Playin'.
Hi, iCarly.
This is my pet turtle.
His name is Doctor Nub.
Doctor Nub?
No way that turtle
went to med school.
Roll over, Doctor Nub.
Come on, boy, roll over.
Ta-da.
- Zero.
- Lame.
Negative nine.
- Next.
- Okay.
Here's one from two guys
both named Chris.
What-up, Carly and Sam?
What is up, yo?
- I'm Chris.
- And I'm also Chris.
- And we're best buds.
- BFBs.
I like Chris,
but Chris
kind of creeps me out.
Not only are we best buds.
We're also the world's
greatest meat drummers.
Meat drummers?
- Okay, this is great.
- Ten.
And the best friend
meat drummers
get to be on iCarly.
Yeah, meat drummers!
Hey, speaking of best friends,
you know what today is?
- The 25th?
- Yup.
- No way.
- What's the 25th?
The five-year anniversary
of when Sam and I first met.
Yup.
I remember it like
it was only five years ago.
Hey, I'm Sam.
Hi, I'm Carly.
Can I have that sandwich?
No way, get your own.
Ow!
You're all right.
Wow.
So, even back then,
you were obnoxious
and aggressive.
Yeah.
Can you believe we became
friends over a tuna sandwich?
- And now, you hate tuna.
- No.
I hate the way
that British chick
in our history class says
"tuna."
Oh, yeah. Tyooon-uh. Tyooon-uh.
Oh, I just adore tyoooon-uh.
Tyooon-uh.
Yeah, don't play along,
all right?
Anyway, since it's
our friendship anniversary,
I got you a little somethin'.
Wait, you got me a present?
Ta-da.
Oh, you shouldn't have gotten—
gimme it.
Whoa, you got me
an iCarly T-shirt.
Look on the back.
Oh, it's our heads.
In shirt form.
- This is so insane.
- Oh, it's no big deal.
Oh, please.
I love this.
How great are you?
I don't know. Very?
Hey, you know
what I'm gonna get you?
Oh, you don't have to get me—
Tickets to the Cuddlefish
concert for next Friday night.
- You and me, kid.
- Well, that'd be awesome.
But that concert's
been sold out for months.
You let me worry about that.
I got ways, Carly Shay.
And you know what else I got?
Pimples on your butt?
He was smart to run.
In five, four, three, two...
Is Sam gone?
- Yeah, she left.
- Good.
Then I won't be needing this.
I like this song.
Pretty romantic, huh?
You feelin' the mood?
Yeah, I'm feeling the mood.
I'm sad.
Why?
I was just at a funeral.
- In the bathroom?
- Yeah.
It's for my fish, Reggie.
I loved that little guy.
Even as I dropped
his lifeless carcass
into the toilet.
You forgot to feed him again,
didn't you?
I'm not good with pets
that eat on a regular basis.
You're lucky you know
how to use the microwave.
I know, or else I'd be waving
goodbye from Spencer's toilet.
All right. You just wait.
I'm gonna prove to you
that I can be a good,
responsible fish owner.
No, you're not
getting another fish.
All right.
Starting right now.
- I will not get another fish.
- Move.
- Why?
- Move.
I don't see—okay.
You already bought
another fish.
His name is Swimmy.
Could you step back a few feet?
I get asked that a lot.
Hey, Rodney, can you hook me up
with somethin'?
Sure, but I'm with a customer
right now,
so you gotta wait.
- Hurry.
- Ah.
How about these?
Whoa, Laotian tissues.
They're made
from real peacock feathers.
Peacocks.
- Twenty bucks.
- Twenty?
You care about your nose
or not?
You swear they're Laotian?
Guaranteed.
I'll take 'em.
Look at my foreign tissues.
Yes, your snot is very lucky.
Bye.
So soft.
Nice shirt. ICarly.
- Awesome web show.
- Thanks.
You guys sell those shirts?
Nah, this is one of a kind.
Listen, I need concert tickets.
You came to the right place.
I got Flaming Teeth,
Backflesh, Yellow Day.
Cuddlefish. This Friday.
That's a tough get.
- How much?
- Hundred bucks.
- A hundred?
- Each.
Well, I see why they call you
Rip-Off Rodney.
It's hurtful, yet appropriate.
Whatever. Forget it.
I don't have 200 bucks.
