1
00:00:11,410 --> 00:00:12,410
It's dark.

2
00:00:47,670 --> 00:00:49,170
D'oh!

3
00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:25,240
Hot dogs! Not so hot dogs!

4
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,740
Cold and droopy!

5
00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:31,660
Fried dough!
America's worst legal food!
Never leaves your body!

6
00:01:31,660 --> 00:01:33,660
Wow. The Truth in
Boardwalking Law

7
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,580
has really done
a number on this place.

8
00:01:35,580 --> 00:01:39,080
Shoot an oversized basketball
into an undersized hoop!

9
00:01:39,090 --> 00:01:42,510
It's impossible!
The prizes have been here
for 50 years!

10
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,640
Ooh. Oh.

11
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,760
Maybe we should
just check out
the street performers.

12
00:01:54,430 --> 00:01:56,940
Big deal!
I could juggle six pins

13
00:01:56,940 --> 00:01:58,850
if they let me
use a unicycle.

14
00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:00,870
Well, if you think
it's too easy,

15
00:02:00,860 --> 00:02:02,360
why don't you throw me
something else?

16
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:05,360
Are you insane?

17
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:07,860
You can't throw
a little boy
into my cascade.

18
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,370
Stop tossing kids!

19
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,140
Oh, man. I love Saturdays.

20
00:02:22,130 --> 00:02:24,630
Man, I love Saturdays.

21
00:02:24,630 --> 00:02:27,800
Finally I can have fun
with something I bought
for myself,

22
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,800
a new water heater.

23
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,520
Almost there...

24
00:02:37,030 --> 00:02:41,560
Five more water heaters
and we get a free
water heater.

25
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:48,490
Huh?

26
00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:50,910
A mysterious door?

27
00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:01,640
It's like a sauna in here.

28
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,400
It is a sauna in here!

29
00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:06,890
It must've been put in
by a previous owner.

30
00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:09,170
This house is
full of surprises,

31
00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:11,740
but this is
the first good one.

32
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,400
I can't wait
to tell everyone.

33
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,400
This is great, honey.

34
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,400
Thanks for
telling me about it.

35
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,990
I hope you don't mind
I invited Lenny.

36
00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:25,160
And I hope you don't mind
I invited Carl and Moe.

37
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,160
Yeah, you know,
my invitation didn't say
nothing about no towels.

38
00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:32,160
So I guess
we should all just go
Scandinavian, huh?

39
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:33,170
Huh?

40
00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:38,420
Maybe I'll keep this
to myself for a while.

41
00:03:41,620 --> 00:03:43,630
Ooh! Lamb kebob!

42
00:03:44,130 --> 00:03:45,540
Ooh!

43
00:03:45,550 --> 00:03:46,550
Chicken kebob.

44
00:03:47,380 --> 00:03:48,380
Ooh!

45
00:03:48,970 --> 00:03:49,810
Fire kebob!

46
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,880
Dad, no!
Dad, yes!

47
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,800
Water! Thank you!

48
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:03,980
Why you little...

49
00:04:04,730 --> 00:04:06,900
Burn, Barty, burn!

50
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:15,820
I'm afraid his tongue
will be in that cast
for a few weeks.

51
00:04:15,830 --> 00:04:18,340
It may put
something of a cramp
in your lovemaking.

52
00:04:18,740 --> 00:04:20,240
No, it won't.

53
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:22,420
If he wants me
to do something,
he'll just write it down.

54
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:30,250
What does it say?
Is it complimentary?

55
00:04:30,260 --> 00:04:32,520
Yeah, sure.
It's complimentary.

56
00:04:32,510 --> 00:04:36,260
It is? Hey, everybody!
Check out my compliment!

57
00:04:43,020 --> 00:04:45,020
Now, Homer, how would you
like me to remove it?

58
00:04:45,020 --> 00:04:46,520
Yanky or peely?

59
00:04:47,820 --> 00:04:48,940
Got it.

60
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:52,360
I held up two for peely!

