- No way you can knock
both of them down.
- Don't doubt my ball skills!
- What's wrong with
Miss Ackerman?
- What did you do to her, Sam?
- I know why
Miss Ackerman's upset.
- Why?
- What happened?
- Her boyfriend
dumped her last night.
- No way!
- What?
- Yep. You didn't hear it
from me.
- We've got to get to class.
- Sure.
Right after I knock down
these last two pins.
- With one throw? Not possible.
- We'll see.
- I'll call the school nurse.
- In five, four, three, two...
- This is super-weird.
- She's been like that
for 20 minutes.
- I'm going to go talk to her.
Miss Ackerman, are you okay?
- Yes.
Sit down!
- Okay!
- Now I want you all to write
a 10-page essay
on the Louisiana Purchase.
- We haven't even gotten
to that chapter yet.
- Too bad!
Sometimes things happen
you're not prepared for.
- But how are we supposed
to write an essay
on something you haven't
taught us about yet?
- I don't need your sass,
Carly Shay!
- Sass?
- Look, it's not fair
to make us write 10 pages—
- Let's make it 15 pages!
Yeah, that's right. Ow.
I'm going to get some aspirin.
Start reading chapter whatever!
- I'm not sassy!
- Her boyfriend must have
dumped her hard!
- No kidding. Lady's losing it!
- Sometimes I'm bold,
but I'm never sassy!
- Freddie, why aren't you
reading chapter whatever?
- Oh, um, ahem,
because I dropped my textbook
in the bathtub last night.
- Of course.
You men are all the same.
You lose interest
in your textbook,
and then you just dump it
in your filthy bathwater!
- Miss Ackerman, you don't need
to yell at Freddie
in front of the whole class.
- Oh, look, more backtalk
from the sass-master!
- I am not the sass-master!
And it's wrong for you
to be mean to Freddie
just 'cause your boyfriend
broke up with you!
- Wow, Carls, maybe you are
the sass-master!
- Now you go straight
to the principal's office!
- What?
- You heard me. Go! Now!
- What do I—Miss—
- Get out!
- Oh!
- F. F. F.
- Excuse me, Miss Ackerman?
- What?
- I'm Spencer Shay,
Carly's older brother.
- What do you have there?
- Frozen yogurt.
- There's no eating
in my classroom!
- Sit down.
- Yes, ma'am.
- So Principal Franklin said
you wanted to speak to me
about Carly's behavior?
- That's right. She sassed me
in front of my entire class.
- Right. We talked about it,
and she regrets her sass.
But she felt she needed
to defend Freddie.
Felt like it wasn't fair for—
- Did I say something—
- Hey, come on! Don't cry.
Blue skies.
- No!
- Why are you crying?
- Well, this is how I used
to get Carly
to stop crying
when she was little.
- Oh.
- And if that didn't work,
little Carly
could expect a surprise visit
from the Tickle Monster!
No, no, I can't take this!
No. No!
I'm sorry.
It's just that I recently
broke up with my boyfriend,
and it's been rough.
- Oh, don't beat yourself.
We've all been through
some bad breakups.
- Yeah. So do you have
a girlfriend now, or—
- No.
I got a goldfish.
But we're just friends.
- So do you want to go
get some coffee, or something?
- Sure. I make great coffee.
I also have cookies.
The soft kind.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm. Want to come over?
- That sounds nice.
- Well, then!
Through the door, teacher lady!
It's okay, little guy.
- Do you want me to stop?
- No.
It hurts too good!
No.
- Miss Ackerman?
- Hi, Carly.
- Hi. Not that I'm not happy
to see you,
but why are you here
standing on my brother?
- Because she has magic feet.
Ahh!
- I spent six months
in Thailand
learning the art of back
walking massage.
- Oh, those Thailamanians
taught you good.
- So, coffee, snacks,
back walking—
what's going on here?
- Well, after our
guardian-teacher conference
at your school,
we decided to come back here
for coffee and cookies.
- Soft cookies.
- Okay. Well, I'm just going
to go upstairs
and try to make myself
comfortable with all this.
- No, why don't you hang down
here with us for a while?
- You can watch me
give Spencer a haircut.
- Try it and I'll call
the scissor police.
- Oh, no, give me your hair!
- No!
- Give it to me, come on!
- I love my hair! I love it!
- Come on!
- It's all luxurious!
- Just a little, Spencer!
- No!
- I know, you're very pretty.
You're very pretty!
- Get back with those! No!
- Okay everyone,
I know you were
all expecting a test today,
but instead, I've decided
to give you all
A plusses, and caramel apples!
Pass those around
while I make a phone call.
- Okay.
Spencer dating Miss Ackerman
is the best thing
that's happened at this school
since that lunch lady
fell in that giant gravy pot.
- Hi, Spencer!
No, I was just missing you.
Did you get my text message?
Did you think it was cute?
No, you aren't—stop it!
I can't take it!
- It's just a little weird
seeing a teacher in my house.
- Weird, how?
- Weird like
when she comes up
for dinner, I feel like
I have to raise my hand
to say, "Pass the peas."
- Ew, peas?
- Not the point.
- Yeah, the point is,
this could not get better.
