No, I love you too, and miss you terribly.
Who's he talking to?
What's it worth to you?
It's my sister from London.
I didn't know Maxwell had a sister.
Well, now we know what you're worth to him.
All right, I'll see you then, Jocelyn.
Bye. Oh, was that your sister?
Oh, I hope you said hi for me.
Why does Miss Fine know about it?
He talks in his sleep.
Is, uh, everything all right, sir?
Yes. Jocelyn's coming for a visit,
and she's bringing a man.
Oh, what a great hostess gift.
Gee, I hope she knows my size.
Are you sure you heard her correctly, sir?
She's not bringing a ham?
No, I distinctly heard "man."
Astounding. Unbelievable.
Boy, this poor girl must be the Hound of the Baskervilles.
On the contrary, Miss Fine,
Jocelyn's very attractive and terribly effusive.
A good roll-on could take care of that.
It's just that Miss Jocelyn has never
brought someone home to meet the family.
She's never gotten serious about any particular gentleman.
Oh, I got you.
Yeah, that's just like my cousin Gladys,
but, you know, she's very happy,
and if you ever need your radiator flushed,
she's your man.
Oh, Niles,
I want to make a good impression
on Mr. Sheffield's sister.
You think this outfit is okay?
Oh, perhaps something a bit more conservative.
You haven't even looked yet.
All right. I looked.
Oh, it's all right, Niles.
That'll be Jocelyn. I'll get it.
Mopsy! Puddleducks!
Oh! Got you last.
Jos, haven't we grown out of these childish games?
Ah! Made you flinch.
You!
Mm.
Puddleducks? Mopsy?
Why, Miss Fine, didn't you have a nickname for your sister?
Yeah. Moron.
Hi. Fran Fine. I'm the nanny.
Oh, lovely to meet you,
and I'd like you all to meet
Nigel Waters, Duke of Salisbury.
Oh,
I love your steaks.
Thank you.
Lord Worcestershire and I
get together every Sunday
for a barbecue.
And the Earl of Sandwich pops by for leftovers.
Oh, I never got Benny Hill, either.
Oh, thank you, Lester.
You remember Lester, don't you, Maxy?
Uh, sorry, no.
Sir, he's been her chauffeur for 20 years.
Oh, don't blame yourself, sir.
You've probably only ever seen
the back of my head.
Oh, Lester! Yes, of course.
Oh, good to see you again, old man.
Thank you, sir.
So, you're a Duke.
Have you got a brother?
Maxwell,
you described her laugh all wrong in your letters.
It's nothing like theQ.E. 2
adrift in a fog.
Mr. Sheffield,
you've been writing about me?
Yes, well... So, uh, how was your flight?
Oh, marvelous. We even had a massage on the plane.
Oh, wow. Some plane.
The last Supersaver I took,
I didn't need a brassiere.
I had my knees.
Let's just pop some food in there,
shall we?
So, this is wonderful.
How long have you two known each other?
Yes, was it love at first sight?
Yes. The moment I laid eyes on her,
I thought, "My God, she's suitable."
Thank you, darling.
And the moment I saw him,
I thought, "He seems nice."
Oh, dash it all, darling.
Do you want to tell them,
or shall I? We're engaged.
You go ahead.
Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh!
Ah... oh.
Oh, this is so exciting. I got to call my mother.
We have never had
a Duke in the family before.
Well, we did once,
but we had to have him put him to sleep.
This is so scrummy, Niles.
Yes, I remembered steak and kidney pie
was your favorite.
And you complained about my mother's cooking?
At least she steered clear
of the urinary tract.
So, did you and Uncle Nigel have fun on the boat?
What boat, darling?
Fran said you hooked a really big fish.
Oh, eat up.
Maxwell, your children are charming.
Oh...
Oh, dear, we forgot to buy them presents.
Well, let me give you money.
Oh, Nigel, that's not necessary.
Oh, you're sure? I have lots.
I wouldn't miss it at all.
Quite sure.
Excuse me, Dad,
but I believe he was talking to us.
Brighton, don't be greedy.
God'll punish you.
Good evening, everyone.
See?
Jocelyn, Nigel,
I'd like you to meet my business partner,
Miss C.C. Babcock.
Actually, I'm more like part of the family.
Yes, we keep putting her out at night,
and she keeps finding her way back.
