videotaping Lewbert
for almost a week.
- So let's take a look
at some of the highlights.
- Freddie, roll the clip.
- Playback.
- Okay, and there's Lewbert
sitting at his desk.
- Just a nasty little man
working in the lobby.
- And if you look real close,
you can see his wart.
Zoom in on it, Freddie.
- Digital zoom.
- There it is living happily
right on Lewbert's face.
- I call that wart
Little Lewbert.
- Zoom out.
Ooh, okay, see that lady?
Watch what happens.
- Out!
- I just need
to check my mail.
- No dogs in my lobby!
- I will leave in a minute.
- Now! Out!
- You know what?
I pay rent in this building.
This is not—I can't believe
you are treating us like this.
- He's arguing
with a pomegranate.
- Pomeranian.
- Whatever.
- Okay. Okay.
Now watch Lewbert closely.
- See that little kid with
the balloon right next to him?
- Mommy,
that man ate my cookie.
- You took my son's cookie?
- No. No way.
- Oh!
- You are so cruel.
You've got crumbs
falling all over your face
and all over my face.
Security, that man
took my son's cookie.
What are you going
to do about it?
- Ahh!
- You see what he did?
- Did you see that?
As you can see,
Lewbert's a bad person.
- Not a good dude.
Which is why we're introducing
a new segment on "iCarly,"
which we call
Messin' with Lewbert.
- And there's Lewbert live.
- I'll dial
the lobby downstairs.
- Main lobby.
Ahh!
- And that concludes
this segment of...
Messin' with Lewbert.
- Who is this?
Ahh!
- In five, four, three, two...
- What up, my peeps?
- Wow.
That greeting was uncool
in so many ways.
- Yeah, well,
uncool is the new cool.
- Wow, that comeback was uncool
in so many ways.
- All right,
you know what, Sam?
- What Freddie?
Why don't you tell me what.
- I'm a human being.
- Oh, you're a human being.
- I feel
that I deserve respect.
- You deserve a brain.
- At least I have a brain.
- Oh, no,
you don't have a brain.
You have nose hairs. Look.
What did you just do?
- What was that?
- Oh, see, when you have a cat,
that's how you get him
to stop misbehaving.
You just spritz him
with some water.
- Well you can't do that to us.
- We're not cats.
- Yeah, just put your little
bottle down.
- Spencer, dinnertime.
You guys staying for dinner?
- Yeah.
I got no place to go.
- I'm here. Ooh, one sec.
So what's for dinner?
- We're having
my special spaghetti.
- Yay.
- Yeah.
- Nice-looking meatballs.
- Hey, your guys' web show
was pretty awesome tonight.
I loved how you zoomed in
on Lewbert's big old wart.
I wonder what would happen
if you squeezed that thing?
You think some kind of Lewberty
goo would squirt out of it?
- I just wish I could get more
people watching the show.
- The same number of people
watched "iCarly" this week
as last week.
- That's the problem.
Our show is
getting better and better.
So more people
should be watching it.
- Why do you guys care
how many people are watching?
- Why do we care?
- You're an artist.
When you create
a new sculpture,
do you want 2 people
to see it or do you want
2 million people to see it?
- 2 million.
- So... ideas?
- Yeah, your spaghetti
could use more garlic.
- I think Carly's spaghetti
is great.
- Then why don't you put
some down your pants?
- Because maybe I don't want
to put pasta down my pants.
Maybe if you tried...
- All right, look.
We all know that making
a good show is important.
- And so is getting
more people to watch.
- So what if we each come up
with a cool way
to get more people to watch...
- Yeah.
- And then we show our ideas
to the "iCarly" audience?
- And we let them vote on
who came up with the best idea?
- Right, like a contest.
That way we do a good show
and get more viewers.
- I'm on Carly's team.
- Whoa, teams? She said each.
And why do you get to be
on Carly's team?
- Because "each" sounds
like a lot of work.
- Relax, buddy.
I'll be on your team.
- Seriously?
- Yeah, I've got time.
- You're not still
dating that girl?
- No, she only liked me
for my socks.
- That's weird.
- Is it?
- Well, okay, then.
We're partners.