61
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,200
I thought that was
a Y for yanky!

62
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:58,280
I'll make a note
in your chart that you
aren't always clear.

63
00:04:58,280 --> 00:05:00,790
Well, at least
I can eat again.

64
00:05:00,790 --> 00:05:01,790
Cherry.

65
00:05:04,170 --> 00:05:05,670
Too much cherry!

66
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,770
Lemon!
That'll stop the cherry!

67
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:14,880
Doctor, why is this
happening to me?

68
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:16,880
Well, I do have an idea.

69
00:05:16,890 --> 00:05:19,900
But just to be sure,
let's run some
expensive tests.

70
00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:27,790
The fire burned off
your old taste buds,
exposing new ones.

71
00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:34,120
That'll be our
Christmas card this year.

72
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,620
Homer, you've become
a supertaster.

73
00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:39,210
The mildest spices
will overwhelm your tongue.

74
00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:42,130
Even a taco could
drive you insane.

75
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,410
I can't eat tacos?

76
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:48,420
Oh, my God.
What day of mayo is it?

77
00:05:48,420 --> 00:05:49,420
Cinco.

78
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:55,590
Try these beets.
I boiled all the red out.

79
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:59,350
I still taste
overtones of pink.

80
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,360
Dad, I got the perfect thing.

81
00:06:02,850 --> 00:06:04,850
Mmm. Hmm...

82
00:06:04,850 --> 00:06:09,690
It feels like food,
but it has no
flavor whatsoever.

83
00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:12,190
It's mac and cheese
from the school cafeteria,

84
00:06:12,690 --> 00:06:14,610
the blandest food
known to man.

85
00:06:14,610 --> 00:06:16,030
What else do they got?

86
00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:20,280
Tofu cubes, tidy joes,
chili con cottage cheese,

87
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:23,620
pecan blandies,
cream of steam,
you-guess-thems.

88
00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:25,120
Man, who comes up
with this stuff?

89
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:27,960
Old comedy writers
who now have to work
at our kitchen.

90
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,460
The one rule we had
on Charles in Charge

91
00:06:30,460 --> 00:06:32,960
is, Charles must
always be in charge.

92
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,460
Oh, yeah.
That makes sense to me.

93
00:06:34,460 --> 00:06:36,260
That's a great rule.

94
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,890
Lunch card. Lunch card.

95
00:06:39,890 --> 00:06:41,400
Lunch card.
Don't have one.

96
00:06:41,390 --> 00:06:43,220
Dad, what are you doing here?

97
00:06:43,220 --> 00:06:47,730
Son, from now on,
I'm eating all my meals
here at school with you!

98
00:06:47,730 --> 00:06:49,730
What? No!

99
00:06:49,730 --> 00:06:52,060
Come on. Relax.
I won't embarrass you.

100
00:06:52,060 --> 00:06:54,070
$3.85.

101
00:06:54,070 --> 00:06:56,070
Yeah.

102
00:06:56,070 --> 00:06:59,150
Can I work it off?
Don't worry.
I won't embarrass you!

103
00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,330
I'll start you on Jell-O.

104
00:07:13,590 --> 00:07:17,600
No Jell-O for you, Bart.
It'll keep you up at night,

105
00:07:17,590 --> 00:07:20,680
like last week when
you crawled into bed
with me and Mommy.

106
00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,600
Sure is hot back here.

107
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,930
And there we go.

108
00:07:26,930 --> 00:07:28,930
Don't worry.
I won't embarrass you.

109
00:07:36,110 --> 00:07:38,110
I used to date your daughter.

110
00:07:38,110 --> 00:07:41,700
Buddy, I'm here to eat,
not make interesting
conversation.

111
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,700
Dad, do you have to
hang out at my school?

112
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:46,200
It's bad enough
I have to be here
three days a week.

113
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,200
Well! I know when
I'm not wanted!

114
00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:50,720
Am I wanted?
No.

115
00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:56,880
Hi. Homer Simpson.
Mind if I sit near your son?
Mine sucks.

