[knock]
WHAT'S GOING ON RANDY?
- HEY BUBBLES. I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD ASK YOU FOR A FAVOR?
WHAT KIND OF A FAVOUR?
- WELL, IT'S JUST, I'M CONFUSED ABOUT THINGS. MIXED UP.
I'M ATTRACTED TO A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT THINGS.
WHAT KIND OF THINGS, RANDY?
- WELL, YOU KNOW HOW MR. LAHEY AND I, WE WERE...
YUP.
WELL BUBBLES, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS, RIGHT? RIGHT?
- TELL ANYBODY ABOUT WHAT, RANDY?
- WELL, I BEEN WATCHING THE WAY SARAH HANDLES PEOPLE,
AND SHE'S REALLY TURNING ME ON, BUBBLES.
OH, SARAH IS.
YEAH.
- OH, OKAY, WELL. COME IN RANDY. WE'LL FIGURE THAT OUT.
THANKS, BUBBLES.
- IT'S JUST A MATTER OF GOING
TO A COUPLE OF WEBSITES, RANDY.
I MEAN, DO YOU LIKE THIS TYPE OF THING?
I LIKE THOSE THINGS, BUBBLES.
- YEAH, I KNOW. ME TOO!
OR, I MEAN, THERE'S ALSO THIS TYPE OF THING.
I LIKE THAT THING TOO.
ALL RIGHT, RANDY.
I MEAN, I THINK THAT CLEARS THAT UP.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE JUST KIND OF ATTRACTED TO WHATEVER,
BUT LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE.
THAT'S NORMAL.
THANKS, BUBBLES.
ALL RIGHT.
[bright music]
HEY, TED.
- RANDY, WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM. - PROBLEM?
- YEAH, THE CHIEF'S ON MY CASE ABOUT SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME
IN THE PARK AND WHY I'VE GOT $365
EXPENSE CLAIM FOR CHEESEBURGERS. SO I LIED TO HIM, TOLD HIM
I WAS DOING SURVEILLANCE. I NEED YOU TO DO ME A FAVOR.
I NEED YOU TO DO SURVEILLANCE ON RICKY AND JULIAN.
IT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD WHEN A PEACE OFFICER HANGS OUT
AT A PLACE LIKE THIS WHERE THERE IS CLEARLY
CRIME BEING COMMITTED AND DRIVING AROUND
WITH A FORMER MALE PROSTITUTE
AND BLOWING HUNDREDS OF BUCKS ON CHEESEBURGERS.
YOU CHECKED MY RECORD, TED?
- YES I DID, RANDY. THAT'S MY JOB.
I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME.
WELL I DO RANDY. YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, YOU'RE A GREAT GUY,
BUT, HEY, DON'T EAT THE BUN. JUST THE MEAT.
IT'S PART OF THE BURGER, TED.
RANDY!
- IT SEEMED TO ME LIKE MAYBE RANDY AND OFFICER TED
HAD A BIT OF A LOVER'S QUARREL
AND THEN THEY CAME OVER TO THE STORE AS USUAL,
HOPING TO GET A LITTLE DIRT ON COREY AND TREVOR.
- HI SARAH. CAN I HAVE AN APPLE JUICE PLEASE?
SORRY, WE DON'T HAVE JUICE.
- GEE, I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT BUSINESS,
BUT IF I WAS GOING TO OPEN UP A CONVENIENCE STORE,
I THINK THE FIRST THING I'D DO IS STOCK UP ON MERCHANDISE.
OTHERWISE IT'S NOT VERY CONVENIENT FOR THE CUSTOMER.
SEEMS OBVIOUS. RIGHT RANDY?
I DON'T KNOW.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW A WHOLE LOT ABOUT BEING A COP,
BUT IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE A CONSTABLE ON PATROL
SHOULD BE OUT PATROLLING
AND NOT IN HERE HARASSING ME. SEEMS PRETTY OBVIOUS.
RANDY, MY EYES ARE UP HERE.
COME ON, RANDY, LET'S GO.
AH, ACTUALLY TED.
I'M NOT GOING TO GO. I'VE GOT WORK TO DO.
HERE.
HERE YOU GO, BUD.
BYE, TED.
I DON'T THINK THAT OFFICER TED AND RANDY ARE GOING
TO STAY TOGETHER.
OFFICER TED IS OBVIOUSLY USING RANDY TO
HIS OWN ENDS AND HE'S ALSO TRYING TO CHANGE HIM.
HE BROUGHT HIM AN AB FLEXOR THE OTHER DAY.
