I've detected aliens with your new telescope!
They're gross and bloated with horrible suede tentacles!
Sheen, you've got the telescope pointed
at Carl's mole.
It's not a mole; it's a beauty mark.
I'm putting cream on it.
Wow, the universe is so vast and intricate.
I'm bored.
Hmm.
Libs, keep an eye on Mars for me.
It's been acting weird all night.
Is that... ( sniffing ) Eau d'Amino Acid?
Girl, you brought us here
just so you could flirt with Jimmy.
Did not!
I'm here because Jimmy values my scientific input.
Why don't those two just get a lab?
Hey, Neutron, have you checked out Mars?
Huh?
Mars is old news.
I'm spotting comets.
But it's been showing huge fluctuations in brightness.
Definitely worth a good long look.
What's that bewitching scent?
You mean my perfume?
I just splash this on
when I don't care what I smell like.
Mmm...
I mean, oh, look, a comet.
You do this every time.
You invite me someplace and then you ignore my contributions.
Can't talk.
Taking star pictures.
When a colleague suggests that you look at Mars,
it's polite to look at Mars!
There!
See?
Pretty!
I told you Mars was acting weird.
Good thing the scope was taking pictures.
Goddard, download images.
Holy Heisenberg!
Look at the size of that flare!
Check it out, everybody— it's New Year's on Mars.
Happy Martian New Year.
Ew!
At least I won't be alone again like last year.
It's not New Year's, you dipstick.
It's some kind of energy beam
firing out into space.
And not just any energy, hydroquantum energy.
Hydroquantum?
I read about that stuff.
You could power an entire city with just one ice cube.
Or the world with just one flush of the toilet.
To Mars!
Sorry. Am I getting ahead of everyone?
Of course, if I did go to Mars and tap into the hydroquantum,
I could shatter every known boundary of science.
Excuse me.
Anyone else notice the earth shaking?
It's a space invasion!
There's only one hope: We must appease them.
O great alien masters, we worship you.
Please destroy someone else.
May I suggest the French?
Attention, interlopers, prepare to be stomped.
That's no alien.
Excuse me, this is a private party!
Is that who I think it is?
How delicious!
Hello, Neutron.
It's that spoiled rich kid who has it in for Jimmy.
Eustace Strych.
I thought you were grounded for life.
Yes, well, my daddy's will is easily manipulated.
So, Jimmy, did you forget
that I'd sworn everlasting vengeance against you?
Hmm, it sort of slipped my mind
because I have a life, you loser!
Don't get saucy with me.
You're on Strych property.
State your business.
Don't do it, Jimmy.
Don't tell him about the limitless power source
you found on Mar...
And we're not going there to get the limitless power source
if that's what you're think...
Mars!
Sorry, I just get excited.
Neutron, old bean, you're keeping secrets.
That's not at all polite.
Blix— capture mode!
Jawohl, Herr Strych.
Think I'll take this mob of yours back to my lab
for a good mind shifting.
Don't delete us!
( laughing ): I'm so insane!
Oh, the pain!
Too bad, old bean.
Hope your killer tripod was insured.
Ta-ta.
You won't escape, Neutron.
My undying hatred shall pursue you without rest!
But first, I think I'll slip into unconsciousness.
More schnitzengrueber, Carl?
Danke.
Good job, Goddard.
We should be ready to leave in about three days.
Okay, Neutron, we're here for our mission briefing.
Cindy?
What did you do to your face?
Oh... just some radiation-proof lip gloss and eyeliner.
Deep space is rough on a girl's skin, you know.
Uh... I don't know.
I mean, it doesn't matter, you're not coming!
What? But you're taking Carl and Sheen,
and all they do is sit around eating schnitzengrueber.
Soy-based low-carb schnitzengrueber.
Yeah, this guy was giving out free samples.
We even got complimentary schnitzengrueber forks.
Mmm...
It's so light,
I don't even have to loosen my new stretch pants.
Well, Sheen and Carl won't distract me.
I mean, not that you distract me.
Why would you distract me?
That would be silly.
Look, Neutron, I discovered that flare,
I put on space makeup and I'm coming to Mars!
Clear?
Fine!
Whatever.
Just... just stay out of my way.
Do you think he likes my lip gloss?
You are ill, girl.
Well, if you have to come along, here's the deal.
Here's Mars just as the flare erupted.
You can see the energy source located right here.
Mmm... mmm...
