He mounts
a secret little camera
right outside this building...
Then aims it at the bus stop
across the street.
And this week, we found
the biggest weirdo yet.
Go, Freddie.
Playback.
There he is, peeling a banana
while he waits for the bus.
Now, you think he's gonna
eat the banana, right?
Well, think again!
Yep, there he goes.
Chewin' the peel.
What a freak.
And that's why
the new champion of...
Who's that weirdo
in my neighborhood is...
Crazy fruit dude.
Congratulations,
crazy fruit dude.
And let's not forget to say
a big thank you...
To a former champion
of who's that weirdo
in my neighborhood...
Green haired old lady...
Who sucks on a baby pacifier.
In 5, 4, 3, 2...
Crack two eggs in a bowl.
"but only the eggs whites..."
Come here, you little yolks.
- Hey, Spencer.
- what's up?
Hey, little sister
and her two friends...
Who never seem to hang out
at their own homes?
What's you cooking there,
handsome?
Everything.
my friend Socko's having
a birthday party Next week,
and I'm in charge of all things
food and all food gash."
I'll get it.
Freddie, hold these egg yolks.
But... no, no, wait!
- Hi.
I'm detective Tragg,
Seattle police department.
Freddie, take my backpack.
Uh, what can I do for ya?
I'd like to talk with the kids.
You can't prove anything!
Relax.
you guys aren't in
any kind of trouble, okay?
My daughter's a big fan
of your webshow, iCarly.
Oh!
I was watching the show
with her last night,
And we noticed a man,
a suspect
we've been trying to catch.
Crazy fruit dude?
No, we're actually after a guy
who walked
behind Crazy fruit dude...
Into that convenience store
across the street.
You guys record
all of your web shows?
Yeah.
Everything's archived.
Do you want me to bring you
and mpeg of it?
- What's an mpeg?
- It's a computer video file.
Yeah.
mpeg stands for
"mega-pixel
electronic gallery."
Wrong!
mpeg stands for
"moving picture experts group."
"mega-pixel
electronic gallery."
Moving picture
experts group."
Can't we just say
mpeg stands for
"most pimples enjoy gravy"
and move on?
May I look out your window?
I was hoping you'd ask.
Sorry, but I'm right.
- Sam, stop it.
- You wanna bet?
- No, she doesn't.
- Yeah, I wanna bet.
How come I can hear me?
Okay, it's a bet.
And...
loser has to get a tattoo
of the winner's face.
Oh, you're on!
But you're gonna
be pretty upset
When you have to get
a tattoo of my face on you.
You're right. I lost.
And now, my face will forever
become a part of your skin.
Yeah,
this window has a good view
of that convenience store.
You know, my partner and I
would like to set up
a stakeout Here for a few days.
Oh, iCarly helps
catch a criminal.
Uh, sure.
who are you guys
trying to catch?
The clerk
in that convenience store.
We have knowledge
that he's selling pirated DVDs
Illegal copies of hit movies.
Tragg! This is Stimbler!
Which apartment is it?
Hey, Stu, I'm in 8-c.
My partner.
Wait, wait.
Your partner's name
is Stu Stimbler?
Detective Stuart Stimbler.
I'll go get him.
Oh!
Oh, no.
What's wrong?
I went to sleep-away camp
with a kid named Stu Stimbler.
He was the meanest,
most obnoxious bully
in my whole cabin.
His nickname was
"spanky."
Well, it's probably
not the same guy.
Yeah.
what are the odds
that it would be...
Oh! Spencer!
Oh, no!
It's me, Spanky Stimbler!
- I see you!
- Ha!
Why do they call him Spanky?
I'll show you why.
- No. No, no, no, no!
- Spence!
- Come on!
- No!
- Quit it!
- Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Thanks for asking!
Okay, I don't see
any criminal activity,
But I do see a jogger
who really
should be wearing a bra.
Poor guy.
"Moving picture experts group"!
Do you really think
Sam's gonna make me
get a tattoo of her face?
I don't know, but if she does,
won't your mom freak?
She freaked when I spilled
one tiny drop of mustard
On my church pants.
What?
"Church pants."
What up, party people?
Say hello to my cousin, Annie.
Hi.
I thought you said
she was in jail.
Oh, parole, baby.
Ready, Freddie?
Ready for what?
Annie's a tattoo artist.
You made a bet and you lost.
Right, Carly?
I want no part of this.
I'm just gonna watch
the bouncy jogger man.
Sam, please!
I'll do anything else.
The deal was you get a tattoo.
- I know, but...
- Sit.
Sam!
Quit whining, kid.
Getting a tattoo ain't so bad.
- It's not?
- No.
It just hurts a lot
and lasts forever.
Oh, my God!
Now he's doing jumping jacks!
Oh!
Please, don't spank me
with my own cucumber!
You...
Oh!
Tragg, they got peppy-cola!
Those are Carly's.
You shouldn't take...
Hey, yo, grab me one,
would you?
Sam, in tattoo form!
So awful.