116
00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:00,880
Well, we certainly
are proud of Noah.
He's a straight-A student.

117
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:04,390
Noah! State capitals,
alphabetical order,
on my clap.

118
00:08:04,390 --> 00:08:09,390
Albany, Annapolis,
Atlanta, Augusta, Austin,
Baton Rouge,

119
00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:14,230
Bismarck, Boise, Boston,
Capital City, Carson City.

120
00:08:14,230 --> 00:08:17,650
Wow. He's terrified of you.

121
00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:20,570
That's why I'm here.
To make sure he gets
good grades.

122
00:08:20,570 --> 00:08:21,570
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

123
00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:24,990
You come to school
to help him
get good grades?

124
00:08:24,990 --> 00:08:28,490
Isn't that why we pay
public school teachers
those enormous salaries?

125
00:08:28,490 --> 00:08:30,490
Well, call me over-involved,

126
00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:33,670
but someday,
your son will be
my son's chauffeur.

127
00:08:33,670 --> 00:08:37,180
Well, I hope your son
enjoys being driven around

128
00:08:37,170 --> 00:08:39,840
by the President
of the United States.

129
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,260
Really? Let's see what
the future president's
doing right now.

130
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:54,190
You don't see many
presidents doing that.

131
00:08:54,190 --> 00:08:56,600
Maybe LBJ,
you know, at the end.

132
00:08:56,610 --> 00:08:59,120
It's not your son's fault.
It's yours.

133
00:08:59,110 --> 00:09:02,110
You have to hover
over your kid's shoulder
to force him to succeed.

134
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,280
It's called
helicopter parenting.

135
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,030
I don't have to
helicopter Bart.

136
00:09:06,030 --> 00:09:08,700
I've got a backup plan
called Lisa.

137
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:12,200
Oh, right.
Your second grader.
Sure she's smart,

138
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,540
but how could
she be successful
if she's not popular?

139
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,040
Do you mind if I join you?

140
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,790
Well, that depends.
What are you eating?

141
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,140
Baked potato,
side salad, and a...

142
00:09:22,130 --> 00:09:25,050
Well, we're having
cold shoulder.

143
00:09:28,050 --> 00:09:29,640
Is this seat taken?

144
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,640
No. Go ahead. Take it.

145
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,140
Take it way over there.

146
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,400
Oh, my God.

147
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,900
My son's a loser
and my daughter's a loner.

148
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,290
Way to go, Marge!

149
00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:50,070
Marge, where have you been?

150
00:09:50,580 --> 00:09:52,090
Well, I...

151
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,910
No time! I'll just
deduce where you were

152
00:09:53,910 --> 00:09:55,800
from a list of
possibilities in my head.

153
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,670
That makes sense. Moving on.

154
00:10:00,670 --> 00:10:02,670
If we don't get more
involved in their lives,

155
00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,510
Bart and Lisa are
gonna be failures,

156
00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:07,260
failures who work for Noah!

157
00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:10,260
Noah. I like that name.

158
00:10:10,260 --> 00:10:12,100
Noah.

159
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,930
New-ah. Noah.

160
00:10:14,930 --> 00:10:17,100
Aren't you the one
who usually worries
about stuff?

161
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,770
Am I?

162
00:10:18,770 --> 00:10:23,990
If Marge doesn't worry
about the kids,
then that leaves me!

163
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,530
Help me, mayonnaise!

164
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,270
Look at all these
helicopter parents.

165
00:10:39,260 --> 00:10:41,760
I hope Bart's
doing okay on his own.

166
00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:49,600
There's no future in that!

167
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,100
Don't forget, children.

168
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:53,350
Monday is the balsa wood
model building competition.

169
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,870
The American Balsa Council
will award this year's winner

170
00:10:55,860 --> 00:11:00,530
a $1000 savings bond
for their college education.

171
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:03,950
$1000? That's what
my house is worth.

172
00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:06,450
Bart Simpson,
what will you be making?

