- I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO RUN MY OWN BUSINESS,
AND NOW THE DREAM IS REAL.
ME AND RANDY ARE HAVING THE GRAND OPENING
OF THE DIRTY BURGER TODAY.
RANDY'S A HUSTLER, BABY! WHOO.
LOOK AT THESE DIRTY THINGS HERE COOKING UP NICE.
WHOA, BABY! [guffaws]
- I'M REALLY HAPPY FOR RANDY WITH THIS BUSINESS VENTURE.
I THINK HIM AND PHIL DOING SOMETHING
THAT THEY OBVIOUSLY ARE REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT
IS JUST FANTASTIC.
- PHILLY! NEED SOME HELP HERE, BUD.
WHAT WAS THAT, OLD BUDDY?
I NEED YOU TO TAKE OVER.
I'VE GOT TO START PRACTICING FOR THE BIG JUMP!
- OH, DON'T WORRY, RANDY. YOU'LL MAKE HER, BUDDY.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO LIGHTEN UP ON THE DOPE, THOUGH, A BIT, EH?
OUR ASSES ARE ON THE LINE HERE.
- WELL, EVERYBODY IN THE PARK'S TALKING ABOUT RANDY
AND HIS BIG PLAN TO JUMP OVER THE CHEESEBURGER.
YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA,
ALTHOUGH HE'S PROBABLY NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.
OF COURSE HE'S NOT. BUT WHO CARES?
- YOU KNOW, I REALLY BELIEVE IN RANDY.
HE'S CONFIDENT, HE'S SMART, HE'S SEXY.
HE'S KIND OF SWEATIER THAN USUAL, BUT THAT'S OKAY.
HE'S WORKING SO HARD TO MAKE SURE THAT THINGS WORK OUT
WITH THIS STUNT FOR ME, FOR TRIN,
AND FOR WHOEVER THIS GUY IS GOING TO BE, YOU KNOW?
DIRTY BALLS!
OH, MY GOD, HON, ARE YOU OKAY?
- YEAH, I'M FINE. YUP.
HERE.
- AH! AH, ROOSTER NUTS.
MY BACK!
I JUST GOTTA HIT THE RAMP A BIT QUICKER, LUCE.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT, RIGHT? HERE, LET ME.
I'LL HELP YOU WITH THIS.
- YEAH, RIGHT. THANKS.
AH!
FROZEN MIXED VEGETABLE COCKS!
[dreamy music]
- POOR JACOB GOT DYSENTERY FROM EATING SALAMANDERS IN THE WOODS.
HE'S DEHYDRATED AND PRETTY SICK.
RICKY AND JULIAN ALMOST KILLED HIM.
I'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF HIM FOR A FEW DAYS.
- HEY, SARAH. HOW IS HE?
- HE'S GOOD. HE'S STILL SLEEPING.
OKAY.
- HEY, JACOB. JACOB.
WAKE UP, LITTLE BUDDY.
WE GOTTA GET SOME FOOD INTO YOU.
IT'S TIME TO TEST THE BURGERS.
- SARAH? SARAH, IS THAT OKAY?
YEAH, JUST ONE SMALL BITE.
OKAY.
RIGHT HERE, JACOB, COME ON.
SIT UP. THAT'S IT.
- HOW ARE THEY? THEY'RE TOO SPICY.
THEY'RE TOO DAMNED SPICY.
- DAD, THEY'RE AMAZING! THEY'RE AMAZING!
I PUT IN TOO MUCH SPICE.
SHHHH!
HOW IS IT, SON?
BETTER THAN THE RESTAURANT.
BAAAAAAAAAAAAM!
BAAAAAAAAAAM!
- COME ON, SON, LET'S HEAR A "BAM."
NOT DOING IT, DAD.
- AH, I GOT MY BOYS. I GOT MY BURGERS.
THAT'S ALL I GOT. I NEED TO HEAR A BAM.
JUST DO IT, THOMAS.
THOMAS.
PLEASE.
BAM!
- LIKE YOU MEAN IT. PLEASE.
DAD, YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE SAYING BAM.
- YOU GUYS ALWAYS-- - COME ON, BAM!
IT'S NOT MY STYLE.
- IT DOESN'T MATTER. IT'S FOR JACOB.
- IT BOTHERS ME. - JUST DO IT!
DAD, YOU ARE FUCKED!
HOW ARE YOU DOING, SWEETIE?
