Sorry,
I just have to keep this report
looking absolutely perfect.
I've never worked harder
on anything in my life.
- And guess what?
- What? Lamp.
What?
If I get an A on this,
that means
I'll get an A for the semester,
which means I'll have
straight A's on my report card
for the first time ever!
I'm very proud of you.
Lamp!
Yah!
Why won't it work?
Let me see the instructions.
Good luck, they're in Japanese.
Oh, well, did you try saying
"lamp" in Japanese?
I did not.
What's the Japanese word
for "lamp"?
- Looks like "ranpu."
- Okay.
Ranpu.
Ranpu!
- Hey!
- It works!
Yeah, you just got to say it
like a really
angry Japanese man.
Ranpu!
Come try!
Ranpu!
- Ranpu!
In five, four, three, two...
And subsequently
this was interpreted
as a violation of their rights
to freedom
of religious expression
as granted
in the Letter of Majesty
issued by Emperor Rudolf II
in 1609.
- Mr. Devlin...
- No, I will not slow down.
This leads us
to the calamitous events
which served as
a daunting precursor
to the ignominious
Defenestration of Prague.
I've graded your reports,
so you can pick them up
on your way out.
Awful.
Hideous.
Bad.
Terrible.
Congratulations, Carly.
Your report was outstanding.
The best in the class.
Really?
That's so great 'cause I...
you gave me a B?
But I thought you said
it was the best in the class!
It was.
But it was printed
on three-hole paper,
which I hate.
Then just let me re-print it
for you!
On paper
that's completely hole-free!
Reports can only be
submitted once.
Silly little truffle.
But this means I'll get
a B-plus for the semester!
Yes.
Congratulations.
I'd like to punch
three holes in him,
that's what I'd like to do.
Tell you what,
on the next "iCarly,"
we tell everyone to go egg
Mr. Devlin's house.
Nah, he'd probably like it
'cause eggs don't have
three holes!
I told you
not to take his class.
Yes, thank you, Freddie.
Well, if it isn't my straight-A
little sister, Carl-A.
Don't call me "Carl-A"
'cause I...
Shh.
To celebrate your straight A's,
I'm making you
a giant "A"
made out
of a bunch of smaller A's
that I found.
- Spencer...
- Your "A" is gonna be huge!
- And when it's all done...
- I'm not getting straight A's.
Mr. Devlin
gave me a B on my report,
even though
he said it was flawless.
Then why'd you get a B?
'Cause I printed it
on three-hole paper.
Mr. Devlin's, like,
the strictest teacher
in school.
Yeah, I know.
He used to be
lunch room monitor.
He gave me detention.
- For?
- Playing with my fruit.
Listen,
it was really cool of you
to make this big A for me,
but would you mind
taking it apart?
Carly...
Seriously, if I'm not gonna
get straight A's,
then I'd rather
not be reminded of...
Of what almost was.
Aww, who needs a hug?
Me.
Hey,
how do you turn this lamp on?
- Ranpu!
- Ah!
Principal Franklin,
Sam is here for her regular
Tuesday appointment.
Send her in.
Good morning, Sam.
Morning, Ted.
Sam.
Good morning,
Principal Franklin.
Thank you.
Now, what trouble
have you gotten
in over the past week?
Let's see.
I got yelled at by Ms. Briggs
for getting an F on a quiz.
Why did you fail the quiz?
I didn't know the answers.
Right. Next?
Oh, I got kicked out
of the cafeteria
for slapping Gibby
with a piece of pizza.
Why did you slap Gibby
with a piece of pizza?
I found it on the floor.
I wasn't gonna eat it.
Sam...
Excuse me, Principal Franklin.
I am trying to enter
the report card grades
into the system,
but it's not letting me log in.
Well, you can log in
using my username.
That would be wonderful.
- Yes.
- Let's see if it's working.
Sam, just sit quietly
and try not to break anything.
No promises.
My username is BigTeddy.
- BigTeddy.
- Shh.
My password is corncake21.
There, working fine.
Thank you.
I'll get started on it.
Wait, I spilled some syrup
on my tie.
Do you know anything
about removing stains?
Yes, I took a course
on stain removal
in community college.
Excellent.
Sam, I'll be back
in five minutes.
Have fun with your stain.
Guess what? Guess what?
Guess what?
Is this about that
new bacon-flavored bubble gum?
No!
They have that?
Yeah, but just tell me
what you're all
whipped up about.
First, you gotta swear
you won't tell anybody.
- I swear.
- No, you gotta ankle-swear.
Okay, go.
- I swear.
Now tell me.
I changed your grade
in the school's computer!
- You changed my—
- Shh!
You changed my grade
in the school's computer?
Why'd you do that?
So you'll get the straight A's
you deserve.
You changed my B-plus...
To an A-plus.
And I changed
two of my D's to B's,
and I even bumped up
one of Freddie's grades.
Why?
I owe him 40 bucks
and I figure now we're even.
Sam...
You know
you deserved straight A's.
Yeah, but not this way.
I gotta go
tell Principal Franklin.