173
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:09,620
I don't know.

174
00:11:09,620 --> 00:11:15,630
Time to take control
of my son's life. Let's see.
What can he build?

175
00:11:18,130 --> 00:11:19,710
Too obvious.

176
00:11:21,670 --> 00:11:23,380
Gotta be something from earth.

177
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:25,800
You're no help!

178
00:11:27,970 --> 00:11:29,810
Perfect.

179
00:11:34,310 --> 00:11:36,150
"The Washington Monument?"

180
00:11:37,150 --> 00:11:39,320
Washington Monument.

181
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:40,820
I like Bart's idea.

182
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:42,320
You're not in this class.

183
00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,900
Willie swept me in here.

184
00:11:44,410 --> 00:11:45,410
My mistake.

185
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:52,530
I did it. I helped my son.
Helicopter Homer, away!

186
00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:57,170
Black Hawk down!
Black Hawk down!

187
00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:58,670
Lisa, I found this book

188
00:11:59,170 --> 00:12:01,340
in the "What's wrong
with my daughter"
section of the bookstore.

189
00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:03,510
It tells you how
you can get popular.

190
00:12:03,510 --> 00:12:06,590
Dad, if I join a clique,
I'll be the kind
of person I hate.

191
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,110
Sweetie, our country
was founded by a clique,

192
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:12,600
the Continental Congress!
Dolphins swim in cliques.

193
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,600
Those are my two examples.

194
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,600
Well, they are good ones.

195
00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:18,620
And to show you
how this book works,

196
00:12:18,610 --> 00:12:20,940
I will demonstrate
on some rats.

197
00:12:25,150 --> 00:12:28,900
Let's try what chapter seven
calls "Unsults,"

198
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:31,740
insults disguised
as compliments.

199
00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:33,240
Hey, Lenny.

200
00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:36,240
It takes a lot of courage
to wear suspenders

201
00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,240
when you're not
in the circus.

202
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,740
Well, that's very
nice of you... Hey!

203
00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:42,760
Are you saying my clothes
are clown-like?

204
00:12:42,750 --> 00:12:46,330
Oh, God. I feel so insecure.
Please be my friend.

205
00:12:46,340 --> 00:12:48,850
See? It works.
And unsults are
just the beginning.

206
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,340
There's also
"Envytations,"Hate hugs,"

207
00:12:51,340 --> 00:12:53,670
"Spamming with
faint praise," and...

208
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,600
Hey, everyone,
wanna go get frozen yogurt?

209
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,610
I do...
Yeah!

210
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:02,020
I'm sorry, Moe.
I didn't mean "everyone"
everyone.

211
00:13:02,020 --> 00:13:03,520
Hope you don't mind?

212
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,350
No. That's all right.

213
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:14,700
If I didn't sell booze,
they probably wouldn't even
come here!

214
00:13:17,620 --> 00:13:21,120
And that, my dear girl,
is called the Toledo
Take-back.

215
00:13:21,120 --> 00:13:23,540
Dad, I don't want to
hurt people's feelings.

216
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:27,540
I see. Well,
maybe you're not ready
for this book.

217
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:30,040
It is more of
a big girl thing.

218
00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:31,970
I'm a big girl!
I'm a big girl!

219
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:39,050
One of you
said something bad
about the other.

220
00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:41,020
He did?
He did?

221
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:50,790
Son, you buy an awful
lot of airplane glue,
but you never buy any models.

222
00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:52,950
Oh, right. Models.

223
00:13:52,950 --> 00:13:57,710
One Messerschmitt 262,
a '67 SS GTO,

224
00:13:57,710 --> 00:14:00,040
an Alfred E. Neuman,
with interchangeable arms.

225
00:14:07,220 --> 00:14:08,730
We'd like some
balsa wood, please.

226
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,220
Enough to build
a Washington Monument.

227
00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:12,720
What scale are you using?

228
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,060
What cologne are you wearing?
None of your business!