GOOD? ARE YOU GOING TO BE OKAY BY YOURSELF
IF I GO OUT WITH YOUR DAD AND YOUR BROTHER FOR A BIT?
- YEAH, YEAH, FINE. HAS JULIAN BEEN ASKING ABOUT ME?
DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT?
- JACOB. THIS JULIAN STUFF.
IT'S WEIRD. IT HAS TO STOP, OKAY?
- IT'S FUCKED UP. IT'S FUCKED UP.
LAY OFF THE JULIAN STUFF.
[knocking at door]
- "BARB, MY BURNING DESIRE FOR YOUR LOVE
"CAN'T NOT BE EXTINGUISHED LIKE FIRE.
"MEET ME AT THE WHITE ROSE INN ON THE LAKE
"FOR ALL TO GET REVEALED.
YOUR SECRET ADMIRER."
HUH.
- YOU LOOKING AT JULIAN'S BUM, BARB?
DON'T BE FOOLISH, JIM.
LIGHTEN UP, EH?
HEY, SHITTY.
HI, THERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, JULIAN?
- BUBBLES, WE CAN'T USE THIS PIECE OF SHIT.
WE'LL GET PULLED OVER, MAN.
BOYS, CHECK IT OUT.
WHAT THE FUCK?
HEY, GUYS.
- HOW YOU FEELING, BUDDY? - GOOD.
I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD WORK FOR YOU GUYS AGAIN.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU GOT YOUR STRENGTH BACK?
I'M STILL FEELING PRETTY WEAK,
BUT I COULD MIX DRINKS FOR YOU AND GET STUFF.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, YOU CAN START WORKING AGAIN,
BUT JUST SMALL STUFF FOR NOW.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU GETTING FUCKED OVER
LIKE YOU DID IN THE WOODS, ALL RIGHT?
- OH, MAN, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THOMAS.
[music playing on radio]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF BED?
- I JUST CAME TO SEE MY FRIENDS. IS THAT OKAY?
- OH, NICE JOB THERE, SON OF THE MUSTARD TIGER.
MY DAD IS NOT A MUSTARD TIGER.
OH, OKAY.
- WHY ARE YOU STILL DRESSED UP LIKE JULIAN
WITH THE GOATEE AND THE BLACK T-SHIRT?
- IT'S EMBARRASSING. - THOMAS.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH TRYING TO DRESS LIKE JULIAN, HUH?
YOU WITH YOUR BIG MUSCULAR CAR AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MUSCLES.
RICKY!
FUCK!
- 16 YEARS OF POSITIVE THINKING AND EDUCATION
HAVE MANIFESTED THEMSELVES IN A MINT CONDITION 1967 RS CAMARO.
CA-MA-RO!
COME ON, JACOB, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW.
WE'RE GOING RIGHT NOW.
THOMAS!
- IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.
- WHY ARE YOU EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS?
- JACOB, GO SPEND THE DAY WITH YOUR DAD, OKAY?
- ARE YOU SURE, JULIAN? - YEAH, GO FOR IT.
TELL YOUR GODDAMN WALRUS DADDY AND RANDY
GOOD LUCK WITH THEIR STUPID JUMP THE CHEESEBURGER HORSESHIT.
IT'S FUCKING DUMB!
THAT GUY IS INTENSE!
- WELL, IF YOU HADN'T DRIVEN HIM AWAY BY BUSTING HIS COCK
OVER EVERY LITTLE THING,
RANDY WOULD STILL BE VERY MUCH PART OF OUR LIVES, BARB.
- BUSTING HIS-- OH, MY GOD.
JIM, YOU ARE STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM, AREN'T YOU?
THAT'S WHY YOU'RE GOING TO THIS STUPID BURGER JUMP
WITH THE GREASY PHIL COLLINS, ISN'T IT?
LIKE I ALREADY TOLD YOU,
I'M ONLY DOING CROWD CONTROL, BARB.
JUST DOING MY JOB. DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
OH, RIDICULOUS.
YOU HAVEN'T GOT TIME TO TAKE ME LINE DANCING,
BUT YOU'VE GOT LOADS OF TIME
TO GO AND WATCH RANDY ON SOME BIKE,
STONED, JUMP OVER SOME INFLATABLE CHEESEBURGER
TO PROMOTE HIS NEW RESTAURANT.
- I'M NOT JUST DOING IT FOR RANDY, BARB.
- NO, WELL WHY ARE YOU WEARING COLOGNE THEN?