Wait.
You up for a trade?
What do you want?
- That shirt.
- Why?
'Cause iCarly's a hot web show.
The more popular it gets,
the more the shirt
will be worth.
Trade?
Spencer, have you seen Sam?
We got eight minutes
'til show time.
- I haven't seen her.
- Where is she?
Ow, dang it.
What are you doing?
Well, since I keep forgetting
to feed my fish,
I decided to use
my sculpting skills
to build
an automatic fish feeder.
Maybe now Swimmy
won't go hungry.
Oh, no.
Sadly Swimmy went very hungry.
This is Brock.
You only had Swimmy
for two days.
His last two days, actually.
But that's why I'm building
the fish feeder
to avoid another fish-uneral.
I'm here, I'm here.
Don't freak.
Do you realize
the show starts in—
Four minutes.
I better go polish my lens.
Where were you?
Why didn't you call?
Why are you wearing that shirt?
I am wearing
this hideous shirt
because I got these.
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah?
- Cuddlefish tickets.
- Yeah, baby, let it out.
Where'd you get these?
They're totally sold out.
That guy Rodney from school,
the dude who gets arrested
all the time.
Oh, my God, he must have
charged you a fortune.
Zero.
I traded him the shirt
you gave me for the tickets.
You traded the shirt?
Yeah. Knuckle-touch.
I'm not touching your knuckles.
Why? They're clean.
I washed them yesterday, see?
How could you trade the shirt
that I made for you
to some sleazy kid?
Two minutes, guys.
Wait.
I didn't just give it away.
I traded the shirt
for something you really wanted
and something
we can do together.
But that shirt was special.
It was the very first
iCarly T-shirt ever.
You know, I spent, like,
two weeks making it for you?
You said it was no big deal.
Oh, that's just
something people say
when they give you a present.
"Oh, it's no big deal."
It's always a big deal.
Hey.
You know that iCarly thing
we do?
Yeah, it's time for that.
- I can't believe you.
- Look,
make me another shirt
if you wanna
after we go
to the Cuddlefish concert.
I'm not going to the concert
with you.
Oh, now,
you're being ridiculous.
Better than being
a gift-giver-awayer.
- Just forget it.
- Fine.
- Don't go to the concert.
- I won't.
- I don't even care.
- I care way less than you care.
You don't know
how much I don't care.
Oh, all you ever think
about is ham.
I'd rather have a shirt
made of ham.
I can't believe
you just gave it away.
I can't believe we're having
this stupid conversation.
- Don't talk to me.
- I'm not talkin' to you.
By saying you're talking to me,
you are talking to me.
- It is not.
- Just don't talk to me.
- Don't talk to me. Fine.
- Fine.
- Whatever.
- Whatevs.
Oh, why would I make you
another one?
Good, 'cause I don't want
another one.
I thought you said
you weren't gonna talk to me.
I'll stop
when you stop talkin' to me.
Don't you give me ultimatums.
Don't use words
I can't understand.
You clearly don't care
about my feelings.
And you clearly
won't stop talkin' to me.
Yeah, 'cause you keep sucking
me back into the conversation.
Ten seconds.
Why don't you just forget about
the shirt and the concert?
Fine.
Good 'cause I'm takin'
Melanie Katz
to see Cuddlefish with me.
Oh, like, you're such
good friends with Melanie Katz.
That's right.
Melanie Katz is my best friend.
Then you should know
she's been in the hospital
since last Christmas.
- So, I forgot.
- We're live.
Hola, señors.
And señoritas.
Welcome to iCarly.
Me llamo Carly.
And you may-yammo me Sam.
Arriba!
Okay.
Before we do our thing...
We're startin' off the show
with a viewer-submitted video.
Check out this clip
of a little girl giving her mom
a big surprise.
Okay, honey.
Open your next present.
Oh, this is a big one.
- Happy birthday, Mommy.
Poor mom had no idea
that was comin'.
- Heck of a birthday present.
- Yes.
A present I'm sure
that little girl's mom
wouldn't trade for anything
since it came from someone
she cares about.
Yeah, but I bet
if she traded it for something
that they could
both do together,
the daughter
would have been happy
and not freaked out about it
like a psycho maniac.
Maybe you should just do
the show without me.
No, you do it without me.
Don't you walk away
from me, Sam.