IF YOU DON'T LOVE HIM THE WAY HE IS, JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE.
I THINK IT'S FUCKING GREAT
THE WAY HE'S BACK IN THE FUCKING LIQUOR, DRUNK AS FUCK.
IT'S GREAT YOU KNOW, BASICALLY HE JUST ROAMS AROUND THIS PARK
DOING LITTLE CHORES FOR HIS BITCHY LITTLE BOSS RANDY,
AND HE LEAVES US ALONE.
WE NEVER SEE HIM, SO WE CAN DO WHATEVER
WE WANT NOW, WE CAN SELL SHIT IN THE PARK AND BASICALLY
WHO'S GOING TO STOP US. RANDY?
RANDY CAN SUCK IT.
ALL RIGHT TREV, LET'S GO.
ALL THAT STUFF RIGHT THERE.
ON THE GROUND.
ONE, ONE THOUSAND, GARBAGE. NEXT.
AS YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE,
THE SUSPECTS ARE TAKING THE STOLEN PROPERTY
AND PLACING IT BY THE ROADSIDE GARBAGE
AND THEN LOADING IT ON THEIR VEHICLE,
IN A VAIN ATTEMPT TO COVER THEMSELVES.
- KEEP IT COMING, TREV. GET THE BARBEQUE NEXT.
MOVE IT, TREV.
TREVOR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PICK IT UP.
- CAN I JUST FIX MY SHOE?
- NO TIME TREV, GET THE REST OF THAT STUFF.
TREV, LET'S GO, MOVE IT.
TAKE IT OUT OF HERE.
[horn blaring]
- I'M PRETTY PARANOID THESE DAYS, I'LL BE HONEST.
I MEAN, THE WHOLE TRAILER PARK IS FLIPPED UPSIDE DOWN.
RANDY'S DATING A POLICE OFFICER, AND MR. LAHEY IS BACK WITH BARB.
PEOPLE ARE GETTING EVICTED LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER.
I'M PARANOID THE NEXT PERSON IS GOING TO BE ME,
IF IT'S NOT RICKY WITH ALL THAT FUCKING GARBAGE LYING AROUND.
- CHECK OVER IN SPORTING GOODS.
EVERYTHING THERE IS FIVE BUCKS TODAY.
BIKES ARE FIVE BUCKS TODAY.
NICE PHONE HERE IF YOU WANT THAT.
HEY BOYS, WHAT'S UP?
CRACK IT, RICKY.
- HOW'S THE EAST COAST'S WHIPS GOING?
AIGHT.
IT'S GOOD.
- SAYING? HEY, MY BABY MOMMAS WANT TO DO SOME SHOPPING.
IS THAT AIGHT?
OF COURSE.
WE ON APPROVED CREDIT, BOY?
YEAH, I CAN WORK IT OUT.
TIGHT. AIGHT LADIES, AIGHT.
- HEY MAN, LET ME AXE YOU SOMETHING, DOG.
I'M GETTING ALL KINDS OF LETTERS,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, FROM BARB.
TALKING ABOUT HOW WE MIGHT BE KICKED OUT
THE PARK OR SOME SHIT. TRAILERS, LOT FEES, SOME SHIT.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT BARB. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU SHOULD
BE WORRIED ABOUT THOUGH IS RANDY.
LAHEY'S DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND.
RANDY MAN, I'M TELLING YOU, HE SCARES ME.
HE'S THROWING PEOPLE LEFT AND CENTER.
THREW MY DAD OUT. HE'S THROWING EVERYONE OUT.
- HOW COME YOU AIN'T BEEN KICKED OUT, DOG?
GOOD QUESTION.
THAT MEANS SOMETHING'S UP AND IT'S NOT UP TO LAHEY
CAUSE HE'S TOO DRUNK, BUT SOMETHING IS UP WITH RANDY,
I JUST HAVEN'T FIGURED IT OUT YET.
- WELL, WE AIN'T AFRAID OF RANDY, WITH HIS CANDY.
THAT GLOBE SHAPED MOTHERFUCKER.
- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. - YEAH, FUCK RANDY.
J ROC, I'M NOT A PESSIMIST.
I'M AN OPTOMETRIST, BUT YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR EYE ON RANDY.
HE'S FUCKING AROUND. HE'S DOING STUFF.
I DON'T TRUST THAT FUCKING GUY MAN. I DON'T.
RANDY EQUALS AIN'T SHOOK.
- YOUR PANTS FINALLY BURST, RANDY?