How are you hiding that
from your mom?
It's not easy.
Yeah.
Doesn't she still give you
those bi-weekly
Body inspections?
No!
I told her I was too old
for those a long time ago.
- Yesterday?
- Maybe.
Hey.
I had a pork pot pie
in your fridge
from last weekend
And one of those cops
downstairs ate it.
Well, they drank my peppy-cola.
- They did?
- Do I seem peppy?
- Not really.
- Well.
How much longer
Are they gonna be here?
- It's been like days.
- I know.
They haven't gotten
any good evidence
on the guy They thinks'
selling those pirated DVDs.
Okay, guys, 10 seconds.
Showtime, kid.
In five, four, three, two...
Hello.
You've reached iCarly.com
If you're looking
for comedy...
Press one.
If you're looking
for my pork pot pie
A cop ate it!
Okay.
Now, if you've ever wondered
what the human brain
smells like...
Um...
What are you guys doing?
We got suspicious activity
across the street.
The view
from the downstairs window
got blocked by a truck.
Okay, iCarly fans,
This may look like
we're Trying to do a comedy...
Shut that camera down!
We got a police investigation
going on here.
- Turn that off.
- Yeah?
Well, maybe you should shut
your investigation down.
- We got a web show here.
- Not right now, you don't.
- Turn off the camera.
- No, no, no, no, no!
Somebody call a congressman!
- I am starving!
- Hey!
Turn that off!
Stupid cops,
not cleaning up
after themselves,
Interrupting our web show,
Making me grumble to myself.
Some people
just have no manners.
Any idea when the cops
are gonna arrest that guy
and leave?
No, but it better be soon,
Cause I've had it.
- You think you've had it?
- Yes, I know I've had it.
Me, too!
I thought I was rid Of that
jerky Stu Stimbler years ago.
He ruined camp for me!
Do you know what it's like
To be harassed every day
by some kid?
Where are those cops anyway?
They've been upstairs all day.
Whoa, Spencer.
- Did you make this cake?
- Yeah.
It's for Socko.
See, since he owns
his own sock company,
I made his birthday cake
in the shape of a sock.
This is incredible.
How'd you do this?
I just combined
my sculpting skills
with my cakery skills,
And, boom, sock cake.
Shall we applaud?
May I come in?
Whoops, already in.
Freddie, come on.
It's time for our class.
Spencer,
you have a stain on your shirt.
Go put on a fresh one.
- But you're not my mother.
- Mm!
I'll put on a clean shirt.
- Man, I totally forgot.
- What?
My mom signed us up
for mother-son synchronized
swimming classes.
Stop laughing!
When I take off my shirt
to get in the pool,
She's gonna see my tattoo.
I'm dead.
Freddie?
Mom, I don't have a swimsuit.
Which is why
I just stopped at mall-mart
And bought you this.
- Look, mom...
- Let's go.
Have fun.
Swimming simultaneously.
Dad, I'm bored!
What am I supposed to do?
You think I'm irritating!
I have never said that
out loud.
Uh, why do you guys
have a child with you?
That's his son.
This bottle's empty.
His nanny
had a nervous breakdown.
Go in the kitchen
and get yourself
a can of peppy-cola.
- Did you buy more?
- Yes.
- Okay, go.
- Yeah, go ahead.
Okay... oh, boy!
So have you geniuses
gotten your evidence yet?
You know, so you can leave?
Not yet.
This stakeout could take
two or three more weeks.
- What?
- Weeks?
Why can't you
just go across the street
and arrest the guy right now?
Cause we don't have proof yet
that he's selling
the illegal DVDs.
Hey, did Mrs. Benson leave?
Yeah.
Why'd she tell me to
go put on a new...
Spencer.
You ate my sock cake.
What's this big spoon for?
You ate my sock cake.
Why would you eat my sock cake?
I don't even Know who you are.
How could you... oh!
You're out of peppy-cola.
Okay,
you're not gonna believe this.
Those cops have gone too far.
Spanky let his obnoxious kid
Use my pear-pod
without asking me.
- No way.
- Yes.
He erased half my songs
And left it covered
in little boy spit.
Hey, Freddie.
What happened in your
synchronized swimming class?
- Did your mom see your tattoo?
- No.
I kept my shirt on
the whole time.
I told her I was afraid
of getting a cloud burn.
- "Cloud burn," good one.
- Yeah.
Till she drove me
to seven different drugstores
Looking for cloud block.
You guys, help me get rid
of those annoying cops.
Why's it taking so long?
They say
they need solid evidence
that the guy's Selling
pirated DVDs.
I bet we could get evidence
quicker than
those doof-butt cops.
Yeah.
How hard can it be
to catch a guy?
Selling pirated DVDs?
We go into the store undercover
and get the evidence ourselves.
Wait,
what if the guy's dangerous?
Half my family's dangerous.
So?
Freddie! Freddie!
Mom, what are you doing here?
I found cloud block.
I never went undercover before.
What are you supposed to wear?
I don't know.
