That's what makes it so crazy fresh!
You are my anchorman.
You will do sports.
Round boy does weather.
You're rewarding these chowderheads
for hacking into the news?
You can be co-anchor!
I'm in.
Can I do a gossip segment?
Extra crazy!
You all start tonight.
Ciao.
What!
Welcome to Kid's Evening News with Jimmy Neutron
and Cindy Vortex,
Carl Wheezer on weather,
Sheen Estevez on sports
and Libby Folfax with "The Word."
Good evening.
I'm Jimmy Neutron here now with the news.
Tragedy struck Retroville today
as local boy Nick Dean broke his leg for the 15th time this year.
Nick is expected to make a full recovery
and break his leg again soon after.
Cindy?
Foreign exchange student Bolbi Stroganovsky
officially entered the Miss Retroville beauty pageant today.
Asked to explain his action, Mr. Stroganovsky replied:
( imitating Bolbi ): Bolbi pretty.
Bolbi win pageant— good.
Jimmy?
Butch Bukowski was today awarded the Bully of the Year award
from the Juvenile Delinquent Society.
In a tear-filled speech, Bukowski accepted the award,
then used it to beat his host about the head, neck and chest.
And now let's go to the always jolly Dr. Carl
in the Weather Center. Carl?
Hello, Retroville!
I hope you had a scrumpdili-icious day!
Let's wish a big, old "Happy Birthday"
to Old Lady Nussbaum, who turns 102 today.
Here's a nice, big Weather Center hug from Dr. Carl.
Just tell us the weather!
Tomorrow's Wheezer Weather:
you'd better grab your sombrero, mi amigo,
because it's going to be as hot as Mexico.
Ow! My scapula!
Thanks, Dr. Carl.
Now here's Sheen with the sports.
Evening, sports fans.
Today, Oleander and Ike faced off against each other
in varsity wrestling.
Let's go to the videotape.
Right, no videotape.
Let's go to the action figures.
Oleander puts Ike in a half nelson,
then Ike kicks him in the shins.
Bam! Boom! Bam!
I've never seen anyone take this much punishment.
Wait! Ike is burping in Oleander's face.
Oleander is passing out.
Ike just might go all the way.
Now, here's Libby.
Ow!
What's up, y'all?
This is Libby with "The Word."
Well, it seems a certain big-headed genius
has been playing footsie in the library with a blond colleague.
Looks like this love-hate relationship
is turning into all love all the time.
Check it out.
Everybody's talking about a certain someone
with the initials C.W.
who had toilet paper hanging off his shoe all day today.
P.S. He still doesn't know.
Check it out.
What hyperactive cutie has been worrying pals
by talking to an imaginary hand puppet?
Here's a hint: his name rhymes with "Bean."
Well, I'm out of time.
See you tomorrow on "The Word."
G...
Good night and thanks for watching.
Cut.
Libby!
You just violated, like, ten people's privacy.
I thought you were down with my gossip.
Not when it's about me!
Or me!
Or us!
Or me.
What's the big deal?
I didn't use actual names.
I'm sure no one even knew who I was talking about.
Your foot's all out of toilet paper!
( gasping ): Tree.
Sheen!
How about our hand puppets do lunch?
Wow!
I'm a star.
You're kidding!
Okay, children, quiet down.
I'm going to hand back your essays now.
A "C"?
Something wrong, Libby?
No, Miss Fowl, but I hope you're not grading and driving again.
You don't want to go back to prison.
Those charges were never proven!
Who told you about that?
Though it would make a good story for tonight.
Did I write "C"?
I meant "A".
I always get those confused.
Marisa has hair extensions?
Girl, how do you know?
You'd better tell me unless you want that ugly tattoo of yours
splashed all over prime time.
Talk to me.
You call that embarrassing?
Call me when you get some real dirt.
Uh, where are my cherries?
Or do you want people to know
that half your chocolate sprinkles are ants?
The lady wants cherries!
Come on, move, move, move, move, move!
She's turned into a monster.
She has dirt on everyone in town.
So? What do we care?
She already gossiped about us.
We're on every night, Coach Clueless.
Do you think she won't eventually report
on your addiction to candy?
And I can only imagine what she has on Carl.
I don't sniff my own feet.
It just looks that way when I'm doing yoga.
Thanks for the stories, guys.
Libby, what's happened to you?
Look, I'll make a deal:
stop your gossip segment and I'll give you...
Candy!
No, Cindy's co-anchor job.
( exclaims ) Ouch.
Excuse me.
I've got to go— I need more juicy stories for tonight.
Guys, I have an idea.
Does it involve candy?
No.
Libby wants stories, right?
Well, let's give her a story she can't resist.
Ain't no way Miss Fowl's a man!
I've got to go, Principal Willoughby.
Come in.
Hey, Lib.
I wanted to wish you a good show tonight.
Oh, and even though our dressing rooms are next to each other,
don't look through that peephole into mine.
I'll try to resist, Carl.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm looking for one last story.
Okay, well, you won't find your story
through that peephole, that's for sure,
although you will be shocked and amazed
and sickened and disgusted
and terrified!
Well, got to go.
Greetings, mighty alien masters.
Greetings, Carl of Earth.
Have you prepared for our arrival?
Yes, I have, masters.
Have you laid in a supply of kittens for us to snack on?
Yes, I have, masters.
Excellent.
I knew he'd be a good recipient
for our slavery-inducing brain worm.
Mm-mmm.
Soon we will descend upon your planet
and steal the spleens of your species
to play Spleen Ball with.
Mm, Earth spleens are so bouncy.
It's like a whole different game.
Mm-mmm.
( whispering ): Is that it?
Oh, um... okay. Bye.
And then the aliens put a worm in Carl's brain
that makes him their slave.
And they eat kittens, and they're coming
to steal our spleens to play Spleen Ball with.
I'm not kidding!
Thanks for that fascinating report, Libby.
Well, that's the news.
Good night and thanks for watching.
Oh, that was classic.
( giggles ): Earth spleens.
No one's going to believe Libby ever again.
( laughing ): Yeah.
Except those guys.
There's the alien slave kid.
Get him!
Threaten our kittens, hey, buster?
Libby, you have to stop them from hurting Carl.
Yeah, he's not an alien.
We made it all up so you'd lose your credibility.
What?
Oh, no!
Okay, get ready to pelt him.
Wait! Stop!
Carl's not an alien.
Huh?
What?
But it was on the local news!
I know, but it wasn't true.
Those guys tricked me into saying it.
Oh.
Then pelt them!
Yeah!
Wait! Stop!
Don't pelt them, either.
Look, I guess by getting all caught up in being a star,
I forced my friends to do what they did.
We forgive you, Libby.
And I hope you'll still trust us
with the sacred dignity of the local news.
Not necessary, because you are all fired!
What?
That's right, I need to make room for my crazy new show,
Everybody Loves Hand Puppets.
Hi, everybody.
Yes.
Pelt Corky!
Forgive me, guys?
Ah, what the heck.
I guess things worked out okay after all.
Come on, let's go home.
Um... hello, guys.
Wait up.
Okay, you're coming back, right?
Right?
Guys?
My scapula.
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
Paul?
Got to blast!