Whoa!
- So cool! Amazing! Awesome!
- That's incredible!
- We don't know what it is.
- No, and don't care.
It's called a green screen.
We can use it for
special effects on iCarly.
You guys stand in front of it,
and I have this software
that can make it any kind
of background we want.
Oh, so you could make it look
like we were in a snow storm
or standing on the moon
or something?
Exactly.
Can you make it look like
I'm standing on your face?
Must you always
attack me with words?
You want me to use rocks?
Hey, guys!
- Hi, Tareen.
- Oh, man.
You'll never guess who I saw
at the Cuddlefish
concert last night.
Who'd you see at the concert?
Our history teacher, Mr. Stern.
Look, I got a picture of him
at the concert last night.
Look at it, look at the phone,
Are you looking at it?
- Yes, we see!
That's Mr. Stern?
Is he wearing shorts?
Teachers shouldn't
wear shorts.
No.
It looks like
he's stage diving.
He was! It was insane,
I still can't believe it
and I'm the one who took
the picture with my cell phone.
Can you believe
Mr. Stern was at the concert?
I can't, I gotta go.
I like Tareen,
but after she talks to me,
I feel like I need a nap.
I can't believe Mr. Stern
would go to a concert.
Yeah, you don't really think
about teachers
having lives
outside of school.
I always thought
they just locked them up
in the teacher's lounge
at night.
Hey, get to class.
You, stop laughing.
I said get to class!
Respect the bullhorn!
That Ms. Briggs is a joy,
isn't she?
I wonder what she does
when she's not in school.
She probably spits on puppies.
Hey, you, get to class.
Hey, that could be
a really cool idea
for our web show.
We spit on puppies?
I meant we could do
a whole segment
on what mean teachers do
when they're not in school.
Nice.
I love her brain.
My brain says thanks.
Come on! Keep going! Move!
So, how do we do this?
We follow Ms. Briggs around
after school, you know,
with a video camera
and just see what she does.
And what if she's boring?
Yeah, what if she's not mean?
Ms. Briggs,
I picked you an orange
from my mother's tree.
I hate citrus fruit.
Now get to class!
I'm thinking she'll be mean.
- In five, four, three, two.
OK,
inside this box is a new piece
of technological equipment
that's gonna blow
you guys away.
What is it?
You buy yourself
a robot girlfriend?
I don't need
a robot girlfriend,
'Cause 20 years from now,
I guarantee you
I will be
Carly's second husband.
What happened
to my first husband?
Nothing you can prove.
Just show us
what's in the box
before I get bored and leave.
There's nothing boring about
being able
to videotape Ms. Briggs
with no chance
of her finding out.
What did you get?
A teeny video camera
disguised as a piece of pie.
Yeah, who wouldn't that fool?
It looks real.
Yes, a real gigantic piece
of plastic pie
with a camera lens on the side.
Look, it comes
with a giant fork.
Give it!
This is a quality piece
of spy equipment.
My Aunt Maggie's boobs
look more real than that,
and they're ridiculous.
I really don't think
you're going to fool anyone
with that thing.
Oh, you don't?
Where's Spencer?
Downstairs with some girl
he's been going out with.
B-R-B.
- Come on, please?
- No.
Pretty please?
No, Spencer.
Pretty please
with sugar on top?
I'm diabetic, and I said no.
I'll be your best buddy.
Oh, alright.
Yes.
That is—
Don't mind me.
I'm just a guy having' some pie.
Hey, is that one of those
pie spy video cameras?
No, it is not.
Oh yeah,
they were talking about those
on the food channel.
Or was it the spy channel?
You know,
I think it was the spy channel.
I don't know
what you guy are talking about.
This is just
a normal piece of pie
that doesn't record anything.
But there's a big lens
on the side.
Oh, just forget it!
Two hours of boring.
I think we've
learned what mean teachers do
when they're not at school.
Yep,
nothing interesting enough
to put in our webcast.
Nope.
Hey, hey.
She's opening her door.
She's just
taking out her trash.
Hey! Go away!
- Get out of here!
- It's just a bee.
You don't understand,
I am extremely allergic
to bees.
Get out of here,
you stupid bee!
I think he wants my pie.
That is a stupid bee.
Whoa! Ow!
- Where are you going?
I can't get stung!
Are you insane?
Get out
of Ms. Briggs' apartment.
You can't just— get away!
It's a fake pie!
Can't you see
the big lens on the side?
It's a fake pie!
Come on!
We can't stay in here.
If Ms. Briggs catches us,
we're dead. Let's go!
