Bill overdue, final notice, noise complaint,
traffic violation, cease and desist,
restraining order...
Dad, what are we supposed to do with all this? Well...
paper can be used in many creative ways
and turned into a lot of interesting things,
like a duck...
or fashion...
inventions...
and other... things.
Come on!
There's got to be at least one good letter!
Actually, yeah. We've got an invitation.
Huh? We've never had one of those before.
That's not true.
I've been invited to court several times.
No, it's from the mayor.
He wants us to go to the town hall for a surprise?
Maybe they'll reveal a statue of me.
Why would they be making a statue of you?
I sit a lot,
which makes me a pretty reliable life model.
And I'm a great example to people.
They're more likely to make some kind of example of you.
Maybe they've cleared up that legal grey area
about whether I'm a feral animal or your child.
Oh, honey, you're the same as all my kids...
A combination of both.
I guess we'll just have to go and find out.
Go, Wattersons, go!
I don't want to say I told you so,
because I won't be heard over all of this cheering...
So I'll shout it instead.
I told you so!
Welcome!
Our Social Services have decided
to offer you a new house!
Impossible.
What's the catch? There's always a catch.
There's only a few Compulsory Additional Terms,
Conditions, and Hypothecations...
Or C.A.T.C.H.es for short!
What do you mean?
Well, the people of Elmore
thought you deserved a brand-new house in a brand-new state
with brand-new neighbors who can put up with you,
a brand-new police force to deal with you,
and a brand-new court system to prosecute you.
That sounds more like a punishment than a reward.
No one said it was a reward.
They said it's what you deserve.
But that's like banishing us!
Think of it more like witness protection.
We're just protecting people from witnessing you ever again!
Go, Wattersons, go! Go, Wattersons, go!
Kind of feels less encouraging when you can see their faces.
They want us to move to Ohio?
The home state of eight people who became president
just so they didn't have to stay living there?
I never realized our neighbors hated us so much.
A few rotten tomatoes in the face, sure,
a few "No Dogs or Wattersons" signs in store windows,
fair enough.
The occasional light-hearted arson attack,
harsh, but fair. But get rid of us?
Let's be honest... We're the only family in town
to have somehow committed a crime
in every category of misdemeanor.
Go, Wattersons!
It's not a good thing, Dad!
If you're going to do something wrong, do it right!
Just look at this crime map.
All of this is us. Public nudity...
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
wasting 911 resources...
911 dispatch, how can I help?
I've got a pain in my chest. It's my heart!
Oh, for the last time, kid, being heartbroken
because elephants can't jump is not a medical emergency.
parking violations...
Hmm?
vandalism...
Hmm... a bit obvious, don't you think?
The hand-crafted, effortful creation
of each individual porcelain seed
queries the modern phenomena of mass production
and replication.
Am I right?
You're right.
If only people would get to know the real us.
Ha! Take that, science!
I don't think Mom meant the real, real us, obviously.
More like the Elmogram super-filtered avatar
hat requires 45 takes
to get it as flattering as possible.
So, our fake selves, then?
Yes.
If people could only get to know the fake-real us.
Let's show our neighbors how nice we are
when we're not being ourselves.
Thank you for your help, but please be careful.
If I get a good price for this cabinet,
it's hello two-week luxury cruise!
Don't worry, Marvin! I'm sure your cabinet
will have a great vacation. Okay, Dad!
Are you ready on your end? Got it!
Here it comes!
That was a long detour, but at least that man
got to see his grandmother one last time in Nebraska.
Wait. Didn't he say Nevada?
Hmm?
Who said, "The object of art is to give life a shape"?
Uh...
Psst!
That's right, Shakespeare... Oh.
Hmm. Hmm.
Here, take it.
Okay.
It came with a two-year warranty.
Okay.
How about a hug before you go?
Not okay.
Local man saves pet cobra from snake charmer's flute.
Local boy stops school bullying by making himself sole target.
His secret... sock suspenders.
Local girl brings metric system to Elmore,
puts end to people measuring things with their feet.
"Watterson family... not as bad as we thought," says person.
"I agree with that person," says another person.
Elmore Times editor fired
for obsessive coverage of local family.
It worked, Mother! Our efforts succeeded!
Everyone in the town loves us.
What is happening to us?
We went too far!
We're becoming...
model citizens!
My leg! My leg!
My face!
Howdy-doody you do?
Absolutamundo, sir.
We'll be with you in two shakes of a widdle-dee!
Zoopity-boopity, bye! What was that?
I have no idea.
It's like I just washed my mouth out with a choir boy
and now it's coming out in dweeb speak.
Not that, who was on the phone?
Oh, the Mayor.
He wants us to skippity-hop over to his office.
I misjudged you, Wattersons.
So you don't want us to leave anymore?
No! I want you in my gated community.
Is that some kind of euphemism for prison?
Yes, but all the criminals are on the outside.
Everyone wanted you gone because you were, well...
being you.
Whereas I wanted you out
because you were bringing the price of the neighborhood down.
That was a problem, you see,
when I decided to sell the land to developers.
But look at you now...
You've become our new poster family.
But what about the other neighbors?
The bank owns their houses.
We just have to make it difficult for them to pay.
But what'll happen to them?
Should that worry you?
Well, they didn't really care what was going to happen to you.
What if we say no?
You can't say no to progress.
What are we gonna do?
I guess either way, we lose.
No!
The people of Elmore might be haters,
but they're our haters!
They're like an old pair of underwear...
Sure, there's not much support there,
and sure, they sometimes leave us hanging in the wind,
but they're something we're familiar with!
And I, for one, will not have some big corporation
forcing me to change my underwear!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
But also, ugh!
That still doesn't answer my question.
What are we gonna do?
Okay, this is all about house prices, right?
If we pulled them up once, we can pull them back down.
Like a pair of old...
The underwear thing had its moment, honey.
But Anais is right.
It's like they say... If you truly love something,
make it look as ugly as possible to everyone else
so it'll have no choice but to stay with you.
Is it me,
or are these termites a little more hectic than usual?
Hmm. That might be all the bath salts
I've been pouring into the water supply.
What is going on here?
Hmm.
Nothing here.
Eh, never mind.
You know what the biggest sign of a bad neighborhood is?
Broken windows.
Ow!
You know what the biggest sign of a bad neighborhood is?
Boarded-up windows.
I thought you said you...
We do this the easy way and nobody gets hurt.
Okay, whatever you say, man!
Just be cool, be cool!
You know what I want, right?
Yeah, no problem!
Eh? No, you goof!
I want you to take this bat
and go mug people in the neighborhood!
This is for you, Elmore.
Oh, good job!
There's no point in selling the land anymore.
You scared away the rich people!
Bet you guys feel really big, don't you?
Picking on the poor, defenseless billionaires.
Elmore is not for sale!
Oh, I see.
You mean the lesson in all this
is that some things are more valuable than money.
Exactly.
What would that even be?
Laugh if you wish.
All right, that's enough.
Okay, you can stop now.
Fine!
Laugh all you want.
But the decent, honest people of this town
will thank us for everything we did to save them.
Go, Wattersons, go!
Hmm.