Freddie's wearing
a robot costume.
I'm gonna wear a shirt
to hide all this.
The idea is just to look normal
and blend in.
What is all that stuff?
Well, these are microphones,
This is the laptop
that'll record it all,
And these things
are wireless receivers
that'll pick up The signal
from the cameras
you two'll be wearing.
What cameras?
I brought the cap-cam
and the eyeglass-cam.
- Better.
- Way.
There.
How do I look?
Chunky and lumpy.
Ha, just like my aunt Judy
before she got that operation.
Well... oh,
This could be our guy!
Yeah, look, he's got the bag.
- I see the bag!
- You think that's our guy?
That is definitely our guy.
You got the illegal DVD guy?
No, the pizza guy.
We ordered one a half-hour ago.
Hope you don't mind, man.
We used your credit card.
No.
That's good news.
Oh, hey,
I think somebody Dropped
a contact lens Right there.
Where? Right over here?
Right there.
Spanky strikes again!
Yeah, he does!
Hey, we're gonna go out
for a little bit.
Okay.
So what's with the, Uh...
Bless you.
I didn't sneeze.
Hey,
you're remaking Socko's cake.
Yeah.
So far,
it's coming out All right.
What about that
horrible little boy?
Oh, I worked that out
with his dad.
He's over there
In a large plastic tube.
Nice.
So where you guys going?
Uh, we're just gonna run out
and get some, uh...
Stuff.
Oh, uh, I need some stuff.
- Yeah, not that kind of stuff.
- Bye.
Bye. Have fun.
You're dumb!
Wow,
this store is so convenient.
Can I help you?
Well, you know that movie,
Scarlett's web?
The spider thing?
Yeah, I love that movie,
but
it's really expensive To buy
at well-known retail stores.
So?
Do you, by any chance,
know where a girl might find
A cheaper copy?
Hmm?
No.
Oh. Okay, then.
Now what?
Uh, let me try.
Just keep your cameras
pointed at me.
Yo, bro,
I'm looking for a little
cheap entertainment.
Hook me up?
Hook you up with what?
Some cheap entertainment.
Here's some cash.
All right.
Everybody!
Forget it!
So...
I hear You sell movies here,
cheap.
Is that true or what?
Yeah, it's true.
So you do sell movies.
Sure.
Guess the word's
getting around, huh?
Yeah, the word that you sell
pirated movies, right?
Pirate.
Yeah, pirated,
like illegal copies.
No, no, no,
I sell pirate movies.
Movies about pirates.
I make them myself
with my buddies.
This is the first one
we ever made...
Shiver me booty.
And, uh...
Oh, we made this one last year.
It's called
Pirates of the Lima bee-an.
And, uh,
this is our
most recent release...
It's called
aaarrrg!
Aaarrrg?
That's a pirate word.
It means, hello,
goodbye, Peace.
It's like shalom,
only for pirates.
- Interesting.
- Mm, yeah.
Well, you see, You learn
something new every day.
Yes, today we learned
the meaning of "arrgggg, "
And that the two cops
in my apartment
are even bigger Morons
than we thought.
Arrrggg!
Who wants to make a movie?
Walk the plank!
No!
Sing me a ditty!
No!
Dance!
Well, there's nothing illegal
about bad acting.
I guess
we should pack up our stuff.
I'll go pull our car
around front.
Knock knock, enter, enter.
Oh, I didn't realize
you had company.
Freddie, it's time for...
Fredward Benson!
You got a tattoo?
Uh...
We told him it was wrong.
"Fredward"?
Mom, I...
- You come with me right now.
- Where?
To a doctor
to have that blemish removed!
No!
Removing tattoos
is extremely painful.
So is being the mother
of a delinquent!
- Mom, you're scaring me!
- You got a tattoo?
So, when are you gonna tell him
it's a fake tattoo?
Aw,
the doctor'll figure it out.
- Your cousin faked it?
- Yep.
Temporary, but all
the pain of a real tattoo.
Mean!
Come on.
Let's go upstairs
and start planning
the next iCarly.
Aw, I don't wanna work.
- Beef jerky.
- I'm coming.
So, pretty cool,
you being a cop and all.
Thanks.
Got your own handcuffs
and everything.
Oh, yeah.
You know, there's an easy trick
to getting out of those.
What?
- No, there's not.
- Yeah?
Want me to teach you?
You can try.
All right, come over here.
All right.
Now, the trick
is to stay totally relaxed
Bend over this.
Sure, okay.
Now we just attach these
to your wrist.
All right.
Oh, that's tight.
- There.
- Wow.
All right, now, uh...
How do I get out?
Oh, you don't.
Oh, wait, what's going' on?
Payback, Spanky!
No! No!
- Spencer, come on!
- Yeah!
- Ow!
- Yeah!
Watch me spank your daddy!
Close your eyes! Don't look!
- Hi, my name's Will,
and I want to show you
my little friends.
Ahhhhhh! Ahhh!
Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh!
Ahhhhh!
Ahh! "iCarly" rules.