You can't!
You swore.
We shook ankles!
Well, can I at least
tell Freddie?
- Why?
- 'Cause this involves him, too.
Dude...
I'll make him swear
not to tell.
- Ah! I have to tell!
- You can't tell!
- I have to tell!
- No!
- Ah, let go of me!
- You promised!
- Carly!
- Freddie!
Oh, no!
Let me up!
Not if you're gonna
tell on Sam!
- Then you tell!
- No, I swore to Sam!
We have to come up
with a way to fix this
without telling on Sam.
Why would Sam change my grade?
And make it better?
She hates me.
She said it would get her
out of paying you 40 bucks.
Aww!
I'm not gonna get my 40 bucks?
Focus, Freddie!
How do we change
our grades back
before the report cards go out?
Well...
if I could get access
to the school's network,
I could do it from my laptop.
There's a T5 jack
in the computer lab
I could tap into.
Okay.
Tomorrow in class,
I'll distract Mr. Wembley,
and then you can do
your techie fix-it stuff.
Right.
Oh, and just for the record,
the only reason you pinned me
down like that
was 'cause I wasn't ready.
- Are you ready now?
- Yeah. Why?
Can we please not tell anyone
about this?
Now, everyone,
please complete
exercises number 7 and 9.
What about number eight?
I'm in charge!
Okay.
I'll distract Mr. Wembley.
You go tap
into the B-five line.
- T5.
- It matters!
Just go!
Mr. Wembley?
I have a question
about my computer.
Yes, Carly.
Hello, Mr. T5 line.
You're about to get Freddie'd.
What's your question?
Why are there two shift keys?
Just do your work, please.
I have to go back
and zap my P-ram...
- Oh!
Carly!
What happened? Did I faint?
Yes. Are you all right?
Uh-huh.
It happens all the time.
It's no big deal.
Huh.
All right, just gonna go
back to my desk...
- Oh!
Okay. Generating random codes.
Sweet.
We're past
the school's firewall,
which gives us
access to everything.
Man, look at
all this information.
Hey, look,
it's Principal Franklin's
birthday today.
Oh, yeah.
Wait, whoa, whoa.
Is that the lunch menu
for this week?
Yeah, why?
Would it kill anyone
if we changed spinach
to tater tots?
Tater tots it is.
Okay, here we go.
Student grades.
Scrolling down
to Shay comma Carly.
CSA.
Put your hands
where I can see them!
- Okay!
- Yes, sirs!
Who are you guys?
Computer Security Agency.
Step away from that laptop.
What's this about?
You two kids
go to Ridgeway Junior High?
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
We were advised that
there was a breech
in your school's
computer network
this afternoon,
and we tracked it back
to your wireless uplink.
You two are
in a whole lot of trouble.
We'll going to need
to speak to a parent
or a legal guardian.
Spencer!
I am in the bathtub!
Are we under arrest?
Are you gonna take us
to juvy?
I don't wanna go to juvy!
They're gonna take us to juvy.
This just doesn't make
any sense.
I've been
their school principal
for three years
and I am telling you
Carly and Freddie
are very well-behaved students.
Look, somebody attached
that wireless uplink
to your school's T5 line,
and we traced it back
to this location.
Would any of you gentlemen
like some Wahoo Punch?
We have to tell them.
We can't.
I promised Sam
and you promised me.
- But they're gonna—
- A promise is a promise.
- But I—
- A-promise is a promise!
Would you two
please come over here?
Carly, Freddie,
these men insist
that you two were trying
to hack into our school's
computer network.
We did hack
into the school network.
We did? We did.
Carly...
Why?
Well, we...
we wanted to know
when your birthday was.
Right.
We heard it was today...
And we just wanted
to be sure...
So we could give you a present.
There, you see?
I told you these kids
wouldn't be up to
anything mischievous.
So, what did you get me?
- Huh?
- What?
You said
you had a present for me.
Yes. Wait here.
Why'd you have
to mention a present?
'Cause you brought up
the birthday thing!
- But we don't have a present!
- Why is it my fault?
'Cause you brought up
the present!
- What are we gonna do?
- I don't know!
- Neither do I!
- Shh!
- Oh!
- Ah!
- Ooh!
- Happy birthday!
Oh, my goodness!
A microwave oven.
Yep.
- Eleven hundred watts.
- It's a good one.
Well,
I just heard our report cards
were mailed out yesterday.
Great.
So that's it, then.
No changing our grades back.
I feel dirty.
Hey, Carly.
Hey, Fredward.
- What's your guys' problem?
- You are.
We tried
to change our grades back
and two goons from
the Computer Security Agency
showed up at my house.
- Did you guys rat me out?
- No.
We had to lie and give away
my microwave oven!
Eleven hundred watts!
Well, look on the bright side.
There was a screw-up
in the cafeteria,
they got tater tots!
Can you not see
how upset we are?
We don't care about taters!
Even in tot form!
You made us lie
to Principal Franklin!
To keep
your dirty little secret.
I feel so guilty.
Look, I promise,
it gets easier.