- WHY ARE YOU WEARING COWBOY BOOTS
FROM SOME UNKNOWN ADMIRER?
- OH, OH, SO NOW YOU'RE BUSTING MY DINK
FOR HAVING A SECRET ADMIRER?
NOW WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THAT JIM, HUH, WHAT?
- LOOK, BARB, ALL I'M SAYING HERE
IS THAT IF ANYBODY SHOULD BE MAD, IT'S ME.
OH, WELL, AT LEAST SOMEBODY
IS PAYING ATTENTION TO ME FOR A CHANGE.
- OH, THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS, ISN'T IT?
THE PRINCESS HAS TO BE PAID ATTENTION TO.
LOOK AT ME.
I'M MISS SPOILED RICH GIRL
WHOSE FAMILY OWNS THE TRAILER PARK.
AND I GO TO UNIVERSITY.
- OH, VERY GOOD IMPRESSION, JIM. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU NEGLECTED TO ADD ONE OR TWO POINTS LIKE--
[over megaphone] I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP
WITH A MAN WHO'S IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN
WHO EATS 15 CHEESEBURGERS A DAY
AND RIDES AROUND THE PARK HIGH ON MARIJUANA CIGARETTES.
- BARB, MAYBE YOU SHOULD LAY OFF THE ALCOHOL JUST FOR A COUPLE?
- OH, DO YOU THINK? DO YOU THINK, JIM?
BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING TO BE TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOU,
AND IT'S--YOU KNOW, IT'S A BIT IRONIC, ACTUALLY,
BUT SINCE YOU STOPPED DRINKING, YOU ARE NOT HALF AS MUCH FUN.
BARB, I'M DOING MY BEST HERE.
- JIM, I WISH YOU'D START DRINKING AGAIN!
OH, RANDY, ARE YOU OKAY?
- OH, SWEET AND SOUR CHICKEN BALLS.
I THINK I SPRAINED IT, LUCE.
- IS IT BAD? - YEAH, IT HURTS.
- OKAY, WELL, WE'LL PUT SOME--
- OH, COAT OF ARSE COCKS. - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE'RE GOING TO GO BACK TO MY PLACE,
PUT SOME ICE ON THIS.
YOU ARE GOING TO BE FINE.
THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM. COUPLE OF HOURS MAX.
ALFRED HITCHCOCK!
RANDY, ENOUGH WITH THE COCKS.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S JUST GO.
YOU KNOW, YOU'LL JUST WALK IT OFF.
RANDY, EVERYONE'S, YOU KNOW, DEPENDING ON YOU.
- YOU'RE THE GUY. - I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.
- HORSESHIT. OF COURSE YOU CAN DO IT.
IF YOU COULDN'T DO IT, WE WOULDN'T HAVE NONE OF THIS.
WHY CAN'T YOUR DAD DO IT?
RANDY, THINK ABOUT IT.
HE'S NOT AN ATHLETE LIKE YOU ARE.
HE CAN'T JUMP OVER CHEESEBURGERS ON A BIKE.
HE'LL BE MAKING THE BURGERS.
COME ON, RANDY. IT HAS TO BE YOU.
THOMAS IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
YOU CAN DO IT, MAN. THE RANDY MAN CAN!
GUYS, GUESS WHAT THESE ARE.
- MILK CARTONS. - NOPE.
BOX CARS FOR DOPE PROBABLY.
- YOU GOT HER, MAN! - NICE.
THINGS ARE LOOKING GOOD, BOYS.
- YEAH, I'LL SAY THINGS ARE LOOKING GOOD.
CAN I--CAN I HAVE A LITTLE WORD WITH YOU, JULIAN, PLEASE?
THEY FIT PERFECTLY.
OKAY.
- SO THANK YOU VERY, VERY, VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU?
OH, COME ON, JULIAN.
I THINK THAT WE CAN PUT AN END TO THIS LITTLE CHARADE.
- WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
GREASY STUFF, I'D SAY.
- I THINK THEY MIGHT BE BANGING. LOOK AT THEM.
- HOW MUCH HAVE YOU HAD TO DRINK TODAY?
- ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT I AM FINISHED WITH JIM,
AND I CAN FINALLY GO WITH YOU
TO THE WHITE ROSE INN ON THE LAKE, SEXY.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- OH, JULIAN, COME ON. I KNOW.
I KNOW, THAT YOU ARE MY SECRET ADMIRER.
- WELL, THAT'S QUITE A STEP UP IN THE WORLD
FROM BANGING RANDY AND LAHEY
TO BANGING JULIAN, ISN'T IT?