229
00:14:15,060 --> 00:14:16,560
Now we'd like our
Washington Monument

230
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,640
to be one-five hundredth
the size of the real one.

231
00:14:21,150 --> 00:14:23,900
Washington Monument?
Aren't you gonna even try?

232
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,570
What do you mean?
And who are you?

233
00:14:25,570 --> 00:14:27,570
I'm your son's principal.

234
00:14:27,570 --> 00:14:30,070
And the Washington Monument
is the most uninspired
model choice there is.

235
00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:33,240
It's like saying,
"I don't care.
My kid's a loser."

236
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,910
But... You...

237
00:14:34,910 --> 00:14:37,660
What's the hardest model
there is?

238
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:40,000
That would be,
Westminster Abbey.

239
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,830
Attention, parents, children
and childless weirdoes,

240
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:48,270
my son and I are going
to build Westminster Abbey!

241
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:49,840
You've gotta be crazy!

242
00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:51,840
Prepare to be frustrated.

243
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,350
You won't get past
the north transept!

244
00:14:54,350 --> 00:14:58,180
Hey, how hard can it be?
All we have to do is
follow the directions.

245
00:15:07,860 --> 00:15:11,360
Marge, the boy and I
will be making
Westminster Abbey.

246
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,950
Blabby's gonna
build an abbey. Groovy.

247
00:15:14,950 --> 00:15:17,450
But first, as part of
Operation Popularity,

248
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,200
Lisa and I are hosting
a "Decorate Your
Own Cell Phone"

249
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,220
party in the backyard.

250
00:15:22,710 --> 00:15:24,830
Britney and Caitlin are here!
Where's my spray-on tan?

251
00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:34,480
Why do I always
read the labels after?

252
00:15:34,470 --> 00:15:38,220
Ladies, we've got it all.
Rhinestones, stickers,
tassels,

253
00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:42,230
everything to make
those $100 phones
look like $5 toys!

254
00:15:42,230 --> 00:15:44,730
Lisa, this party is twisted!

255
00:15:44,730 --> 00:15:45,730
You're fierce!

256
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:49,230
I've never been
called fierce before.

257
00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:52,400
Strident. Hectoring
has been tossed around.

258
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,240
Let me take a picture
of you for my cell phone.

259
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:55,820
I'll put you on my desktop.

260
00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,990
I'm gonna make you
my friend on Facebook.

261
00:15:57,990 --> 00:15:59,660
Please confirm.
Confirmed!

262
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:08,340
I am such a great parent
to both my kids.

263
00:16:08,340 --> 00:16:11,170
Hello, little girl.
Who do you belong to?

264
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,840
Hey, boy.
Why don't I do that for you?

265
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:19,110
Isn't this supposed
to be my project?

266
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,430
All the other parents
are doing it for their kids.

267
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:24,440
Now stand back and
I'll take it from here.

268
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,440
A little further back.

269
00:16:27,940 --> 00:16:28,940
Do you want me
to watch and learn?

270
00:16:28,940 --> 00:16:30,610
No. That kind of
creeps me out.

271
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:37,710
Must finish Poets' Corner
or Bart will work for Noah

272
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:39,200
with his hot mom.

273
00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:51,160
That's not Henry VII!
That's Henry VI!
Stupid, stupid, stupid!

274
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:55,830
Homer, don't give up
till you finish
my dear abbey!

275
00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:58,050
Geoffrey Chaucer?
What are you doing here?

276
00:16:58,050 --> 00:16:59,340
Well, I'm buried here,

277
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,640
and I want to tell you
you're right to do all
Bart's work for him.

278
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,890
It's the best thing
for the boy.

279
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:06,640
That's terrible advice.

280
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,410
Anne of Cleves?

281
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,900
What you do for your son,
he'll never learn
to do for himself.

282
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:14,570
And where is this
delightful boy?

283
00:17:14,570 --> 00:17:15,940
Oscar Wilde?

284
00:17:15,940 --> 00:17:18,940
Homer, there are only
two tragedies in life.