I knew those chuckle-headed plebeians couldn't pass up
free schnitzengrueber.
That is because I make them mit love.
I want the tripod repaired and modified in three days.
When Neutron arrives on Mars,
he's going to find a little surprise waiting for him.
Oh, no, I forgot my inhaler.
Carl, we're already here.
Ready for landing sequence.
Do you like my new flight suit, Libby?
It's perfect for resisting the strong Martian winds.
Whatever.
Huh? Think I've been staring at you the whole trip?
Well, I haven't.
Well, no one asked you to.
Well, fine...
Stop annoying me.
What? You rude little twerp!
I'll knock you all over the asteroid belt.
What's going on?
We've been hit by proton blasts.
Systems are off-line!
( softly ): We're dead in space.
Who's doing this?
I'm guessing it's that guy.
Oh, no.
It can't be.
Hello again, Jimmy.
What do you want, Strych?
Do you have a spare inhaler?
I know all about the energy source, James,
and I intend to make its power my own.
Hydroquantum energy will make me
the most powerful 11-year-old in the solar system.
I shall rule the Red Planet as the first king of Mars!
Eustace, as your mortal enemy, let me just say...
get some therapy!
Blix, blow them out of space.
Launching torpedoes in ten, ninen,
eighten...
I can charge one bank of disrupters,
but there's no way to aim while we're drifting like this.
Drei, zwei, eins...
This might be it, guys.
Hyah!
Gotcha!
No!
Reload.
Reload!
Boo-ya!
He'll have to ditch on the surface.
Good thing you brought me along, Neutron—
my airlock maneuver totally rocked.
It also sent us spiraling down towards the surface!
Oops.
Can't stop our forward momentum.
Power cells aren't responding.
Ooh! Ooh! Jimmy!
Can I say "brace for impact?"
Sure.
Uh, on second thought,
let's just all scream.
This is it—
we're about to be turned into chunky salsa!
If I could just squeeze one last charge out of the batteries.
Yes!
We made it.
Welcome to Mars, guys.
Is it true that Mars has canals filled with creamy nougat?
That's just a myth.
But watch for the billowing forests
of string cheese.
That was our last drop of power from the main reactor.
Well, we came here to find an unlimited power source;
maybe we can use it to get home.
Just how far are we from this hydroquantum energy thingy?
Well, if Goddard's batteries hold out,
we should be there in about 18 hours.
Come on, everybody!
Oh, dash it all, Blix,
this map makes no sense!
Impossible, mein Herr.
That's a spy picture we took of Jimmy's own map.
You see, we are here,
next to this pink, meaty rock formation.
That's not a rock formation;
it's a piece of schnitzengrueben!
Those two nitwits must has squished it
against the camera lens.
Ow! Owie, mein Herr!
( grunts ) Owie.
Neutron has the real map.
We've got to track him down, Blix.
Only by beating him to the energy source
can I become the boy king of Mars!
The race... is on!
We can camp here tonight, guys.
According to my map, the power source
is located just beyond this dry sea bed.
Shouldn't we keep moving?
If we've gotten this far, maybe Eustace has, too.
Wow, Cindy...
under these moons you look... almost... kind of...
What?
Uh... I wasn't gazing at Cindy; I was...
I was working when she interrupted.
Interrupted?
Who wants squeeze ham?
You dork, I'm the reason we're on this mission!
You're also the reason we almost crashed!
I make one mistake and you have to rub it in.
Well, I've had it with you!
Cindy, where are you going?
Who cares?
Apparently I'm not wanted around here.
Cindy, wait!
I didn't mean it that way!
Can I have her squeeze ham?
That fudge-headed dork never did appreciate me.
I'd love to show him what I really think of him.
Put me down!
I'm warning you, I know karate!
You know, it isn't safe
for a girl to wander around Mars alone.
I'll wander wherever I want, Brie Breath!
Had a little falling out with Neutron?
He can be such a ninny-hammer.
What do you care?
Think I forgot how you tricked me before?
Ah, Cynthia, I was young and foolish then.
I now realize how resourceful and talented you really are.
We'd make quite the team, you and I.
The only thing we have in common
is we both think Neutron's a jerk.
So, um, tell me more about me being talented.
Oh, we are so the perfect match, Cynthia.
Help me get Neutron's Mars map
and you'll be rich beyond your wildest dreams.
You think I'd betray my friends that easily?
Our alliance would make Neutron insanely jealous.
I'm in.
But no one gets hurt, right?