- Too late, I'm already leaving.
- Yeah, 'cause you know
what you did was wrong.
- Keep dreamin'.
Why can't you ever just admit
what you did was wrong
and apologize?
Why don't you quit yappin'
before you get
on my last nerve?
You can never back down,
can you?
- I got no reason to back down.
- What you did was horrible.
Your attitude is horrible.
- Oh, is it?
- Sure is.
iCarly is experiencing
technical difficulties.
Hey, Sam, love my shirt.
Would you guys
just quit fighting
and make up already?
Sure.
As soon as Sam apologizes.
I've got nothing
to apologize for.
And neither do I.
Okay.
Okay. Okay!
This is so stupid.
You guys are best friends.
Were best friends.
- Bleh!
Bleh! Bleh! Bleh! Bleh!
Hey!
And what about iCarly?
If you two hate each other,
what's gonna happen
to the show?
Think about our fans and me.
Without iCarly,
I'm back to painting clay mugs
with my mom at "Color Me Pot."
Maybe Freddie is right.
Yeah.
Maybe things got
a little out of control.
And this whole thing happened
'cause we were trying to do
something nice for each other.
So—
If I say, "I'm sorry,"
will you?
Sure.
Look, Sam, I didn't mean
to say that—
Oh, man, Sam,
thank you so much for taking me
to the Cuddlefish concert.
It was the most
awesome concert ever.
Remember at the end
when they played
"Rock Me, Love Me,"
and we held up our cell phones
to illuminate the darkness?
Whoa, I have to go
to algebra class. Bye.
You went to the concert?
And you took Tareen?
Oh, no.
You refused to go.
I wasn't just gonna
waste the tickets.
You got those for us.
They were so close.
You said you weren't gonna come
right before you called me
a gift-giver-awayer.
I can't believe
I almost made up with you.
Back at you.
You were about to hug.
Why were you just slamming
those lockers?
But I wasn't.
You see it was that—
- Come with me.
- Oh!
- Hey, Spencer.
- Hey, Fred-o.
- Carly's not home yet.
- I know.
But can I still come in though?
- Do you need to borrow money?
- No.
Please come in.
What's the matter?
You look glum.
- I am glum.
- Why so glum?
- Can we stop saying glum?
- Sure.
Carly and Sam
are still fighting.
Yeah, I've been worried
about Carly.
She's been really glum—glumpy.
Things haven't gotten better?
They've gotten
the opposite of better.
So worse.
Uh-huh.
And we have to do
the web show tonight.
But they'll probably just
start screamin' at each other,
and I'll have to fake
technical difficulties
and go—
Again.
Look, in my life,
I've learned a thing
or two about girls.
Like?
Like when you break up
with them,
they do not like it
when you ask out their sister.
That'll get you a fork
in your arm.
How does this help me?
Look, when girls get mad
about something,
they just wanna be told
they're right.
Well, then,
that's a big problem,
'cause Carly and Sam
can't both be right.
Or can they?
No, you're right, they can't.
So do you have anything
helpful to say here?
- Helpful?
- Yeah.
No.
But hey, you wanna check out
my automatic fish feeder?
I'm making it
a lot more complicated
than it needs to be.
- Why?
- 'Cause it's fun.
It's not finished yet,
but check it out.
Okay.
This car is gonna go
around this track,
hit this thing, hit that tank,
shoot at that target,
spill fish flakes
into that bowl.
Here we go.
Swimmy!
I thought that was Brock.
Brock!
Oh, phew.
That was close.
Brock is okay.
Okay.
I'm gonna see
if I can think of a way
to fix things
with Carly and Sam.
Think well, Fred-o.
I wanna start off
doin' my impression of a cat
in a dishwasher.
I told you, we're starting
with the Mexican jump-rope bit.
That bit stinks.
Your attitude stinks
and I'm in charge
of what we do on "iCarly."
Well, I'm doin' the cat
in a dishwasher.
Mexican jump-rope.
Wrong, both of you.
- Huh?
- What?
Tonight, I'm in charge
of how we're starting the show.
Look, you just point
your little camera, tech boy.
Yeah, don't tell us how—
We start the show how I say,
or you guys can get yourself
a new tech producer.
- He's bluffin'.
- I don't bluff.