So, have you two set a date?
Oh, who's had time?
I'm still exhausted
from our month in Tahiti.
Oh, you know, you really ought to set a date
if you want to book a catering hall,
and if you want an accordion,
you're really gonna have to move fast.
Fran was a bridal consultant
at Danny's Parisian Brides for Less.
Maggie, please.
Head bridal consultant.
Say, why don't you have the wedding right here?
I could throw you an affair that's to die for.
I kept my rolodex.
Miss Fine, that's a splendid idea.
Ha. I can just see the wedding pictures now.
The Duke and Duchess of Salisbury
at opposite ends of a 10-foot hero.
Darling,
are we free this Sunday?
No. We're golfing with the Worthingtons.
Oh, pooh.
I hate the Worthingtons.
I don't much care for golf.
Then let's get married.
It's a perfect excuse.
Okay,
but let's keep it simple.
Smart.
I always say,
put the money towards the castle.
Then it's settled.
We'll get married this Sunday.
Pass the salt.
I'm so happy for the both of you.
Oh, mazel tov.
That's "pip pip" in Yiddish.
Meanwhile, Niles, this is one recipe
that you can pull from your repertoire.
Well, as it happens,
steak and kidney pie
is also Lady Diana's favorite.
And they wonder
why she's always throwing up.
Gracie, sweetheart, what's the matter?
I can't be a flower girl.
It's too much pressure. Aw.
What if Aunt Jocelyn slips on my petals
and falls and breaks her leg?
Then we'd have to shoot her like my pony.
Aw, sweetie.
Why don't you go upstairs,
take a nice, hot, relaxing bath?
Put in some of that aroma therapy I bought you.
The sage?
No. I think that's for PMS.
Try the lavender.
I'll get it!
Oh.
Finally. Hi.
Hey. Wow!
Nice place, huh?
Where's Elly May and Jethro?
I don't know how I'm gonna top it
unless I get a job
working for Siegfried and Roy,
but something tells me
they're not gonna be needing a nanny.
Here's the stuff I brought you from the bridal shop.
Oh. See ya.
Well, what's your rush? I thought you were
gonna help me with the wedding plans
so that you can hang out with Maggie.
Well, I was, but after seeing how she lives,
I realize I'm not in her league.
Oh, don't be thrown by all these trappings.
This is just an average, ordinary house.
Oh, excuse me.
I've just got to ask the butler something.
Have you seen the Duke?
Oh, he and Mr. Sheffield
have gone yacht shopping.
Smart. Avoid the Christmas rush.
Sweetie, don't be intimidated.
I'm telling you,
Maggie is just a normal, down-to-earth girl.
Oh, hey-ho! Hi.
Got to go.
Hi, Kenny. Bye, Maggie.
Where's he going?
I think the leather boots probably scared him off.
It's a Jewish thing.
Jocelyn, come on.
I want you to see what I just had brought over
from the bridal shop.
It's a genuine copy of a knockoff
of an Yves St. Laurent.
It kind of screams, "I'm getting married," don't you think?
Well, honey, you're marrying a Duke.
If it were me,
I would be throwing leaflets out of the Goodyear blimp,
and my mother would be flying it.
Come on.
I need some information
from you and the betrothed
about the wedding. Oh.
Now, what's your favorite song?
I don't believe we have one.
Oh, come on, you got to have one.
"Evergreen"? "Close to You"?
Not even "Duke of Earl"?
No.
What was your favorite song?
Well, I'm partial
to "You Better Shop Around,"
but that would be more appropriate for a shower.
Maybe we should just flip a coin.
Gee, no offense,
but you're really pretty blasé
about this whole event.
You love the Duke, right?
Who wouldn't?
He's solid and dependable
and best of all...
his mother's dead.
Oh.
Enough said.
Well, we've still got to deal
with the matchbooks, napkins, seating charts,
the yarmulkes...
Oh. Yeah.
Well, that should take some of the pressure off.
I think I'll leave the little details
to you.
I'm going to go for a drive.
Oh.
Lester!
Yes, miss.
What took you so long?
I'd like to go...
Go to the park, miss?
You read my mind.
Oh, well, then maybe you can tell me.
What's her favorite flower,
her favorite color,
what she likes to drink?