Soon you'll be able to lie
and feel nothing at all.
- Hey.
- You liar!
What?
You said you weren't gonna
get straight A's.
But you did!
Yeah, well—oh!
Report cards came in the mail?
Yeah!
I guess Mr. Devlin gave you
what you deserved after all.
I'm so proud of you.
You should be.
She earned that grade.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Ooh, and check it out!
I've almost entirely
rebuilt your "A" sculpture.
It'll be a permanent reminder
of what you did.
Ain't that the truth?
And I called Dad,
told him
about your straight A's.
- No.
- Yes.
And he told me
to go out and buy you this.
It's a big TV for your room!
Yay.
How come
you don't look excited?
I am.
It's just I already have
so many nice things.
Can't we give that
to a hobo or something?
No.
Hobos can't afford cable.
- Carly...
- I'm going upstairs.
- She's a little upset.
- Why's she upset?
'Cause hobos
can't afford cable!
- Hi.
- Hey.
What up with the hoody
and sun...
man.
You look horrible.
Thanks.
Girls love hearing that.
- I didn't mean...
- It's okay.
I know I look horrible.
I didn't sleep at all
last night.
- The report card thing?
- Yes!
- The guilt is killing me.
- I know.
Me, too.
And like it wasn't bad enough,
Spencer put a gigantic new TV
in my room.
How can I sleep
when I got forty-two inches
of high-def guilt
staring at me all night?
And look at my fingernails!
Gross, what happened to them?
I've chewed them off!
Right down to the nub!
I'm a 13-year-old girl
and I've got
the fingers of a hobo!
Did you know
they can't afford cable?
Hey, Carls!
Come here!
You made the top ten!
The Honors List?
- Yep.
- Oh!
You pushed Karen Yamakawa
right off the list.
Congratulations, Carly.
Aww!
In five, four, three, two...
- I'm Sam!
- And I'm guilty.
- Carly.
- And I'm Carly.
And this web show
now comes with
twice the comedy...
And only half the fat
of a regular web show.
Okay, so lately,
tons of you people
have been coming here
to iCarly.com
and sending us
lots of cool videos.
So we thought
we'd kick off tonight's show
with an amazing one.
Carly?
Carly.
Well, if it isn't
my straight-A little sister,
Carl-A.
Soon you'll be able to lie
and feel nothing at all.
Your "A" is gonna be huge!
Congratulations, Carly.
Hobos can't afford cable.
That's it!
I can't take it anymore!
Spencer!
Hey, I thought "iCarly"--
I didn't really get
straight A's!
Huh?
Mr. Devlin gave me a B-plus,
then Sam changed my grade
in the school's computer!
Freddie and I tried
to change it back,
but then we got caught.
That's why the CSA came here.
I lied to Principal Franklin,
I made Karen Yamakawa cry,
and my hair's falling out.
Look it!
So I have to take apart
my big A again?
Tell me what to do!
Why can't you tell
Principal Franklin the truth?
'Cause I promised Sam
I wouldn't tell anybody.
Did you ankle-shake on it?
- Yes!
- Oh, my God.
- Hey, are you all right?
- What happened?
Sam, I'm sorry.
I told Spencer everything.
What kind of world
do we live in
where an ankle-shake means
nothing anymore?
I didn't wanna
break my promise,
but the guilt
was eating me alive!
What do I do?
Come on,
you're a smart little Carly.
So you should know,
sometimes, doing what's right
is more important
than keeping a promise.
- One more thing.
- What?
There's an A
stuck to your butt.
That's so embarrassing!
- Carly. I was just...
- I have to tell you something.
All right.
I changed my grade
in Honors History
because I thought
I deserved an A.
Then I felt bad about it
so I tried to change it back,
but the CSA stopped me
before I could,
and then I lied to you
about your birthday,
which I really
didn't care about at all.
So you want the microwave back?
No, you can keep the microwave.
But I feel terrible
about this whole thing
and I just wanna make it right.
I see.
And you were the one
who changed your grade to an A
in the school's computer?
Yes, sir.
Because Freddie just told me
that he was the one
who hacked
the school's computer
and changed your grade to an A.
Hiya.
Okay, it was me, all right?
I hacked the computer
and I changed the grades.
Now, that I believe.
And the only reason
they didn't tell on me
was 'cause I made them
promise not to.
And I was wrong
to do that to a friend.
Thanks.
So are we in trouble?
I get to keep the microwave?
It's all yours.
Then I think,
under the circumstances,
you and Freddie
are off the hook.
- Awesome.
- Thanks.
But as for Sam...
Yeah, yeah,
don't get all dramatic,
just hit me with it.
Detention.
Twice a week, for six weeks.
I'm sorry, Sam.
Hey, I gotta learn my lesson.
Time for assembly.
Shall we?
Let's make my detention
once a week
for two weeks.
Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair...
- Hey, it's me, Carly.
- On the other hand, I'm Sam.
And this is "iCarly."
Voted the number one web show
in the world.
- By who?
- Me.
Then it's official.
Mmm.