- Hey kids,
instead of class tomorrow,
how would you all like
to come ice skating
with Spencer and me?
- Yeah!
- Just got better.
- Awww!
Carly, could you get the door?
I'm not dressed yet!
- Okay.
- Whoa, Miss Ackerman,
you look sort of, like, hot!
- Really?
- Yeah. Come on in.
Spencer's just finishing
getting dressed.
- Hey! I just got the new cable
for the—whoa!
- I also said "whoa."
- Hi, Freddie,
what are you doing here?
- I was just coming over
to help
working on the web show
with Carly.
Whoa!
- Okay, why don't we
go upstairs
before you start drooling.
- Have fun, you guys.
- Go!
- Wow! You look fantastic.
- Thanks! I got you a present.
- What for?
- Our one week anniversary.
- Aww, how great are you?
- Very. Open it.
- No! A Pear Pod?
- Uh-huh.
And it's loaded up with 500
of the best songs, ever.
- Five hundred songs, that must
have cost you a fortune!
- Well, Pear Pod wasn't cheap,
but I just downloaded the songs
from one of those music
sharing websites.
Oh, I think you've got
something boiling over
on your stove.
- Ahh!
Whoo!
You saved my soup's life.
Which means you deserve
some passion fruit punch.
- Mmm. Sweet!
- Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
- Mmm.
- Mm-hmm.
- So where were you today
between 3:15 and 3:40?
What do you mean?
- Well, I called you,
one, two,
three, four, five, six times
between 3:15 and 3:40,
and you didn't pick up.
- You write down every time
you call me?
- Well, we're dating.
I like to know where you are.
- Every minute of every day?
- Yes.
- Really?
- Really.
- Huh. I'm going to go carve
Mr. Chicken now.
- All right.
So where do you think you were?
Just take a guess.
- I don't know.
I think maybe I was—
- Liar!
- Ahhh
Love me!
- Uhh—
- Okay, how about this?
What if you guys
do an "iCarly" segment
where you compare vegetables?
- What?
- You talk about squash
and Carly
talks about asparagus.
- What?
- You see, this is why Carly
and me are the creative ones
and you're
the technical producer,
who really shouldn't talk
so much in these meetings!
- Carly—
- Carly!
- Let's take a break.
- Yeah.
Let's talk about how awesome
it is
that Ackerman never gives us
homework anymore.
- Yeah, we really owe Spencer.
- Big time.
- Can you believe how mean
Ackerman got after her
last boyfriend dumped her?
- Oh, she was going
to ruin our lives!
- No doubt.
We're just lucky that—
- Hey.
- Where's Miss Ackerman?
- She left. I dumped her.
- Hey Freddie!
- I can't talk!
I'm trying to prepare for
Miss Ackerman's pop quiz
on chapter seven.
- We're having a pop quiz?
- Probably.
You saw how she treated us
last time she got dumped!
- Oh, man, he's right.
Give me that thing!
I've got to start writing stuff
down on my arms.
- How much information
can you write on two arms?
- Yeah, I'm going to need
more space.
I'll be in the bathroom.
- Wait, the book!
- Get your own book!
- That is my own! Ah!
- Oh, Miss Ackerman's coming.
Be cool.
Maybe she won't notice us.
- Good morning, Carly,
good morning, Freddie.
How are two of my
favorite students today?
- Fine.
- Good.
You sure are in a good mood.
- Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
- Well, we sort of heard
that you and Spencer
broke up last night.
- No no no no no,
we just had a little spat.
No, Spencer and I
are still very much together.
- Oh.
- So, no pop quiz today?
- Of course not,
you silly goose peoples!
- Here. Take your book.
I'm all set.
- You don't need to be.
- We just saw Miss Ackerman.
No pop quiz.
- So I did this for nothing?
- Hi! We need to talk.
- Sure, in a minute.
I've got to finish
pumping the guns.
- Pop your guns later.
Miss Ackerman's
on her way over here.
She thinks you two
are still dating.
- Ohh!
Ahh. What is wrong
with that woman?
- She's looney.
Looney in the head!
- Oh man, why didn't you
call and tell me?
I could have been
in Canada by now.
- I don't think
Canada's gonna—
- It's her!
- Why couldn't I have been
born with wings?
- You're not a cockatoo.
Be a man!
- All right.
I'm going to set
that lady straight.
- No!
- Right. What?
- Spencer!
- What happened!
- Don't upset her!
- But I don't want
to go out with her!
- I know. Tell her that,
but say it nicely and sweetly
so she doesn't ruin
our lives in school.
- Okay. Nicely.
- And sweetly.
I'll be upstairs.
- Boo!
Hi Lauren, what a surprise.
- So where should we go
for dinner tonight?
Do you like Italian food?
- Yeah. But Lauren—
- I know we had a little
argument, but it's okay.
I'm not mad at you anymore.
And I brought you a panda pig.
- A panda pig?
- Yeah!
You said your two
favorite animals
were a panda bear and a pig.
So I cut off the head of a big
and I sewed it
onto the body of a panda bear.
For you!
- Oh, that's not weird!
Lauren, I don't want
to go out with you anymore.