Roses, peach, Perrier Jouet.
Oh.
Well...
He's better than Dionne Warwick.
Oh, I'm telling you, Niles,
I get a strange vibe
from this whole marriage.
Bridal consultant's intuition?
The last time I did a wedding with this level of excitement,
it involved my cleaning girl and a green card...
and even she requested "Guantanamera."
Oh, mark my words.
Jocelyn don't love the Duke.
British women are not known for displaying their passion.
Believe me. I've been there.
Niles, I'm telling you,
be it Great Britain or Great Neck,
women in love are all the same.
When I was engaged to Danny...
Hmm?
All right, pre-engaged.
I knew his favorite song, his favorite food,
his favorite back wax.
I didn't miss a thing,
except that little affair with Heather Biblow.
And now you know his favorite hobby.
Don't start with me, Niles.
I'm telling you,
when a woman is in love with a man,
she should be swept off her feet.
Oh, hello there.
Oh, I took a bit of a spill.
You can put me down now, Lester. I'm fine.
No, miss, I insist on taking you up to your room.
Oh, he spoils me so.
Well, I got the song.
"Baby, You Could Drive My Car."
Mr. Sheffield.
Mr. Sheffield, are you up?
Mr. Sheffield, it's me.
What is it?
You couldn't sleep either, huh?
Miss Fine...
Oh, look.
I never pictured you in pajamas like that.
Not that I pictured you without pajamas,
although I could. I've seen you naked.
Should I start again?
No.
Let's forge ahead, shall we?
I think you should call off the wedding
because your sister doesn't love the Duke.
She's in love with her chauffeur.
Jocelyn and Lester?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God. When did she tell you this?
Oh, she has no idea.
Only you know, and I know.
Even he don't know.
Let me get this straight.
My sister should not marry the Duke
because she's in love with the chauffeur...
Right.
but she doesn't know it.
Nope.
Oh, well, then, by all means,
let's convince her.
Let's wake up the whole house.
We'll insist that she dump the Duke
and all he has to offer
and run off with her penniless driver.
Oh, I knew you'd understand.
Right. We could talk about it in the morning.
Shrimp, baby lobster tails,
and cracked crab.
Yeah. If we were serving this in Flushing,
we'd need a police barricade.
By the way, sharp outfit.
Oh, thanks. Sonny Bono was having a yard sale.
Funny.
Think so? Maybe I'll do it in my standup act.
You know, that would be a good thing
to invite Maggie to.
Somehow I can't picture Maggie
in the half-shell room at Benny's Clam Bar.
Oh, don't be so hard on yourself.
Just because she's rich doesn't mean she can't fall
for a schlub like you.
Gee, thanks.
Okay, who ate half the tush off the Cupid?
Grace did.
Uh-huh.
Not me. I'm too nervous to eat.
She's very sensitive.
She senses doom.
Miss Fine,
Grace senses doom at Disneyland.
Look, my sister has finally found
the person she wants to settle down with,
and I am not about to ruin her wedding day
because you have a hunch.
Oh, you're probably right.
I mean, if your sister
was really in love with the chauffeur,
she would have told him years ago.
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't try that reverse psychology on me.
No. I'm agreeing with you.
Passion, smashion.
I've been reading too many books
with Fabio on the cover.
So you're not going to interfere?
Look, if you're asking me
if I'm going to bang on the church doors
and scream, "Elaine!"
No.
Good.
Oh, would you just trust me?
I promise you,
I am not going to say a word to Jocelyn.
Lester...
Yes, Miss Fine? Les,
I know that we haven't really spoken much,
but I was thinking,
why haven't you told Jocelyn
that you're in love with her?
What?
I beg your pardon?
You know. Seize the day, carpe diem.
You speak Latin?
Well, Pig.
Are my feelings that obvious?
Well, to a trained eye.
I could never presume
to tell her such a thing.
Miss Jocelyn is beyond my reach.
She's back seat. I'm front seat.
You know, if you ever bothered to look
in your rearview mirror,
you would see
that she's in love with you too.
You sure? Yes.
She loves you, you love her...
Oh, boy. I've been watching too muchBarney.
No.
Miss Jocelyn and me, it's just a fantasy.
You see, I have nothing to offer.
Except your undying love.
Ah. Well...
if only that were enough.