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY SHIT, DOG?
WHAT'S UP MAN?
- I'M JUST PACKING YOUR STUFF UP, J ROC.
YOU'RE EVICTED.
WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT RANDY?
YOU CAN'T EVICT ME, DOG. YOU DON'T HAVE THE POWER.
- YES I DO, J ROC. FOR NOT PAYING LOT FEES.
- RANDY, I'M WORKING ON LOT FEES, DOG.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
YOU AIN'T REALLY GOING TO EVICT ME AND T AND MY TWO BABY MOMMAS.
WE'RE GETTING CLOSE, DOG.
- I'VE WARNED YOU THREE TIMES, J ROC.
- RANDY, I'M A MA-FUCKER UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, YOU KNOW THAT, RIGHT?
KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
SO I KNOW YOU AIN'T REALLY ACTING HARD WITH ME RIGHT?
CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STEP TO YOU,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
AND TAKE YOU DOWN DOG. CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO POP.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA J ROC.
I'LL JUST TAKE MY PANTS OFF.
- RANDY, DON'T TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF, DOG.
PULL THAT SHIT UP.
LADIES, TURN AROUND.
NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT SHIT DOG.
WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT DOG.
[all shouting]
RANDY, PANTS UP, DOG.
- I TOLD YOU, NOBODY WANTS TO FIGHT YOU, MAN.
- LADIES YOU CAN TURN AROUND NOW; EVERYTHING'S AIGHT.
DO THAT SHIT UP, MAN.
- DO YOUR SHIT UP DOG. CAN'T WE TALK?
YOU'RE ACTING AWFUL HARD, RANDY.
SOMETIMES LIFE IS HARD, J ROC.
RANDY, SOMETIMES YOU FAT.
YOU DON'T HEAR ME TALKING ABOUT THAT DO YOU?
LOOK DOWN, DOG.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? YOU UNDERSTAND?
SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND
AND BE SYMPATHETIC TO WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE PREGNANT, DOG.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, J ROC?
- OH WHAT, YOU AIN'T PREGNANT WITH A BUCKET OF CHICKEN?
HEY, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING LITTLE MA-FUCKER,
WHEN YOU GROW UP DON'T GROW UP
TO BE LIKE THAT MA-FUCKER RIGHT THERE.
RANDY, YOU PROBABLY AIN'T EVEN HAD YOUR ULTRASOUND YET,
HAVE YOU, DOG?
I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
I HEAR CHICKEN.
I HEAR COLA FIZZ AND MUSTARD AND RELISH COAGULATING TOGETHER.
FRENCH FRIES AND ONION RINGS RANDY,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT.
I DON'T HEAR A HEART, MOTHERFUCKER.
COME ON LADIES, LET'S PACK THIS SHIT UP.
THAT'S WHACK RANDY.
GOING WITHOUT YOUR WALLET.
AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU, HAIRY BITCH.
- YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST PAID YOUR LOT FEES, J ROC.
- SAY HI TO MR. LA-- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, RANDY, MAN.
DISAPPOINTED.
YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF?
LISTEN, BILL AND ELVINA.
YOU WERE AT THE CHEESEBURGER PICNIC WHERE I TOLD EVERYBODY
IF THEY DIDN'T PAY THEIR LOT FEES, THEY WERE OUT.
WELL, YOU GOT YOUR SHIT PACKED.
NOW GET OUT.
GET THE FRIG OUT OF HERE.
- YOUR HEART, IT'S NOT WORTH IT.
[crashing]
- JULIAN, I JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO KNOW
THAT THERE'S ANOTHER TRAILER FOR SALE IF YOU WANT IT.
- WHICH ONE? - BILL'S.
BILL'S LEAVING?
- NO, BILL GOT KICKED OUT. HE DIDN'T PAY HIS LOT FEES.
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT FOR IT?
- $1,200; PLUS YOU GOTTA FIX TWO BROKEN WINDOWS
THAT WERE SMASHED BY KIDS TODAY. NO BIG DEAL JULIAN,
JUST GO DOWN TO PIERCEY'S, PICK A COUPLE UP.
- I'LL GIVE YOU 900 BUCKS AND IT'S A DEAL.
DONE.
FUCK OFF, RANDY.
I SAID IT'S A DEAL, ALL RIGHT?
- HOPE YOU GOT A GOOD DEAL ON THAT SPOILER JULIAN,
'CAUSE IT'S WHACK.
- RANDY'S GOT SOME FUCKING NERVE,
THROWING EVERYBODY OUT OF THIS PARK.