285
00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:22,740
One is not
getting what one wants,
and the other is getting it.

286
00:17:22,740 --> 00:17:24,580
But that makes no sense!

287
00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:28,830
Experience is simply
the name we give
to our mistakes.

288
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,420
Shut up!

289
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:34,250
These days, man knows
the price of everything
and the value of nothing.

290
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:36,520
Whatever happened to "boo"?

291
00:17:50,110 --> 00:17:55,790
Now we could smash
the real Westminster Abbey
so it looks like this.

292
00:17:55,780 --> 00:17:59,280
There are
no flights to London
till 5:00.

293
00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:02,130
Welcome to
Springfield Elementary's

294
00:18:02,620 --> 00:18:05,290
Next Top Model
Building Contest.

295
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,620
Kenny, he said your show.

296
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,620
I watched it once!

297
00:18:10,630 --> 00:18:12,720
Now, judges,
start your nodding.

298
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:16,050
Mmm-hmm.
Mmm.

299
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,830
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.

300
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,750
Flawless. Stunning.
Awe-inspiring.

301
00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:21,750
Meticulous.

302
00:18:23,260 --> 00:18:24,060
Mmm?

303
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,310
Hmm.

304
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,230
Skinner!

305
00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:33,730
These models are clearly
the work of meddling parents.

306
00:18:33,730 --> 00:18:36,230
The only entry that
repels my eye enough

307
00:18:36,230 --> 00:18:39,400
to be constructed by
a student is this one.

308
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:43,330
Congratulations, son.
At least you followed
the rules.

309
00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,340
Yes! Yes!
In your face, losers!

310
00:18:46,330 --> 00:18:48,660
This helicopter
is taking off!

311
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,080
No! Stop the hovering!

312
00:18:57,170 --> 00:19:00,420
I didn't make
this terrible model.
My dad did.

313
00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:03,930
Why can't you guys
let us do things
for ourselves?

314
00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:08,430
In the words of Oscar Wilde,
"Experience is simply the name
we give to our mistakes."

315
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:10,100
I saw him, too, Dad.

316
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,520
I'm sorry.
I got carried away.

317
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:18,030
From now on, the only thing
I'll ever do for you is
cosign if you want a gun.

318
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,030
Well, at least
I made Lisa popular.

319
00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:23,610
"I H8 this"?

320
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,700
I'm sorry, Dad.
These girls are
nice on the surface.

321
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:34,050
But it's hard work
staying this shallow.
I hope you understand.

322
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,040
Yeah. It's clear to me now.

323
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:40,130
The best thing
I can do as a parent
is simply check out.

324
00:19:40,130 --> 00:19:41,880
No, there's a middle ground.

325
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:45,390
Lisa, a light bulb
is either on or it's off.

326
00:19:45,390 --> 00:19:47,140
Not if you use
a dimmer switch.

327
00:19:47,140 --> 00:19:50,640
That's what
the dimmer switch companies
want you to think.

328
00:19:53,310 --> 00:19:55,230
What's wrong, Homie?

329
00:19:55,230 --> 00:19:57,480
I tried to fix
the kids' lives.

330
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,980
But instead, I led them
to rich and rewarding

331
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:04,000
personal decisions
of their own.

332
00:20:03,990 --> 00:20:08,990
Well, I know a place
in this house where
you can really relax.

333
00:20:08,990 --> 00:20:11,360
The mattress the dog
sleeps on in the cellar?

334
00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:14,870
No. I gave that to
the homeless shelter.

335
00:20:14,870 --> 00:20:16,370
That was stuffed with cash!

336
00:20:16,870 --> 00:20:19,670
Well, I'll make you
forget all about it.

337
00:20:22,590 --> 00:20:25,010
Feeling better, Super Dad?

338
00:20:25,010 --> 00:20:26,260
Oh, yeah.

339
00:20:34,850 --> 00:20:37,850
I feel like I've died
and gone to hell.

340
00:21:36,620 --> 00:21:37,540
English - US - Line 21