Mom? What are you doing?
There's not a single bit of space left in this whole house!
What for? That!
It's like a ceramic cry for help.
It's a beautiful and generous gift from your grandmother
and I like it very much.
If you like it so much,
why can't you look directly at it?
I can!
See?
I'm looking at it right now.
Oh, I love looking at it.
Aah! That vase is still here!
I thought you said, "Don't worry, honey,
I'll find a hiding place for that hideous monstrosity!"
Oh, what are you talking about?
I love this vase.
Then why did you say that vase looks like the type of vase
a rebellious vase would date to make his parents angry?
Oh, fine, I hate it.
So how come you Granny Jojo you liked it
in a high-pitched voice, all smiling like this?
Okay, kids.
Sometimes when you're an adult, you have to lie,
all of the time, about absolutely everything.
And never show your feelings, because it's impolite.
Sit on them until you die, then bury them with you,
like the ancient Egyptians did.
You don't have to tell us.
My last present from Granny Jojo was a pair of orthopedic shoes.
Yeah, and I didn't exactly ask Santa
for an expired can of tuna fish.
And Dad could not have wanted those ridiculous granny undies.
Hey! I asked for these!
They're comfortable and keep everything in the right place.
I just wish she'd bought you the top half, too.
Wait a minute.
Orthopedic shoes, old-person food, and a girdle?
She's... It's called regifting.
It's a way for her to share the gifts she's been
lucky enough to receive herself.
You mean she's passing off all her unwanted junk onto us
and pretending it's generosity.
Hey! A gift isn't just an object.
It's the thought behind it.
And she puts no thought into them whatsoever.
Why don't you just, you know, "Mm, mm, psh."
I mean smash it and pretend it was an accident.
Because that would make me a terrible role model.
But children are allowed to have that kind of accident.
So you're saying you want us to smash the vase.
A good mother would never ask such a thing.
Don't you dare break this vase.
So, you don't want us to smash the vase?
Huh? Huh? Huh?
Okay.
Three, two, one, yah!
Wait, wait!
We should say something cool first.
I'm afraid you lost the pottery lottery.
Eh. Eh.
Oh! I got one!
Looks like this wasn't orna-meant to be.
Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
In your vase!
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Oh. Maybe this is gonna be harder than we thought.
I guess it wasn't orna-meant...
Dude, it didn't work the first time.
Hmm.
Ha-dah!
Aah!
Huh. I would have thought I'd get hit.
I need to revise my calculations.
What's the most surefire way
of guaranteeing something will break?
Put it in the mail marked "Fragile."
Huh, huh, huh!
Woo-hoo!
Mailman! Special delivery!
Uh, we're not here.
Could you just post it through the door?
Makes sense to me.
That's not the vase.
Yeah, that's the tablet Gumbo asked mom for for his birthday.
There's this, too.
Argh! Argh! Argh!
It's hopeless. It's indestructible.
Wait, there's still something we haven't tried.
What's the most mindless, destructive,
butterfingered force in this house?
Dad!
Uh, why are you spreading butter on your hand?
Duh! We ran out of bread!
Right. Could you do us a big favor
and just hold this for maybe five seconds?
But whatever you do, don't drop it.
Sure.
Ugh! Why couldn't you have
managed that when I was a baby?
So what do we do?
I guess we just need to accept it...
We're going to be lumbered with this vase
for the rest of our lives.
Rest of our lives.
All set for your prom night, Son?
Uh, yeah.
There she is.
Isn't she beautiful?
Uh...
Okay, graduates.
Say synthetic organic cheese substitute!
I never thought I'd say this, but vase,
you was the best gosh darn friend I ever had.
That wasn't my vision.
We've seriously got to get rid of this thing.
But how?
Hmm, wait a minute.
Yeah, this ad's really distracting.
No, don't you see?
That's it.
Darwin, come on!
Sorry.
Hello.
It's your mother-in-law.
Ugh! Tell her I'm not here.
No, it's your mother-in-law speaking right now.
Oh! Hiya.
Listen, Nicole, about that vase.
I got it mixed up with an equally hideous one.
A-ha! So you admit it's ugly.
Only to me.
Beauty is subjective, Nicole.
You of all people should know that.
Anyway, it's what's on the inside that counts.
Oh, you're saying you like my personality?
I'm talking about the vase.
It contains the ashes of Roosevelt.
What, the Roosevelt?
Yes, the Roosevelt.
How many other pet pythons has Louie had?
Anyway, I need that vase back.
I'll come over and collect it this evening.
Um...
Where's the vase? Where are the kids?
And what does python ash look like?
Richard, why are you eating butter from the pack?
Duh! There's still no bread.
Where are the kids?
No idea.
They went out with that ugly vase,
but I don't know where.
The wrecking yard!
Stop eating butter!
It's not good for you.
Listen, kids, the wrecking game's changed.
We made that commercial years ago.
These days, with all the health and safety rules,
we mostly just crush cars... Trucks... cars.
Listen, dude, our mom gave us permission
to wreck this ugly vase.
Do you really want to stand in the way
of three rookie wreckers?
Go wreckin', kids.
Okay, switch it on.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Darwin, you do realize we're trying to break this thing?
Sorry.
Stop! Don't destroy the vase!
Gotcha, Mom. "Don't" destroy it.
No, I really mean it this time.
Don't worry, Mrs. Mom. We get it.
No! I'm being straight with you!
Granny Jojo gave me the wrong vase.
Stop the crane!
I gotcha.
No!
Huh?
Ugh!
Come on!
Ugh!
What I'm about to do might look cool and impressive,
but don't ever, ever do it yourselves, okay?
Whoa!
Huh?
Oh, boy.
Huh. So she really didn't want us to break that vase.
I really feel like it's watching us.
Aah!
Take it! Huh.
What with the way you raised your kids,
I'm amazed they haven't smashed it by now.
Well, actually, Mom told us to...
To look after it because it contains the ashes
of a beloved pet, and we're sad to see it go,
but if that's how it's gotta be, then fine!
I thought that might be the case.
So I've brought you this.
No!
Oh! You shouldn't have.
This one's even nicer.
Personally, I think it's hideous,
but I know you have very different taste to me.
That's the one I meant to give you all along.
Anyway, I better get Roosevelt back to Louie.
He just can't sleep without the dried-out remains
of a cold-blooded reptile by his side.
You haven't been gone that long, have you?
So, Mom, what are you gonna do with the new vase?
Three, two, one!
Well, sure had a lot of dust in it.
Yeah. Let's all agree that was dust.