THAT BIG COCKY PRICK, HE'S FUCKING UP TO SOMETHING,
SOMETHING TO DO WITH US.
TRYING TO SET US UP OR SOME SHIT.
IF RANDY THINKS HE'S SMARTLIER THAN ME, HE'S WRONG.
I'M SETTING UP A STING TODAY.
I'VE BEEN WATCHING RICKY, JULIAN AND BUBBLES FOR YEARS
AND WHENEVER THEY NEED BUILDING SUPPLIES, THEY STEAL THEM.
SO I SET JULIAN UP.
I BROKE THE WINDOWS IN BILL'S TRAILER.
- THAT'S THE GUY YOU GOTTA DISTRACT RIGHT THERE, OKAY?
MAKE SURE YOU DISTRACT HIM UNTIL I LEAVE, OKAY?
WAVE. WAVE.
PERFECT.
THERE'S SOME WINDOWS.
OKAY, DO YOU GOT YOUR BUS FARE?
YEAH.
- RANDY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?
RANDY, THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU, BOY.
SHIT.
DIDN'T I TEACH YOU ANY BETTER THAN THAT, BOY?
- RANDY, WHAT ARE YOU TAKING PICTURES OF ME FOR?
- I WASN'T TAKING PICTURE, JULIAN.
- GUESS WHAT? YOU BLEW IT BUDDY. THIS IS CALLED ENTRAPMENT.
YOU'RE SO STUPID. YOU STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.
FRIG OFF, JULIAN.
- EVIDENCE NOTE TO SELF. SURVEILLANCE ALMOST COMPROMISED
BY AMATEUR ASSOCIATE TRAILER PARK SUPERVISOR RANDY,
CAUGHT IN THE ACT OBSERVING SUSPECT JULIAN
IN THE ACT OF STEALING BUILDING MATERIAL.
I GOT YOU THIS TIME, JULIAN, ALL ON TAPE, YOU SEXY PRICK.
MR. LAHEY?
HEY RAND.
MR. LAHEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M JUST LYING AROUND,
HAVING A COUPLE OF DRINKS, RELAXING, RANDINATOR.
- RELAXING? I'M WORKING, MR. LAHEY.
I WANT YOU TO GO DOWN TO BILL'S
AND CLEAN UP SOME BROKEN GLASS
AND TAKE CARE OF SOME STUFF HE LEFT THERE.
- WHY DOESN'T WILD BILL CLEAN IT UP HIMSELF, RANDY-MAN?
- BECAUSE I EVICTED HIM MR. LAHEY.
HE WASN'T PAYING HIS LOT FEES.
YOU WHAT?
I EVICTED HIM, MR. LAHEY.
- RANDY, BILL HAS LIVED IN THIS PARK SINCE BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.
YOU CAN'T TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT, BOY.
- IT WAS HARD MR. LAHEY, I WON'T LIE.
- YEAH, YOU SEE WHAT KIND OF A TOLL THAT JOB
TAKES ON YOU, RANDY?
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- SORRY. - SORRY SARAH.
- SORRY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I ASKED WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.
- I WAS WORKING WITH JULIAN. HE WAS WORKING WITH RICKY.
COREY, DON'T TELL HER THAT!
GUYS, I THOUGHT WE DECIDED
THAT IT WAS IN YOUR BEST INTERESTS
NOT TO HANG OUT WITH THOSE GUYS ANYMORE.
DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO JAIL?
- NO. - NO?
NO.
- HI RANDY. - HEY SARAH.
I WAS WONDERING, DO YOU WANT TO GRAB A BURGER?
I NEED SOME REALLY IMPORTANT ADVICE.
- I GOT SOME ADVICE FOR YOU RANDY.
WHAT TREVOR?
- MAYBE YOU SHOULD PUT A SHIRT ON BEFORE YOU COME IN THE STORE.
- GEE, I HAVEN'T HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE. YOU'RE HILARIOUS!
- YEAH, REAL FUNNY, TREV. YOU'RE IN CHARGE, COREY.
- I DON'T KNOW SARAH, IT'S JUST,
I ALWAYS HAVE TO DEAL WITH MR. LAHEY
BEING DRUNK ALL THE TIME,
AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH TED AND EVICTIONS AND BARB.
I MEAN, HOW DO YOU DO IT?
- WELL, I GUESS I THINK THAT IF YOU'RE HONEST WITH YOURSELF
AND HONEST WITH EVERYBODY AROUND YOU THEN EVERYTHING
JUST KIND OF FALLS IN TO PLACE, RANDY.