THAT'S A WEIRD THOUGHT, RICKY.
- THERE MUST BE SOME KIND OF MISUNDERSTANDING, BARB.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
- WELL, RIGHT. WELL--
[laughs]
THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT.
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN WEIRD.
THAT--THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN REALLY WEIRD.
I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I'M FLATTERED AND EVERYTHING, OKAY?
BUT LOVE IS GOING TO COME WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.
DON'T WORRY. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.
- SURPRISE, PHIL. FOUND YOU.
I'M HERE FOR MY $75. RENT'S DUE.
- SAM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE TODAY, MAN?
I TOLD YOU TOMORROW.
I'M OPENING UP HERE TODAY.
I CAN MAKE 75 BUCKS EASY.
- NO, PHIL. TODAY.
- THIS IS MY OPENING DAY. DON'T FUCK IT UP.
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, $75.
IT'S ONLY 75 BUCKS, SAM.
- $75, 75 CENTS, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
IT'S MINE. I WANT IT.
I WANT IT NOW, OR PLAN "B" FOR YOU, BIG GUY.
YEAH, WELL, THE WHOLE PLAN "B"
MEANS YOU BRUSHING YOUR CAVE TEETH WITH A LOG.
- CAVE TEETH? CAVE TEETH!
IT'S FUCKING ON, PHIL. IT'S FUCKING ON.
[both yelling at once]
WHY DO YOU GOTTA MAKE THIS GET FUCKING UGLY, PHIL?
JUST GIVE ME MY $75.
- SHOULDN'T YOU BE AT A WATER BUFFALO LODGE MEETING
OR SOMETHING?
- DID YOU NOT HEAR ME, SUSSUDIO?
[gunshots]
FUCK!
- NOW, GET BEHIND THE FUCKING WHEEL.
THE CAVE MAN'S IN CHARGE.
WE'RE GOING TO AN INSTANT TELLER.
RICKY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
- A FUCKING LOT BETTER THAN THE PERSON WHO SHOT ME
IS GOING TO BE WHEN I FUCKING FIND THEM!
[gunshots]
WHO THE FUCK SHOT ME?
[gunshots]
- FUCK! TELL HIM.
TELL HIM, FUCK, I DON'T KNOW.
TELL HIM TO GO FUCK HIMSELF.
- RICK, GO FUCK YOURSELF, BUDDY.
- DID YOU FUCKING SHOOT ME, PHIL, HUH?
DRIVE US THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!
PLEASE, SAM, I NEED THIS RV.
IT'S THE ONLY THING I GOT, MAN.
I'LL PAY YOU BACK TOMORROW, I PROMISE.
- FUCK YOUR STUPID DIRTY BURGERS.
DRIVE!
NICE FUCK-UP, PHIL.
SHUT UP, FLINTSTONE.
I'M UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE HERE.
FUCK OFF.
- LAHEY: EVERYBODY GET BACK.
PHIL, YOU IN THERE? WHAT'S GOING ON, BUD?
- IT'S SAM. HE'S HOLDING ME HOSTAGE.
I NEED YOUR HELP, JIMMY BOY.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
- YEAH, SHUT UP, PHIL. SAM, JIM LAHEY.
WHAT?
OFFICER JIM LAHEY.
SO?
- LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO TALK TO ME.
WHAT'S GOING ON, BUD? WHAT DO YOU WANT THIS TIME?
- I JUST WANT YOU ALL TO FUCK OFF!
- SAM, IT'S GONE A BIT FAR FOR THAT.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE THIS DOWNTOWN.
LOOK, I'M PUTTING MY GUN AWAY, BUD.
PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON.
PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND COME ON OUT.
I'LL COUNT TO TEN.
ONE--
RICKY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I'M FINE.
BACK OFF, LUCY.
FUCK OFF, RANDY.
- GET OUT OF HERE. AW, RANDY.
- JULIAN, DON'T WIPE RANDY'S OLD DIRTY SWEAT ON ME.
FUCK DOWNTOWN.
LET'S GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
DRIVE, EASY LOVER, DRIVE!
OH, MY GOD!
WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?
- YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE, SAM.
WHAT ARE YOU, AN IDIOT?
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?
HE JUST HIT THE FUCKING TRAILER.
- HE BETTER NOT FUCKING HIT OUR TRAILER.
- STOP, PHIL! BE CAREFUL THERE.
- THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU KIDNAP A DINOSAUR,
YOU FUCKING CAVE-DWELLING PRICK.
BARB?
- WILL YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY WITH THE STUPID DIRTY BURGER?
LET ME OUT OF THE PARK!
MOVE IT, PHIL.
- STAND BACK, EVERYONE. THEY'RE COMING OUT.
SAM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
RUNNING AROUND THE PARK, WAVING A GUN AGAIN?
NOBODY FUCKING MOVE!
I'M SEARCHING FOR LOST LOVE, BARB.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THE BOOTS? YEAH.
YES. YES.
THIS ISN'T HOW I WANTED TO TELL YOU, BARB,
BUT I'M YOUR SECRET ADMIRER.
I LOVE YOU, BABY.
- SO ALL THE GIFTS WERE FROM YOU?
EVERY ONE.
LET PHIL COLLINS GO, SAM.
NOT TILL I GET MY MONEY.
RIGHT NOW.
$75.
- $75? HERE'S $100.
DOES THAT SETTLE IT? DOES THAT SETTLE IT?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
- NONE OF YOU FUCKING GUYS KNOW WHO I'M IN FOR.
NONE OF YOU, NONE OF YOU.
- SAM, IT'S TIME TO TAKE A LITTLE TRIP DOWNTOWN.
NO, JIM, JIM, JIM.
LET HIM SAY WHAT'S ON HIS MIND.
FUCKING CAVES AND ROCKS.
CARS WITH NO FLOORS, SWINGING FROM FUCKING VINES.
YOU SHOT ME, YOU PRICK.
BARB.
I'VE BANGED--MADE LOVE TO A LOT OF WOMEN IN MY LIFE.
AND A COUPLE OF DUDES TOO, BUT THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS, I CAN'T NOT LIVE WITH NO WOMAN BUT YOU.
I LOVE YOU, BABY.
JUST YOU.
SAM, I MIGHT BE DRUNK,
BUT THAT IS THE SWEETEST THING ANYBODY'S EVER SAID TO ME.
- COME AWAY WITH THIS OLD CAVE MAN, BARB,
TO THE WHITE ROSE INN.
THEY GOT A GREAT MUFFIN THERE, BABY.
YEAH.
YEAH, YEAH. YEAH, I WILL.
SO, JIM, ARE YOU GOING TO TRY AND STOP ME?
YOU DESERVE BETTER, MR. LAHEY.
- WELL, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT, BARB.
THANKS, JIM.
COME ON, SAM, LET'S GO.
LET'S GO.
- WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE TRY TO EXPLAIN
WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED HERE?
- CAVE MAN ALWAYS GETS THE GIRL, RICKY.
- BOYS, I CAN'T GO THROUGH WITH THIS OPENING.
DAD!
- THE DIRTY BURGER ALMOST KILLED ME, BOYS.
FUCK IT! TO HELL WITH IT.
- COME ON, DAD. GIVE ME A BAM!
COME ON, DAD.
- NO, NOT NOW, SON. NOT NOW.
COME ON, DAD.
All: BAMMMMMMM!
BOYS, I CAN'T GIVE YOU A BAM,
BUT I CAN GIVE YOU A GREEN EGGS AND HAMMMMMMM!
All: HAMMMMMMMMMM!
WE CAN DO THIS!
[laughter]
THANKS, GIRLS. THAT'S GREAT.
JUST LINE 'EM UP HERE. LOTS FOR THE CUSTOMERS.
[cheers and applause]
HOW ARE YOU DOING, MR. LAHEY?
- LAHEY: RANDY, I'M BEGGING YOU.
PLEASE DON'T DO THIS. I CAN'T TAKE IT.
I'M THIS CLOSE TO GOING BACK TO DRINKING, BUD.
- IT WOULDN'T BE MY FAULT, MR. LAHEY.
LISTEN, YOU GOT ANY DOPE ON YA?
NO, I DON'T, RANDY.
ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DO THIS WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF?
- THANKS FOR THE VOTE OF CONFIDENCE, MR. LAHEY.
- HEY, RAND, COME OVER AND GET YOUR GEAR ON, BUDDY.
- ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS THING OR WHAT, RANDY?
- GEEZ, GUYS, MY ANKLE'S A LITTLE SORE.
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS.
- RANDY, MAKE THIS JUMP, YOU'LL BE A LIVING LEGEND.
NO TELLING HOW FAR THE DIRTY BURGER'LL GO, HUH?
