No!
What are you doing?
I was trying to fix the roof, and you saved me.
Uh, no, I just saved my skateboard.
Oh, is that what this thing is?
Yeah, why? What did you use it for?
Stop right there!
I've been using it for that thing Gumball said...
Land surfing.
Skateboarding, Dad.
Yeah, but that still doesn't explain
why you own a skateboard.
Uh, duh! 'Cause I'm a skater!
What? Why is everyone laughing?
I'm pretty sure Mr. Dad is laughing
so he doesn't feel left out.
But the others are laughing because you're clearly a poseur.
Oh! Oh!
What do you mean I'm a poseur?
Well, I've never seen you ride a skateboard before.
Yeah, there's a lot of things you've never seen me do.
You mean like how I've never seen you from profile?
What do you mean?
Well, like, how you always hold your head
at a three-quarter angle because you look weird otherwise.
I don't see how that proves I'm a poseur.
So you're saying you're a skater?
Totally.
So you can skate?
Uh, uh, yes?
So if I were to ask you to do a trick right now
with this very board, you could?
Sure?
Awesome! Then you can teach me!
What are you wearing?
What's wrong?
Dude, you don't wear safety stuff.
You just carry it with you at all times so people know
you're choosing not to wear it.
But what if I hurt myself bad?
Then you get to feature in Elmore Streams'
fail compilation of the week.
What if I hurt myself really, really bad?
Then you get to feature in Elmore Streams'
fail compilation of the month.
Don't worry.
Before you can even get on the board,
you need to look the part.
Skaters wear, like, rags and shoelaces for belts
because their identities can't be bought.
Where do they get their clothes from, then?
The thrift store?
No, from the skate shop.
What's the difference?
Everything costs 10 times as much.
Ha! You sad conformist drone!
That's right.
Okay, now we have to figure out
whether you ride goofy or regular.
I do feel kind of goofy right now.
I'm talking about how you stand on the board, dude.
Do you lead with your left foot or with your right foot?
I believe all feet were created equal.
Okay, which foot do you write with?
What?
Okay, just let yourself fall forward.
What was that?
I thought that was some kind of skater trust exercise.
It was a test to see which foot you would
put forward first and... Ah, okay, do it again.
You said, "Do it again."
Forget it.
Come on. Let's roll.
I meant it like let's split, dude.
Oh, sorry.
So who invented skateboarding?
No one really knows the true history.
Its origins are clouded in the mystery of many concussions.
Dude, it's okay to say, "I don't know,"
or, "I'll look it up online later."
Of course I know. It all started a long time ago.
There he is, Lord Hamilton...
The ruffian who stole your pocket watch.
Crimany!
I need to find a way to escape from these here gentlemen.
Maybe there's something I can use in this alley.
There's nowhere to run, scallywag!
Hmm.
- Got ya! - Aah!
Take that! And that!
I say, chaps.
I wager one could fashion some sort of vehicle from these.
Capital idea, old boy.
Good day to you, sir.
Good day to you.
Very good day, sir.
Oh, wonderful.
Toodle-pip.
That story sounds like
a load of poppycock, m'lad.
It doesn't matter, dude.
What's important is for you to understand
the spirit behind skateboarding.
M'kay, what is it?
It's a deep and profound philosophy
that mostly centers around ragging on kids on scooters
and people on roller skates.
I thought it was about
connecting your mind with the street.
No, that's what your face is for.
But first we need to get you a board.
I've been expecting you.
Then why are you not wearing any pants?
All right, I'm gonna level with you.
I was not expecting you. What do you want?
For you to wear pants. And a skateboard for my brother.
Hmm...
Ah! I think I've just the one.
This one is made of birch and plywood.
Aah!
Do you have something a little more... flexible?
Yes, yes, yes. Of... Of course.
This one is made of bamboo
and the tears of factory workers.
I guess the tears rotted the bamboo.
There is... this one.
Whoa!
She's the one.
Good choice.
It's also a bargain at only $199.
Okay, when do we start to skate?
Well, first you have to learn the tricks.
Here...
then here...
and, uh, uh, here.
Then... here.
Then here?
No.
Then... here.
I have to smell the tricks?
Uh, yes.
You know what I smell right now?
Garbage!
Oh, well, maybe it's, uh, garbage collection day.
That means they'll be collecting you.
M-My garbage, you mean.
Mm, yeah.
Well, well, what are we talking about here?
I'm saying it looks to me like you don't know how to skate.
Hmm.
I doubted you for a second,
but it's obvious from this over-the-top reaction
that you can definitely skate.
Come on! Teach me some tricks!
And that's called a mute air?
Yes, and the next trick is called the hospital flip.
Why is it called a hospital f... Aah!
Right.
Moving on, the next one is called riding fakie.
Look over there!
Oh, man, you just missed me riding fakie.
That was awesome.
Okay, so show me the dark side grind again.
Uh, I think I'm ready now.
Can we just move on to the part where I actually skate?
Come on! Teach me to ollie!
Uh, uh, I don't think you're ready yet.
What do you mean?
I'm already doing it?
Uh, yeah, and you're going a little too fast.
Oh.
Uh, where are the brakes on this vehicle?
Dude, jump!
It's too fast!
Save me!
I can't!
I thought you were an expert in skateboarding!
Ah, ah, I said I was an expert in skateboarding,
not an expert skateboarder.
There's a subtle but important difference.
What do you mean?
I'm a poseur, all right?
I never skated because I'm scared of hurting myself, okay?
Ha, ha, ha!
Help me!
Whoa!
Come on. Jump. I'll catch you.
Ew!
Stop in the name of the law! Ohh!
Dude, come on!
Did you see that?
Dude, I can ska-a-a-a...
Let's see if you're still laughing after this.
There!
Come back! Come back!
I'll do it again.
Aw, come on!
If you can only skateboard when people aren't looking,
then what's the point in skateboar... Aah!