- SARAH COME HERE, I GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
- RANDY! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
- I'M JUST TRYING TO BE HONEST WITH MY FEELINGS SARAH.
- WELL, OKAY, BUT YOU'RE REALLY ATTRACTIVE
AND I LIKE TALKING CHEESEBURGERS WITH YOU AND SHIT
BUT I DON'T HAVE THOSE KIND OF FEELINGS FOR YOU AT ALL.
OKAY.
ARE WE STILL COOL?
YEAH.
SHIT!
- TREVOR, IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING TOKE.
FOR FUCK'S SAKES.
- GOOD AFTERNOON GENTLEMEN. SORRY TO INTERRUPT.
I THINK I MIGHT HAVE HAD A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH TO DRINK.
THEN MAYBE AGAIN.
BOYS, GET HIM OUT OF HERE
BEFORE HE PISSES HIMSELF AGAIN, PLEASE.
- DUDE, YOU GOTTA LET US DRAW COCKS ON HIM.
OKAY, KNOCK YOURSELVES OUT.
NICE!
THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY BOYS.
YOU SEE, I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT DRUNK.
I HAVEN'T BEEN DRUNK FOR 26 GLORIOUS DAYS
OF UNDERCOVER POLICE WORK.
MAKING A LITTLE VIDEO TAPE STARRING JULIAN AND RICKY.
- WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
YOU'RE WASTED.
- ALL RIGHT. YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS RICK?
HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?
HOW YOU DOING RICKY, IT'S A GREAT PARTY YOU GOT HERE BUD.
HEY JULES, YOU LOVE A GOOD PARTY, DON'T YOU BABY? SEXY.
IT'S ICED TEA.
HE'S NOT DRUNK.
- NO KIDDING. HALLOWEEN 1977, JULES.
YOU REMEMBER, DON'T YOU, BUBBLES?
WHAT'S AT WORK HERE IS SOME SHIT TECTONICS
WHEN TWO SHIT PLATES STRIKE
AND COME TOGETHER UNDER INCREDIBLE PRESSURE.
WHAT HAPPENS, BUBBLES?
WHAT, MR. LAHEY?
SHIT QUAKE!
MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU, GENTLEMEN.
AND MAY I BE WITH THE FORCE.
OH, MY FUCK.
I REMEMBER HALLOWEEN 1977 LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY.
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING ABOUT THAT NIGHT.
- WELL, I DIDN'T EVEN SMOKE DOPE BACK IN '77,
SO I CAN TELL YOU EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED ON HALLOWEEN.
- I REMEMBER HALLOWEEN 1977 PERFECTLY.
- WE DRESSED UP AS PEOPLE FROM "STAR WARS."
AND I REMEMBER JULIAN COPIED OFF ME.
I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I DRESSED UP AS.
LUKE SKYWALKER OR DARK VADER OR SOMETHING
BUT JULIAN COPIED OFF ME.
BUBBLES WAS THE GOLD GUY.
I REMEMBER THAT.
HAD MY C3P0 OUTFIT ON.
I REMEMBER THE WAY THE MOON WAS GLEAMING OFF THE GOLD.
I JUST WANTED TO GET CANDY, AND JULIAN WAS ON THE LIQUOR.
I MEAN, WE WERE ONLY KIDS,
BUT HE WAS STILL DRIVING LIQUOR INTO HIM.
- THEN WE SEE LAHEY COMING HOME. HE JUST GOT OFF DUTY.
PARKED HIS CAR, GOT OUT.
RICKY DECIDES HE WANTS TO FUCK OVER HIS COP CAR.
- BUBBLES OR JULIAN, I CAN'T REMEMBER WHICH ONE--
IT WAS PROBABLY JULIAN--
BUT I THINK IT WAS BUBBLES,
SAID, "LET'S GOT MESS AROUND WITH HIS COP CAR OVER HERE."
JULIAN HAD THE IDEA.
HE WANTED TO GET INTO SOME MISCHIEF,
I REMEMBER IS WHAT HE CALLED IT.
AND HE WANTED TO GO PUSH LAHEY'S CAR,
PUT IT OUT OF GEAR AND SEE WHERE IT WOULD ROLL TO.
- THEY PUT THE CAR OUT OF GEAR AND STARTED PUSHING IT.
- PUT IT OUT OF GEAR AND OFF IT WENT.