You have my word.
Wake up, Jimmy.
I think I finally found a way to make you notice me.
Huh?
Cindy, what are you talking about?
Leaping leptons!
Pretty sweet, huh?
Some guys just know how to treat a lady.
Good morning, James.
Have you met my new associate?
Cindy, how could you?
I have the map, mein Herr.
Hey, give that back!
Aha, the energy source is just beyond this sea bed.
We can be there in minutes.
Cindy... why?
Because Eustace appreciates me
and because he's going to make me stinking rich!
Oh, yes, Cindy, about the, um, rich business.
I share my wealth with no one!
Ta-ta, losers!
You fink!
I can't believe I let you betray me again!
Cindy, what were you thinking?
Some friend you are.
J'accuse!
But... well, I...
It's all your fault!
What?
Oh, don't act dumb.
At least Eustace treated me like an equal.
You act like I don't even exist.
You are so clueless, Vortex!
I know you exist!
That's why I pretend to ignore you!
Oh!
Pretend?
You mean you've been acting like a dweeb because...
He likes you.
He thinks you fine.
I do not!
I just think you're pretty smart and smell nice
and you kind of distract me... sometimes.
Wow, Jimmy— thanks.
You're welcome.
Hopefully the next time this happens,
you won't betray us to our enemies!
What do we do now?
Strych drained Goddard's batteries.
There's no way we can beat him to the energy source now.
Brr... this wind is as cold and icy as Cindy's soul.
The wind?
Wait a minute.
Carl, you're wearing stretch pants, right?
First you sell us out, then you mock my pants.
Why, Cindy, why?
No, wait, she's right.
Carl, pants off, now!
Your stretch pants make a pretty good wind sail, Carl.
Thanks.
It's a good thing my underwear was clean.
There it is, Blix...
My ticket to ultimate power in the solar system.
No...
It can't be!
Full ahead, Blix.
We've got to reach that pyramid before Neutron does.
We need more speed!
Give me the rudder!
Oh, no, you don't...
Yes!
Too late, Neutron,
my power siphon is charged and ready for battle.
So is mine, Strych.
Get him, Jimmy!
Yeah, whip his pampered, rich-boy hiney!
The power source is mine, Neutron.
No, it's not... it's mine!
Actually, you're both wrong— it's ours.
Martians? Cool!
Could I get an autograph?
Humans, from the third planet.
They are starting to become real pests.
Incredible—
a rock-based silicone form of life.
But I thought Mars was dead.
Dead? Now they're just being insulting.
Mars isn't dead.
For centuries we have slept below the surface.
But you Earth people keep waking us up
with the rockets and your probey things with the...
Oy, don't get me started.
We could destroy Earth with one burst of hydroquantum energy.
Destroy Earth?
But... but you can't.
Can't move.
We're stuck!
Activate control panel.
Target the Earth.
You should prepare to fire.
This is your fault, Neutron.
I could have prepared for this if it wasn't for you.
Knock it off! If we're going to save Earth,
you two prima donnas better work together.
She's right, Strych.
How about it?
Are you willing to join forces?
Never! ( grunts )
( weakly ): Well, maybe just this once.
Cindy, distract the Martians.
Eustace, you're with me.
Prepare to fire, already.
All hail the Martians!
Look, they're worshiping us.
Well, we are pretty awesome.
And, of course, no form of worship would be complete
without interpretive dance!
Blast you, Neutron, hurry!
Shall we crush them?
You crush them, I'll destroy Earth.
Hey!
Eustace, reroute the circuit and press the blue button.
But I usually have people do that for me.
Eustace!
Oh, dear... oh, dear...
What madness is this?
What? What?
What did I do?
You reatomized the hydroquantum beam
turning it back into simple water.
Und dispersing it into the atmosphere.
Water!
They're afraid of common rainwater.
Which is why they drained their lakes and oceans.
Ow, ow, make it stop.
Oh, ow, ow, make it stop!
Well, I could reverse the effect
or I could make it pour for a month.
We surrender.
Just reverse what you've done and go!
We'll also need small sample of your energy source
so we can get home.
So, take it, already!
Guys, let's head home.
About time— Mars bites.
I still can't believe it—
Eustace Strych actually helped us save the Earth.
Well, it is where I keep all my stuff.
I can't believe Jimmy admitted he likes Cindy.
I said she distracts me— there's a difference!
Guys... can I have my pants back?
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
Hi, I'm Paul.
Got to blast!