No! That bee's still out there,
and by now he know
my pie was fake.
He's gonna be madder than ever.
Here she comes!
- Go in there!
- Aah!
- Ah!
- Sorry!
- Now what do we do?
- Shh, I'm thinking.
You know,
this might not be so bad.
Just you and me,
together, alone.
OK, we are in
a serious situation here.
This is no time for you
to bust a move.
Sorry.
We cannot let
Ms. Briggs find us.
Well, maybe we can wait until
she goes into another room
then we can make a run for it.
Maybe. Now, shh.
- What's she doing?
- You don't wanna know.
Hey, thanks for doing this.
No prob.
How come you're not hanging
with Carly and Freddie?
A person can only take
so much Freddie.
How come you didn't ask
your new girlfriend
to model for you?
I broke up with Connie.
Found out she was juggling
for other guys.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, it hurt.
So, how do I be
a sculpture model?
You just sit over there
and do nothing.
Cool, just like school.
Yes!
77...
78...
79.
So many leg lifts.
I think I found
the light switch, shut the door!
Shh!
- Freddie.
- Yeah?
Am I hallucinating
or are we surrounded by 2,000
Randy Jacksons?
Why does Ms. Briggs
have all this stuff?
I don't know.
I guess if you're
gonna be obsessed
with an American Idol judge,
you might as well pick one
that's firm but fair.
Yeah dog, you did your thing.
You want Ms. Briggs to hear us?
Randy said it, not me!
She's coming! Hide!
- No!
- That was hot, yo!
Aw, please be quiet,
Randy Jackson.
Well, good afternoon,
Randy Jackson.
Oh, you are looking
spiffy today.
Now, is there something
you'd like to say to me?
Yeah, we got us
a hot one tonight, baby!
Oh!
Oh, R.J.
You know,
I just finished my workout.
Would you like to see
how toned my glutes are?
So this is seriously
the first time
you've ever modeled
for a sculpture?
First time.
How am I doing?
Good.
Can I... sneak a peek?
Uh, yeah, sure.
Why not?
- Spencer?
- Mhm?
That's a fish.
Yeah. A tuna.
Or I suppose
you could argue it's a trout
you know, 'cause of the way
his lip curls up right here.
I thought you were sculpting me
for the past three hours.
Well, I started off
sculpting you,
but then I started thinking
about aquariums
and... he happened.
Then why am I still here?
I get lonely.
- What?
- Sam, listen!
Freddie and I are stuck hiding
in the closet
in Ms. Briggs' apartment.
Really?
That's some nutty stuff.
Will you just get over here?
On my way.
Sam's on her way.
And will you quit eating
the Randy-Yos?
No way, she's torturing
Carly and Freddie?
Freddie, you're so stupid.
Bagpipes?
Eww.
This is torture.
- Sam?
- Yeah.
Where are you?
I'm right outside
on the patio.
- What's the plan, man?
- OK, you call Ms. Briggs
and keep her distracted
on the phone
while Freddie and I
sneak out the front door.
One distraction, coming up.
Give me 60 seconds,
then go for the door.
See you on the outside.
Briggs.
Hello ma'am, have you purchased
any suspicious milk lately?
Suspicious milk?
Who is this?
Uh, this is Agent McMuffin
with the
Federal Bureau of Milk.
The FBM?
Uh, sure.
See, there have been reports
of counterfeit milk
and other dairy products
in the Seattle area.
Oh, sweet mother.
I just bought a tub of
Zingleberry yogurt yesterday.
It's OK, ma'am.
Just remain calm and proceed
to your refrigerator.
Of course.
Moron.
It's been 60 seconds.
Let's make our move
and get out of here.
Wait.
OK, ready.
What'd you put in your pocket?
Randy Jackson cologne?
Why do you want this?
'Cause...
it smells tight, dawg.
The milk smells
just fine to me.
Are you sure
there's a dairy prob—
We're losing precious time!
I already checked my milk
and the tub of yogurt.
Yeah, but...
you better inspect
that cottage cheese
on the top shelf.
Alright.
But I don't see why the—
How did you know
my cottage cheese
was on the top shelf?
'Cause I'm a professional,
ma'am.
Uh, don't go near
your patio door.
There's a dairy monster
on the loose
and you don't want to see—
Busted! Now, get inside!
But I can explain.
I'm sure you can.
I can. See, I'm doing
this school project on...
On... how ladies react
when they think
their dairy products—
Freddie!
- Surprise!
Yeah, happy birthday,
Ms. Briggs!
Let's sing our public domain
birthday song!
It's not my birthday!
Whoops, then, we better go.