AND IT PICKED UP WAY MORE SPEED THAN THEY THOUGHT IT WOULD
AND IT CRASHED RIGHT INTO A FUCKING TRAILER.
I REMEMBER THINKING "OH MY GOD, NOW WE DID IT".
- AND LAHEY, HE WAS A COP BACK THEN, IT WAS HIS CAR.
HE RAN OUT.
ALL HE WANTED WAS TO TAKE JULIAN'S LIQUOR CAUSE JULIAN WAS
DRINKING BIG TIME BACK THEN.
JULIAN FOUGHT HIM FOR IT, LIQUOR WENT UP,
GOT SPILLED ALL OVER LAHEY AND HIS UNIFORM.
HE FINALLY GOT THE LIQUOR,
GOT BACK TO HIS CAR AND WAS TRYING TO GET CAR UNSTUCK FROM
THE TRAILER IN REVERSE AND LIQUOR SPILLED
ALL OVER HIS CROTCH.
- NEXT THING YOU KNOW, GEORGE GREEN SHOWS UP.
HE WAS LAHEY'S PARTNER.
- HE'S THE STUPIDEST COP THERE IS.
AND HE THOUGHT LAHEY WAS DRUNK, PISSED HIMSELF.
IT DID LOOK LIKE HE WAS DRUNK AND PISSED HIMSELF.
BUT HE WASN'T DRUNK.
I DON'T THINK HE EVEN PISSED HIMSELF AT ALL.
SO IT WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING.
- HE STARTED SAYING "NOW LISTEN, GEORGE,
THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE,"
AND GEORGE TOLD HIM HE WAS DRUNK,
AND AS THEY STARTED ARGUING
ALL THAT DID IS MAKE LAHEY LOOK MORE DRUNK AND CRAZY
THAN HE ACTUALLY WAS BACK THEN.
AND NEXT THING, LAHEY'S UNDER ARREST,
AND IT WAS OUR FAULT.
- IT CAME DOWN TO TWO CHOICES. AND LAHEY, WELL, HE RESIGNED.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JULIAN AND BUBBLES, THEY,
THEY RUINED MR. LAHEY'S LIFE.
- HE LOST HIS CAREER, HE LOST HIS MARRIAGE,
WENT DOWN THE TUBES, AND HE LOST HIS MIND.
- MR. LAHEY USED TO BE NICE BACK THEN,
AND WE TURNED HIM INTO A DRUNK CRAZY LUNATIC.
TED, UNLESS I'M REINSTATED,
THERE'S GOING TO BE LAWSUITS FOR
WRONGFUL DISMISSAL, DEFAMATION OF CHARACTER AND 20 YEARS
OF RETROACTIVE SALARY. THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.
THERE'S THE EVIDENCE RIGHT THERE.
ALL I'M LOOKING FOR IS A LITTLE JUSTICE.
BUT YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT JUSTICE DO YOU?
NONE OF YOU DO.
ALL YOU KNOW ABOUT IS LOOKING SEXY
IN YOUR GOD-DAMNED UNIFORMS.
JIM, CALM DOWN.
- YOU MIGHT BE REAL GOOD-LOOKING,
YOU MIGHT WORK OUT TED,
BUT I'M TEN TIMES THE COP THAT YOU'LL EVER BE.
- JIM, I'LL GUARANTEE YOU FAIR TREATMENT UNDER ONE CONDITION.
WHAT'S THAT?
- JUST SHUT UP A MINUTE AND KNOCK OFF THE SEXY STUFF.
HOW'S RANDY?
HE'S GOOD, JIM.
SO?
- WELL, LET ME SAY JIM, IMPRESSIVE.
YOU BUILT A PRETTY STRONG CASE.
BUT GIVEN YOUR HISTORY WITH GUNS,
DYNAMITE AND PUBLIC DRUNKENNESS,
THERE'S SERIOUS RELUCTANCE TO REINSTATE YOU.
WHAT'S BOTTOM LINE, TED?
- NO PROMISES, BUT I THINK THERE'S ENOUGH EVIDENCE HERE
TO GET YOU A HEARING BEFORE THE POLICE BOARD.
- EXCELLENT. LOOKING GOOD, RIGHT?
- YEAH, AND I THINK YOU NEED TO GET SOME CHARACTER WITNESSES
TO PROVE THAT THOSE BOYS DROVE YOU TO DO WHAT YOU DID.
NOW JIM, DO YOU KNOW ANYBODY
WHO WILL SAY ANYTHING GOOD ABOUT YOU?
- BO-BANDY.