- Spencer, I think
you're just overreacting.
- No,
I think you're underreacting.
Seriously,
I don't want to date you.
- If you're trying to tell me
something, just say it!
- I don't want
to date you.
- Fine! Then I'm just
going to do this!
- That was a loud slam.
Did you break up with her?
- Yep.
She didn't handle it well.
- Were you gentle and sweet?
- Yes!
But she wasn't.
- Okay class, this pop quiz
is going to count
for 90%
of your final grade.
- Miss Ackerman, you forgot
to give me a quiz.
- That's right.
Because I already graded yours.
- You gave me an F on a quiz
I never took?
- That's right!
F, F, F, F-ity F, F!
- Okay, that is jank!
- Life is jank!
Because sometimes certain
little girls' brothers dump you
for no good reason.
- Miss Ackerman,
I didn't mean to—
- There's no talking
during the quiz!
- But it's not my fault—
- That tears it!
You give me 100 jumping jacks!
- Huh?
- That's so not fair.
- You too, flapjack.
One hundred jumping jacks,
with her in the corner.
- Man, you're off your nut!
- Is that so?
Well, then—
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
Now I've got to go
do jumping jacks.
- No.
You are going to wash my car.
- Faster. I want those faster!
Faster.
I want to see you sweating.
- What are we going to do?
- We're going to tell Spencer
to call Miss Ackerman
and start dating her again.
- No. I'm not going to make
my brother's life miserable
just to make ours easier.
- Come on.
Having a miserable life's
not all that bad.
Sometimes my mother laughs.
- Why can't Spencer
just date her?
- Because the woman's
a big bobble of crazy sauce!
But—
- But what?
- I think I might know a way
to fix this.
- Good.
- How?
- "iCarly."
- Our web show?
- No, our potato farm!
- Okay, now to close the show,
we're going to do something
a little bit different
on "iCarly."
- Please say hello to someone
you've met here before,
my big brother, Spencer.
- Thanks for coming, Spence.
- Do you know why you're here?
- No, because you wouldn't
tell me why I'm here.
- That's because we have
a little surprise for you.
- Ooh!
- Come on out here,
Miss Ackerman!
- What is going on?
- Just go with it.
- Ohh!
- All right.
This is our history teacher,
who very kindly agreed
to appear on our show.
- Hello.
- Spencer and Miss Ackerman
had been dating,
but they've been having
some relationship problems.
- So we're going
to talk to them.
And then you guys
can vote online,
right here at iCarly.com—
- To tell us
whether it's time for them
to make up or break up.
- I'm not comfortable
with this.
- Shh.
So Spencer, why do you feel
that you and Miss Ackerman
are having problems?
- She seemed nice at first,
but then I realized she's
totally insa—not my type.
- And Miss Ackerman, where
do you feel things went wrong?
- I don't know.
I tried to be
a good girlfriend.
I brought him presents.
- What kind of presents?
- Well,
a customized stuffed animal,
and a brand new Pear Pod
with 500 songs on it.
- Wow. A lot of songs.
You buy them all on Pear Tunes?
- No, I just downloaded them
from one of those
music sharing websites.
But it's not about how much
a person spends,
it's the thought that counts.
- You make a good point.
- Okay, "iCarly" viewers,
it's time to vote,
right here at iCarly.com.
- Just look under the pics
of Spencer and Miss Ackerman—
- And vote
Make Up or Break Up.
- Can I say one more thing
before they vote?
- No.
- Sit down!
- Is that it?
- That's it.
- Well, what's the vote?
- The "iCarly" viewers say
that you and Spencer should—
- Break up.
- Ahh! I'm deeply sorry.
- Yeah, right.
- Listen, we know you feel bad.
- Want a bite of my burrito?
- No.
And if the vote says
that we shouldn't be together,
then I hate you!
And the internet!
Ow!
- Okay, what was the point
of all this?
Now she's just going to be
mean and vicious
to you guys at school.
- I don't know.
- A lot of people
watch "iCarly."
- And sometimes—
- We make sure
certain specific people watch.
- Yes. Yes, we do.
- You guys are up to something,
and I don't want
to know what it is!
- I hope you all haven't made
any plans for this weekend,
'cause you're going to be up
to your eyeballs in homework.
- When?
- Soon.
- And today, you will all write
one thousand words
on why men are dirty, rotten,
stinktatious, ungrateful—
- Lauren Ackerman?
- Yes, who are you people?
- FBI. You're under arrest.
- Arrest? For what?
- Five hundred counts
for illegally downloading music
on the internet.
- You have no proof!
- Yes we do. Ma'am?
- I believe all the proof
we need is on this Pear Pod.
- And you admitted it last
night on those kids' web show.
- Which we recorded.
- You set me up!
- That's a lie!
- No, we set her up.
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh!
- So now what do we do?
- We should probably tell
Principal Franklin
that our teacher's
been arrested.
- Or we could go ice skating!
- Hey, "iCarly" people,
you guys know how you do
Wake Up Spencer in iCarly.com?
Okay, watch me wake up my dad
with a bucket full
of ping pong balls.
- Ahh! Ahh!
Matthew, come back here
right now!