Meanwhile, this shrimp is fabulous.
I don't know why. I just love weddings.
Oh, we all want what we can't have.
Maxwell, do you think
you'll ever get married again?
I hope so.
Oh, I love my children,
but it does get a little lonely at times.
Poor baby.
You know I'm always there for you.
Making lazy circles in the sky.
Lester.
Oh.
You look like an angel, miss.
What are you doing here?
Well, actually, miss...
I've come to say goodbye.
You're leaving me?
Yes.
Well, you'll be living with the Duke,
and he's got his own staff.
But of course you'll be coming with me.
You'll love your new room.
It has a view of the moat.
You can barely hear the drawbridge.
Thank you, miss, but I'd rather not.
Well...
best of luck.
Thank you.
May I kiss your hand, miss?
Please.
I've been very happy in my work.
You'll be awfully hard to replace.
I wish...
I could have done more for you, miss.
You're off to a jolly good start.
You look good, kid. You look tough.
You feel okay? Yeah. Yeah.
All right.
Go on out there
and splatter those petals
all over the floor.
Where is she?
Oh...
Oy.
Miss Fine, where's Jocelyn?
It's time to give her away.
Too late. She's already gone.
My God, what did you do?
I didn't say anything to her.
Did you speak to Lester?
Oh, I talked to a million people today.
You think I remember every Tom, Dick, and Harry?
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
we're experiencing
a little technical difficulty,
so, uh, for your prenuptial enjoyment,
uh, the comic stylings of Mr. Kenny Keroucas.
Huh?
So, how many of you have been bar mitzvahed?
What's happened?
Uh, Nigel, um...
Jocelyn. Is she all right?
Don't go in there. Why not?
Uh, it's bad luck to see the bride
before the wedding?
I'll say.
Oh, Nigel! I'm terribly sorry...
I'm sorry, sir, but we're in love.
Yes. I see that.
Thank you.
Wow, he's taking it well.
Can't you see I'm heartbroken?
Really, Miss Fine. How insensitive.
Oh, well, how are you supposed to know
what you British are feeling?
What, do you all wear mood rings?
Nigel, please say you'll forgive me.
Well, it won't be easy, Jos.
We did have a bit of fun together.
Granted, not as much fun
as you've had with the chauffeur!
I shall bow out gracefully
with my head held high.
You know, you could sneak out that way.
Better yet.
All the best.
Ta.
Puddleducks,
are you awfully disappointed in me?
No, of course not, Mopsy.
I'm just sorry
you didn't find happiness with Lester
20 years ago.
Who knew you could find true love
in the back seat of a car?
Anyone that's still living at home with their parents.
I've been thinking...
seems a shame to waste all that food.
Oh, Lester...
the answer's yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
Well, next time I get a hunch,
I say we go to the track.
I remember what my dad told me. He said, "Kenny,"
"it doesn't matter what religion you are"
"or what the color of your skin is."
"There'll always be people out there"
"who aren't gonna like you..."
"because you're irritating."
Oh, thank you, Kenny Keroucas.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Kenny, you were great.
I'll be doing my whole act
at Benny's Clam Bar this weekend.
Maybe you want to come?
I'd love to.
Really?
I just lost all respect for you.
Well,
as they say,
the show must go on,
so all those on the bride's side,
please remain seated.
All those on the groom's side
can pick up their gifts on the way out.
Hit it.
Oh, I just love weddings.
Me too.
Oh, Niles, such a display for a Brit.
Well, I'm part French.
Oh.
Miss Fine, you left the bouquet out there.
Oh.
C.C. almost ran off with it.
Great catch, by the way.
Hey, I've been a bridesmaid so many times
I could out-jump the Shaq.
It was a beautiful wedding, Miss Fine.
Mm-hmm. I think Lester and Jocelyn
really looked happy.
Yes, they did,
and to think they almost missed their chance.
Oh, I know. In this day and age,
to have two people rule out love
just because of class...
Imagine.
Being blind to the fact that you love someone
just because they work for you.
I know. It's unbelievable.
Yes.
Well, good night, Miss Fine.
Good night, Mr. Sheffield.
Smart. Put the money towards a castle.
That's not the line.
I got it. I always say...
I always say, save up for a... Pfft! Sorry.
It is contagious! Oh no! I'm so sorry, audience.