- Partners.
- Perfect. So it's me and Sam
versus Freddie and Spencer.
Team with the best idea
to get more viewers wins.
- Okay, but I think the team
that loses
should have some penalty.
- Hasn't life already penalized
you enough?
- That's for being mean.
- It was worth it.
- All right, come on.
What should the losers
have to do?
- I'm going to say losing team
has to touch Lewbert's wart.
- Yeah!
I mean, uh...
Hey, Freddie.
- Ow. Man.
- What are you doing?
- Bleeding.
Why are you here?
- We are going to win
the contest.
I came up
with an insanely awesome way
to get more people
watching your guys' webcasts.
- Tell me.
- We get a bunch of fireworks,
right,
and not the lightweight
consumer-grade stuff.
I'm talking Fourth of July
razzle dazzle.
- Razzle dazzle?
- Yes, both.
Then at night,
we launch the fireworks
off the roof of our building,
and they explode,
spelling out "iCarly.com"
in the sky.
- Can we really do that?
- No.
So I came up
with something else, a sign.
- A sign?
- A big sign,
one that lights up
all different colors
and says, "Please go online
to iCarly.com."
- Yeah, yeah, that's good.
And we should
hang it someplace like...
like over a really busy
highway.
Thousands of people will see it
when they drive by.
- You are a tiny genius.
- Well, well,
look what the janitor swept up,
Spencer Shay.
I thought I'd seen
the last of you eight years ago
when you graduated,
but sadly you're back.
- Nice to see you, Ms. Briggs.
Or now that I'm older,
may I call you Margaret?
- You may not.
- Why?
- My name is Francine.
- Now, get out
before I give you detention.
- I'm 26; you can't
give me detention.
- Then I give you detention.
One week.
- What?
- You don't scare him.
- Yes, she does.
- Get out.
- No.
- Two weeks detention.
- Dude, get out of here.
- No, no, no, no, no. wait.
I'm not letting this lady—
- Mr. Shay, you have 30 seconds
to leave or else
Freddie gets expelled.
- Go!
- I got it. I got it.
- You thought of an idea
for the contest?
- No.
You remember at lunch
that piece of corn
that got stuck in my teeth?
- No.
- Well, here it is.
- And thank you for flicking
your used corn onto my floor.
Now give me that. You've got
to help me think of an idea.
- All right. Right after
we watch "Seattle Beat."
- No
- Please?
- No, we're not watching—
- Oh, come on.
We're watching "Seattle Beat."
- No, we're not watching.
I'm not gonna let you.
We're not watching the show.
- Come on. Let me watch—
- Okay, fine.
- Yay.
- Okay, you may like
the old drummer better,
but I still say
they're the best band
happening in Seattle today.
And to prove it, you're going
to see them right here
on "Seattle Beat" live
coming up in less
than a half hour.
Is that cool?
Whoo.
- And how about you people
outside
the "Seattle Beat" window?
- I got it.
I know we're going to get
a ton more people
to watch our webcast.
- Does it involve dental floss?
- No, why?
- I think that piece of corn
had a friend.
- Listen,
you see those people
outside the window
on "Seattle Beat"?
- Yeah.
- You and I are going
to make a big banner.
- I enjoy big banners.
- And we're going to take
it down to "Seattle Beat"
and hold it up right
in front of that window
for this whole city to see.
- That's brilliant. Everybody
watches "Seattle Beat."
- Uh-huh.
- Well, say thank you.
- Why? I thought of it.
- Yeah, but I thought
of watching TV.
- Let's just go make
the banner.
- All right.
Let's a banner it up.
Okay, okay, I'm coming,
I'm coming.
I'm going upstairs.
I'm hurrying.
I'm hurrying. I'm hurrying.
I'm going.
Oh, hey...
- Hurry, it's about to rain.
- I'm right behind you.
And it's already raining.
- Come on.
Pardon me, I'm really sorry.
- Oh, step aside here.
- Very sorry,
I'm sorry about that.
- We're from the internet,
and we just need to get through
right now, so just move. Yeah.
- Hold it up high.
- Let's spread the word, baby.
Move. We're from the internet.