- Come on, kids.
- Stop!
Happy... Hanukkah?
Kwanza?
Uh... I'm sorry I tripped
on your bagpipes.
- Are they OK?
- No.
He dented my blow stick
and punctured my squeeze bag.
Freddie'll pay
to have your bagpipes fixed.
And you think that'll get
the three of you
out of trouble?
Well, we were kinda hoping.
I don't think so.
Breaking into a teacher's home,
damaging property,
impersonating a dairy agent.
I could have you expelled.
I might even call the police.
Or you could let us run away
while you angrily shake
your fist in the air
and scream, "You rotten kids!"
Look, Ms. Briggs,
we never meant
to sneak into your house.
Then explain why you did.
Well, we were videotaping you
for our web show
to see what teachers are like
when they're not in school.
Ah, your web
show, iCarly.
I've seen it.
Nothing more than mucus
in the nose of the digital age.
Did she just call
our show a booger?
iCarly's great.
Thousands of people
watch it every week.
Thousands?
That's a pretty big booger.
Hmm, well,
since you're so interested
in showing your viewers
what teachers do
outside of school,
I think I have a solution
that will benefit us all.
What solution?
I won't suspend you from school
or call the police
if you let me perform
an original bagpipe song
on your web show.
You wanna be on iCarly?
- Just call the cops on us.
- Sam!
Why would you even wanna be
on our show?
Because, I see this
as a great opportunity
to show the world some culture,
To teach young people
about fine music.
Don't do it, Carls.
She's not even playing it
and I'm already bored
out of my mind.
Look, Ms. Briggs, I—
Put me on your webcast
or I will have you suspended
for breaking into my house.
And I will file a report with
the Seattle Police Department.
Your choice.
In five, four, three, two.
Hey, there. Welcome to iCarly.
- I'm Sam.
- I'm Carly.
- Blah blah.
Hey! Just read
the introduction I gave you.
Uh, tonight on iCarly,
instead of the worthless trash
we usually do here,
uh, please prepare to enjoy
some fine music
played on the bagpipes
by Ms. Francine Briggs.
Oops, wrong button.
Give me that.
And now,
here she is playing
an original song
she composed herself
called "Haggis and Moonlight,"
please welcome
the lovely and talented
Ms. Francine Briggs.
Thank you.
And now, for some real,
enriching entertainment.
This is so horrible.
Well, maybe we don't have
that big
of an audience tonight.
Sorry, look.
Whoa, all those people
are streaming us right now?
Biggest audience
we've ever had.
Yeah, and they all want us
to be out there
doing something funny.
Hey, hey, look at that.
Why is the number dropping?
'Cause people
are turning us off.
We've lost over 10%
of our audience
in less than two minutes.
This is a disaster.
Do you know how hard we worked
to get that audience?
And Briggs is gonna ruin it
in one night.
Look, already
20% of our audience, gone.
Man, this webcast is suckish.
I'd rather watch you.
Yeah! Go, balls, go!
How long is this song?
I don't even think
it's half over.
Well we've almost lost
over half of our viewers.
We gotta do something.
- What?
- What do you want?
The green screen.
- What about the green screen?
- Do you have it set up?
Yeah,
but I haven't tried it yet.
I was gonna test it out—
- Test it now.
- Or I'll test it now.
He'll test it now.
\
Hey, watch me juggle.
No way, baby.
This iCarly web show
is high-larious!
She's completely unaware
of the changing backgrounds!
We're getting
the audience back.
- Yeah!
- Hit me.
Thank you.
Aw! Your song's over?
Do another one.
Yeah! Come on, Ms. Briggs!
Do this! Come on!
Oh, Alright.
Hey, there's Ms. Briggs!
Thank you. Thank you all.
You see? That silly comedy
you girls do
is no match for
my true musical artistry.
You are so right.
Thank you for teaching us
that important lesson.
Certainly.
Freddie.
Mmm.
Mmm!
You smell delightful.
Thanks, Ms. Briggs.
Mmm.
Randy Jackson cologne?
It smells tight, dawg.
- Hey!
- You there.
You wanna see us do stuff
you can't see anywhere else?
- Do ya?
- I think they do.
Then go online to iCarly.com.
Yeah, go to iCarly.com.
Once you get to iCarly.com,
you can see me and Carly.
And Freddie and Spencer
do all kinds
of wacky, fun stuff.
You know you like wacky,
fun stuff.
So go online to iCarly.com.
And see stuff
you can't see anywhere else.
Only at iCarly.com.
- So go there!
- Do it!
Seriously!
Mmm!