Okay, I was bluffin'
when I said I don't bluff,
but I'm serious about quittin'.
Fine, what do you want us
to do?
- Go put your hair in ponytails.
- Why?
- Why do you want—
- Ponytails!
Okay. We'll put our hair
in ponytails.
- No need to be so assertive.
- Bossy.
And in five, four, three, two.
Hello, people of Earth
and beyond.
This is a little web show
we like to call "iCarly."
I'm Carly.
And I'm Sam.
And I'm Freddie.
Now, usually,
I'm behind the camera.
Where you should be.
But tonight, we're gonna
shake it up a little bit.
- Can't wait.
- Yay.
See, Carly and Sam
are in a big fight.
And both girls think
they're right.
- I am right.
- You am wrong.
You am obnoxious.
See?
But this fight
is gonna end tonight
because you,
the fans of "iCarly,"
are gonna decide who's right
by voting online,
after the show,
right here at iCarly.com.
So what does this have to do
with tying up our ponytails?
I was getting to that.
Both girls are about to give
their sides of the story.
But if either girl interrupts,
says something insulting,
or yells,
her ponytail will be yanked.
Hard.
- This is ridiculous.
- I ain't doin' this.
- Ow!
Very good.
And now, the first girl
to speak will be Carly.
Boo.
She pressed the boo button.
Ow!
Drop the remote.
- Carly, you may begin.
- Okay.
It started when I gave Sam
an "iCarly" T-shirt
that I worked so hard to make.
It was a really special gift,
and then she traded it
for concert tickets.
You wanted to go
to that concert—ow!
It's Carly's turn.
But she—but I just—
well, just let me say—
I'll be quiet.
I put a lot of thought
into that gift
and then Sam
just traded it away.
And then she went
to the concert without me.
- But—
- Ah!
And Sam still hasn't apologized
for trading away a present
that I made her.
Mm-hmm.
Very nice.
Now Sam, you may give
your side of the story.
Finally.
Okay, first off, Carly said
the shirt was no big deal.
And the tickets I got were
for Cuddlefish,
a concert Carly told me
she was dying to go to.
It's her favorite band.
Let the record show that
Carly is fond of Cuddlefish.
So, yeah, I traded the shirt,
but it was to get something
Carly wanted a lot,
something the two of us
could've done together.
And Carly refused to go
to the concert so—
I would've gone with you
if you'd just apologized.
She interrupted me.
Yank her ponytail.
No, I'm gonna allow it.
- Why?
- Because I love her.
Give me the rope.
Ow!
You're not the rope-keeper.
- Ow!
- It hurts.
- Stop.
- You guys stop it.
- You stop.
You're missing
the point of this activity.
- Knock it off, you guys—
- Stop it.
You're stressing
your ponytails.
My hair feels like
it was attacked
by a vacuum cleaner.
Mine feels like it was yanked
by a Freddie.
Could you please just hurry up
and count up the votes?
Okay.
Now before I tell you who won,
do you guys promise
to accept the decision?
Loser apologizes?
- Sure.
- Okay.
Then here we go.
Sam, the number
of "iCarly" viewers
who think you're right, 693.
I got 693 votes.
And how many votes did I get?
Seven hundred and five.
- Ha. Looks like—
- Wait.
I put up a third option
for them to vote for.
- Huh?
- What?
First button says
Carly's right.
Second button said Sam's right.
The third button said,
"Carly and Sam
are both acting dumb,
"and they should just make up
and be friends again."
How many people voted
for that one?
253,719.
Our fans don't like it
when best friends fight.
Neither do I.
- Aw, Sam, you're crying.
- No.
Freddie is just such a dork,
it makes me
emotional sometimes.
- I'm sorry.
Oh, I see hugging.
Does everyone
like each other again?
- Yes.
- Excellent.
I say this calls
for a lovely fish dinner.
- You're cooking fish?
- No.
We're feeding dinner to a fish.
My fish.
I run to the kitchen.
See, I finished
my automatic fish feeder.
Are you children ready?
- Ready.
- Oh, yeah.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
And now, I shall never again
forget to feed my fish.
But wait, don't you
still have to remember
to put that ball back
at the top every day?
I'm going to bed.
You're takin' him
back to the pet store?
Yep.
Hi, Carly, Sam, and Freddie.
These balls are for you.
"iCarly" rocks.