- Get ready, Seattle.
- And if you like what you
just heard,
you can catch that band live
at the Showbox next weekend.
That sign is messed up.
Aww.
- We're going to have to touch
Lewbert's wart.
- Okay, I've got
the brown wire attached.
Let's see if we've got
a hot circuit.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Why no... seven times?
- Because you're a child,
and this is high-voltage stuff.
And you're not even
wearing safety goggles.
See, you got to be
extra careful when you're—
Yeow! Ahh!
Ahhhh!
Ahh-ahh!
That is why
we wear safety goggles.
- Hey.
Do I smell barbecue?
- No, that's my burning flesh.
- What's that?
- Soggy banner.
Our plan to get more viewers
didn't go too well.
- Yeah, like how the "Titanic"
staying afloat
didn't go too well.
- Oh, come on.
Maybe a few people
read our sign... before the rain
ruined all our hard work
and made us sad.
- Yeah, we could still win.
- Yeah, I don't think so.
I think me and Spencer
are going to win and you two
are going to have to touch
Lewbert's wart.
I feel bad for you, Carly.
Not for you.
Sore loser.
- You haven't won yet.
- What are you guys
planning to do?
- Oh, you'll find out.
- Now, if you'll excuse us,
we have a contest to win.
No offense, Carly.
- Come on. Let's go dry off.
Remember, "iCarly" goes live
in three hours.
- We'll be ready.
- To win.
Still no offense, Carly.
- All right, kid, help me get
this puppy down to the lobby.
- Okay, but then I've got
to come back up here
and help get ready
for the show.
- I understand.
- Who's that?
- It's my buddy with the truck.
Are you downstairs?
Okay,
we'll bring it downstairs,
and then me and you can load it
on the back of the truck.
Okay, down in five.
Now, let's get this sign
on the road.
Freddie?
Yo, Freddo?
Help me.
- Okay, on our last webcast,
Sam and I told you
to go to iCarly.com
and click that feedback button.
- And man, you people clicked
on that sucker
like it was your job.
- So first we want
to say thanks.
Thanks.
And second, we want to show you
a video clip sent in
by three "iCarly" viewers
from Denver, Colorado.
- Freddie, play that clip.
- Some people might say please.
- Yeah, I didn't.
- Playback.
- Hey, Carly and Sam.
We love your guys' web show.
- We love it. Yeah.
- Okay, we've got
an important question for you.
Can you drink spaghetti
and meatballs?
- Spaghetti...
- Spaghetti and meatballs.
- Okay, we have no idea why
that guy in the middle
was wearing a bunny suit.
- But it did get our attention.
- And so to the question,
can you drink
spaghetti and meatballs?
- We gonna to find out.
- Okay, we invited
the little boy
who lives two floors down
to come up here
and be our little tester.
- So get out here, Emmett.
- Yeah!
This is Emmett.
He doesn't talk much.
- Isn't that right?
See?
- Luckily, Emmett will eat
or drink anything.
Seriously. One time Sam dropped
a quarter, Emmett ate it.
- I got it back
three days later.
- Okay, Emmett,
we want to know,
can you drink spaghetti
and meatballs?
- So first,
we take this spaghetti.
- And the meatballs. You've got
to love spherical meat.
- We put it in the blender.
- There we go.
- Ready?
- And we press "frappe."
- Ya ready, kid?
- Go for it.
- And there you have it.
- You can drink spaghetti
and meatballs.
- Now get out of here, Emmett.
You creep me out.
- Yes, you can have the rest.
Okay,
now we're going to do something
we've never done before.
- Tell us what it is, Carly.
- We thought it'd be fun
to have a contest.
- Me and Carly against our
technical producer Freddie...
- Who teamed up with my
older brother Spencer...
- To see which team could
come up with the best idea
to get more people
to watch "iCarly."
- Sadly, our plan
didn't go too great.
- Check it out.
- And if you like
what you just heard,
you can catch that band
at the Showbox next weekend.
So be sure...
That sign is messed up.
Aww.
- Okay,
obviously that sign
won't be getting us
any more viewers.
- Our project failed...
Aww.
- But luckily,
we weren't the only ones
with a plan this week.