- I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT, GUYS.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
MAN, IT'S GONNA LOOK GREAT.
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT. LET'S GET THIS GEAR ON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.
RANDY WILL JUMP THE CHEESEBURGER.
- YOU LOOK FUCKING STUPID WITH ALL THAT PADDING
AND SHIT ON, RANDY, YOU DUMMY.
[cheers and applause]
- COME ON, RANDY! - WHAT'S THAT?
- OH, NICE JUMP, RANDY. WHOO!
- I CAN'T DO THIS, GUYS. I CAN'T DO IT UNLESS I'M STONED.
- COME ON, MAN, IT'S THE DIRTY BURGER.
I'M NOT DOING IT, PHIL.
- YOU'VE GOT TO. THERE'S NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER.
- I GOTTA BE HIGH. I'M NOT DOING IT.
- JESUS, YOU'VE GOT TO FUCKING DO IT, MAN.
- TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME. - DO IT.
DAD, TAKE IT EASY!
[both grunting]
GET THE FRIG OFF.
- DAD! DAD, YOU'RE LOSING IT.
POUND THE PISS OUT OF YOU.
- THAT WHOLE FAMILY IS SO FUCKED!
DAD, PLEASE TAKE IT EASY!
- YOU'RE TAKING THIS DIRTY BURGER THING
WAY TOO SERIOUSLY, PHIL.
IF I HAD SOME DOPE, I'D DO THIS.
- WELL, GO SEE YOUR PRECIOUS JULIAN
AND GET HIM SOME DOPE.
- DAD, HE CAN'T BE ON DRUGS WHEN HE DOES THE JUMP.
- HE'S GOT TO BE. WE HAVE NO CHOICE.
DRUGS ARE WRONG.
- ANY OTHER TIME, BUT WE GOTTA DO IT--
JUST FUCKING DO IT!
OKAY, OKAY.
- OKAY, WE'LL SEE IF HE'LL HOOK US UP, THOMAS.
- WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, TOUGHIE?
I'M NOT HERE TO FIGHT, OKAY?
RANDY WILL NOT MAKE THAT JUMP UNLESS HE'S HIGH ON MARIJUANA.
- HIGH ON MARIJUANA. BIG FUCKING SURPRISE!
WELL, YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT FROM ME
'CAUSE THIS IS MY PERSONAL STOCK.
FROM THE CAPTAIN'S CUPBOARD, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S MY BEST STUFF, AND I'M NOT GIVING IT TO RANDY.
- COME ON, IT'S AN EMERGENCY, GUYS.
WE JUST NEED A BUD. PLEASE, JULIAN.
- RICKY, JUST GIVE HIM A HIT OFF THIS THING
SO WE CAN GET THIS JUMP UNDER WAY, PLEASE!
- RANDY, ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS
OR ARE YOU TOO FUCKING SCARED?
- RICKY, I JUST NEED TO GET HIGH.
FUCK, YOU'RE SWEATING.
NO SHIT.
- YEAH, MAN, THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
BE CAREFUL WITH THAT. IT'S MY PERSONAL STUFF.
IT'S KICK-ASS. YOU ONLY NEED A LITTLE TINY BIT.
THANKS A LOT, RICKY.
THIS IS AWESOME. YOU SAVED THE DAY.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S ALL YOU NEED, MAN. I'M SERIOUS.
GET THE FUCK OUT THERE AND DON'T LET US DOWN.
WE'RE ALL HIGH AS FUCK. GOOD LUCK.
THANKS, RICK.
- ALL RIGHT, HE'S GOING TO DO IT.
- LOOK AT HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE A HAIRY ROBOT.
[cheers and applause]
HE'S PRETTY FUCKING HIGH.
All: [chanting] RANDY! RANDY!
OH, MY GOD, HE'S DOWN.
SOMEBODY CALL AN AMBULANCE.
- RANDY. RANDY, ARE YOU OKAY?
- THIS IS DRUGS. SEE WHAT DRUGS DID?
FUCK, DON'T FUCKING SHOVE ME.
CAN'T YOU SEE I'VE BEEN SHOT HERE, YOU FUCKING WALRUS?
YOU BETTER GET YOUR DAD UNDER CONTROL--
COME HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!
I'M GONNA KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!
- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WE DID IT, PHIL.
- WE SURE DID, RANDY. WE SURE DID.
HANG IN THERE, RANDY.
- TAKE IT EASY, HONEY. GET WELL SOON.
POOR RANDY.