- So let's go to my brother
Spencer live on a remote camera
to tell us about his
and Freddie's idea.
- Okay, going to Spencer live.
- Hey, Spencer.
How's it going out there?
- What's up, Spence?
- Spencer?
- Hello, are you there?
- Put the taco down.
Can he hear us?
- Yeah, he should be able to.
Oh, try now.
- Hey, Spencer!
- Ahh!
Hey, Carly, Sam.
You guys owe me half a taco.
- Yeah, so tell us what you're
planning to do out there.
- Well, I'm currently standing
by the interstate
near the Lumpford on-ramp
in downtown Seattle.
And as you can see,
there are literally many cars.
Ooh, I'll show you.
Literally many cars
passing by every minute,
which makes this
the perfect place
to hang a gigantic,
luminescent sign
like this.
Behold the sign.
Are you beholding it?
- Oh, we're beholding it.
- And since we're good sports,
I have to say that sign
does deserve a...
- Good job, Spencer.
You too, Freddie.
- Thank you, Carly.
In your face, Sam.
- Carly, Sam,
you cannot understand
how awesome this sign
looks from out here.
It is so dazzlingly bright.
I swear it's like...
- What's going on
out there, Spencer?
- Well, it seems our sign
is so bright and dazzling,
it distracted
one of the drivers below.
Actually,
two of the drivers...
three of the dri...
Literally many of the drivers
below are being distracted
by our extremely dazzling
sign.
- Quick, turn it off.
- Turn it off.
- Okay, I will now
turn off the sign.
- That's not off.
- Spencer.
- Dude.
- Oh, man.
I am pressing the buttons—
literally all of them—
trying to turn off the sign.
- You're going
to overload the circuits.
- Pee on Carl?
- Turn that off.
- I am trying.
It's the stupid cars!
Don't look at the sign!
Stop beholding the—
I stepped on my taco!
- Wait, wait,
and read this one.
- Unbelievable.
- Insane.
- I know. Can you believe this?
- I said, unbelievable.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought you said
you were doofy and annoying.
- All right, one more
comment like that...
- Try not to kill each other
while I get the door.
- He belong to you?
- Yes, sir. He's my brother.
- Thank you, officer.
Do you have any lotion?
- No.
I'm letting you off
with the warning.
But the next time you cause one
of the worst traffic jams
in Seattle history,
you will get arrested.
- I think that sounds fair.
- What were you thinking,
putting up a sign
telling people to pee on Carl?
- It was a terrible
mistake, Officer... Carl.
Well, that...
- And just so you know,
I did have lotion.
Cucumber melon.
- That was weird.
- Yeah, that was...
- Yep, that was not right.
- Yeah.
- Anyway, I'm sorry I kind of
ruined your webcast tonight.
- You didn't.
- Come here.
- What?
- We were just reading
the comment boards.
Listen to this one.
"The spaghetti in the blender
made me LOL,
but I swear when your
brother's banner
said 'Pee on Carl,'
I almost peed myself."
- Now read the one below it
about "Seattle Beat."
- Oh, yeah. Here.
"Carly, loved seeing you
and Sam on 'Seattle Beat.'
Sorry about the web banner,
but that was hilarious.
I'm going to forward that clip
to every kid in my school.
Rock on, 'iCarly.'"
- Sweet.
How many comments like that?
- Tons.
- People are linking to us...
- Telling their friends.
- Okay, so wait, wait, wait.
We all failed miserably
trying to get you guys
more viewers for "iCarly,"
and yet it is precisely
those miserable failures
that are getting you guys
more viewers for "iCarly."
- Right.
- That's it.
- Insanity.
- Oh, hey,
we almost forgot the best part.
- Yeah?
- What?
- Since all of us pretty much
lost the contest,
none of us have
to touch Lewbert's wart.
- Oh, yeah.
- That's right.
- Well, then I say
let's go get us
some low-fat cheeseless
vegetarian pizza.
Yeah! Whoo!
- And some cucumber
melon lotion?
- Please.
- Hey guys, I love "iCarly."
Now watch me pick my nose
with my toes.
Ta-da!
- Mmm.